Really complicated situation

[Rhianna]

Okay, I'm looking to anyone for advice right now...I'm so lost. My ex boyfriend...who is a really really close friend of mine...we've known each other for about two years....is suicidal. This has been a problem for a while, and I've been working my hardest to help him, and have, he says, on more than one occasion saved his life. Now last night he told me that when he was 15 he raped a girl, and that's why he doesn't want to live, because the guilt has been killing him ever since. I have no idea what to do....and no idea what I feel. That's [i]horrible[/i], but its so unlike anything I ever would have expected from him. He never even came close to crossing a single boundary with me when we dated...he's such a good person I don't understand how he ever could have done something like that. I'm shocked and sad, and I don't know what to do.....and I can't tell anyone! Aggghh I dont know what I want to hear but I just need to say it somewhere. Thanks if you read that whole thing.

[prose]

I would suggest that you offer to go see a counsellor with him about this.

As soon as possible.

[homeschoolmom]

Prayers.

[Carrie]

Prayers. Tell him to see a counselor.

[toledo_jesus]

if he's Catholic take him to Confession, that might help. Also, counselling.

[photosynthesis]

oh my goodness!!! that is very serious...

i definitely would suggest going to see a counselor with him. It might be scary now, but it isn't beyond hope. God can redeem anyone! Maybe the guilt he is feeling now will lead to his repentance?

[photosynthesis]

yeah, confession is good too

[littlebreakdowns]

I agree with getting him to a therapist and to confession, but honestly - if he really is being eaten up by guilt - he needs to go to the police. Yes, he'll get in trouble. He was under 18 at the time, which could be good as far as what happens to him. However, if he really wants to do the right thing, I'm sure the girl he raped is living with her own set of issues which may be helped if he comes forward and admits what happened.

Teresa

[djc08]

[quote]I agree with getting him to a therapist and to confession, but honestly - if he really is being eaten up by guilt - he needs to go to the police. Yes, he'll get in trouble. He was under 18 at the time, which could be good as far as what happens to him. However, if he really wants to do the right thing, I'm sure the girl he raped is living with her own set of issues which may be helped if he comes forward and admits what happened.

Teresa[/quote]

I agree withTeresa. But if he's Catholic he should go to to confession first and then to a counselor and/or the police.

Also, as I'm sure you are, just be there for him. That is what he needs right know. That's the best thing you can do for him. And pray.

[Church Punk]

Obviously he is extremely sorry for his sin. I would suggest he see a councilar and definatly go to confession. The Lord can replace his broken heart and the heart of the girl he harmed.

Definately I would not leave it at confession. It will take a lot to help him. But suicide is not the answer.

Speak to him about how Jesus's death on the cross is payment for his sins if he is willing to accept it repent and recommit his life to Christ and through the Church.

Jesus felt all the pain of his sin in the fullest and beyond. Help him to take consulation in this. He does not need to carry this around any longer if he gives it over to Christ.

Jesus is waiting for him.

[Church Punk]

[quote]ISAIAH 53:

4 Surely he hath borne our infirmities and carried our sorrows: and we have thought him as it were a leper, and as one struck by God and afflicted.
5  But he was wounded for our iniquities, he was bruised for our sins: the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and by his bruises we are healed.[/quote]

[Mary-Kathryn]

If I may give some advice here, learned the hard way:

It sounds as if he wants you to save him and solve his problems.

You can't. Please don't try.

You cannot be responsible for his life or his actions to end his life. He is aksing for help by talking about it...thank God he is crying out.. but you cannot be the one burdened with his guilt and severe depression over the rape.

If he has a family, let them know of his suicidal threats. They *have* to know. I know you are close to him, but what he needs now is professional help. You cannot--and should not--take on the responsibility of going to the psychiatrist and therapist with him. He will have to deal with the depression with those trained to help him. You can support him as a friend, but only he needs to see the doctors...not you.

You must not keep these secrets for him. I do not how old he is, but the girl he raped has been living with what he has done. She will always live with what he has done. She deserves justice and the beginning of closure.

I would suggest that you get him to make an appointment with his priest...then let him go to it alone. After,he must turn himself into the police and let justice be done.

I know this sounds harsh or even snotty, but I suffer from clinical depression. Living with it means me working at staying well [taking my medication, keeping appointments, being honest about whats going on, etc...] and also having family and friends who understand. You are a wonderful friend and I'm sure he'll look to you as he walks this very tough journey. He is in pain because he know what he needs to do.

I wish him well and will pray for him.

[avemaria40]

prayers, and definetely tell some one, you can't and shouldnt handle this alone

[Thy Geekdom Come]

You need to tell someone who can stop him. Authorities, a parent, a teacher, a counselor.

You also need to advise him to go to Confession. Christ is burning to welcome him back with open arms.

God have mercy on him and bless his victim with peace in her soul.

[cmotherofpirl]

If he has any semblence of a plan you call a suicide hotline now.
Go see your priest in the morning and if you can take the guy with you.
If not go by yourself. Talk to your parents.

This is NOT something you can or should handle on your own.
Better lose a friend than lose a life.

Can everyone add this to their prayer list this evening?

[Extra ecclesiam nulla salus]

yup.

[prose]

Okay, I don't know about the states, but there is a law in Canada that if you know about a crime that has been committed that you need to report it.

I don't mean to be rude or sound harch, I have been thinking about this since you posted it this morning, but I think you need to report him to the authorities.

Pedophiles feel guilty too, it doesn't meant that they don't repeat offend. I think this man needs to be held accountable for his actions, and if he feels so guilty about them, he will see the importance of stepping forward and accepting the consequences of his action.

I am sure he is guilty feeling, but you should keep in mind any other woman that he may harm. He may not have hurt you, but you never know.

[Cow of Shame]

What's the statute of limitations on rape? If it's been too long, I'm not sure there's anything the police could do at this point.

[Rhianna]

Um...he's been to counsellors his parents know he's suicidal he's on medication I'm not sure who else knows about any of this but at least one or two other people. I told him he has to make amends for it instead of killing himself. Don't worry I'm not trying to save him by myself I'm just trying to be there for him. And his counsellor/therapist does know about the rape too. Yeah I dont know about the statute of limitations. He's 19 now so it was at least 4 years ago.

[Rhianna]

Thank you guys for being here for me even though you don't know me