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Cow's funny thread that might offend you


Cow of Shame

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missionseeker

[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Jan 4 2006, 09:15 AM']Why you will burn in hell for eating organic foods:

[url="http://www.theherald.co.uk/features/53522.html"]Evil hippies that you are....[/url]
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There are ways to do that organically. I won a state competion on Soil Science and that was project.






















My parents own (I live on ) an organic farm.

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Cow of Shame

Ways to do what, exactly? You can organically burn in hell? Or living on an organic farm is [i]like[/i] being in hell?



I'm so sorry, dude.

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Cow of Shame

I can only assume Peets is some sort of coffee..
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Doggy Dearest,

Being a reasonable and fair person I'm willing to work with you on this, but if your heart's set on sticking around we still need to see a few changes made. You did real well on the barking and most of the neighbors are speaking to us again, except the jerk with the hot tub. These are a few points to focus on:

Firstly, the Barbie doll issue. I know the kid is forgetful and sometimes leaves her bedroom door unlocked. It truly smells of elderberries to be a hard*ss, but I'd appreciate if you didn't swallow the body parts. If you could just spit 'em out it would avoid the whole morning-after trauma thing. By the next day chances are I've forgotten it ever happened and I'm simply not equipped to encounter pink hands and feet sticking out of your shinobi when I stoop to do my civic duty. Especially not before my first cup of Peets.

You may have noticed we're not fanatical about hygiene. Personally, I don't care if you lick the kitchen floor, or the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. They get thoroughly cleaned anyway. However, if you must eat the cat puke please leave me a clue where it was, so I can shampoo the carpet when I get home.

Since you're such a genius, the bathrooms are off-limits. Period. Even though I put the goshdarn bin in a cabinet, with a child-proof lock, you still managed to cram your long pointy nose in the crack and get the used tampons. (See morning-after trauma thing, above).

Which brings me to the dirty underwear. My bed is off-limits too. Remember? Licking the panties is disgusting enough. When you hoist them up on the bed and lick them it makes a nasty, soggy, stained patch on the cover. Stay off the bed and also try not to drag them around the rest of the house when we have guests.

The TV room is a cool place for you to hang out. It warms the cockles of my heart to gather the family round of an evening, you included. One thing I was wondering, is there any way you can make less noise when you lick your privates? Clearly, routine maintenance needs to be done and you are most attentive to the task. I wouldn't want to deny you the pleasure of a job well done, but the incessant *glop, glop, glop* does tend to detract from our viewing enjoyment.

The New Year's coming up. Let's see what we can do, OK?

Edited by Cow of Shame
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I don't like dogs.

Cats are ok, dogs I don't like.




I would like to shoot dogs, just for fun. I bet they would be very nutricious too. But I wouldn't keep them as pets.



I really hate dogs.
Cats are ok though.

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[quote name='Didacus' date='Jan 9 2006, 12:23 PM']I would like to shoot dogs, just for fun.  I bet they would be very nutricious too. 
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I'm never eating at your house.

No butter, and dogs. Ick.

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[quote name='Sojourner' date='Jan 9 2006, 11:25 AM']I'm never eating at your house.

No butter, and dogs. Ick.
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Yeah its hard to eat dog without lots of butter

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[quote name='hot stuff' date='Jan 9 2006, 12:26 PM']Yeah its hard to eat dog without lots of butter
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I agree.

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[quote name='Didacus' date='Jan 9 2006, 12:31 PM']oh ya?

Explain hot dogs to me?
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You shoot those?

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Cow of Shame

[quote name='Sojourner' date='Jan 9 2006, 08:33 AM']You shoot those?
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That, or stab 'em. There's nothing more unnerving than seeing a hot dog slowly worm its way across your plate...

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Cow of Shame

[quote name='Didacus' date='Jan 9 2006, 08:23 AM']
I would like to shoot dogs, just for fun.  I bet they would be very nutricious too.
[/quote]

You're a Chinese Canadian? There can't be very many of you....

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I'd rather stab; it has a more presonal touch rather than shooting from a distance. When you stab something that is living, you can litterally feel the nerves and muscles flinge and cringe as the blade makes it way through the flesh. Pretty neat sensation really. Anyone else ever try it?

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And did anyone know that if you pick up a cat by the tail and swing it around your head, the tail will actually rips off! My oncle described this to me a coouple of times. The tail stays in your hand, by the cat makes a superman type dive up to 20 feet away!

Never tried it myself.



I bet cats can be tasty too.

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Cow of Shame

Did you leave your computer logged into Phatmas & let your little brother on?

Everyone knows that cats' tails are very sturdy. How else would we be able to play tethercat?

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[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Jan 9 2006, 03:55 PM']Did you leave your computer logged into Phatmas & let your little brother on? 

Everyone knows that cats' tails are very sturdy.  How else would we be able to play tethercat?
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No wonder your cat is so skittish around people.

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