A Neighbor Of Mine

[catholicinsd]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1213061' date='Mar 13 2007, 01:00 PM']Many rapists seem like nice guys at first too.
Never be alone with him again.
Never let your roommates alone with him again.
Introduce him to some nice unmaried ladies his own age quick.[/quote]

I don't think a rapist should be dating.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='CoffeeCatholic' post='1213346' date='Mar 13 2007, 11:37 PM']Thanks guys. I called and told my BF about it right away, and he agrees that i have a reason to be creeped out. and it's been over a day, and i just can't shake it. luckily my boyfriend falls into the [i]"large male friend"[/i] category that NewReformation was talking about....

I don't really know what to do about it though. I told my roommates, and they agree that distance is the best answer for us females. But now i feel so uncomfortable... I didn't even walk to the store today because it would have meant i would have to walk around his side of the complex, right next to his fence. I don't want this to get in the way of my life, but i don't know what else to do!

thank you guys so much for being so supportive! reading all your comments has made me feel so much better about my apprehensions, and I know that you guys are praying hard for him.

Do you think i should have my bf talk to him? or is that too much like me sicking my bf on him and using him as my "guard dog"?[/quote]
Following what everyone else has been saying, don't doubt your instincts. If you ever feel uncomfortable, get out of the situation.
I would say just make sure that if you have to see him, it is in a public place. I wouldn't worry about seeing him outside, but just keep things short if you must talk to him or something.

[alicemary]

The best offense in this situtation is defense. Stay away from this guy totally, you do not have to talk to him or 'be nice' all the time. Do not have your boyfriend confront him. You just don't know how he will react, and it could turn violent, you just don't know. Avoid his property, and NO, you don't have to make any conversation with him. He could be very dangerous, why take the chance. Stay away.

[DemonSlayer]

[quote name='catholicinsd' post='1213353' date='Mar 14 2007, 03:00 PM']I don't think a rapist should be dating.[/quote]
Yeah, I don't think it's a good idea to introduce anybody you know to him, unless you really dislike them.

[quote name='StThomasMore' post='1213320' date='Mar 14 2007, 12:26 PM']This reminds me of the movie 'Ring Around the Rosie'. It it the girl who had a boyfriend thought this one guy was really nice and was with him when her boyfriend was away. She ended up getting raped and almost murdered. So yeah, I'd advise you to stay away from him.[/quote]
That movie was almost the worst movie I've ever seen, practically nothing happens until the end...and a rip-off of a great Korean horror film.

Edited March 14, 2007 by DemonSlayer

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='catholicinsd' post='1213353' date='Mar 14 2007, 02:00 AM']I don't think a rapist should be dating.[/quote]
You don't he is a rapist. He could just be a lonely man who does not know how approach women. He might just need some tips on dating [ from her boyfreind] and some pointers in the right direction.

[xTrishaxLynnx]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1213515' date='Mar 14 2007, 11:05 AM']You don't he is a rapist. He could just be a lonely man who does not know how approach women. He might just need some tips on dating [ from her boyfreind] and some pointers in the right direction.[/quote]

Well he shouldn't be approaching any woman whom he knows to have a boyfriend. I don't think it wise to introduce him to any woman until he at least gets some lessons from another man in what is appropriate and what simply can't be tolerated. Maybe even some therapy to deal with his divorce and his loneliness (if his story on that is even true.)

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='xTrishaxLynnx' post='1213527' date='Mar 14 2007, 12:18 PM']Well he shouldn't be approaching any woman whom he knows to have a boyfriend. I don't think it wise to introduce him to any woman until he at least gets some lessons from another man in what is appropriate and what simply can't be tolerated. Maybe even some therapy to deal with his divorce and his loneliness (if his story on that is even true.)[/quote]
Thats why the boyfriend needs to talk to him.

[Piamaria]

Do you think i should have my bf talk to him? or is that too much like me sicking my bf on him and using him as my "guard dog"?
[/quote]

I think your boyfriend should talk to him whether or not you ask him. This is part of what a man does for his lady.

[CoffeeCatholic]

I talked with my bf a little more tonight. He said if i wanted him to he would go and talk with Nic, but I'm not sure what, even, he would or could say to him? Of course, that's why it's a guy's job and not mine. So i'm torn, do i let Joey (my bf) talk to Nic, or do i continue to just evade the situation until I eventually move out at the end of May?

When i talked to Joey again tonight i think it really sunk in with him how much this is bothering me. While i was pretty open about it on Phatmass, i haven't had more than a few minutes to really talk to Joey about it until tonight.

I just can't get over it. And i don't even feel safe in my own house anymore.

[alicemary]

This whole situation is troubling. What if he went further with you? What if he did not let you go? And what if he didn't stop with kissing your neck? This is no situation to be giving this kind of person the benefit of the doubt. I would not set him up with any woman. I would stay far away. You owe him nothing. What if he flips out on your boyfriend and injuries him? Protect yourself and your boyfriend and procede cautiously.

[Ash Wednesday]

This is just a thought: If you choose to address this with him, wouldn't it be better if it was just addressed privately between you and him at the onset, letting him know that the boyfriend will be having a word with him and WHY -- doing this through a charitable letter or phone call (NOT alone with him in person), instead of just bringing the boyfriend into the mix without Nic knowing ahead of time?

How well does your boyfriend know him? Just something to consider. If he doesn't know your boyfriend very well and is unprepared for meeting with him, that could make things pretty awkward, and angering or making him feel embarrassed or defensive is a potential problem, even if he wasn't violent in nature and you were just wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt and point him in the right direction.

Above all else, don't do anything that you aren't comfortable with.

I think if I were in your shoes I would have been too creeped out to even be involved in this further than necessary, and would just stay away, keeping him cordially at arm's length until you move out in May.

Edited March 15, 2007 by Ash Wednesday

[iggyjoan]

hold up.

you said he is romanian (or that's what i assume,because you said he's from romania) and i googled romanian traditions and it said :

[quote]Romanians are said to be one of the most welcoming and friendliest people in the world. When you first meet them, you may find them formal by Western standards. This may take the form of old-fashioned behaviour such as a man kissing a woman's hand when they meet. Men usually greet each other with a hand shake and it is not unusual for friends, both men and women, to kiss on both cheeks. In rural areas, it is usual to greet people individually and even to greet strangers![/quote]i dont know if kissing the neck is classified as the cheek or not, but i just thought i'd post that.

but personally, i'd be as creeped out as you are. is it possible to move or possible change appartments?

[url="http://www.ciaoromania.com/traditions.html"]http://www.ciaoromania.com/traditions.html[/url]



[quote]Pepper spray, mace, billy clubs, and large male friends may be a handy-dandy thing to have nearby.[/quote]

lol nice.

Edited March 15, 2007 by iggyjoan