Interfaith dating

[avemaria40]

I posted this on Q & A about Catholicism awhile back but I want to know what ur thoughts are on interfaith dating. Most of the guys I have been attracted to in the past and one whom I am attracted to right now are not Christians and I want to know, should I be asked out by any of them, would it be all right to say yes?

[toledo_jesus]

Don't bother going out with them. In order for you to continue and grow in your life as a Christian, they would need to sacrifice. Going out with them would not lead to marriage, because for them to stand in a Christian church and take vows before God would make them liars.

In short, no, interfaith dating is not cool. If they were Protestant then that's different, but not even Christian? In all seriousness, no way is that cool.

If you convert them then that's another thing. But no dates til they shape up.

[HisChild]

I've dated in the past, men who are not Catholic, some not even Christian. . .each said they were 'fine' with me being a practicing Catholic, etc. In the end, it always became an obstacle, especially when it was time for me to go to Mass, and they wanted to go to something else. . .a game, etc. It was also an issue when I would go to a prayer night or something like that. It's just. ..difficult for them to understand, and quite frankly, difficult on me as well, not being able to share that most important part of my life with them.

Of course, I'm not dating any longer! LOL But I remember it being really really difficult. Not something I would personally recommend. Others might say, 'but you could lead them to the faith', and yea, if they are open, and you are a good apologist, go for it. But for me?

[On Pilgrimage]

[quote]I posted this on Q & A about Catholicism awhile back but I want to know what ur thoughts are on interfaith dating. Most of the guys I have been attracted to in the past and one whom I am attracted to right now are not Christians and I want to know, should I be asked out by any of them, would it be all right to say yes?[/quote]
I don't think I would recommend interfaith dating or marriage. It would be very difficult for someone committed to his or her Christian faith to live with someone who does not believe that Christ is God, or worse, who doesn't even believe in God. Interfaith marriages present a number of obstacles, obstacles which often cannot be overcome -- and since the purpose of dating is to find a spouse, you have to take the difficulties of interfaith marriage into account in interfaith dating.

With that said, the Church does allow interfaith marriage, and thus there is no reason why you [i]cannot[/i] date someone who is not Catholic. But I don't think I would recommend it.

Edited March 20, 2006 by On Pilgrimage

[Church Punk]

I would even be careful dating so called Catholics. Look at their fruits, do they really mean they are Catholic/ Christian or is it just something they do because they have been doing it for their whole life.

In high school I began dating. I started dating this girl who I thought was a good Catholic, her mother was in the chior, her father was involved with the church and what not. We both went to a Catholic school. So we dated for a couple months. After about 6 months she came to me and said she was going to tell me something about her. She said that the illusion of her being Catholic was only to keep her mother from finding out what she really was doing, in reality she was a witch!

She was heavily involved in wicca and witchcraft as well as other occult things. I started talking to her about the Chruch and what not, she replied that she believes in God, but she sees the other side of him, his hatred then she was trying to turn me away from the Church.

Needless to say, that didnt work out and we broke up shortly after than revealation.

So be careful who you pick judge by their fruits not what they say.

[scardella]

I wouldn't want to say no in all circumstances, but I'd approach it with extreme caution. I'd hit the prayer double-hard in discerning before I consented to date someone not of the faith. (Then again, I guess that'd be my procedure before dating anyone...) I'd want to be sure that it was God's will that I date someone before I go ahead and date them.

[cmotherofpirl]

I think you need to take it on a case by case basis. Is the person not a christian or catholic because they hate the church or because they have never seen faithful catholics or been evangelised before? What DO they believe in? Do they have excellent character and morals? Are their values something you admire? Would you bring them home to meet your grandmother?
They could be a great catholic in the making, or your worst nightmare.

[MagiDragon]

Remember, the person you want to marry must make your road to heaven an easier trip. You should never marry someone that will make it harder for you to get into heaven.

AND NEVER GIVE YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE WHO ISN'T THERE!!! You can't allow yourself to love someone for who they can become. You have to love them for who they *ARE.*

Chances are that you *won't* change who they are. Girls like to pretend that they can change a guy. They fail. For a person to change, it must be a personal choice. No one can choose change for them; you can make it easier for them, but you can't change them.

You can't afford to let your heart out of your grasp until the person is someone that will help point you to God for the rest of your life.

*grins wryly* sorry for the overly imperative tone . . . but . . . i hate seeing people that have chosen poorly and have made themselves miserable. *shrugs*

Pax Christi,
Joe

[MagiDragon]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Mar 20 2006, 07:50 AM']I think you need to take it on a case by case basis.  Is the person not a christian or catholic because they hate the church or because they have never seen faithful catholics or been evangelised before? What DO they believe in? Do they have excellent character and morals? Are their values something you admire? Would you bring them home to meet your grandmother? 
They could be a great cathoic in the making, or your worst nightmare.
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[/quote]To illustrate something similar to cmom's point . . .

Imagine the distance from your ideal to your prospective boyfriends current actions as a linear spectrum: Closest to you is Practicing Catholic then practicing Protestant, followed by practicing religious non-Christian, Moral Agnostic, moral Atheist, amoral atheist, immoral atheist, immoral agnostic, non-practicing person of another religion, non-practicing Christian, and finally non-practicing Catholic.

How much a person can help you is related to how close they are to "Practicing Catholic" on that scale

Now, take that spectrum and bend it into a "U" shape. The amount that person will have to change to be a good Catholic is similar to the distance on that bent spectrum from "Practicing Catholic" to where they are on the bent spectrum. In other words, the people who could most easily become "Good Catholics" are the "practicing Protestants" and the "non-practicing Catholics." You'll need that person to change until they are good Catholics, or at least very good Protestants.

What this doesn't account for is the firmness of belief that anyone has in their current faith system.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='avemaria40' date='Mar 19 2006, 06:43 PM']I posted this on Q & A about Catholicism awhile back but I want to know what ur thoughts are on interfaith dating.  Most of the guys I have been attracted to in the past and one whom I am attracted to right now are not Christians  and I want to know, should I be asked  out by any of them, would it be all right to say yes?
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[/quote]

My first question would be: what makes non-Christian guys more attractive to you than good solid Catholic Christian guys?

[avemaria40]

I have no idea, just that the guys I have been attracted to are either non practicing Christians or they are agnostic or Jewish. I guess maybe it's because I know very few solid Catholic guys, one who is my friend and I did have a crush on him at one point but we are just friends and he's taken anyway. Maybe it's the lack of practicing Christian guys where I live (and those few are taken), maybe it's b/c my dad isn't religious and they say u become attracted to guys just like your dad. I honestly don't know why I'm so attracted to non(practicing) Christian guys

[Norseman82]

[quote name='avemaria40' date='Mar 20 2006, 12:30 PM']I have no idea, just that the guys I have been attracted to are either non practicing Christians or they are agnostic or Jewish.  I guess maybe it's because I know very few solid Catholic guys, one who is my friend and I did have a crush on him at one point but we are just friends and he's taken anyway.  Maybe it's the lack of practicing Christian guys where I live (and those few are taken), maybe it's b/c my dad isn't religious and they say u become attracted to guys just like your dad.  I honestly don't know why I'm so attracted to non(practicing) Christian guys
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[/quote]

Here's my concern: even though the Church can grant dispensations (and I do believe one needs a dispensation for mixed marriages between Catholics and non-Christians; a priest or canon lawyer can correct me if I'm wrong), I personally find it very risky because:

1) If you are not strong in your faith, you could be led astray;
2) If you are strong in your faith, that very strength will mean you won't compromise on matters of faith and morals and that could lead to or exacerbate conflicts between youse, especially regarding the upbringing of children or the fact that your spouse will want to use contraception and you will not.

One suggestion would be to see if there is a young adult ministry in your area. That might be an opportunity to network with potential spouses in your geographical area.

[Tindomiel]

I would just be honest and tell them your concerns right away. It's true that interfaith relationships can be risky, but who knows? God [i]could[/i] use you as an instrument for that person's conversion. If he loves you at all, he should respect your beliefs enough to look into them. I know someone who was converted due to the ifluence of his fiance.

[kateri05]

re above post:

you can not go into a relationship, especially a marriage, with the purpose of converting them.

its fine if thats a byproduct but that can't be your reasons, because then you're going into to it trying to change the person.

those kinds of relationships are doomed to fail.

[Azriel]

Interfaith as in different Religions other than Christianity, or other faiths as in different demoninations?

If it is the second, PM me, and I'll tell you my story. I'm not going to drag it back out on the board again.

I married a non Catholic, it can be done, but discernment and prayer is the key.

[avemaria40]

This time, I've had a crush on someone for over a year and he's not a Christian

Re to Azriel's post

Edited March 20, 2006 by avemaria40

[On Pilgrimage]

[quote]This time, I've had a crush on someone for over a year and he's not a Christian

Re to Azriel's post[/quote]
If it's not too personal, what is he precisely?

[Socrates]

Don't date the guy unless he (at the very least) shows a sincere and serious interest in converting to the Faith.

Dating should be a preparation for marriage. Dating and/or marriage to someone who is not Christian and has no apparent intention of converting is a very bad idea. You need to think not only of yourself, but of your possible future children. If your kids are given conflicting views about the Faith by their parents, they are more likely to lose the Faith. It is for this reason that the Church frowns on "mixed marriages."

Choosing to date a non-Christian based just on a "crush" is childish.

[On Pilgrimage]

I thought it might be helpful to post what the Catechism has to say about ecumenical and interreligious marriages:

[quote]In many countries the situation of a [i]mixed marriage[/i] (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises.  It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors.  A case of marriage with [i]disparity of cult[/i] (between a Catholic and a nonbaptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ.  But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated.  They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome.  The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home.  Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties.  Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children.  The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the [i]express permission[/i] of ecclesiastical authority.  In case of disparity of cult an [i]express dispensation[/i] from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.  This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.

Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a [i]common pastoral practice for mixed marriages[/i].  Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:14).  It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.  Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion ([i]Catechism of the Catholic Church[/i], #1633-1637).[/quote]
AM40, I encourage you to let your conscience be formed by the Catechism rather than letting it be formed by some here who insult you and call you "stupid and childish." One day they will be held accountable for the uncharitable lives they've chosen to live, and hopefully Christ's mercy and understanding will exceed that which they've shown to others.

[quote name='Socrates']Choosing to date a non-Christian based just on a "crush" is stupid and childish.[/quote]

Edited March 21, 2006 by On Pilgrimage

[cmotherofpirl]

There is a big difference between dating someone who is a firmly committed non-catholic and someone who knows there is a God, generally tries to do the right thing, and assumes it will work out in the end. I find most people today in the latter category.