Victim Mentality

[Carrie]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1384124' date='Sep 12 2007, 11:33 AM']I think this analysis (and any others that say the same thing) are the most accurate.

However, I've also noticed in life that the lines often blur and some people who are truly victims of "circumstances" are often accused of having a "victim mentality", either by mistake or by people who have a "don't bother me with your problems" mentality. Sometimes people do in fact do the hard work, but in fact run into a brick wall or opposition and frustration results because they are doing all the right things and nothing is coming of it.[/quote]

Yes! Thank you. You expressed this much more clearly than I was able.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1384112' date='Sep 12 2007, 09:11 AM']Some people are truly victims of circumstances, other people, and upbringing. Those people need prayer, therapy, and good friends. They can turn their life around and be survivors with a LOT of hard work. THey face their pain.
Some people just like to kvetch about everything. Their life is a string of "poor me". They don't like themselves or anybody else and they can smell of elderberries the life out of you as you try to help them. THey don't want solutions -they want sympathy and time and attention because everything is about them. THey are afraid to face their pain and suffering [ even if it is self-induced].
They need prayers, and therapy as well, but they also need you to keep your distance to protect yourself from the emotional, financial, and spiritual harm they inevitably do.

I have had the victim mentality and also been a victim. I am now a survivor of both.[/quote]


[quote name='Norseman82' post='1384124' date='Sep 12 2007, 09:33 AM']I think this analysis (and any others that say the same thing) are the most accurate.

However, I've also noticed in life that the lines often blur and some people who are truly victims of "circumstances" are often accused of having a "victim mentality", either by mistake or by people who have a "don't bother me with your problems" mentality. Sometimes people do in fact do the hard work, but in fact run into a brick wall or opposition and frustration results because they are doing all the right things and nothing is coming of it.[/quote]
I agree with both of these.

[Anomaly]

I still think that my "Affirmation/Confrontation/Justification Therapy" was funny and appropriate. I'm offended and hurt that some of you 'chose' to be offended, but hey, I should be used to it, that's the story of my life. Nothing goes right for me and I'm always misunderstood and attacked for it.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Anomaly' post='1384141' date='Sep 12 2007, 09:58 AM']I still think that my "Affirmation/Confrontation/Justification Therapy" was funny and appropriate. I'm offended and hurt that some of you 'chose' to be offended, but hey, I should be used to it, that's the story of my life. Nothing goes right for me and I'm always misunderstood and attacked for it.[/quote]



(yes I am laughing at you)

[Carrie]

[quote name='Anomaly' post='1384141' date='Sep 12 2007, 11:58 AM']I still think that my "Affirmation/Confrontation/Justification Therapy" was funny and appropriate. I'm offended and hurt that some of you 'chose' to be offended, but hey, I should be used to it, that's the story of my life. Nothing goes right for me and I'm always misunderstood and attacked for it.[/quote]

Get over it!

[dUSt]

Jesus is blunt. When someone is suffering in self pity and has a victim mentality what does Jesus tell them to do? First, he asks them if they [b]want[/b] to get over it, and if so, he tells them to get over it.

[quote][b]John 5:5-8[/b]
One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him, "Do you want to be well?" The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me." Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your mat, and walk."[/quote]
So there. Get over it, or if you have a mat, pick it up and start walking.

[XIX]

Actually, he asked if the man wanted to be cured, and then cured him when the man said he wanted to be cured. I don't see how that passage falls into the scope of the discussion of "getting over it." In fact, if the old man did not want to be cured, he could have said "Nah, I don't really wanna be cured. I'm over it by now." That at least would make a little sense. You present the passage as evidence that Jesus wants us to "get over it," but that has nothing to do with it.

The point of the passage is that if you have faith in Jesus and you yourself are powerless to cure your own infirmities, then Jesus will cure you because of your faith. When Jesus said "pick up your mat and walk," that was basically him saying that the man was cured:

[quote]9 And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.[/quote]

I'm not justifying a victim mentality, but I think it is possible to have an unreasonable expectation of what other should be asked to get over.

[dUSt]

I define "get over it" as "get healed", so it makes sense.

[XIX]

Or in more general terms, to "do something about it?"

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1384124' date='Sep 12 2007, 11:33 AM']I think this analysis (and any others that say the same thing) are the most accurate.

However, I've also noticed in life that the lines often blur and some people who are truly victims of "circumstances" are often accused of having a "victim mentality", either by mistake or by people who have a "don't bother me with your problems" mentality. Sometimes people do in fact do the hard work, but in fact run into a brick wall or opposition and frustration results because they are doing all the right things and nothing is coming of it.[/quote]

And at that point you are perfectly free to scream rant rave and holler and get your frustration out of your system. Have a pity party, but with a [b]time limit.[/b] EVERYBODY needs an occasional "why me" day. Then you get back to plugging along.

I took mine on Monday...

[homeschoolmom]

It's one thing to have "why me?" days... everyone needs a good rant or a pity party for awhile... But... when it turns into "why is everyone else stopping me from being happy?" that it turns icky....

People make different choices and those choices have consequences and rewards to them. If you don't like where you are headed, make new and better choices.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1384281' date='Sep 12 2007, 03:09 PM']It's one thing to have "why me?" days... everyone needs a good rant or a pity party for awhile... But... when it turns into "why is everyone else stopping me from being happy?" that it turns icky....

People make different choices and those choices have consequences and rewards to them. If you don't like where you are headed, make new and better choices.[/quote]
Yep, and if you don't know or keep making the SAME bad choices go get professional help.!!

[Sojourner]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1384281' date='Sep 12 2007, 01:09 PM']It's one thing to have "why me?" days... everyone needs a good rant or a pity party for awhile... But... when it turns into "why is everyone else stopping me from being happy?" that it turns icky....

People make different choices and those choices have consequences and rewards to them. If you don't like where you are headed, make new and better choices.[/quote]


And frankly, sometimes it's more charitable to let someone experience the full force of the consequences of their actions than to continue to make things easy for them. If they never experience the consequences of their choices, they never learn to make better choices, and they're stuck still whining about how everyone else didn't do what they were "supposed to" do.

Edited September 12, 2007 by Terra Firma

[kateri05]

[quote]I took mine on Monday...[/quote]

i prefer thursdays

[quote]And frankly, sometimes it's more charitable to let someone experience the full force of the consequences of their actions than to continue to make things easy for them. If they never experience the consequences of their choices, they never learn to make better choices, and they're stuck still whining about how everyone else didn't do what they were "supposed to" do.[/quote]

let me just say, that as a jr. high teacher who has parents who treats their students this way, IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!! i'm trying to get these kids ready for high school, and thus life, and the constant babying of their 13 year old, how they can't handle be organized, etc etc is really only hurting the kids, because they're not learning to face the consequences of their own actions!

[Sojourner]

[quote name='kateri05' post='1384293' date='Sep 12 2007, 01:21 PM']i prefer thursdays
let me just say, that as a jr. high teacher who has parents who treats their students this way, IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!! i'm trying to get these kids ready for high school, and thus life, and the constant babying of their 13 year old, how they can't handle be organized, etc etc is really only hurting the kids, because they're not learning to face the consequences of their own actions![/quote]
It's even more frustrating in an adult ...