I've Been Writing...

[Aloysius]

thanks! excellent criticism... it is very rare that I can find someone (even a professor) who actually seems to have criticism of my work that I like. very good insights though...

you're likely right about the purple prose in the beginning of the storm. I was trying to go for a disorienting feeling so I wanted to start in some sort of minutia like the electrons and kind of misdirect as to what was happening below so that where the lighting strike came would come as unexpected... but yeah, I probably went a little overboard with that. actually, that's probably a result of me starting off with the whole minute disorientation thing and then catching myself because I remembered scientifically what actually happens in a lightning strike (that the electrons jump from the ground to the clouds not the other way around) so I ended up spending way too much time on it than was needed. but in any event, my writing hero is G.K. Chesterton who said "the simplification of anything is always sensational"... though, I know quite a few people who would label him as having purple prose at times as well.

I tried to use "he" for the hero and "it" for the creature, but I can see how the distinction may have been lost on a reader.

anyway, thank you for your criticism, it really was quite helpful (more helpful than mostly any peer editor I've ever shown a piece of work to in a course, at least)