Going To Be A Sister :)

[Johanna]

[quote name='inperpetuity' post='1581696' date='Jun 24 2008, 11:55 PM']You have to read "Three White Veils for Sandra"! You can find it on biblio.com for a few dollars.[/quote]

I would love to order that book, but as I don't have a credit card ...

[johnnydigit]

welcome!

i'm in the waiting stage now also. it smells of elderberries! i'm all ready to go and "gung ho", but have to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. it's definitely a test. i'm getting impatient still being here "of" the world and not just "in" the world! (active religious "in the world but not of the world")

prayers!

[Johanna]

After not being able to for serveral weeks, today I could pray vespers again. It was very important to me, and I thank God for it.

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='Johanna' post='1585782' date='Jun 29 2008, 12:01 AM']After not being able to for serveral weeks, today I could pray vespers again. It was very important to me, and I thank God for it.[/quote]

There have been (and still are) times when the Office has been the one thing that's stopped me going completely bonkers. Keep going! Love the Office: it can be your lifeline.

[VeniteAdoremus]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1586149' date='Jun 29 2008, 01:00 PM']There have been (and still are) times when the Office has been the one thing that's stopped me going completely bonkers. Keep going! Love the Office: it can be your lifeline.[/quote]

Dude. I was just hugging my office book today. I'm so happy with it!

What PP says: keey the Office! You can always lock yourself in the bathroom for 20 minutes if everything else fails.

[Johanna]

[quote name='VeniteAdoremus' post='1586240' date='Jun 29 2008, 07:34 PM']Dude. I was just hugging my office book today. I'm so happy with it!

What PP says: keey the Office! You can always lock yourself in the bathroom for 20 minutes if everything else fails.[/quote]

Can't lock my bathroom :-)

But the problem is rather that I sometimes just don't have the strength to pray the office. I want to, but it doesn't work out. I don't know how to explain this, it is more than just not wanting to ... It is like being ill or so, like having a high temperature and just not being able to lift the hand and grab the book. I always try to look at the cross then and say at least something like "You know I love You, You know I love the office, You know I [i]want [/i]to pray, take this powerlessness as my prayer."

I can just envy everybody who hasn't gone through something like that. If you don't understand what I'm trying to say: Lucky you! (And if you understand me because you have experienced it yourself, then you know now that you're not alone. Keep on fighting - I join you in this fight.)

Edited June 29, 2008 by Johanna

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='Johanna' post='1586272' date='Jun 29 2008, 07:56 PM']But the problem is rather that I sometimes just don't have the strength to pray the office. I want to, but it doesn't work out. I don't know how to explain this, it is more than just not wanting to ... It is like being ill or so, like having a high temperature and just not being able to lift the hand and grab the book. I always try to look at the cross then and say at least something like "You know I love You, You know I love the office, You know I [i]want [/i]to pray, take this powerlessness as my prayer."

I can just envy everybody who hasn't gone through something like that. If you don't understand what I'm trying to say: Lucky you! (And if you understand me because you have experienced it yourself, then you know now that you're not alone. Keep on fighting - I join you in this fight.)[/quote]

I had it really quite bad a little over a year ago, and wrote to a nun I knew in a fit of "I can't pray anymore, this clearly means I'm not supposed to be a nun." I would sit in my room, look at my God-corner, want with everything I had to get down there and open up my Breviary...but just couldn't. It was like some kind of paralysis and it was the worst type of rotten.

Sr wrote back with "the desire to pray is in itself prayer." Which was the most unsatisfying answer imaginable, but it was correct.

[praying4carmel]

Johanna:
What a Journey..Whew!

There is a saying in the 12 step programs: "fake it ..until you make it"

Sometimes that's what you just have to do, Pick up the office book even when it feels dry and your mind is nowhere near close to concentration, keep going to Mass and meeting with your SD even when you don't want to, continuing Confession, even when there is no drama to share..and worst of all praying when no one seems to be listening..and Listening when you don't want to or are afraid of the Answers..

I feel your Vocation..I think this process of living in a "day tight" compartment and dealing with just the next 24 hours is a good way to slow down and allow your Vocation to manifest and come to you. The Lord is in Love with us as much as we are with Him. Let him show you how much He tenderly loves you.

I am sorry about your monastery, but please know that the Lord will send you to the correct place! It will be where he wishes you to be...You may be as suprised as i was to find out that where you end up is not where you thought you were going when you began this process.

I will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck!
Blessings
+
Nancy

[praying4carmel]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1586580' date='Jun 29 2008, 08:13 PM']I had it really quite bad a little over a year ago, and wrote to a nun I knew in a fit of "I can't pray anymore, this clearly means I'm not supposed to be a nun." I would sit in my room, look at my God-corner, want with everything I had to get down there and open up my Breviary...but just couldn't. It was like some kind of paralysis and it was the worst type of rotten.

Sr wrote back with "the desire to pray is in itself prayer." Which was the most unsatisfying answer imaginable, but it was correct.[/quote]

Excellent Post PP!