God

[GodChild]

In my spiritual journey I am searching for GOD - God the Father. I am getting to a stage in my faith where I don't want Mary, I don't want the saints, I dont want angels - I want GOD!!!!

Where is God amidst all the Rosaries, books of prayers, recitals of the Our Father, Hail Mary?
Where is he? I am honestly getting sick and tired of the 'go to Mary' instruction. I dont want to go to Mary - I want God.
So where is he?
I go to Mass, pray the rosary, pray the Our Father etc (till you go blue in the face) - where is he?

I'm starting to think that maybe the Catholic Church is not where i will find Him

I WANT GOD!!
and yes ... if my tone sounds a little annoyed, it is!

Jesus tells us to seek and we will find --> I am seeking and seeking but I am not finding

I'll tell you what I have done to try and find God. I have:
- gone to charismatic prayer groups - (for about 2 yrs)
- gone to regular prayer groups - (for about 1 year)
- gone to a youth missionary prayer group (for about 1 year)
- go to Mass often and the Eucharist
- go to Eucharistic adoration (usually before or after each shift at work cause its near the Cathedral)
- pray the rosary
- done novena's to saints
- even tried St Jude --> (so much for saint of impossible cases - didn't work for me )
- stations of the cross
- discerning religious life to become a nun (for about 4 years)
- gone to spiritual direction
- pray at home using lectio divina (everyday)
- many times, whilst crying myself to sleep - basically begging and crying out to God - where are you?

............ and nothing

Where is he? How do i find him?
Honestly tell me - have i not searched enough? What else can i possibly do?

I'm starting to think that maybe their are some people that God simply does not want

please help
Why doesn't God come to me?

[OLAM Dad]

I strongly suggest that you find a good spiritual director. My only comment would be that you might want to consider not looking for God so hard and open yourself up so that He can find you.

[GodChild]

[quote name='OLAM Dad' post='1056956' date='Sep 5 2006, 02:57 PM']
I strongly suggest that you find a good spiritual director. My only comment would be that you might want to consider not looking for God so hard and open yourself up so that He can find you.
[/quote]


I have gone to spiritual direction. I have had 5 spirtual directors.
It seems that no one can help me.

I'm posting here for help. Cause I have tried all my other avenues - and have found nothing.
I am considering just leaving the Catholic Church. Maybe God is not to be found in it
I'm finding that relationships with God, in the Church, seem only to be reserved for the clergy - the pope, bishops, priests or nuns. I am really feeling that maybe I am simply too insignificant to be a part of it. The Church is not for little people. I joined the Church cause I felt that's where I would find God - yet all i find is that its emptying my pockets more than anything.
The only use I am, is putting money in the collection. That is not the relationship I want with God.

I feel as if I've lost MY God - my God was love, my friend, he accepted me as I was and for who I was and I was good enough as I was. Yet since getting involved in the church, all I have heard is 'go to Mary', 'pray the rosary' - 'pray more'.
I have prayed and prayed.

I feel as if the God I found all those years ago has turned into a ritualistic, cold hearted, judgemental thing. That is always telling me 'do this' or 'do that' and only then I will good enough for him. OR he brushes me off - 'go to Mary'.

I am so SICK of MARY I don't mean that personally against the Blessed Virgin (and I know she knows I don't) but I am sick of being brushed of to go to her. I WANT GOD!

I have come here for information - cause all my other avenues are out I have gone to my priest, I have had spiritual direction. I have gone to confession and to the Eucharist and Eucharistic Adoration.

??? Maybe none of you know

[puellapaschalis]

I think most people have read your post but not replied not because we don't want to help, but because we sense that our best way of helping you is to pray, and that words here would be less than effective.

For what little my thoughts may be worth, I think OLAM Dad has a good point. Perhaps you're looking too hard.

It's good that you long for God. It's wonderful that you [i]long[/i] for Him. Building a relationship with Him is what He wants - but it must be done on His terms; it has to grow and develop on His timescale. And when that doesn't seem to fit with what we want - yes, I can speak from personal experience - the whole situation might leave us feeling frustrated and abandoned.

Sobbing yourself to sleep in the despair and loneliness happens a lot. The psalmist said, [i]"at night I wet my bed with my tears."[/i] You're not alone in your loneliness.

Can you step back a bit and rest for a while?

You're going through a tough time right now: it leaps out to us from your words. Perhaps you could just take things a little slower for the moment. Pare it all down; if you don't want to pray the Rosary, or ask saints for their intercession, then don't.

Something I've found that helps me when my heart gets stressed is to visit Christ in church - during Adoration or simply hidden in the Tabernacle - and just sit and [i]be[/i]. Don't ask for anything, don't babble, don't rage or cry: you say that you're feeling nothing, so sit with the nothingness, because the nothingness [i]is[/i] God.

Just be there: look at Him and let Him look at you. If I need a "crutch" to lean on (for instance, because my mind's wandering), I'll use the first line of the universal prayer: [i]Lord, I believe: increase my faith[/i].

At home you could use a candle to do the same, to simply focus on something. You don't need words, and they would probably be counter-productive.

When the words (and tears) come and won't be stopped, write them down in a spiritual diary. A biro and a notebook is all you need. Keep it safe by your bed and when it gets too much, pour it out there - getting rid of the energy will help you sleep. But only use it for that. Don't tell anyone it's there - you know and God knows, and that's enough.

I hope that I haven't talked too much. I pray that my blurb might be of help. And I pray even more that you'll trust God enough to let Him bring you through this dry patch.

Love and prayers,

PP

Edited September 5, 2006 by puellapaschalis

[GodChild]

I did [b]not[/b] think it was possible to be guilty of trying [b]too hard [/b] for God. I did not ever think that is possible.
But thankyou for your words and advice.

[GodChild]

I did [b]not[/b] think it was possible to be guilty of trying [b]too hard [/b] for God. I did not ever think that is possible.
But thankyou for your words and advice.

[HeavenlyCalling]

Just know that God is there for you, even if you cant find him. Well all pray for you.

[Noel's angel]

Maybe by reciting all these rosaries and various prayers and looking so hard, you are filling your mind with distractions. I know that for a while, God was someone I searched for with my head. It doesn't work. Search with your heart and He will be there.

I heard a story on EWTN about two Philosophy students who were told there was no such thing as Truth. They got annoyed and decided if there was no Truth, they should commit suicide together. On the way home the night before they were going to commit suicide, they told a Catholic in the same Philosophy class about their plans. He told them to go and pray. They said 'no, we don't believe'. The Catholic told them he didn't care if they believed or not, they should go home and pray. They objected again, saying 'no, we're athiests, we don't believe'. He told them one last time 'I don't care, go home and pray "to whom it may concern", just go and pray.' So they went home and prayed and they believed.

If two herdened athiests can find God, I'm sure He is not far away from you either. Don't be afraid to go to Adoration and let your mind stay empty. You don't always have to talk to God. If you keep talking to someone, you won't hear what they have to say. Just listen. Be still and listen. Don't let your head get filled with prayers upon prayers. Let your heart open.

I know it is hard to keep asking for Him to show Himself. Don't ask for signs, just tell Him that you want to bring Him close to you and He will come in His own time.

I will be praying for you.

[Theoketos]

Go to the streets and feed someone.

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='GodChild' post='1057016' date='Sep 5 2006, 03:37 PM']
I did [b]not[/b] think it was possible to be guilty of trying [b]too hard [/b] for God. I did not ever think that is possible.
But thankyou for your words and advice.
[/quote]

Perhaps I've used a less-than-brilliant wording, for which I apologise. Maybe the following would be a better way to see things:

That we all seek after God is good.
It is also good that we invest all our energies in this search.
However, we must do this searching - and thus invest our efforts - in the way that [i]God wants us to do it[/i], which is not necessarily the way which seems sensible, logical or obvious to us.
Thus, whilst travelling towards and searching for God, we must always be sensitive to what [i]He[/i] is saying to us (even if that be a nothing-ness). Otherwise our work - undoubtedly well-intended, but in the wrong direction - will get in the way of listening to Him.

So instead of saying that you're "trying too hard", I should have said that you're "going about it in your own way", or to borrow a common phrase, "not seeing the wood for the trees".

I hope that this has clarified what I meant for you.

Love and prayers,

PP

[zunshynn]

GodChild, did you know that for more than a decade, Mother Teresa felt like God was completely absent from her life? NUMEROUS other saints also felt like God had abandoned them for long periods of time.

But see, we can't base our faith on feelings, because they can decieve us. A man and his wife may not always feel like being there for each other, either, but that's no reason to give up. It's making it through the trials that causes us to grow closer, and it's the same with God. To love someone only when we feel like we love them is not real love is it? Because true love is an action, not a feeling. When God gives us these opportunities to love Him when there seems to be no value to it, He gives us a beautiful opportunity to truly love Him... just for who He is, like He wants to love you. At the same time, though He loves us no matter what, He also loves us so much that He wants to challenge us to strive for great holiness.

We're sanctified by our enduring faith in the valleys, it's there that our faith matures as St. Peter says, as opposed to up on the mountain.
God gives us consolations sometimes, feelings of His presence, but it is when there is no consolation "That the trial of your faith (much more precious than gold which is tried by the fire) may be found unto praise and glory and honour at the appearing of Jesus Christ. Whom having not seen, you love: in whom also now though you see him not, you believe and, believing, shall rejoice with joy unspeakable and glorified; Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls." (1 Pt 1.7-9)

Sometimes, we'll go searching for the things that make us feel like God is around, but usually those things might give us a temporary high, like a spiritual rush, but then it leaves us desolate. Kind of like a drug, I suppose. But look at Jesus, and the beautiful things He gave us that He might be close to us. What did He do right after He rose from the dead? He walked with the apostles, reading the scriptures to them that testified about Him, and then He broke bread with them, and it was in the Breaking of the Bread that they recognized Him! What intricate simplicity there is to that. You won't always feel like God is there in the Eucharist, or any sacrament, but He is, and He is more intimately than anywhere else you might find Him.

You'll be in my prayers. I think your SN says it all. GodChild. Remember that. And just like a parent always loves his child infinitely, even when the child doesn't understand why his father is the way he is, God always loves you. Because your his child.

[Marieteresa]

Iam just wondering....are you looking for the heavens to part and for God to speak to you in such a manner? Iam not trying to be funny or sarcastic...I had been looking for God in the same manner. Because I was taught that we should be able to hear and feel God...which is errored thinking. I went through years of this....yelling out asking God. Where are you? Why can't I hear you like everyone else does. But that is not the nature to which we shall know God, He is there in the stillness, In His word that we read. I would say to immerse yourself in His word and to commit to heart the things in which He is trying to teach us in the Word of God. Also to pray daily.....because its so easy to get caught up in asking where He is rather to spend time with Him in prayer daily. I truely understand where your coming from....I totally understand. Faith is trusting even in the darkness. Faith isn't about going to a "concert of sorts" and getting pumped up only to be let down when the going gets rough. Trusting and Believe even in the darkness.

[stlmom]

Absolutely what every one else has said here today....

[brandelynmarie]

Can a hand grasp itself? Is a fish aware of the water it swims in? Are we always aware that of the air that we breathe? It sounds philosphical & yeah, it is...the sense I get is that you are feeling as though you are going through the motions & not receiving any word from Him...no consolations either...In the searching & seeking He is there...zunshynn mentioned Mother Teresa who felt the abscence of God for many, many years...& yet He held her & led her...& she is a blessed! You are homesick for heaven where we shall see Him face to face...where we shall see Him as He is & posess Him entirely...On earth we are in the shadowlands as C.S. Lewis called it...My prayers are with you...

[zunshynn]

[quote name='brandelynmarie' post='1057267' date='Sep 5 2006, 04:48 PM']
You are homesick for heaven where we shall see Him face to face...where we shall see Him as He is & posess Him entirely...On earth we are in the shadowlands as C.S. Lewis called it...My prayers are with you...
[/quote]

That's a beautiful way to put it. In one of her letters, St. Teresa of the Andes talks about how "Heaven is only a tabernacle without doors, a Eucharist without veils, a communion without end."