Spiritual Direction

[magnificat]

Ok, so I met with possibly my new SD today. Wonderful priest with experience with this sorta thing. Only thing is, is it weird that he tells me about other people's discernment (people that I know and things they're going through presently)? Also is it weird that he mentioned something I said to a friend of mine?

Other than that little weird thing, he's great but I'm not totally sure what to do....

Advice anyone?

[uruviel]

hmm I'm really sorry, that sounds kinda strange that the priest would be open about what he's heard from others. Who knows who he'll be telling about your discernment. Ok I'm sorry, I do not wish to put you down, that's so wonderful that you have found a good priest though!!!

[Birgitta Noel]

I've always assumed that SD was confidential, similar to counseling, or confession (though not bound by a seal).

Perhaps you should ask him his views on this and then discern how you feel about his response.


If he's betraying confidences, or what others think are confidences then that's a whole other issue....

Personally I wouldn't want a SD who talked freely about what we've discussed. I'd be fine if he wanted to comment in general, i.e., "Birgitta has really grown in her prayer life." But if he said something like, "Birgitta is struggling with adultry and self-hatred and has been neglecting her prayer life." I'd be . Note: Birgitta is not an adulterer etc! It's just an example...

[uruviel]

BN has a good idea. Ask him his views and decide about how you feel about his repsonse. Good luck and God Bless!

[magnificat]

Ok...I just wanted to see what other people's experiences were in this area...I think I'll try to catch him after Mass tomorrow

[TheresaMF]

I've had priests cite other people's discernment as examples, but more along the lines of "one of the brothers in my novitiate class discerned that he was really called to the Trappists, so you see how God can lead you to one vocation through another" rather than current news of people I know. That would make me uncomfortable as well. I hope you get a chance to talk to him, and get a good answer!

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

If my spiritual director made such a claim to me... Well i would voice concern.

I would say

I am sharing and seeking guidance in confidence. That is, i have confidence in you that you are genuinely sincere in your advice. I also have confidence that you will not reveal what i share.

But my confidence is shaken. If you are sharing other peoples discernment processes with me, it makes me wonder if you are sharing mine.

I need the reassurance that my confidence is in you is not in vain.

SHALOM

[Birgitta Noel]

[quote name='MC IMaGiNaZUN' post='962349' date='Apr 26 2006, 09:35 PM']
If my spiritual director made such a claim to me... Well i would voice concern.

I would say

I am sharing and seeking guidance in confidence. That is, i have confidence in you that you are genuinely sincere in your advice. I also have confidence that you will not reveal what i share.

But my confidence is shaken. If you are sharing other peoples discernment processes with me, it makes me wonder if you are sharing mine.

I need the reassurance that my confidence is in you is not in vain.

SHALOM
[/quote]

and then you have to decide if you can trust him. ( I would hope that you could! He is a priest afterall! )

[cappie]

[quote name='magnificat' post='962255' date='Apr 27 2006, 12:27 PM']
Ok, so I met with possibly my new SD today. Wonderful priest with experience with this sorta thing. Only thing is, is it weird that he tells me about other people's discernment (people that I know and things they're going through presently)? Also is it weird that he mentioned something I said to a friend of mine?

Other than that little weird thing, he's great but I'm not totally sure what to do....

Advice anyone?
[/quote]

Simple.....if you can get someone else....no spiritual directoe worth their salt would do what he has done

[Birgitta Noel]

[quote name='cappie' post='962483' date='Apr 27 2006, 01:36 AM']
Simple.....if you can get someone else....no spiritual directoe worth their salt would do what he has done
[/quote]

I stand corrected. Fr. Cappie is right, as always!

[magnificat]

Ok I talked to him this morning and things are under control and it was more of a misunderstanding on my part. I don't want to get into details but it was more of my friend taking things to their logical conclusion I guess than anything he said. Re-reading over what I posted last night, it is less dramatic than I think it actually reads. And so without explaining my entire circumstance, things are cool and we're good to go. Thanks for y'alls help!

[uruviel]

sure! That's wonderful that it's all under control, I hope you enjoy having a good SD!

[TheOliverOrder88]

Question:

I asked my pastor about spiritual directors. It seemed to him that I was asking him to be mine...but that wasn't my real intent. Now, I don't want to offend and say "Well, I don't want you..."

Oh well...I'll just ask my chaplain.

[magnificat]

Wait..was there a question there?? j/k

Um, well, it might be easier to ask if he can recommend someone to you...that way he may be less likely to suggest himself? Or ask your chaplain

[TheOliverOrder88]

I asked my chaplain.

He just told me to ask the seminary.

I think that's what I'll do.

[magnificat]

Hehe...the seminary's a great place to ask There's actually a couple priests there that were recommended to me. Good luck!

[ForHimAlone]

My Spiritual Director has had to talk to my parents at their demand, unfortunately, but even then, he will never disclose anything about my discernment or spiritual life that would have been made in confidence. I would hold off and find out more about this priest before taking him as a SD. Your SD is going to be your guide and the "voice of Christ" for you on this earth. You need to make sure you can have absolute and total trust in him and that it is this priest whom God has chosen for you.

Oops... I missed your next post. If if was just an understanding and you feel peace about the situation, go for it. I don't know how I'd survive high school without my SD. Direction is definitely one of the greatest blessings of my life, and I hope it may be for yours. It also helps that my SD is the holiest priest I've ever met.

Edited April 29, 2006 by ForHimAlone

[Theologian in Training]

In the seminary we have been taught that we are not betray the confidence of anyone, unless we lay some ground rules whereby those could be broken, ie: if they are threatening to hurt themselves or others. However, the directee is to be made aware of those "rules" and thereby can choose to continue direction based upon them.

Even when I had a "practice" directee I never would say anything directly, even in class, though she did know that I was practicing. Even then though, things that could have easily been confession material came up, which I would never have talked about.

In fact, our prof/priest/Franciscan told us that if we must write notes about our directees, in an effort to remember specifics about them, to only write in code, and when the direction has stopped, for whatever reason, to destroy those notes.

However, it sounds like everything is cleared up, so that is good.

[shortnun]

[quote name='magnificat' post='964900' date='Apr 29 2006, 08:07 AM']
Hehe...the seminary's a great place to ask There's actually a couple priests there that were recommended to me. Good luck!
[/quote]
When I was given a list of spiritual directors there were a few on their at Kenrick (but mostly diocesan and laity).

Prayers for you in your search!

[Like a Child]

So, I'm having problems of my own with my spiritual director/confessor (he is both). . .

1) Similar to what's already being talked about, he mentions things about other people who he is directing; they aren't too private, but sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.

2) During the Sacrament of Reconciliation, he talks about himself a lot! You know, I say, "I'm struggling with this sin _________" and he says, "I understand, I once struggled with the same type of problem. . ." and he goes on to talk about his own experience in detail. Is that inappropriate? Or am I just overreacting? I'm not exactly clear on how much give-and-take there is supposed to be during confession. It certainly isn't the same thing as an appointment with a counselor where we talk about our problems (although the catharsis it brings can feel very similar!).

3) I've been thinking about changing spiritual directors. . .I'd prefer to see another monk at the same monastery, but I know it would hurt my current sd's feelings. Is there a gentle, loving way to handle this?