sad and lost in life

[uruviel]

[quote name='Sixtina87' post='1028153' date='Jul 21 2006, 07:34 AM']
well, everyone, I am leaving today to spend time on retreat and not so much with the Sisters, sadly!!!! My heart is still hurting and my body is weak but I will get through the trip. I might cry when I see them, and I know forsure when i leave. However I will have a better understanding on things after I talk to them face to face.

My only feelings right now, is hurt, scared and nervous, kinda excited but the other feeling over rule the excitement!
[/quote]

Oh have a wonderful trip, and please enjoy yourself, lay it all on Jesus He will take care of you!!!! God Bless you!! Have a safe trip, and I will be praying for you.

[OLAM Dad]

Nicole,

Other than the short PM I sent you a couple of days ago I've yet to respond to this thread because, quite frankly, I didn't know what words to use. While praying the Divine Office today I came across this and immediately thought of you. I'm not sure whether this will give you consolation or not but I thought I'd post it.

[b]Psalm 69[/b]

1 Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.

2 I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.

3 I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.

4 They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: they that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I took not away.

5 O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee.

6 Let not them that wait on thee, O Lord GOD of hosts, be ashamed for my sake: let not those that seek thee be confounded for my sake, O God of Israel.

7 Because for thy sake I have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face.

8 I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother’s children.

9 For the zeal of thine house hath eaten me up; and the reproaches of them that reproached thee are fallen upon me.

10 When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach.

11 I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them.

12 They that sit in the gate speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards.

13 But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O LORD, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.

14 Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters.

15 Let not the waterflood overflow me, neither let the deep swallow me up, and let not the pit shut her mouth upon me.

16 Hear me, O LORD; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies.

17 And hide not thy face from thy servant; for I am in trouble: hear me speedily.

[Laurentina1975]

Awwww...well good luck with it all and God Bless You Nicole.

Lauren

[brandelynmarie]

Peace be with you, Nicole...I hope you had a gentle retreat...Read about St. Faustina & Sister Mary of the Trinity...both of them went to many communities before they found their home...prayers here...

[Guest Perpetualove]

Nicole,
In times of trouble and sadness, one thing has brought me much comfort - from St. Teresa's bookmark:

Let nothing disturb thee
Let nothing affright thee
All things are passing
God alone never changes

God has not deserted you. He has another plan for you; something more wonderful and more amazing than what you - in your limited humanity - cannot see now. There will be a day when you will be welcomed with the open and loving arms of Christ. You will feel the presence of the Blessed Virgin's motherly arms enfolding you, you will know you are home, and you will be graced by a community that has a place just for you.

I am so thrilled to see that you have been so lovingly cared and prayed for by this community. Know my prayers have been added as well. I hope this alone brings you much comfort. Stay strong and know that Jesus is the master of the boat, even though right now, the seas are stormy. Trust in HIM!

Love and prayers,
Perpetualove

[stlmom]

Nicole,
I have been on vacation for a couple weeks and didn't find out until tonight about your situation.
I am so sorry...prayers for you...it sounds trite, but I truly believe that when God closes a door, another one will open...

[Guest JeffCR07]

Nicole, I know how hard this must be for you, but please, perservere in prayer and love. This reminds me of a story I once heard that, I hope, will help you:

There was once a man who really felt the call to the priesthood, so he spoke with the vocations director of his diocese. After a few months of spiritual direction with this man, the vocations director told him that he should not enter the seminary, because he didn't think he was smart enough to learn latin. So the man, dejected, went on with his life and joined the military. However, after a number of years, he still felt the call, and he came back to ask to enter the seminary again. This time, he was turned away because he was told that he was too old. After another year, he went to another diocese and asked to enter their seminary. Finally, the man was accepted. He struggled with his studies, but he was full of charity and humility, asking for help when he needed it and working as hard as he could. Finally, he and the two other young men in his class were ordained to the priesthood. The next day, one of those two new priests and classmates received a phone call: The man had died that night in his sleep.

Some might wonder about the will of God when they hear this story, but I think it's beautiful. This priest followed the call that he heard in his heart regardless of the obstacle, and because of that devotion and perseverence, because of that love, he was able to truly say "yes" to God before he died. Could there be a better way to finish the race?

My point is this - Do not be afraid. Do not despair. Take heart and trust in the Lord. Every obstacle is an opportunity for Grace to move us beyond ourselves into deeper communion with the mystery of God's plan. Don't worry about the future. All you need to do is respond to what God is calling you to do [i]now[/i], in this very moment. If you are always alive to God's love in the present, He will take care of the future, and you will end up exactly where He wants you to be.

Your Brother In Christ,

Jeff

[Sixtina87]

HEY YA'LL, I'm back and will be leaving again soon!!! HEHE!!!! I checked my emails today after being away, and i got a email from OPHER, who if i could find where she lives, i would kick HER butt!!!! She is making more depressed than i need to be!!!! if any one wants to see the email she sent, just PM me!!!!

Well, the reason why i am leaving again soon, is that Sister Louise Marie got me into Magdalene College for a 2 week summer program, kinda like pre-classes. I am so excited, we found out on Saturday HER FEAST DAY that i was going!!!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!

[quote name='brendan1104' post='1028158' date='Jul 21 2006, 07:40 AM']
Suggestion: don't say 'beaver dam' and 'lmao' in front of them. Have a good trip!
[/quote]

I SAID [mod]inappropriate language --hugheyforlife[/mod], does that count!?!?!? We were tlaking about things and I couldn't find any different words. SRY!!! Sister didn't seem to mind!!

[Sixtina87]

[quote name='OLAM Dad' post='1028410' date='Jul 21 2006, 05:25 PM']
Nicole,

Other than the short PM I sent you a couple of days ago I've yet to respond to this thread because, quite frankly, I didn't know what words to use. While praying the Divine Office today I came across this and immediately thought of you. I'm not sure whether this will give you consolation or not but I thought I'd post it.

[/quote]


THANKS FOR THE PSALM DAD!!!!!!!!!!!! Sr. Lauren had alot to say and she is very supportive to me. Sr. Bernedette took me, Phil and her mother, to OLAM on Saturday. I was Sister Lauren and Sister Katie! Sr. Lauren saw me and came right to me and we both gave each other a hug. She asked me if I had entered yet!? I said No, and its not going to happen. She had to get thigns ready for Benediction so shesaid she would come back. She did, and we talked and I told her what happened. She seemed very helpful and highly supportive. She said that no matter what happens we are going to be Sisters, we were holding hands when we said/agreed to be Sisters to each other, and then a hug!!!!!!!!!!! NAW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sister Lauren was wonderful and truly a great friend. Phil who was just on the Journey Home show on EWTN tonight, thought Sister Lauren and I were cousins since we seemed to him to be so close! NAW!!!!!

So on Friday when I got there at CASA Maria, I was so down and "being a baby brat"!!! Sister and I ended up talking and it made things seem better. then Saturday i was just so happy and joyful and seemed to be doing better. Then Sunday, when they brought up the idea of going to OLAM, I was being a "baby brat", I honestly didn't want to go but i had to get my butt in the car and just go. Of course today i was just really quiet and crying all morning, i was getting upset and just depressed even more. During the weekend the retreatants kept comming to me and talking and asking me if I was going to be a sister. I just wanted to cry. However i responded with kind words.

Even though I was being a brat, it made a huge difference going versus staying home all weekend. And I am very glad I did go!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='Sixtina87' post='1030174' date='Jul 24 2006, 07:58 PM']
HEY YA'LL, I'm back and will be leaving again soon!!! HEHE!!!! I checked my emails today after being away, and i got a email from OPHER, who if i could find where she lives, i would kick HER butt!!!! She is making more depressed than i need to be!!!! if any one wants to see the email she sent, just PM me!!!!

Well, the reason why i am leaving again soon, is that Sister Louise Marie got me into Magdalene College for a 2 week summer program, kinda like pre-classes. I am so excited, we found out on Saturday HER FEAST DAY that i was going!!!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!
I SAID [mod]inappropriate language --hugheyforlife[/mod], does that count!?!?!? We were tlaking about things and I couldn't find any different words. SRY!!! Sister didn't seem to mind!!
[/quote]

Yea! I hope you decide to enter your community college and go to school after this experience. Let us know how everything goes when you come back from Magdalen. Don't let negative emails get you down. Next time you see someone's email that you know will be nasty to you, delete it. Just wipe the negative away with a push of the button. God doesn't want you to feel more depressed. The good and generous Sisters have pointed you in a direction...grasp it with both hands!

prayers and hugs

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='Sixtina87' post='1030174' date='Jul 24 2006, 06:58 PM']
HEY YA'LL, I'm back and will be leaving again soon!!! HEHE!!!! I checked my emails today after being away, and i got a email from OPHER, who if i could find where she lives, i would kick HER butt!!!! She is making more depressed than i need to be!!!! if any one wants to see the email she sent, just PM me!!!!

Well, the reason why i am leaving again soon, is that Sister Louise Marie got me into Magdalene College for a 2 week summer program, kinda like pre-classes. I am so excited, we found out on Saturday HER FEAST DAY that i was going!!!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!
I SAID [mod]inappropriate language --hugheyforlife[/mod], does that count!?!?!? We were tlaking about things and I couldn't find any different words. SRY!!! Sister didn't seem to mind!!
[/quote]
That is completely inappropriate. Why would you use such language? You seem prideful of it too... that's discouraging.

And the comments about opher, innappropriate and UNNECESSARY. Why are you stirring up trouble? Anyone that pm's you to see that email is probably being just as immature as you are right now. There is no need to share a personal email with all of Vocation Station. If it was rude, forgive it. Move on. Stop trying to create trouble.

Perhaps instead of carrying on and seeking attention like you are, you should sit down and evaluate who you are and where you're going. I know you probably won't listen to me now but I can tell you that with this attitude, you won't get very far. You need to grow up and stop being so dramatic. I do not mean to make light this situation but I do mean to call to attention your attention-seeking ways. They are not healthy for you or for anyone else. I certainly do not appreciate it here. This is supposed to be a place of support and encouragement and I feel that you are manipulating that to make yourself feel better.

This is getting out of hand. Please just stop.

[Sixtina87]

I am not trying to cause trouble, she shouldn't be emailing me in the first place telling me that she is Glad I am not entering. I am such a wreck and I am so sick over this whole thing. She just needs to stay out of my life and leave me alone!!! I can't get any sleep what so ever and i can't wait to leave home, i am already stressed and even more depressed than i need to be in life.

Why can't people just understand that, i need to be left alone and stop trying to make things worse for me in life than it already is. if i would have stayed home instead of ging to casa maria, i would have not have survived the weekend. I didn't eat much at all the entir time iw as there and before I gotten there, i haven't eaten for almost 3 days.

It was hard comming home and I honestly dont want to be here at all, as i am in tears right now of thinking of what i needto do in life at this moment and all i can think about is not ebing there next month with my sisters.

i have to go.i need to get to work

[franciscanheart]

Do you not see what you are doing? You are pleading for attention. The problem is, the only attention you're going to get is negative attention. People will go along with the not eating, not sleeping, crying uncontrollably thing for a while but eventually, even the most clueless will catch on.

YOU NEED TO STOP.

If you don't want people emailing you and telling you that you need to grow up, stop sharing your business with people. You come onto phatmass and tell us all how miserable you are and how much you hate your life and you want us to pity you. You talk about not eating or sleeping like we should feel sorry for you. You choose these things not just because you are 'distraught' but because you know the attention it will get you.

What you don't realize is that while you 'build relationships' and 'get close to people' during these times of manipulation, you're destroying them at the same time. All of the drama and manipulation will only drive people away from you. You will never know true friendship until you can grow up and realize that you don't always have to have something dramatic going on in your life, positive or negative. Until you can just be you will not grow or prosper. Until that time, I dare say, you will not be accepted into a community.

If you want people to stop talking to you, stop posting these things. You are out of hand. I don't think you realize the cycles you have gotten yourself into. I pray one day you will. (Note: You started your post defending yourself and trying to explain that you are heavily burdened. Being burdened is understandable! HOWEVER, you then go into your speech about not eating or sleeping and talking about possible suicide (because yes, that is what you insinuate when you say things like that). That is attention seeking! That is the carp that has got to stop!)

Take my word for it. You are wasting valuable time. Change now.

[Veritas]

[quote name='Sixtina87' post='1030174' date='Jul 24 2006, 06:58 PM']
HEY YA'LL, I'm back and will be leaving again soon!!! HEHE!!!! I checked my emails today after being away, and i got a email from OPHER, who if i could find where she lives, i would kick HER butt!!!! She is making more depressed than i need to be!!!! if any one wants to see the email she sent, just PM me!!!!

Well, the reason why i am leaving again soon, is that Sister Louise Marie got me into Magdalene College for a 2 week summer program, kinda like pre-classes. I am so excited, we found out on Saturday HER FEAST DAY that i was going!!!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!
I SAID [mod]inappropriate language --hugheyforlife[/mod], does that count!?!?!? We were tlaking about things and I couldn't find any different words. SRY!!! Sister didn't seem to mind!!
[/quote]


Honey, this seems REALLY inappropriate -even if you are just joking! You must stop yourself from speaking about "kicking people's.." and also suggesting others read the contents of a private e-mail, even, and especially if it was unpleasant to you. That is the time to dismiss it and ignore it if you know it was inaccurate. Please remember charity, patience, and peace! This is all part of the process of maturation, which the sisters have been recommending. You must learn to take constructive criticism with humility and to realize your worth is in Christ alone -even if you are not perfect (but still constantly strive towards that VERY difficult perfection)!

God bless you.

Edited July 25, 2006 by Veritas

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='Veritas' post='1030595' date='Jul 25 2006, 03:03 PM']
Honey, this seems REALLY inappropriate -even if you are just joking! You must stop yourself from speaking about "kicking people's.." and also suggesting others read the contents of a private e-mail, even, and especially if it was unpleasant to you. That is the time to dismiss it and ignore it if you know it was inaccurate. Please remember charity, patience, and peace! This is all part of the process of maturation, which the sisters have been recommending. You must learn to take constructive criticism with humility and to realize your worth is in Christ alone -even if you are not perfect (but still constantly strive towards that VERY difficult perfection)!

God bless you.
[/quote]


I like that..."Remember charity, patience, and peace"

Edited July 25, 2006 by hugheyforlife

[bmb144]

[quote name='hugheyforlife' post='1030457' date='Jul 25 2006, 11:37 PM']
Do you not see what you are doing? You are pleading for attention. The problem is, the only attention you're going to get is negative attention. People will go along with the not eating, not sleeping, crying uncontrollably thing for a while but eventually, even the most clueless will catch on.

YOU NEED TO STOP.

If you don't want people emailing you and telling you that you need to grow up, stop sharing your business with people. You come onto phatmass and tell us all how miserable you are and how much you hate your life and you want us to pity you. You talk about not eating or sleeping like we should feel sorry for you. You choose these things not just because you are 'distraught' but because you know the attention it will get you.

What you don't realize is that while you 'build relationships' and 'get close to people' during these times of manipulation, you're destroying them at the same time. All of the drama and manipulation will only drive people away from you. You will never know true friendship until you can grow up and realize that you don't always have to have something dramatic going on in your life, positive or negative. Until you can just be you will not grow or prosper. Until that time, I dare say, you will not be accepted into a community.

If you want people to stop talking to you, stop posting these things. You are out of hand. I don't think you realize the cycles you have gotten yourself into. I pray one day you will. (Note: You started your post defending yourself and trying to explain that you are heavily burdened. Being burdened is understandable! HOWEVER, you then go into your speech about not eating or sleeping and talking about possible suicide (because yes, that is what you insinuate when you say things like that). That is attention seeking! That is the carp that has got to stop!)

Take my word for it. You are wasting valuable time. Change now.
[/quote]

[i]I have not said anything up until now, but I will do so now, and I apologise if I peave off the mods [/i]

*[u]warning blunt Aussie coming* [/u]

Nicole-GROW UP!!!!!!

We cannot have ALL of we want ALL of the time.

In many ways the sisters did you a real favour, by giving you the time now to grow and not letting you experience the hurt of being in the community and then needing to leave it because you simply not ready for it.

I would also like to echo all of what has been said above. You hit the nail on the head Hughey :

Real maturity accepts what happens with grace even if it hurts like "the hot place"
Real maturity still takes care of personal need, like eating and sleep.
Real maturity gets on with life.

Its not like they have shut the door in your face and said a complete NO!
You have been given a gift, a gift that will allow you to be a better offering to God, take it!

In His Light

[Sixtina87]

I"M DONE with phatmass and I am done with life!!!

[Sixtina87]

I GOT THINKING AND WONDERING IS THERE ANY OUT THERE WHO IS A PHATMASSER, GLAD I AM NOT ENTERING NEXT MONTH??? I AM JUST TRYING TO SEE WHO MY FRIENDS REALLY ARE AT THIS TIME, INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT!!!

i'm in chat right now if any one wants to stop by to talk

[Lilllabettt]

I don't want to be involved in any pot-stirring.

And I agree in principle with a lot of the advice posted here. Language must be minded, charity and patience must be cultivated, growth must happen.

But I would, if I could please, just caution, that it is very very important at this moment to avoid any sort of "piling on," so to speak. Please rest assured that there are people in Miss. Nicole's "real" life who are telling her the same things you are; but they are doing it in an intimate, tactful and sensitive fashion which cannot, (despite the worthy efforts of posters here) be replicated on message boards.

I know everyone here loves and respects Miss. Nicole and only wants the very best for her.

Miss. Nicole, please don't say things like, "I"m done with life," because it scares me. Don't waste time trying to figure out who your friends are on Phatmass, because in the end it doesn't really matter. Jesus is your friend. Spend your time deepening your friendship with Him.

[Veritas]

[quote name='Sixtina87' post='1030746' date='Jul 25 2006, 08:24 PM']
I"M DONE with phatmass and I am done with life!!!
[/quote]

+


1. Everyone being "hard" on Sixtina: We all agree she's got A LOT of growing-up to do, but remember she is still a young girl!

2. Sixtina obviously is not getting good support at home and is additionally struggling with a variety of mental health issues. Yes, we should speak the truth to her, but she needs and deserves our compassion and love -even IF, some of you are ultimately correct about the drama/attention issues.

3. Sixtina: Please be rational. The only opinion that matters is God's. Now, how do you know God's opinion? Well you need to look at the cross, read the Catechism, and read the saints. Then, take the constructive criticism of those older than you, and learn to not speak out of your emotions -you are falling prey to the idolatry of feelings. Your will needs to guide you, not your feelings. You MUST rise above them in your interactions with others. YOU and no one else needs to be in control of your actions and words. You must start to take accountability for the wrongs you do.

4. Please know that even those who are "happy" you are not entering, are by and large, only because they can see what suffering you would endure and incur because of your instability at this time. It does not seems prudent until you are able to submit in obedience to the will of your superiors, control your will and words, and treat others at all times with respect and love focusing not on what you can get, but what you can give! As long as you are the "victim" you will not be ready for the religious life or a life required of every Christian -self-sacrificing love. Religious life is not about having your needs met, it is about meeting the needs of others. If you do not realize that you are not doing that right now, then you aren't ready to be even thinking about the life yet.

Truly, God Bless you Nicole.