Victim Mentality

[Jaime]

One cannot simultaneously be a victim and a Vikings fan

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Carrie' post='1383542' date='Sep 11 2007, 12:03 PM']I agree with what your saying, especially concerning grace. We all need it, especially in difficult situations.

I suppose my difficulty in the overgeneralizations said here is the difference in what "offenses" we're talking about.

I agree that a victim mentality is ridiculous because "Its my boss' fault I didn't get a raise" or "You didn't do what I wanted you to, so you're a bad bf/gf/spouse and you're the source of my unhappiness." But its not ridiculous when victim mentality is because "I've been abused" or "I've been raped" or any other very serious situation like that. In those cases a "get over it" attitude just doesn't work. This is where prayer, support, and charity come in.[/quote]
I would totally agree ... that's why I pointed out in my first post that there are legitimately situations in which a person did not contribute to the situation. That kind of thing is definitely harder to deal with, and really I guess I don't lump it into the "victim mentality" category ... perhaps I should have made that distinction more clear. I have more to say on this but have to prep a bit for my upcoming class ...

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Carrie' post='1383512' date='Sep 11 2007, 10:22 AM']Yes, victim mentality is when a person blames everything that happens to them on others, circumstances or the world, etc. It can also be when a person feels that nothing good will ever happen to them.

But what a lot of people don't remember is that victim mentality often comes from anger. The person who has a victim mentality is often angry with whomever offended them, but also angry with themselves. Many times they feel as if they were not strong enough to change/prevent the situation. They can't forgive themselves.

The most important step to get rid of victim mentality is to acknowledge the hurt, then forgive. You have to forgive the person who hurt you. You don't need to accept their actions, but forgive the situation and move on. You also need to forgive yourself and stop being angry with yourself.

Sometimes the hurt is so bad, that it takes more than just maturity and humility to move on from victim mentality. Sometimes, its not just a matter of being childish. Saying so makes it sound so simple. In a severe situation, there needs to be deep prayer, therapy, and insight. Most people who have a victim mentality don't want a victim mentality. Its an awful feeling.

Take it from me. It took years (and prayer + therapy) for me to overcome the victim mentality I clung to from some nasty situations in my life.

Personally, I think overgeneralizing and saying that people just "need to get over it" or are just being "childish" is a totally un-Christian thing to do. You never know what has happened to someone in their life and what deep emotional scars they struggle with.[/quote]
great post

[quote name='Carrie' post='1383542' date='Sep 11 2007, 11:03 AM']I agree with what your saying, especially concerning grace. We all need it, especially in difficult situations.

I suppose my difficulty in the overgeneralizations said here is the difference in what "offenses" we're talking about.

I agree that a victim mentality is ridiculous because "Its my boss' fault I didn't get a raise" or "You didn't do what I wanted you to, so you're a bad bf/gf/spouse and you're the source of my unhappiness." But its not ridiculous when victim mentality is because "I've been abused" or "I've been raped" or any other very serious situation like that. In those cases a "get over it" attitude just doesn't work. This is where prayer, support, and charity come in.[/quote]and great follow-up post

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Carrie' post='1383542' date='Sep 11 2007, 11:03 AM']I agree with what your saying, especially concerning grace. We all need it, especially in difficult situations.

I suppose my difficulty in the overgeneralizations said here is the difference in what "offenses" we're talking about.

I agree that a victim mentality is ridiculous because "Its my boss' fault I didn't get a raise" or "You didn't do what I wanted you to, so you're a bad bf/gf/spouse and you're the source of my unhappiness." But its not ridiculous when victim mentality is because "I've been abused" or "I've been raped" or any other very serious situation like that. In those cases a "get over it" attitude just doesn't work. This is where prayer, support, and charity come in.[/quote]
and i think in those cases when a person tries the 'get over it' attitude, they become more and more unhappy and bitter and angry and take it out on others around them; instead of dealing with the issue.

[N/A Gone]

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1383594' date='Sep 11 2007, 02:13 PM']One cannot simultaneously be a victim and a Vikings fan[/quote]

AMEN!!!

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Carrie' post='1383512' date='Sep 11 2007, 01:22 PM']Yes, victim mentality is when a person blames everything that happens to them on others, circumstances or the world, etc. It can also be when a person feels that nothing good will ever happen to them.

But what a lot of people don't remember is that victim mentality often comes from anger. The person who has a victim mentality is often angry with whomever offended them, but also angry with themselves. Many times they feel as if they were not strong enough to change/prevent the situation. They can't forgive themselves.

The most important step to get rid of victim mentality is to acknowledge the hurt, then forgive. You have to forgive the person who hurt you. You don't need to accept their actions, but forgive the situation and move on. You also need to forgive yourself and stop being angry with yourself.

Sometimes the hurt is so bad, that it takes more than just maturity and humility to move on from victim mentality. Sometimes, its not just a matter of being childish. Saying so makes it sound so simple. In a severe situation, there needs to be deep prayer, therapy, and insight. Most people who have a victim mentality don't want a victim mentality. Its an awful feeling.

Take it from me. It took years (and prayer + therapy) for me to overcome the victim mentality I clung to from some nasty situations in my life.

Personally, I think overgeneralizing and saying that people just "need to get over it" or are just being "childish" is a totally un-Christian thing to do. You never know what has happened to someone in their life and what deep emotional scars they struggle with.[/quote]
You illustrated the difference between being a victim [ which is a tragedy usually caused by circumstances or other people] and having a victim mentality which is an attitude problem of "I am not currently on top of the pile - woe is me!!"
Going from victim to survivor [ and you are a survivor ] takes hard work prayer and therapy and support. Having a victim merntality comes from a whole different place - a some of miserable discontent with life that someone might it better off than you and the whole world has to hear about it because ya just can't stand it.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1383635' date='Sep 11 2007, 02:33 PM']You illustrated the difference between being a victim [ which is a tragedy usually caused by circumstances or other people] and having a victim mentality which is an attitude problem of "I am not currently on top of the pile - woe is me!!"
Going from victim to survivor [ and you are a survivor ] takes hard work prayer and therapy and support. Having a victim merntality comes from a whole different place - a some of miserable discontent with life that someone might it better off than you and the whole world has to hear about it because ya just can't stand it.[/quote]
YES

that is what I was trying to say.

[adt6247]

[quote name='RC _' post='1383482' date='Sep 11 2007, 12:52 PM']What if we're just paranoid?[/quote]
[url="http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/1999/01/15"][i]Get out of my teeth![/i][/url]

[greentea]

As frustrating as having a friend with a 'victim-mentality' can be, the 'get over it' approach is never a good idea. Imagine deciding to open up to a close friend (or anonymously on a forum) with some problems you have because you don't have any other outlet, and you're told to stop being such a whiner. There are some people who genuinely don't have a problem and are looking for a bit of attention.. but that could be a bit of a problem in itself.

Everybody needs to vent somewhere, and for some people it's easier to do this where nobody knows them... and a religious environment would be ideal, as people tend to be more caring/accepting (or at least they should be). Having people open up here is a good thing IMO, it shows that the user trusts the members and finds phatmass a supportive place, which is what a forum of this nature should be.

[Seven77]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1383511' date='Sep 11 2007, 11:22 AM']The Victim Mentality is a very childish attitude (ie I can see it in my children). I think it comes from being so ego-centric that whatever stands in your way to happiness is bad and if you don't get your way, it's because you are somehow a victim. Children whose parents call them on this behavior ("hey, Kiddo, let's take the plank out of your own eye and own up to your share in this dilemma") usually develop a more balanced sense of their place in the bigger world. Kids who don't develop this grow into very whiny adults.[/quote]

Throwing a fit if you don't get your way is very common attribute of victim mentality. A vicious type of anger is cultivated by victim mentality.

Rhonda Chervin talks about this 'expecting heaven on earth--expecting unrealistic perfection from everything and everyone (except yourself!)' mentality.

[ardillacid]

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1383594' date='Sep 11 2007, 02:13 PM']One cannot simultaneously be a victim and a Vikings fan[/quote]
After the '98 season, I realized that one must be a masochist to be a viking fan.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='greentea' post='1383664' date='Sep 11 2007, 05:29 PM']As frustrating as having a friend with a 'victim-mentality' can be, the 'get over it' approach is never a good idea. Imagine deciding to open up to a close friend (or anonymously on a forum) with some problems you have because you don't have any other outlet, and you're told to stop being such a whiner. There are some people who genuinely don't have a problem and are looking for a bit of attention.. but that could be a bit of a problem in itself.

Everybody needs to vent somewhere, and for some people it's easier to do this where nobody knows them... and a religious environment would be ideal, as people tend to be more caring/accepting (or at least they should be). Having people open up here is a good thing IMO, it shows that the user trusts the members and finds phatmass a supportive place, which is what a forum of this nature should be.[/quote]

There is a big difference between venting and accepting suggestions and crying the "no body loves me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna go eat worms "song.

[prose]

I find that lately here people have seemed.... meaner? Quicker to anger?

I missed the victim mentality part... Maybe I am the victim?

[dUSt]

Well, to me, if I give my own children the exact same advice I give people on this phorum, I'd hope it would viewed as just that. Advice. Not some type of oppressive bashing and uncharitable behavior.

I've been called uncharitable numerous times by different posters. It's funny that my own children are subject to the exact same advice and reprimands from me, yet, they see it as legitimate concern and love for them. Go figure.

I guess what they say about the internet is true. Al Gore [b]did[/b] invent it.





Wait... I just painted myself as the victim. Doh!

[prose]

Wasn't referring to you

Just was saying that people have been edgy lately.