Parents of Religious

[OP_MOM]

People often ask me if Sr. Marjorie’s vocation to the religious life could be attributed to anything for which my husband and I could take credit. For the most part we can make no claims. There was nothing extraordinary about her upbringing. Like most Catholic parents, we made sure that attended weekly PSR classes, attended weekly Mass and periodically made the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Sr. Marjorie attended public schools and was exposed to the same things as every other kid in school.

Recognizing the similarity of our parenting to that of other Catholics, the only point I can make is that Sr. Marjorie was clearly called by God to become a nun.

Sr. Marjorie is the sixth of nine children. During her adolescence, in contrast to most of my other kids, who balked at limits that were placed on them – things like one-piece swimming suits, PG movies etc., Sr. Marjorie always accepted them without so much as a question.

As a mother, my knowledge of religious orders was limited to what I had seen during my school years. Unfortunately those years occurred during a tumultuous time in the Catholic Church when many religious were leaving their vocations. Some of them defied Catholic teaching and led others to do the same.

The result of my experience left me with a negative bias that I have carried with me most of my adult life. It was not until Sr. Marjorie began looking into religious orders that I came to realize the extent to which religious orders had stabilized. I should have realized that God would take care of his church.

Again I must make the point that had it been left up to me, Sr. Marjorie probably wouldn’t have ever known the religious life was an option.

God calls us in spite of the obstacles we put in His way.

[brandelynmarie]

[quote name='PCPA2Be' date='Feb 19 2006, 08:33 PM']

Hey Michael,  (sweet Smile)


[right][snapback]892199[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]


Oh no! Not again! : Brandelynmarie

[zunshynn]

OLAM Dad,

how did Sr. Lauren tell you that she was going to become a nun? How did she tell you OLAM was right for her?

I'm scared to tell my mom that I feel called to contemplative life....

[OLAM Dad]

[quote name='zunshynn' date='Mar 15 2006, 09:04 PM']OLAM Dad,

how did Sr. Lauren tell you that she was going to become a nun? How did she tell you OLAM was right for her?

I'm scared to tell my mom that I feel called to contemplative life.... 
[right][snapback]912961[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
Sr. Lauren's experience won't help much with your situation I'm afraid. When she was 7 she said that she wanted to become a nun. What 7 year old doesn't want to be a nun? It's like a 7 year old boy saying that he wanted to become an astronaut. So more than anything, her mother and I were just wondering when she would announce that she DIDN'T want to become a nun. We thought that puberty would be the big test for her and to some extent it was, but never so much that she ever said that she had changed her mind.

Starting at about 12 or 13 she started more seriously discerning her vocation. She is a good writer and was attracted to the Daughters of St. Paul, partly because we have a friend who is one. So she started with them. She submitted some articles to My Friend Magazine and eventually became a 'junior editor' for the magazine. She started attending their summer program when she was 13 or 14 (I don't recall) and went to it for four years.

Oops, I've kind of gotten side tracked here, sorry. To make a long story short she never did (obviously) decide to not become a nun.

Regarding OLAM, she never told us that OLAM was for her; she didn't have to. We were close enough to her discernment to make her needing to tell us unnecessary. She was discerning several communities (DSP, SSEW, and OLAM) and had visited several others. One by one the different orders just dropped by the wayside until the only one left was OLAM. A couple of years ago some close friends of ours who just happen to work for EWTN took her to Hanceville for a visit. She visted there, felt at home, and based on what everybody had told her and what God was telling her she never questioned it.

Jen, obviously you will eventually have to tell your mom and it won't be easy. Don't keep her in the dark about your feelings. If your telling her your plans is a huge shock to her then you aren't communicating enough with her. It's going to be hard enough for her to accept it even if she knows is coming. Don't surprise her. Besides, if she knows it's coming anyway, you can tell her anyway you wish. You can even just sit her down give her 'the look' and say, 'You know what I want to talk to you about, don't you Mom?'. At which point, providing you've dropped enough hints, she will probably just start crying.

Edited March 16, 2006 by OLAM Dad

[benedictaj]

Heya heres a lovely article thats actually on my favourites on the computer - but I thought that all the cloistered nuns-to-be and perhaps their parents, may like to read it. It is about a fathers perspective on his daughters vocation to be a Poor Clare.
[url="http://www.wf-f.org/03-2-PoorClares.html"]http://www.wf-f.org/03-2-PoorClares.html[/url]

[Brandimg]

Today I told one of my dearest friends, who is over thrice my age, of my desire and intent on entering the religious life. She was very calm, but subtly gave me the impression that it wouldn't be wise because I would be "cutting myself off" from my family.

I tried to explain that, in all actuality, it would draw me nearer to my entire Family, the Church. I wouldn't be neglecting my personal family at all because they would constantly be in my prayers and "To pray for one's brother is to shed the blood of your heart for them."

She is Protestant, so I am very happy that she took it well. I know that [i]no one[/i] will [i]understand[/i]. It isn't something between me and other people.

To get on topic, she asked if my parents would be "letting me go" by giving me away to that kind of life. I said that if they gave their daughter to Jesus they wouldn't be "letting me go" at all! Not the way she meant that, anyway.

This thread made me think of that. I thank you for posting all of your responses.

[Domine ut Videam]

ok....i have a question for OLAM_DAD or OP_MOM; actually, you both can answer it if you like.

Would you be (would you have been, actually) open to the possibility of your daughter entering right out of HS? If so why, or why not? See I think that my mother is going through a period of mourning and i can't even talk about my vocation to her because the grief i see in her eyes is so immense that it tears me apart. More an more lately, i've been having this feeling that i should enter out of HS, and it isn't my idea. But i don't know it just seems to be staying in my mind and not leaving; each day growing stronger. I am only 16 and a Junior in HS and am my parents only daughter. I am their first child and it took them a really long time to have me--about 5 years. After me their is only one other child; my little brother. I just feel so torn and i need a parents perspective please. I don't know what to say to them. I try to talk to them to tell them how i feel but it only seems to make the situation worse. I pray for them all of the time and offer up all of my suufering that God might give them the grace they need---but i guess all in His time.

So yeah, i was just wondering what your perspective was on this situation--thanks!

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

[OLAM Dad]

Lauren,

Based upon this and other posts you've made I can clearly see why your parents don't want you to leave. Bless you for being such a wonderful daughter.

OP_Mom and I both had our daughters enter right out of high school so I think we can relate to what your parents must be going through and what they will go through should you go ahead and enter.

You already seem to know that your vocation is not in your parent's hands. You also already know that it's not in your hands either. Your vocation belongs to God. Your only role is to cooperate and to obey. The same goes for your parents, they must cooperate and obey as well. To fight it is at best futile and at worst could lead to the tragic loss of someone's vocation. Do what you can to help your parents understand this, regardless of the pain that you know is involved.

People often tell me that rather than looking at it as if I am loosing a daughter that I should look at it as if I was gaining 40. This doesn't help me at all, but since so many people tell me this it must be helpful to some so I'll pass it along. Every time somebody tells me this I feel like telling them that I would gladly give the 40 back if I could just keep my one.

[Domine ut Videam]

OLAM Dad,

Thanks so much for your great words of wisdom. They were very helpful. I t makes sense what you said about it not being in my hands and not fighting it....but i feel so helpless. Since your daughter did enter right out of HS maybe you can answer a few more of my questions.

How did she know that that was what she was supposed to do?

See, my mother is always saying that unless i go to college i am not making a decision with all options open. She thinks that college is an absolutely [b]neccessary[/b] part of life. I was thinking that i could go to one year....but i don't know, i've just been having this sense like i should enter out of HS, but i don't know if that is me or God.

So, how can i ever know?....at what time did Sr. Lauren know that she was called to enter out of HS? And did she "know-know" or just "kind-of-know"? Sorry if this doesn't make any sense but these questions have been on my mind for the longest time. If you don't know the answers i'll more than understand, because i don't suppose i would tell my parents these things......but it never hurts to ask.

Maybe i'll show my mom this website..... i don't know.... maybe if she talked to other parents...... who knows...

Thanks for all your help!

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

P.S. Do you like my avatar....It is the one that i originally wanted when i signed up, but i didn't know how to do it. (I'm computorilly challenged) Someone took the time and explained it to me. It is a Sister of St. John....the main order that i am looking at..............

Edited April 11, 2006 by Domine ut Videam

[Guest phatdaddy]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 11 2006, 08:09 AM']See, my mother is always saying that unless i go to college i am not making a decision with all options open. She thinks that college is an absolutely [b]neccessary[/b] part of life. I was thinking that i could go to one year....but i don't know, i've just been having this sense like i should enter out of HS, but i don't know if that is me or God.

So, how can i ever know?....at what time did Sr. Lauren know that she was called to enter out of HS? And did she "know-know" or just "kind-of-know"? Sorry if this doesn't make any sense but these questions have been on my mind for the longest time. If you don't know the answers i'll more than understand, because i don't suppose i would tell my parents these things......but it never hurts to ask.

[right][snapback]943255[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

Lauren,

I feel like I am butting in your thread here but I just had to encourage you to be strong in your conviction to be a religious. Respond to the call when you are able, even if you are just out of HS. Jesus wants you as bad as you want Him.

Don't wait for absolute certitude. Step out of the boat and walk towards Him. Assume He has called you because He has placed the deisre in your heart and that's where He will operate.

Give to Jesus the issues with your parents and have faith that He will help them to see and accept God's will in your life. As a parent of a son who has entered the Fathers of Mercy and a daughter who is "dieing" to be a PCPA, I can tell you it's hard for us parents. But I can also tell you I would not trade the joy of having a child of such predilection for anything.

Your mom and dad want your happiness more than anything, I am sure. When they see your joy, when they come to understand what it means to be a bride of Christ they will gladly make the sacrifice.

OK I'm rambling. So I will put a sock in it. God bless you dear and be assured of my prayers.
Mr. Ray

[Domine ut Videam]

[quote name='phatdaddy' date='Apr 11 2006, 12:43 PM']Lauren,

I feel like I am butting in your thread here but I just had to encourage you to be strong in your conviction to be a religious.  Respond to the call when you are able, even if you are just out of HS.  Jesus wants you as bad as you want Him.

Don't wait for absolute certitude.  Step out of the boat and walk towards Him.  Assume He has called you because He has placed the desire in your heart and that's where He will operate.

Give to Jesus the issues with your parents and have faith that He will help them to see and accept God's will in your life.  As a parent of a son who has entered the Fathers of Mercy and a daughter who is "dieing" to be a PCPA, I can tell you it's hard for us parents.  But I can also tell you I would not trade the joy of having a child of such predilection for anything.

Your mom and dad want your happiness more than anything, I am sure.  When they see your joy, when they come to understand what it means to be a bride of Christ they will gladly make the sacrifice.

OK I'm rambling.  So I will put a sock in it.  God bless you dear and be assured of my prayers.
Mr. Ray
[right][snapback]943521[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]


Don't feel bad!!!! I'm thankful for any and all advice that i receive!!!! Feel free any time....i'm always open to hearing it. Thanks so much for your kind words. So do you really think that i should enter out of HS because i so desire to be Christ's bride? Is that all i need in order to know when to enter (besides the obvious- like talking to the order, and all that jazz....) because that doesn't seem like enough. My parents are so vehemently against me entering out of HS and they really want me to go to at least one year of college as a compromise....but that seems like an eternitity. I just don't know. Nothing seems clear and it all seems so foggy. Thanks for your kind words though, they are always welcome.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

[Guest phatdaddy]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 11 2006, 01:23 PM']Don't feel bad!!!!   I'm thankful for any and all advice that i receive!!!! Feel free any time....i'm always open to hearing it. Thanks so much for your kind words. So do you really think that i should enter out of HS because i so desire to be Christ's bride? Is that all i need in order to know when to enter (besides the obvious- like talking to the order, and all that jazz....) because that doesn't seem like enough. My parents are so vehemently against me entering out of HS and they really want me to go to at least one year of college as a compromise....but that seems like an eternitity. I just don't know. Nothing seems clear and it all seems so foggy.  Thanks for your kind words though, they are always welcome.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren
[right][snapback]943626[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

Lauren,

Of course there is know way I can tell you if you should or should not. Only you can answer that. Every vocation is different and I do not know your circumstances. Follow your heart, after much prayer. Take it to Jesus in adoration and trust He will make His will known to you.

Certainly, consider the advice of your mom and dad. I am sure they love you emmensly and they want what's best for you. Hear what they have to say considering their motives. Remember you are under their direction by divine right at least until you are 18. So be patient and have confidence it will happen in God's time.

So, when you do finish HS, find a good SD to help you discern, not so much to find out if you have a vocation because it appears that you have a vocation, but ,when is it the best time for you to enter. He will consider your emotional and spiritual maturity and all the circumstances that will effect your decision. Besides, after you enter, the discernment process really begins. Absolute certainty only comes with solemn profession.

Let this time of waiting be a time of preparation, a time of loving, a time of praying. I know it seems like an eternity of time ahead of you, but it will go by quickly you will see. When you do enter, you will love Him even more because of the longing in your Heart. God bless you.
Mr. Ray

[Domine ut Videam]

Thanks so much I will certainly keep in mind all that you have said. Have a blessed Easter. I will keep you in my prayers.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

P.S. I will let you know what happens when i hear back from the sisters! :

[Guest phatdaddy]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 14 2006, 09:23 AM']
P.S. I will let you know what happens when i hear back from the sisters! :
[right][snapback]947200[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

Lauren,

Please do, I am very interested. I pray for you also. Have a blessed Ressurection day. The King of Glory has come.
Mr. Ray

[Domine ut Videam]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 11 2006, 08:09 AM']OLAM Dad,

Thanks so much for your great words of wisdom. They were very helpful. I t makes sense what you said about it not being in my hands and not fighting it....but i feel so helpless. Since your daughter did enter right out of HS maybe you can answer a few more of my questions.

How did she know that that was what she was supposed to do?

See, my mother is always saying that unless i go to college i am not making a decision with all options open. She thinks that college is an absolutely [b]neccessary[/b] part of life. I was thinking that i could go to one year....but i don't know, i've just been having this sense like i should enter out of HS, but i don't know if that is me or God.

So, how can i ever know?....at what time did Sr. Lauren know that she was called to enter out of HS? And did she "know-know" or just "kind-of-know"? Sorry if this doesn't make any sense but these questions have been on my mind for the longest time. If you don't know the answers i'll more than understand, because i don't suppose i would tell my parents these things......but it never hurts to ask.

Maybe i'll show my mom this website.....   i don't know.... maybe if she talked to other parents...... who knows...

Thanks for all your help!

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

P.S. Do you like my avatar....It is the one that i originally wanted when i signed up, but i didn't know how to do it. (I'm computorilly challenged) Someone took the time and explained it to me. It is a Sister of St. John....the main order that i am looking at..............
[right][snapback]943255[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]


So....i'm still open to any help...did you get lost Just kidding! I was just wondering if you were okay. You've been pretty quiet lately. I hope that you had a blessed Easter!

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

[OLAM Dad]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' date='Apr 17 2006, 12:58 PM']So....i'm still open to any help...did you get lost    Just kidding! I was just wondering if you were okay. You've been pretty quiet lately. I hope that you had a blessed Easter!

-Yours in Christ
Lauren
[right][snapback]950879[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]
Lauren,

I'm sorry for not responding sooner. Your statement regarding my 'great words of wisdom' knocked me off of my chair and I'm just now getting back up.

Seriously, I've been VERY busy and a little under the weather. I've also got a personal problem that's been weighing heavily on me, please pray for it to be resolved.

I'll try to answer your questions.

[quote]How did she know that that was what she was supposed to do?[/quote]
She felt strongly that God wanted this of her and she followed up the feeling with prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.

Regarding your mother, you should respect her opinion even if you choose to disagree with it as I do. I don't know what percentage of people worldwide attend college, but it's quite small. I'm certain that it's less than 5%. I don't know how anyone can possibly consider it a necessary part of life.

I have a college degree and given my vocation it comes in handy. I don't think a degree would benefit Sr. Lauren in her vocation at all. Our goal in life is to lead holy lives and to attain our eternal reward. Even if Sr. Lauren decides to pursue another vocation it would be hard to imagine a year in college benefiting her as much as her first year at OLAM will.

[quote]So, how can i ever know?....at what time did Sr. Lauren know that she was called to enter out of HS? And did she "know-know" or just "kind-of-know"?[/quote]
She was certain about a year and a half before she graduated. She stopped looking into colleges, etc. at that point.

Let us know what you decide.

Michael

p.s. - Yes, I like your avatar very much!

[uruviel]

Lauren,
we have talked about this before I just want to agree with OLAM dad, and yes, just LOTS of prayer, and leave things in God's hands. He will let you know. Just pray and when you get out of HS, hopefully the choice will be easier. You've got our prayers We're behind you, in whatever you do please remember.
God Bless you in your journey,
Your sister in Christ,
-Lori

[Domine ut Videam]

Thanks OLAM dad for your reply. I will be praying for you. If it makes you feel any better i have a horrible headache and i think i am getting sick. Once again thanks for the "pearls." They were very appreciated.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

[Domine ut Videam]

OLAM dad and Phatdaddy, if i could steal some of your prayers....i am really struggling right now with my parents, and i just don't know what to do. If you could pray for me i would really appreciate it. I yearn to much to be with Christ but am in so much pain (different story but connected, PM me another time and i'll tell you), but my parents are hurting me so much just because they don't understand or they don't want to understand and there seems to be so many obstacles to my vocation. All I can do is beg Christ that if this is His will than to please remove them.....but I beg you please pray for me because I am really struggling right now and i am really feeling very separated and alienated at school from everyone....and my vocation is so foggy.....thanks for everything.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren

[uruviel]

Oh Lauren, though I wasn't directed here in this post I can not help but to pray for you!! My heart goes out to you, I know you are a strong person in Christ, just Trust in Him! I will pray for you please know!!! May He Bless you!!!
In Christ,
Lori