Going To Be A Sister :)

[HisChildForever]

It seems to me that you truly do have a Calling, a beautiful vocation. And while you are faced with many hardships (extreme crisis of faith, the interest of a married man), the Call is still firmly planted in your heart. God does not just Call anyone to be His bride. God knows that you can and will overcome these obstacles, which is why they have been placed in your path. Perhaps, in the future, you will be able to share your experiences with a young woman who is facing the same struggles that you once did. Everything happens for a reason - cliche but terribly true.

[Fr. Bruno]

[quote name='Johanna' post='1343419' date='Jul 29 2007, 11:30 AM']Hi,

I have been a lurker at vocation station for quite some time now, and to me it seems I know some of you really well already. Now it is the first time I found the courage to post something in here myself . So let me introduce myself:

I am a university student from Germany and in the process of finishing my studies (which will take me another one and a half years, but it's already the beginning of examination time now). I have discerned for about two years, until now. In the beginning I had just a kind of feeling that God wants me to change something in my life. First, I thought about giving up my studies and do something else, but I recognized very soon that this wasn't the right thing to do. Then I talked to our student's chaplain, and he told me something like "Everybody comes to the point of thinking about vocation sooner or later ...". I was a bit surprised then ("Me? A nun? But I will marry my boyfriend and have twelve children!!"), but I thought about everything and prayed a lot, went to the WYD, prayed again, talked to brothers and sisters, went on a retreat and then found out that it was probably the way - my way: Entering a religious community. Then I had to get seperated from my boyfriend first, which hurt us both a lot, but him more than me as he is an agnostic and did not at all understand why I preferred entering a monastery to being together with him. After that I began looking for the "right" community, and I almost drove our student's chaplain mad (who actually then wasn't our student's chaplain any more, but relocated to the next city and now is my spiritual director), as I was very impatient and wanted to know everything at once and asked him about different communities just to say: No, they aren't the right ones. But some day I was just surfing on the Internet and there it was: "my" monastery, "my" community. I just needed to read their homepage to know: If it is not them, then there is no community for me. They are some eight hours away from me, so I went there to visit them for two weeks even for the first time. And everything fit. Now, after some more visits, I must say "almost everything", but the things that I don't like aren't so important that they could get me away from that amazing community of sisters. So now, a week ago, I talked to the novice mistress about entering after my examinations. She just asked how long we will have to wait ... I'm really happy now, singing and dancing every time I am alone, but still very impatient. One and a half years to go ... And I can talk to almost nobody here, because I live in the middle of diaspora. I could really use some prayers.

Excuse me for all my language mistakes, please! And thank you for reading my post.[/quote]

Grüss Gott Johanna,

Thank you for sharing your vocation with us - it's always upbuilding to read (or to hear) how God calls people.
Just one and a half year to wait - that's not so long, as you will notice : the older you get, the more you realize that time goes fast. And anyway, the most important thing is not what we do, but to love God and our neighbour here and now. There is always springtime in a heart that loves God (I think Saint Jean-Marie Vianney said something like that). So, keep on, be faithful in your daily life with God, and time will pass very fast.

In Christ,

Fr. Bruno

[inperpetuity]

Dear JoAnna,

You have to read "Three White Veils for Sandra"! You can find it on biblio.com for a few dollars. You won't feel so alone, and it will encourage you. Sandra went through pretty much what you are going through and then went on to enter the Paray Carmel. After she became Mother Mary of Jesus, she then founded the Carmel in the old Carthusian Charterhouse in "the mountains". A beautiful story and testimony of Our Lord's love and power. God Bless you

[alicemary]

Do not think for one minute that I would dare to judge you. Much of what is written here can be read by many people. Many have these affairs and many are hurt. I am only trying to say get your head on straight before getting involved with another community. Listen to your heart and find out what you want to do in this world.

[Johanna]

Thank you all for your kind comments and may God bless you for your prayers.

Some of you mentioned that maybe I should consider marriage. I have. Together with my SD I have thought about my very strong wish to have a partner and raise children - but the wish to serve God through celibacy is even stronger, and I feel it is a true calling. I am willing to give my partnership wish into His hands so that He can work with it in whichever way He wants. I don't know where HE will lead me. I have a very strong affinity towards mission and towards children - maybe I can be a catechist. The way will be hard and stony for me, but for whom isn't it? I will fight for God, and I will learn to do His will. I am a weak person, but He will save me.

[Johanna]

[quote name='inperpetuity' post='1581696' date='Jun 24 2008, 11:55 PM']You have to read "Three White Veils for Sandra"! You can find it on biblio.com for a few dollars.[/quote]

I would love to order that book, but as I don't have a credit card ...

[johnnydigit]

welcome!

i'm in the waiting stage now also. it smells of elderberries! i'm all ready to go and "gung ho", but have to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. it's definitely a test. i'm getting impatient still being here "of" the world and not just "in" the world! (active religious "in the world but not of the world")

prayers!

[Johanna]

After not being able to for serveral weeks, today I could pray vespers again. It was very important to me, and I thank God for it.

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='Johanna' post='1585782' date='Jun 29 2008, 12:01 AM']After not being able to for serveral weeks, today I could pray vespers again. It was very important to me, and I thank God for it.[/quote]

There have been (and still are) times when the Office has been the one thing that's stopped me going completely bonkers. Keep going! Love the Office: it can be your lifeline.

[VeniteAdoremus]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1586149' date='Jun 29 2008, 01:00 PM']There have been (and still are) times when the Office has been the one thing that's stopped me going completely bonkers. Keep going! Love the Office: it can be your lifeline.[/quote]

Dude. I was just hugging my office book today. I'm so happy with it!

What PP says: keey the Office! You can always lock yourself in the bathroom for 20 minutes if everything else fails.

[Johanna]

[quote name='VeniteAdoremus' post='1586240' date='Jun 29 2008, 07:34 PM']Dude. I was just hugging my office book today. I'm so happy with it!

What PP says: keey the Office! You can always lock yourself in the bathroom for 20 minutes if everything else fails.[/quote]

Can't lock my bathroom :-)

But the problem is rather that I sometimes just don't have the strength to pray the office. I want to, but it doesn't work out. I don't know how to explain this, it is more than just not wanting to ... It is like being ill or so, like having a high temperature and just not being able to lift the hand and grab the book. I always try to look at the cross then and say at least something like "You know I love You, You know I love the office, You know I [i]want [/i]to pray, take this powerlessness as my prayer."

I can just envy everybody who hasn't gone through something like that. If you don't understand what I'm trying to say: Lucky you! (And if you understand me because you have experienced it yourself, then you know now that you're not alone. Keep on fighting - I join you in this fight.)

Edited June 29, 2008 by Johanna

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='Johanna' post='1586272' date='Jun 29 2008, 07:56 PM']But the problem is rather that I sometimes just don't have the strength to pray the office. I want to, but it doesn't work out. I don't know how to explain this, it is more than just not wanting to ... It is like being ill or so, like having a high temperature and just not being able to lift the hand and grab the book. I always try to look at the cross then and say at least something like "You know I love You, You know I love the office, You know I [i]want [/i]to pray, take this powerlessness as my prayer."

I can just envy everybody who hasn't gone through something like that. If you don't understand what I'm trying to say: Lucky you! (And if you understand me because you have experienced it yourself, then you know now that you're not alone. Keep on fighting - I join you in this fight.)[/quote]

I had it really quite bad a little over a year ago, and wrote to a nun I knew in a fit of "I can't pray anymore, this clearly means I'm not supposed to be a nun." I would sit in my room, look at my God-corner, want with everything I had to get down there and open up my Breviary...but just couldn't. It was like some kind of paralysis and it was the worst type of rotten.

Sr wrote back with "the desire to pray is in itself prayer." Which was the most unsatisfying answer imaginable, but it was correct.

[praying4carmel]

Johanna:
What a Journey..Whew!

There is a saying in the 12 step programs: "fake it ..until you make it"

Sometimes that's what you just have to do, Pick up the office book even when it feels dry and your mind is nowhere near close to concentration, keep going to Mass and meeting with your SD even when you don't want to, continuing Confession, even when there is no drama to share..and worst of all praying when no one seems to be listening..and Listening when you don't want to or are afraid of the Answers..

I feel your Vocation..I think this process of living in a "day tight" compartment and dealing with just the next 24 hours is a good way to slow down and allow your Vocation to manifest and come to you. The Lord is in Love with us as much as we are with Him. Let him show you how much He tenderly loves you.

I am sorry about your monastery, but please know that the Lord will send you to the correct place! It will be where he wishes you to be...You may be as suprised as i was to find out that where you end up is not where you thought you were going when you began this process.

I will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck!
Blessings
+
Nancy

[praying4carmel]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1586580' date='Jun 29 2008, 08:13 PM']I had it really quite bad a little over a year ago, and wrote to a nun I knew in a fit of "I can't pray anymore, this clearly means I'm not supposed to be a nun." I would sit in my room, look at my God-corner, want with everything I had to get down there and open up my Breviary...but just couldn't. It was like some kind of paralysis and it was the worst type of rotten.

Sr wrote back with "the desire to pray is in itself prayer." Which was the most unsatisfying answer imaginable, but it was correct.[/quote]

Excellent Post PP!