zabbazooey Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole, Please be assured of my prayers. Get some rest and eat Pax, Rachel
Birgitta Noel Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole, I'm just seeing this now. I am so sorry to hear this. I know you are disappointed. You are in my prayers
franciscanheart Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Nicole, how old are you again? (I'm sorry. I'm very forgetful.) As FutureNunJMJ has already said, God breaks us to make us better. Strive to be clay in the Potter's hands. Allow yourself to calm down. Use the next couple of months to allow yourself to grow and mature. If you feel anger and resentment in your heart and you wish to please the Lord as much as you claim, let Him have it. Do not hold that anger in your heart and certainly do not take it out on yourself. Rely on your family and if need be, get a counselor. Stick to those who are close to you and know the situation. They won't let you get too carried away. Trust me when I say this will help in the long run. Eat, sleep and be healthy. Most of all, LEARN from this. Do not allow yourself to fall into another rut. Do NOT let this or something similar happen to you again. If it is your fault, take it. Own it. Live up to what you need to do and be in order to be successful in this life. Striving for success pleases our Lord. Do what you need to do and don't do any less. Know of my prayers for your spirits. I pray they improve.
Piccoli Fiori JMJ Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I just read this story last night and I thought you might get something from it Nicole: [quote]There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was brown and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'let me alone', but he only smiled, 'Not yet.' "Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy! I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.' Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head, 'Not yet.' Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'There, that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.' Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, 'Not yet.' Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself. And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful.' 'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life. And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you. Moral: * God knows what He's doing (for all of us). * He is the Potter, and we are His clay. * He will mold us and make us, so that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing, and perfect will. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not tempt you beyond what you can bear...[/quote]
chatbox829 Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 "Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song." ~Pope John Paul II i am new here but maybe this Quote can Help take the others advice i will pray for you
josefamaria Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 [quote name='Sixtina87' post='1027433' date='Jul 19 2006, 09:37 PM'] Thanks elizabeth, i know i can count on you!!! I have not eat anything today simply there is no reason for me to eat and simply because i am not hungary. Sister and I talked about, i can only visit once a yr and maybe in a few yrs re-apply. However i do not to re-apply i already did that, and it didn't work. I want to be there right now with the family and enjoying time spent with them and with christ. i know i will be the best beaver dam sister ever!!!!!!!! [/quote] Sixtina87: You know, you're probably right---you will be the best beaver dam sister ever----but no one will ever know if you wither up and die. And maybe, just maybe, that is why you are not entering there. God needs you elsewhere so you better get busy asking Him. There's an old saying "I'll thank them when I'm done crying."
franciscanheart Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I've heard more than once (and I know you have as well and will one day realize it to be true) that one of the most loving things an order can tell a young woman (or man) is that they are not the order for them.
uruviel Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 [quote name='Sixtina87' post='1027481' date='Jul 20 2006, 03:37 AM'] i have been up for almost an hour. my body is weak, my legs and body ach so bad. my head isn't pounding at all well for now it isn't! i am freezing. I honestly give up on everything. i dont care anymore and i simply can't live life like i have in the past. I don't want anything to do with life at all. i hate my life and I will always hate it!!!!!!!!!! [/quote] Nicole, there are so many caring people here that are praying for you, hopeing for you, and believing in you and God. God does not give us these trials and hardships so that we can [i]give up[/i]. He gives us these to make us stronger and to strengthen our trust and love in Him. Do not give up on Christ, He sure is not giving up on you and you know he will NEVER. In saying you hate your life you are hurting God, God created you! He made you with such love, He holds your heart closer to Him than you can imagine, and to say you hate the life He gave you is not why He made you. I have to say I am alittle ashamed to see such a beautiful soul being so doubtful of Jesus and her own soul. The only way to get through this is to go through it with Him, with your loved ones and with spiritual direction. Granted I can't imagine what you are going through, but God does, and God would never have allowed this if He knew you couldn't handle it. Never let go of His hand and like so many other people have said, BE NOT AFRAID. God Bless you and Mary keep, your sister in Christ, -uruviel
passionheart Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Dear Nicole, It is only now I saw your post and I am truly sorry. I understand your pain because I have been through this myself. Nicole, remembered I emailed you my story and so you know I have been turned downed by many communities as well. I was so hurt by one rejection that I cried all day in my room because I didn't want my brother to see me. When I had my first rejection in my early twenties, I felt like a loser. After all, the communities were looking for vocations but I couldn't get in the convent. As a result, I turned away from God in bitterness. Even after there was some reconcilitation, I still felt like a loser and I gave up any hope in knowing my vocation. I started to hate the word. I felt that God didn't want me because no matter how hard I tried the doors always kept slamming in my face. Nicole, I am 44 now and as much I told the Lord to forget about ever asking me about religious life again because it was far to painful for me, it did happen. I don't know what your vocation is Nicole but don't get yourself trapped into thinking you are a "loser". I did and it almost lead to some dire circumstances for me. You will find your place that our Father desires for you but the road may be difficult. Just don't isolate yourself but draw closer to the people who truly love you. It will help with the healing. If you want to vent or just talk PM me. Love, Donna Marie
SeekingHisPlan Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Nicole, I am so sorry you are in such profound pain. Remember that our Lord knows every single one of your sorrows and He will help you if you but cry to Him. Psalm 56:8: You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your record? Prayers for you in this difficult time
Sixtina87 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 thank you all for the comments. I was shocked to see that there were this many comments left during the day since I was up at 4am. I cried most of this morning and worked things out with the Sisters, to where I am going to spend the weekend there on a SILENT retreat. My grandfather paid for my last minute ticket, and I won't return until Monday. The Sisters and I are still going to keep intouch and hopfully one day I will come back home to HIM as a Sister Servant. So as of right now, my contacts are very cloudy, i can barely see through them. I have only gotten 8 hours of sleep the last to nights. I think it will be better for me to come down this weekend versus any other, this is where I turn to HIM and say, what now?? God Bless you all and have a wonderful weekend!!
uruviel Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 I am very glad to know that you are going on a silent retreat, I sincerely hope that God speaks to your heart and holds you close in His sacred Heart, I am praying that He grant you understanding, courage, patience, and trust Have a Blessed-filled and lovely weekend as well, we are praying for you and love you. God Bless and Mary keep, -uruviel
chatbox829 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 see that proves that God will hold you and help you i'm praying for you and a retreat should help Go with God
HisChild Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 (edited) Nicole, I just read your posts. I have been in 3 different communities and for various reasons, I am now in none of them. . .I left two due to illnesses. What is so 'funny' about it all is that in the world, I am hale and hearty. One lesson I learned is the biggest one you should as well: God was breaking me down to say 'not as YOU will, but my My will be done.' Will I ever be a nun? At this point I can only say 'no'. Never? I can't answer that. The only thing I CAN say is that His plans are obviously not my own. Crying can be cathartic. It really can. But if you stomp and cry and scream and say you want to wither away. .. you may be too noisy to hear what He wants of you next. You know? This is hard advice, and I can only give it because less than two months ago, I WAS there, trying to quiet my heart. And that is the best advice to give. Quiet your heart, and tell Him, 'Obviously Lord, this isn't where You want me. Where DO You want me?' Perhaps He is telling you to wait a little bit. After all, most, if not all the communities who said no to you said that you should wait a bit, mature a bit, live life a little bit, and then think about it in a year or two. Those communities may be wrong, and you just aren't meant for them. . .but they may be right and the best thing you could do is wait a little bit, allow your heart to soften, so that when HE is ready for you to enter, you will be more ready. After all, if it IS His will that you enter religious life, He will make it happen. Again, I can only say this because I've been in a somewhat similar situation of not knowing why He put the desire for religious life in my heart, only to take away the situation. You will be in my prayers. Edited July 21, 2006 by HisChild
douknostcecilia Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 earnestly praying 4 you. -In His love, Cece
Mary-Kathryn Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 [quote name='Sixtina87' post='1027964' date='Jul 20 2006, 10:10 PM'] thank you all for the comments. I was shocked to see that there were this many comments left during the day since I was up at 4am. I cried most of this morning and worked things out with the Sisters, to where I am going to spend the weekend there on a SILENT retreat. My grandfather paid for my last minute ticket, and I won't return until Monday. The Sisters and I are still going to keep intouch and hopfully one day I will come back home to HIM as a Sister Servant. So as of right now, my contacts are very cloudy, i can barely see through them. I have only gotten 8 hours of sleep the last to nights. I think it will be better for me to come down this weekend versus any other, this is where I turn to HIM and say, what now?? God Bless you all and have a wonderful weekend!! [/quote] May God speak to your heart and pour out His Healing through those beautiful Sisters who are embracing you in your grief. There are many ways to become a saint, and not all of them has to do with wearing a veil or collar. Let God make you a saint no matter what He chooses for you!
Sixtina87 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 well, everyone, I am leaving today to spend time on retreat and not so much with the Sisters, sadly!!!! My heart is still hurting and my body is weak but I will get through the trip. I might cry when I see them, and I know forsure when i leave. However I will have a better understanding on things after I talk to them face to face. My only feelings right now, is hurt, scared and nervous, kinda excited but the other feeling over rule the excitement!
brendan1104 Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Suggestion: don't say 'beaver dam' and 'lmao' in front of them. Have a good trip! [quote name='Sixtina87' post='1028153' date='Jul 21 2006, 08:34 AM'] well, everyone, I am leaving today to spend time on retreat and not so much with the Sisters, sadly!!!! My heart is still hurting and my body is weak but I will get through the trip. I might cry when I see them, and I know forsure when i leave. However I will have a better understanding on things after I talk to them face to face. My only feelings right now, is hurt, scared and nervous, kinda excited but the other feeling over rule the excitement! [/quote]
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