PLEASE PRAY

[Ash Wednesday]

[quote name='Domine ut Videam' post='1047119' date='Aug 21 2006, 06:48 AM']
okay.....i am very sorry, but i have to do something that i ams sorry for but i have to. I have to tell you something that my chaplain tols me last year when i was in the depths of despair and spiritual and physical anguish and pain. Now of course i hated him at the time for saying him, thinking how, how can he belittle my pain, my situation like this. This was very immature and ungrateful of me.... But later, i thanked him for it. And now i'm sorry, i have to tell you what he told me.

When i was suffering immensely, as I know you are right now: He told me to think of all the millions of people in the world you were suffering every moment every day----more than I. All those who were in greater pain than I was, who were dieing with no one by their sides, who had no one who cared about them. Who had never repented. Who were suffering inwardly in a state of mental anguish. To think of these people and to unite my pain to that of Christ's Pascal Mystery, to His suffering on the Cross. To unite my suffering to that of the whole world, to all of the suffering that was surely much, much greater than mine was, and lay it all down at His feet. To ask Him in His divine Mercy to save those that He could because every day, every hour, every second, souls are falling into hell like snowflakes, and we must weep for them, and pray for the souls here on earth, and try, try our hardest in our own suffering to save them.

That is what he told me. And now i've told you. I'm sorry if you hate me, or if you've already been told or already know....but i felt that i should tell it. So now i have.

-Yours in Christ
Lauren
[/quote]

C'mon, now, I don't hate you. I've heard counsel of such before and do place hope in the value of redemptive suffering, nor are any of these patterns of thought or spiritual works anything I haven't been trying to do. Offer a prayer that I might do a better job of it, though. I do thank you for reminding me that everything going on in life for better or worse does have a purpose....

Edited August 21, 2006 by Ash Wednesday

[Ash Wednesday]

At this point, I'm just not even sure I care about this job and staying in London. I wanted this so badly for quite some time, but after being in this state for almost a week now, I almost want to scrap any plans of being here and right now I just want to stay here long enough to get well enough to be able to go home. Right now, I want to be with my family and things that are familiar. I was not so long ago excited at the prospect of building a new life in an exciting place where I have made friends and have great connections, and gaining a new sense of familiarity, and I feel blessed that I accomplished so much here. A lot of my friends and family were rooting for me to stay here, and my boyfriend and I would be able to truly be together long enough to grow together, to fully and properly discern our future and if it's God's will enter into marriage.

I can postpone this interview until next week, but at the end of the day, I don't really care if I have to eventually explain to them what is going on and if they choose not to hire me simply because I ended up in this state due to being at the mercy of the NHS, something that isn't my fault, then too bad. If they still are willing to take their chances and hire me -- and take that chance because they believe I'm very talented, but I've never had a back problem like this, and it isn't supposed to be serious if it's just a bulging or herniated disc -- I would be overjoyed. But I'm not holding my breath on that one. I believe it would happen if it is indeed God's will that I stay here, however.

But considering my aunt and cousin back home have opened their doors for me (my aunts house is especially an oasis of peace and a place I'd always go to heal, and my cousin is super cool and lives in a cute house in an urban neighborhood, I'd probably share her house once I had a regular job) The idea of coming home no longer upsets me or makes me feel like a failure. Rather it brings me a great feeling of peace and a newfound appreciation of loving where you come from, and most of all, your family. As for my relationship, we'd have to call it off indefinitely and just be friends. Not to say that we would ever say "never" but it would probably mean that God feels we should both be discerning our vocations on our own.

So either way, if I stay, I will be overjoyed. If I go home, I will be at peace. Whatever happens, my painful four year journey of questions will finally be answered for the time being (until new ones come along later, of course...hehe).

I am thankful that God has helped me to submit to whatever he wills for me. Even if it has taken me who knows how long of being bedridden.

However, at some point I will need to somehow be healed well enough to be able to move a bit better, considering I'm going to be kicked out of my residence hall a week from this Sunday... not being able to leave the building on my own right now is a bit of a problem.

Edited August 22, 2006 by Ash Wednesday

[Ash Wednesday]

Well, one more update from yours truly. One way or another, I'm probably going home. I suppose I figured I'd find some peace in this but right now my heart feels really, really broken.

I've been referred to an acute back pain specialist who will be able to diagnose more thoroughly what is going on. From what they know now, they believe it to be a prolapsed disc. The physiotherapist told me to not even think about trying to start work right now as is. I can still freelance as an artist for now, because i can at least do that even during flare ups when i have to sit in bed.

My student visa expires in late November, so I will have NHS coverage until then. I've been referred to a back pain specialist who can request MRIs or other specific things, etc. I might even be eligible to extend my student visa another 6 months but wouldn't be able to work or have recourse to public funds.

I get kicked out of my residence hall a week from Sunday -- but I have friends in Oxford who are willing to let me stay there until my visa expires. If need be physiotherapist said I would be able to get transferred from the back pain specialist I'll be seeing in London to a specialist in Oxford. I don't know how long it will take for this to heal or if I will need surgery.

My question is:

Do I go back home to the United States ASAP, take up my own health insurance plan, or somehow get on unemployment/disability and then try to get this back business taken care of, or do I try to stay here for as long as i can and try to treat my back and then go home?

Would it be difficult for me to be able to get health insurance in the U.S. to cover a pre-existing/pre diagnosed problem so that I can get treatment and surgery if need be?

Please help. I don't know what to do.

[Seven77]

Ash---dont really know what advice to give you. What i do know is---today is the Queenship of Our Mother Mary and she can't [b]not[/b] help you especially today.

Praying with, and for you.


NOVENA TO MARY, QUEEN OF ALL HEARTS

O Mary, Queen of All Hearts,
Advocate of the most hopeless cases;
Mother most pure, most compassionate;
Mother of Divine Love,
full of divine light,
we confide to your care the favors which we ask of you today.

Consider our misery, our tears,
our interior trials and sufferings!
We know that you can help us
through the merits of your Divine Son, Jesus.
We promise, if our prayers are heard,
to spread your glory,
by making you known under the title of
Mary, Queen of the Universe.

Grant, we beseech you,
hear our prayers,
for every day you give us so many proofs of your love
and your power of intercession to heal both body and soul.

We hope against all hope:
Ask Jesus to cure us, pardon us,
and grant us final perseverance.

O Mary, Queen of all Hearts, help us,
we have confidence in you. (3 times)

[misereremi]

Ash, msgd u. Don't worry about the move next week.

For the longer term, not sure where you will get better treatment for a swifter recovery, and it depends also on how long you will need to be treated/whether you need surgery, etc. Prayers

[franciscanheart]

i have a problem with my hips (with about the same story as your back) and i have not been able to be treated because it was a pre-existing condition. i had insurance for the first couple of months but was unable to afford the therapy recommended and that complicates things even more. i guess my advice would be to research insurances here in the States before even inching toward coming home. Better to be safe than sorry.

Prayers for you...

[Ash Wednesday]

The good news is that I explained to the company that I was having some problems with my back and a pinched nerve and they were 100% supportive and didn't seem terribly concerned. They seem to understand that I have just unfortunately s been down on my luck after having a very successful year. They told me that they weren't in a big hurry to hire, it was more just that they were hoping to recruit some new graduates. But they emphasized that they were really keen on my work. For now it's known that we will stay in touch and I told them I was hoping to get back to normal ASAP so I could finally meet with them at some point. Apparently they don't necessarily hire, for example, like just once a year or whatever.

I am going to keep sending them little promotional flash movies that I hopefully can work on while I am in bed (I'm sitting up in a physiotherapist-recommended position).... just to let them know I've still got them in my sights.

I don't know if this means anything, maybe not, but the night my laptop was stolen was the night that I first went to the event evening meet and greet the company had invited me to. On the ride there in a cab, I was crying on the phone to my boyfriend about how down I felt (the stuff with the police had been taken care of, so I decided to attend anyway though I was late) ironically I was passing by a building of a company where I interviewed before but didn't get the job (no big deal, it wasnt a very good job anyway.)

The nifty thing was the cabbie was kind of cold and aloof but he had a Pope Benedict card on his dashboard with a miraculous medal. The traffic was really bad so I could only give him what I had left in cash and walked the rest of the way. He seemed a bit put off because I was a little bit short of the fare, but he wrote me a receipt anyway. But his face brightened up when I told him how much I liked his Pope Benedict card as I was leaving.

Right now, what matters most to me isn't the golden ring or the job. [b]What is most urgent for me good health.[/b] So please continue to pray that I may HEAL as soon as possible. The sooner I can heal, the sooner I can move on to wherever it is God needs me to go and I can't sit around crippled forever. I am uniting my suffering with Christ and offering my pain and sufferings for all souls in need of mercy in the mean time but I go through bouts where I become very, very scared.

One thing I know and is apparent about the nature of my injury is that I'm going to have to endure pain in order to recover from it, because I have to stay as active as possible even if that involves some pain and discomfort. [b]Please pray that God give me the strength to endure the pain.[/b]

I see the physio again tomorrow, and hopefully the specialist within the next couple of weeks.

Edited August 23, 2006 by Ash Wednesday

[Lil Red]

you have my most fervent prayers

[Seven77]

St. Rose of Lima, you know what it was to suffer phyiscally and emotionally... please pray before the throne of grace for our sister Ash to recover!

Amen

[Mateo el Feo]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' post='1047829' date='Aug 22 2006, 11:43 AM']Would it be difficult for me to be able to get health insurance in the U.S. to cover a pre-existing/pre diagnosed problem so that I can get treatment and surgery if need be?

Please help. I don't know what to do.[/quote]Switching health insurance is always a problem, because they just won't cover any pre-existing conditions. I think that the pre-existing condition exemption is ~12 months when you are part of a group plan (see link below). I've never known of anyone negotiating the coverage of pre-existing conditions, but I suspect that--if such an option were available--they would quote a really high premium to include the coverage.

Here's a little bit of info from a google search ([url="http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-US&ie=utf8&oe=utf8&q=%22pre-existing+condition%22+%22health+insurance%22"]google search[/url]):

[url="http://healthinsurance.about.com/od/faqs/f/preex.htm"]About.com Q&A regarding pre-existing conditions.[/url]

I'll be praying for you!

[Ash Wednesday]

The good news is, the physiotherapist said I made a great deal of progress in just the last couple of days of starting the physio. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING...IT IS HELPING A GREAT DEAL. He had made a diagnosis of a prolapsed disc before but now seemed to suggest it is more of just a bulging disc, which has less serious implications. What a way to turn 30, eh? The odds are in my favor that I will not need surgery and if all goes well most people recover completely in a couple of months. I might even be fit to start working within the month, and the company I've been in talks with has indicated they are willing to wait to interview me until then. Even if I don't get the job, what is most important is that this gets taken care of before my visa expires in late November, because then I would need to return to the U.S.

It really scares the carp out of me to be talking about scenarios and health insurance policies and I start getting really anxious. I'm just putting everything in God's hands and trying to think positive. The fact that a lot of what they are talking about concerning pre-existing conditions applies to transitions within policies in the U.S. and not transitions between whatever coverage and insurance policies a person has had moving between two countries makes my situation a bit more complicated. But in the end hopefully I will not have a pre-existing condition to deal with should I have to return to the U.S. And in the end, I just hope and pray that God will take care of me, and at the very least "protect me from all anxiety" (a reference to one of my favorite sayings in the mass...)

[Lil Red]

we are still praying for you!

[Ash Wednesday]

And believe me, I really appreciate that, Lil Red!

[avemaria40]

I'm praying for you

[Fides_et_Ratio]

many, many prayers

[Birgitta Noel]

Glad you're doing a bit better Ash! Hang in there and keep us posted!

[Ash Wednesday]

I'm able to walk around the building now, and have done it three times today, and hopefully will try even a couple more. Yesterday I did it twice so I'm gradually trying to get my strength back. The mornings are the worst. That is when I am stiff from sleeping all night and sometimes I cry...but once I get moving I feel much better. The priest is going to bring me communion on Thursday. I hope that I will be able to make it to mass next Sunday. I'm not worried about being able to walk to and from the church (it is just down the road) it is being able to remain sitting and doing the postures. Right now it still hurts to sit, though I've worked up to being able to sit for a few minutes. But when I go into the physio appointment sitting and waiting in the office or even standing was quite uncomfortable. It was an improvement from last week, though, where it took everything just to get out of bed. I go back into physio on Tuesday so hopefully this time sitting in the car on the way there and waiting in the office will be easier.

I still really need everyone's prayers. It is frustrating that it took me this long to get the help I needed with this problem, and I pray it isn't serious. If they would have addressed it sooner I don't think it would've gotten so bad and now I have to work at just to being able to do normal things again. God knows I'm working and fighting really hard for strength and well being, and have been improving since last week, day by day. Sometimes I cry and I want to ask God why he keeps making everything so difficult, I've worked so hard this year to get to where I'm at and then I'm almost at the finish line and suddenly there's this big huge trial... but I do have until late November to get well enough and to make it home (if I don't get the job I want)

But it's a good thing that they recommend staying active and not being idle... TRYING to keep my spirits up. Sometimes I get either angry, worried, or scared, and then I turn to the rosary and it makes me feel better. Thanks for your prayers.

Edited August 27, 2006 by Ash Wednesday

[misereremi]

Your intentions are at the feet of Our Lady of Walsingham

[MRSannie]

Ash!! I am a physical therapist (near Chicago)

How is your back??

Can you lay on your stomach?

For a bulging disc---WORST position is sitting!!! Stand during Mass, or kneel carefully, but sitting is no good!

How are you????

Praying ferverently for you, hoping symptoms decrease fast...

[Ash Wednesday]

Hey MRSannie, thanks! I appreciate all the advice. I have a physio appointment this afternoon. Today has started off as being one of my most active days since the Big One hit, so I think things are getting better. I really have not been sitting hardly at all. The only time I am sitting at the moment have been somewhat rare, probably not more than a few minutes at a time. I spend a lot of time when I'm resting on my back, with my knees bent. Is it better to be on the stomach? One of my friends gave me her medicine ball (those big yoga things) -- maybe would lying on my stomach on that be good? I thought I read somewhere that it would help but I've been meaning to ask the PT first.

The thing is I would like to eventually be able to sit and go back to work. They are telling me that when I do work up to sitting, to not do it for more than 15 minutes at a time. Every 15 minutes they advise getting up and walking around.

I haven't been able to go to mass for the last couple of weeks for that very reason -- the sitting/standing thing. I do have a couple of questions though, would it be all right if I PMed you?

I think what angers me most is that it took doctors this long for them to really address my problem. Just as things peaked at the worst and I went to the ER, I was supposed to go in for an interview that I've been waiting for, for weeks. Lucky for me the employer has indicated a willingness to wait, but it's still incredibly frustrating.

I read your thread about your family's difficulties. I will offer up my prayers and any sufferings for you and for them!