Victim Mentality

[Anomaly]

The best way to deal with the victim mentality is to beat it out of them. I keep an eye out for those people, then endeavor to justify their psychosis.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Anomaly' post='1384055' date='Sep 12 2007, 06:56 AM']The best way to deal with the victim mentality is to beat it out of them. I keep an eye out for those people, then endeavor to justify their psychosis.[/quote]

[Carrie]

I'm so glad you guys aren't therapists...

[Anomaly]

[quote name='Carrie' post='1384069' date='Sep 12 2007, 09:22 AM']I'm so glad you guys aren't therapists...[/quote]What are you saying, Willis? I am a Therapist. It's classified as Affirmation/Confrontation/Justification Therapy. I affirm their 'victim nerosis', confront them in an alley, and justify their assumption that they are a victim with a beating. I am compasionate and charge on a sliding scale for my work. Whatever they have in their wallet is fine by me and I do accept Credit Cards and provide free transportation to the nearest ATM. My little marketing phrase is "Turning 'Victim mentality' into reality, one victim at a time."
Catchy, isn't it?

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Carrie' post='1384069' date='Sep 12 2007, 07:22 AM']I'm so glad you guys aren't therapists...[/quote]
Me too. It's not a job I would want to do ... not because I don't think it's a great profession. Just not MY profession.

[homeschoolmom]

Me either....

[Carrie]

[quote name='Anomaly' post='1384070' date='Sep 12 2007, 09:28 AM']What are you saying, Willis? I am a Therapist. It's classified as Affirmation/Confrontation/Justification Therapy. I affirm their 'victim nerosis', confront them in an alley, and justify their assumption that they are a victim with a beating. I am compasionate and charge on a sliding scale for my work. Whatever they have in their wallet is fine by me and I do accept Credit Cards and provide free transportation to the nearest ATM. My little marketing phrase is "Turning 'Victim mentality' into reality, one victim at a time."
Catchy, isn't it?[/quote]

Not catchy actually.

Oh and by the way, I am a therapist.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Carrie' post='1384079' date='Sep 12 2007, 07:45 AM']Not catchy actually.

Oh and by the way, I am a therapist.[/quote]
He's being facetious (I think).

But this line of discussion raises an interesting point. While it may seem uncharitable to tell people to toughen up a bit, the reality is that the world is not a therapy session. Therapy lasts at most a few hours a week, and it's unreasonable to expect that people are going to be as focused on an individual's problems --real or imagined -- as their therapist would be. That's not how life works. I've gone through therapy, and valuable though that can be, it is not the kind of relationship I want to build in the real world. I don't want friendships that are focused on my problems and working through my issues. That's not a friendship, in my book.

Therapists help diagnose what's wrong with us and point us toward the path to healing. Friends actually walk the path with us. Both are vital roles.

[Carrie]

Yes, I know he was being facetious. I just didn't find it funny.


I'm not implying that life is a therapy session, nor that one's friends should act as a therapist. What I am saying is that before people get all judgemental, maybe showing some patience and charity might be prudent. Some of the attitudes that are in this thread really disturb me.

[Ash Wednesday]

It isn't that people shouldn't show patience or charity towards people with victim mentalities. But as I said before, people need to know their limitations when dealing with someone of that disposition. I'd rather see someone be straightforward and honest instead of passive aggression -- constantly coddling someone until finally the caretaker gets fed up, blows their stack and it all ends in disaster. In the end it would really be doing the troubled person a disservice to try to help someone if you really are unable to. If my opinion makes the world rejoice that I'm not a therapist, so be it. I never claimed to aspire to be one.

[cmotherofpirl]

Some people are truly victims of circumstances, other people, and upbringing. Those people need prayer, therapy, and good friends. They can turn their life around and be survivors with a LOT of hard work. THey face their pain.
Some people just like to kvetch about everything. Their life is a string of "poor me". They don't like themselves or anybody else and they can smell of elderberries the life out of you as you try to help them. THey don't want solutions -they want sympathy and time and attention because everything is about them. THey are afraid to face their pain and suffering [ even if it is self-induced].
They need prayers, and therapy as well, but they also need you to keep your distance to protect yourself from the emotional, financial, and spiritual harm they inevitably do.

I have had the victim mentality and also been a victim. I am now a survivor of both.

[Anomaly]

[quote name='Carrie' post='1384086' date='Sep 12 2007, 10:05 AM']Yes, I know he was being facetious. I just didn't find it funny.
I'm not implying that life is a therapy session, nor that one's friends should act as a therapist. What I am saying is that before people get all judgemental, maybe showing some patience and charity might be prudent. Some of the attitudes that are in this thread really disturb me.[/quote]If you're disturbed, maybe you should see a therapist. I'm not saying, just asking....


But seriously. Victim mentality is fostered by a lack of humour as well. I was being facetious. I never have been, nor never will be, a therapist. I've personally have turned to 'mental health professionals' for help for years. I don't think I'm being judgemental, or callous. I know from first hand, from personal advice from therapists and psychologists, people must work to put things into proper perspective. 'Toughen up', lighten up, offer it up, grin and bear it, laugh it off, stop whining, don't be a cry-baby, etc., are various forms (some more tactful than others) of legitimate and suitable advice that I've personally have received from licensed professionals. That's fine if you don't ascribe to that advice, but have a bit of humility and accept that opinions can differ.

Taking serious 'offense' when none is intended is the hallmarks of the beginning of developing your own 'vicitim mentality'. Toughen up and laugh it off. There ain't any of us getting out of this alive. A chuckle isn't going to kill either of us.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='kateri05' post='1384008' date='Sep 12 2007, 01:40 AM']not everyone who comes to Him is healed and sometimes, people don't get the answers that they "want" or think they "deserve" - the rich man who finds out he has to give it all away to follow him, and the Samaritan woman who Jesus says He's not there to preach to primarily (remember, dogs shouldn't feed from the table of Israel?)[/quote]

OK, nw we got the discussion going, good.

3 points:

1) I don't see the "rich man" example as in scope for this discussion, as he was not a victim of anything.

2) In the "dogs feeding from the table" incident (Mark 7:24-30), the woman replied that even dogs eat the scraps that fall from the table, and Jesus in fact DID cure her daughter.

3) I would like to see some examples of Jesus outright refusing to heal someone in need.

Other than that, I'm leading somewhere with this, and it appears you've picked up on it.

[Carrie]

[quote name='Anomaly' post='1384113' date='Sep 12 2007, 11:19 AM']If you're disturbed, maybe you should see a therapist. I'm not saying, just asking....
But seriously. Victim mentality is fostered by a lack of humour as well. I was being facetious. I never have been, nor never will be, a therapist. I've personally have turned to 'mental health professionals' for help for years. I don't think I'm being judgemental, or callous. I know from first hand, from personal advice from therapists and psychologists, people must work to put things into proper perspective. 'Toughen up', lighten up, offer it up, grin and bear it, laugh it off, stop whining, don't be a cry-baby, etc., are various forms (some more tactful than others) of legitimate and suitable advice that I've personally have received from licensed professionals. That's fine if you don't ascribe to that advice, but have a bit of humility and accept that opinions can differ.

Taking serious 'offense' when none is intended is the hallmarks of the beginning of developing your own 'vicitim mentality'. Toughen up and laugh it off. There ain't any of us getting out of this alive. A chuckle isn't going to kill either of us.[/quote]

I do see a therapist. Every morning in the mirror.

I do have a sense of humor (ask some of my buddies here on PM), I just didn't find your first joke funny and I was aware you were being facetious, like I said earlier. Your second joke was much better.

If you've gotten that advice from licensed professionals, great! They are trained to give the advice needed but also how to handle the emotional difficulties that come along with that advice. There is careful observation and balance there.


I never said I was "seriously offended." I just thought some of the attitudes are disturbing...uncharitable even.

My issue is when people are saying here to just "toughen up" or "give it up" without knowing what particular harm they are doing without the emotional support. If they can't offer emotional support (which is perfectly fine as people can be draining), it is much more loving to say "hey, why don't you talk to a pro about that?" rather than "just give it up already."

Edited September 12, 2007 by Carrie

[Norseman82]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1384112' date='Sep 12 2007, 10:11 AM']Some people are truly victims of circumstances, other people, and upbringing. Those people need prayer, therapy, and good friends. They can turn their life around and be survivors with a LOT of hard work. THey face their pain.
Some people just like to kvetch about everything. Their life is a string of "poor me". They don't like themselves or anybody else and they can smell of elderberries the life out of you as you try to help them. THey don't want solutions -they want sympathy and time and attention because everything is about them. THey are afraid to face their pain and suffering [ even if it is self-induced].
They need prayers, and therapy as well, but they also need you to keep your distance to protect yourself from the emotional, financial, and spiritual harm they inevitably do.

I have had the victim mentality and also been a victim. I am now a survivor of both.[/quote]

I think this analysis (and any others that say the same thing) are the most accurate.

However, I've also noticed in life that the lines often blur and some people who are truly victims of "circumstances" are often accused of having a "victim mentality", either by mistake or by people who have a "don't bother me with your problems" mentality. Sometimes people do in fact do the hard work, but in fact run into a brick wall or opposition and frustration results because they are doing all the right things and nothing is coming of it.