Why can't I find a good man?

[Jaime]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1268737' date='May 8 2007, 10:52 PM']And I'm probably several [i]light years[/i] ahead of you, sir.

There are a lot of people who do all the right things in lifeand they lose out to the people who do the wrong things in life. Care to explain how [i]that[/i] is a result of not taking responsibility for one's life?[/quote]

Nope you're not.

I don't recall saying that taking responsibility for one's life made everything fair and created a happy ever after. Its simply the right thing to do. There are unfair things that happen to all of us. How we react to it is what is the accurate assessment of character.

And you're getting off topic a bit. Its a valid criticism to suggest that blaming all the women for being shallow and petty, all the sites are scams, etc is a much easier route than looking inward and asking the inevitable question "What's the common denominator in all of this?"

[Jaime]

[quote name='XIX' post='1268759' date='May 8 2007, 11:03 PM']Careful, Jamie. Your experience may not be all that relevant to a person who is not you.[/quote]

I stand corrected.

Single Catholic women are shallow and petty. No one ever finds love on those sham sites


Goodness what was I ever thinking?

[Norseman82]

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1268766' date='May 9 2007, 01:05 AM']There are unfair things that happen to all of us. How we react to it is what is the accurate assessment of character.[/quote]

That's right. And this entire board can see by your response what your character is made of.

Yeah, life is unfair, but as Catholics we are supposed to make it fairer. Or is all this anawim/preferential option/social justice talk just a way to justify voting for pro-abortion politicians?

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1268766' date='May 9 2007, 01:05 AM']Nope you're not.[/quote]

When you're in Chicago, look me up in person. I'm 2 miles north of the Frank Lloyd Wright studio. Please tell me you work out at Crunch.

That's all I will say.

Edited May 9, 2007 by Norseman82

[XIX]

It's a valid suggestion/criticism. But realize that while the common denominator may be the cause, it might not be.

It is not an inexplicable statistical anomoly to meet five women (even Catholic women) in a row who just don't fit your standards. Especially if you have high standards (as most Catholics do).

It's like flipping a coin. If you flip a coin five times in a row and get five heads, it's probably just dumb luck. It doesn't mean that you are suddenly Percy Diaconus and you can make the coin pop up heads 90% of the time. Even though you are the common denominator.

Some people do everything right and just don't meet good women. It happens. It doesn't mean the person is doing anything wrong, even though he may very well be at fault. The point is that we can't know for certain. You probably know that already, but I think it's a clarification that should be made.

[Jaime]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1268783' date='May 8 2007, 11:11 PM']When you're in Chicago, look me up in person. I'm 2 miles north of the Frank Lloyd Wright studio. Please tell me you work out at Crunch.

That's all I will say.[/quote]

I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

I was saying you and I are the same age

[Sojourner]

I was also troubled by Socrates' comments. I'm also in the over-30-and-single club, and I have experienced my share of disappointments when it comes to romantic relationships, both those which have developed in my home community and via other means. And, I've had some legitimate beefs crop up as a during the course of all this. But ... when it comes down to it, those legitimate beefs get me absolutely nowhere. I can be angry all I want about how I've been mislead or mistreated or lied to or led on, and at the end of the day I'm still going to bed alone.

What really matters, what I'm responsible for, is making sure my side of the street is clean. And for that, the only two things that are important are me and God. A good friend once gave me great advice about this very subject, which is worth repeating here:

[quote]There are only two things that are permanent in your life, you and God. As long as you're breathing, you will always be there and God will always be there. Everything (and everyone) else has the potential of leaving, being lost, breaking, dying, etc. So it makes sense that the better you know those things that are permanent in your life, the better off you are. Also, if you want to make anyone else permanent in your life, you need to share those two things that are already permanent.[/quote]

When I'm unhappy, my first instinct is often to point to the external carp in my life that isn't going the way I think it should. But really, happiness can't be centered on something external, or someone external. My happiness has to be based on God, who's not going to change, and on my relationship with him. Pursuit of happiness -- that really has to be pursuit of God. Because if I'm pursuing anything else, I will surely end up unfulfilled.

This is probably too lecture-y ... but it's a lesson God's been driving home to me all this year, and it's really been changing the way I look at a lot of stuff in my life, even beyond dating etc.

[Jaime]

[quote]Some people do everything right and just don't meet good women.[/quote]

EXACTLY (well not exactly, but if you were to say "not met the right woman for them" then you'd get an exactly)

Notice though the difference between THAT and blaming the women.

That is my point

[XIX]

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1268808' date='May 9 2007, 12:19 AM']EXACTLY (well not exactly, but if you were to say "not met the right woman for them" then you'd get an exactly)

Notice though the difference between THAT and blaming the women.

That is my point[/quote]
I beg to differ. Some people don't meet good women at all. (by good I mean datable, and by "meet" I mean something more than "hi my name is...")

I didn't have a really datable crush until *after* I turned 21. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

But dwelling on how women have been all shallow and whining about it is a bad bad idea. Even if there is some truth to your whinings. Just focus on what you can control. Only whine when absolutely necesary.

Edited May 9, 2007 by XIX

[Jaime]

[quote]That's right. And this entire board can see by your response what your character is made of.[/quote]Well goodness I hope so.

[quote]Yeah, life is unfair, but as Catholics we are supposed to make it fairer. Or is all this anawim/preferential option/social justice talk just a way to justify voting for pro-abortion politicians?[/quote]

And what exactly does that have to do with blaming others for your lot in life? How the heck do you take the mind boggling leap from "Hey maybe its not everyone else's fault that you're not married" to voting for John Kerry?

Seriously I want to know!

Because IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!

"All my bosses have been jerks! That's why I haven't been able to hold down a steady job for the past 15 years"

"You've been through 14 jobs. Maybe you need to look at yourself on this one"

"Clearly you support homosexual marriage"

[Paladin D]

[quote name='XIX' post='1268835' date='May 9 2007, 02:31 AM']But dwelling on how women have been all shallow and whining about it is a bad bad idea. Even if there is some truth to your whinings. Just focus on what you can control. Only whine when absolutely necesary.[/quote]

Not sure if you were refering this part to Socrates or hot stuff, but Socrates was the one that brought up the "shallow" thing.

Edited May 9, 2007 by Paladin D

[Paladin D]

.... and so it begins.

[XIX]

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1268854' date='May 9 2007, 12:37 AM']Because IT MAKES NO SENSE!!![/quote]
Just realize that if you start talking about common sense, that is a concept so far over my head that you will baffle me to absolutely no end...

Just full disclosure here, that's all.

[Jaime]

[quote name='XIX' post='1268835' date='May 8 2007, 11:31 PM']I beg to differ. Some people don't meet good women at all. (by good I mean datable, and by "meet" I mean something more than "hi my name is...")[/quote]


Datable to whose standards? Maybe not to yours but does that make them not good? I would say no. (Sorry for the multiple negative but its late and I'm tired)

I've dated women who were not good for me. I've dated women who laid waste to my life. I've had women who wanted to date me but I had no interest in dating them. Does that make them bad? Nope. They are still deserving of love. Maybe they won't get it from me but it doesn't mean they don't deserve it. I don't doubt that they will all be "good" for someone.

[quote]Only whine when absolutely necesary[/quote]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever read

[Norseman82]

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1268808' date='May 9 2007, 01:19 AM']EXACTLY (well not exactly, but if you were to say "not met the right woman for them" then you'd get an exactly)

Notice though the difference between THAT and blaming the women.

That is my point[/quote]

Well, sometimes the blame does indeed reside with the other party....

Example. You put in your time at work, and your employer refuses to pay you. You have the right to blame the employer for the loss of income.

I agree with XIX that serious Catholics have higher standards and that makes it more complicated.

I also agree with Abby that we all have to keep our side of the street clean.

But let's also not turn our backs to the fact that there is a crisis today of people who cannot find suitable spouses. Yes, it is a crisis that needs to be taken more seriously (instead of dodging the issue by telling people that being single is their "vocation"). Not everyone can handle lifelong celibacy. If I could, there is a good chance I would already be on the other side of the confessional.

You can be oozing personal responsibility through your nose and still be running into a brick wall. What then?

And as I recall, when the women who spoke Greek had a legitimate beef in Acts, the apostles did not criticize them as whiners. By that standard, anyone who calls a person who has a legitimate beef a whiner is going against the Bible.

Edited May 9, 2007 by Norseman82

[Jaime]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1268783' date='May 8 2007, 11:11 PM']That's all I will say.[/quote]

Ok since you're continuing to say stuff

you gonna explain how my stance can be translated into "obviously he votes prochoice"? Or do I have to travel to some gym named Crunch in Chicago to get a an explanation?