Spiritual Direction

[uruviel]

I'm sorry "Like a child" I really don't know what to tell you, my pea brain can't take it.
i'm not knowlegable in the asspects of a SD or what's appropiate, but God Bless you!

[Guest phatdaddy]

[quote name='Like a Child' post='965319' date='Apr 29 2006, 03:01 PM']
So, I'm having problems of my own with my spiritual director/confessor (he is both). . .

1) Similar to what's already being talked about, he mentions things about other people who he is directing; they aren't too private, but sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.

2) During the Sacrament of Reconciliation, he talks about himself a lot! You know, I say, "I'm struggling with this sin _________" and he says, "I understand, I once struggled with the same type of problem. . ." and he goes on to talk about his own experience in detail. Is that inappropriate? Or am I just overreacting? I'm not exactly clear on how much give-and-take there is supposed to be during confession. It certainly isn't the same thing as an appointment with a counselor where we talk about our problems (although the catharsis it brings can feel very similar!).

3) I've been thinking about changing spiritual directors. . .I'd prefer to see another monk at the same monastery, but I know it would hurt my current sd's feelings. Is there a gentle, loving way to handle this?
[/quote]

Dear Like a Child,

Even though I am reluctant to voice an opinion on this subject because of my lack of knowledge, I felt the need to express a thought (only based on my very limited experience).

I see some danger signs in what you have said here. A SD must be detached and objective. Yes, as a religious person, he can understand and relate to the difficulties of his directee and penetant. But, I think it unadvisable for the SD to share his personal life or his sins, or his struggles as his struggles. His personal life is irrelevant to his SD even though it has made him who he is, that is, astute in the spiritual life.

Now you are in the unfortunate position to reason that you need to change SD (your sense that there is a problem is on target) but you are experiencing an emotional pressure because you do not want to hurt his feelings, so now you are reluctant to change SD. Quite frankly, because you know too much about him. Yes you need to know enough about his fidelity, orthodoxy and quality of giving SD before you put your soul into his hands, but in my opinion he has crossed the line.

The role of a SD is an awesome task and should be treated with the utmost care. This responsibilty belongs to the SD, it is a sacred trust and it is very serious. Friendship and SD can be in conflict so my advice to you get another SD, soon.

Mr. Ray

[magnificat]

[quote name='Like a Child' post='965319' date='Apr 29 2006, 02:01 PM']
2) During the Sacrament of Reconciliation, he talks about himself a lot! You know, I say, "I'm struggling with this sin _________" and he says, "I understand, I once struggled with the same type of problem. . ." and he goes on to talk about his own experience in detail. Is that inappropriate? Or am I just overreacting? I'm not exactly clear on how much give-and-take there is supposed to be during confession. It certainly isn't the same thing as an appointment with a counselor where we talk about our problems (although the catharsis it brings can feel very similar!).

3) I've been thinking about changing spiritual directors. . .I'd prefer to see another monk at the same monastery, but I know it would hurt my current sd's feelings. Is there a gentle, loving way to handle this?
[/quote]

I think with Confession...if you're uncomforable about this, perhaps you could try to find a different priest to hear your Confession, particularly if you're somewhere it'd be easy to go to Confession elsewhere. I'venever had an experience like that, except for once and that was more the exception and made sense in that specific context. This might give you the chance to seperate SD from Confession. Perhaps it might make a difference; yet, it may also not. If it doesn't, I would go with your gut feeling. If you'd like to see another monk, I would just talk to your current SD that perhaps you just need to switch "for a while." It might hurt his feelings, but he should be able to get over it...after all, it should be about whatever is best for your spiritual development & not his personal desires.

Hope that helps...