Going On A Nun Run

[He is Risen!]

Every time I talk to vocation directors on the phone, they always ask if I have any questions. Most of my questions can be cleared up just by visiting and observing the sisters' lifestyles. Is there a polite way over the phone to find out if they are a bunch of hippies? Usually I ask about how often they pray together and when is Eucharistic adoration offered, etc. I hate spending $100 on a bus ticket only to get there and find sisters walking around a labrynth or dancing around the alter! What kinds of questions do you all ask before or during a visit? (Also I don't want to look like a bozo who has nothing intelligent to ask)

[Sister Rose Therese]

If I were you, when you're talking with the vocation director, try to ask questions that are a bit more open. You might ask what their daily schedule is like. What their community prayer is like.
Things that she can describe to you. They might lead to more questions for you. Or you might recognise things that you like or don't like but never thought to ask.

[phivan]

[quote name='He is Risen!' post='1473040' date='Mar 3 2008, 03:56 PM']Every time I talk to vocation directors on the phone, they always ask if I have any questions. Most of my questions can be cleared up just by visiting and observing the sisters' lifestyles. Is there a polite way over the phone to find out if they are a bunch of hippies? Usually I ask about how often they pray together and when is Eucharistic adoration offered, etc. I hate spending $100 on a bus ticket only to get there and find sisters walking around a labrynth or dancing around the alter! What kinds of questions do you all ask before or during a visit? (Also I don't want to look like a bozo who has nothing intelligent to ask)[/quote]

I would ask her...

Tell me an over view of your daily life, prayer life, and apostulates life.

Can you describe what is community life for you?

How would you decribe your supervior ability to listen to you, especially in a conflict situation?

How do you express yourself in your community?

What are the obstacles within you to a full living out of your call?

What concrete measures do you find the Lord calling you to in order to overcome these obstacles?

I hope these help...and please update us.
Blessings

[Veritas]

+

Look at their website and see if they wear a habit or not.

[CatherineM]

I'd also ask what type of work the sisters do. There is one convent I know of that all the sisters work in jobs like spiritual directors, retreat supervisors, or they do arts and crafts stuff. It's a very new age kind of place. Another just up the road from them are cloistered all wear habits, and their job is to make communion wafers and clerical vestments. I knew one convent where one of the sisters was an insurance salesman.

[the lords sheep]

One thing that may help is asking about their formation: What kind of classes do the postulants and novices take? Do they study scripture, church teachings and documents? Any specific saints? What is formation like?
Honestly, another thing that may help is to decide what you are looking for and ask if the Sisters fit (more or less) that description. A vocation directress shouldn't be offended if they don't fit what you are looking for... really, if they are not what you are seeking, they probably would not want you there either. While they hope to get lots of vocations to their community, they also recognize that women have vocations to other orders, and that you wouldn't fit there because you aren't called there.
If you're looking for more active orders, check to see if they are in the CMSWR. Also check with some priests or religious in your area that you trust if they know the order and what their impression is.
Continue to remain open to the Holy Spirit. If God wants you to go, he'll work out the money thing.
Good luck!
Lauren

[Veritas]

+

Go to their website: If they are talking about "ecospirituality", "labrynthes", "cosmos" or energies and breathing techniques-beware. Do you see holy pictures on the website? Reference to Jesus and the saints? Or, are they just talking about politics like anti-war and the "feminist" movement? ask www.catholicculture.org for a website review, if you have questions. Go to their links page: Do they link to unorthodox, dissident websites (you can check at www.catholicculture.org) e.g. "America", "Pax Christi USA", "The National Catholic Reporter", "Call to Action", "Voice of the Faithful", or "LCWR". On the other hand, is there a picture of the pope? A mention of their fidelity to him and the teachings of the magisterium? Are, they wearing their habits? Seriously, one can learn a LOT from a website. Or, ask them to send you some literature (although, beware, you could end up on their mailing list!)

Edited March 4, 2008 by Veritas

[He is Risen!]

If God wants you to go, he'll work out the money thing.
Good luck!
Lauren
[/quote]

What is the money thing?

Good ideas, everybody. THank you for the feedback.

[Mari Therese]

Don't be afraid to ask a community if they are Magisterial and follow the succesor of Peter. It is an important question and their answer will tell you if they are worth checking out.

[Eureka]

[quote name='Veritas' post='1473087' date='Mar 3 2008, 05:55 PM']+

Look at their website and see if they wear a habit or not.[/quote]

Habit doesn't meant it's worth for your trip. Don't get me wrong--habit is a big plus, attracting many future vocations. However, I have seen many authentic and God-filled sisters without their habits. I also have seen some beautiful habit wearing sisters but they have no compassion and act superior to others...

I guess it depends on what you are looking for. Praying for you as you continue your discerment journey and remember don't judge the book by its cover.
eureka

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='He is Risen!' post='1473040' date='Mar 3 2008, 01:56 PM']Every time I talk to vocation directors on the phone, they always ask if I have any questions. Most of my questions can be cleared up just by visiting and observing the sisters' lifestyles. Is there a polite way over the phone to find out if they are a bunch of hippies? Usually I ask about how often they pray together and when is Eucharistic adoration offered, etc. I hate spending $100 on a bus ticket only to get there and find sisters walking around a labrynth or dancing around the alter! What kinds of questions do you all ask before or during a visit? (Also I don't want to look like a bozo who has nothing intelligent to ask)[/quote]

i was in the same boat as you, wishing that orders had more comprehensive websites (or websites at all), or a website that covered it all, but there really isn't. i guess over the past 3 years or so i just had to absorb the information slowly.

i'm sure everyone will list off good questions, but mine has always been focused on the horarum (daily schedule).

[TradMom]

Praised be Jesus Christ, now and forever!

Naturally, this depends upon the community you are planning on visiting or thinking about, but I have some general as well as specific questions for you. Some of them pertain only to monastic/enclosed communities and some to active orders. Hopefully many will benefit from this list.

Remember, as you get closer to the possibility of living life as a religious, every aspect of your life will be examined and questioned. This can be an intimidating and often overwhelming experience. Sometimes nagging questions can be pushed aside in the hopes of being accepted. Sometimes things come up that you might never have considered previously. Communities often put on the best face possible when greeting a possible candidate, just as you put on the best face possible when meeting them!

You are on the brink of making a decision that has life-altering possibilities, and you deserve to be fully informed. Do not consider a community that doesn't answer questions or says things like, "Don't worry about that now."

Do they pray together and if so, in what format? (The Divine Office, Morning/Evening Prayer, Latin/English (or another language), Daily Rosary, Adoration, Daily Mass, etc.)

What is the process of formation? How long is the postulancy, the novitiate (I have seen some orders extend this) and temporary vows? Does the community "share" formation with another community (or communities) or send you to a different location? (If they do share formation, is it co-ed? How do you feel about that? Something to consider.)

What is involved in the process of application? (Letters from spiritual directors, psychological testing, medical and dental records, behavioral assessments, etc.)

What sort of financial arrangements would you need to organize in order to enter? (Meaning: Would you be responsible for your medical insurance, rent stipend, etc. until the you enter novitiate or make temporary vows? Does the community ask for a dowry? If an active order, are you responsible for procuring a job until you become a novice?)

Do they have the means and willingness to "care for you" in the event of a serious disease, illness or accident before you make solemn vows? If something unfortunate were to occur in your life (God forbid...cancer, an accident, etc.) would they ask you to leave the community? Would they help you get settled outside of the community?

Other than a community with strict papal enclosure, how do they handle family emergencies (in the event you live in another area)? In the event an immediate family member was seriously ill or died, would you be allowed to return home? If you were a postulant, novice or in temporary vows, would they find the means for you to return home? (There are Canon laws about how long you can be out of the novitiate, but it is important to know if they would help you financially in a time of need.)

How do they live out the charism of the founder or foundress of the community?

What spiritual or religious practices/devotions are particular to them? Have they ever undergone a reformation? If so, why and how did it impact the community? Do they have different "branches" - if so, what are the differences?

Have their constitutions changed? If so, how and why?

How did the Community incorporate the spirit of Vatican II into their daily life and spirit? In what ways did they change? (This is a good time to ask about the habit.)

How do they manage the "corporate" life of the community? Do they exist purely on donations and benefactors? Do they have arrangements for the care of the elderly sisters? (I would ask to visit to the "retired/elderly" sisters/nuns.) Do they send the elderly, sick or ill nuns to a nursing home? (***Personally, I cannot imagine anything worse than living my life in a convent/monastery and then being shipped off to a Nursing Home and having to die isolated from my sisters and home.)

How do they "govern" the community? How is it organized? If the Foundress/Founder is living, is a council in place that has a voice? (This is often very difficult with a living Foundress.)

Do they have an Abbess/Prioress/Mother Superior for life? How and when are elections held and what is the process?

Who is the Novice Mistress and what is her background? Has she had training outside of the community (not always a plus, but can be)? Is your introduction to religious life an individual process (based upon your progress, temperment, educational background) or is there a specific formula/process that is more group-oriented?

Do you see diversity in the community? Are they open to women based upon their call from Jesus or is another criteria they consider? (Example: education level, color, age, country of origin, etc.)

Would you have access to an outside Confessor/Spiritual Director not connected to the community?

If you felt you needed therapy at some point, would they object or would that be seen as a "weakness" or problem?

Are you "allowed" to have private (unrestricted) conversations/communication with family members and/or close friends? How often? If not, what restrictions are in place (as in...does the Novice Mistress read the mail and then decide whether or not to pass it along to you) and are you comfortable with them?

How do they handle "problems" within the community? (Anger, conflicts, etc.)

How is intellectual growth stimulated and encouraged? Creative growth and/or expression stimulated and encouraged?

How do they encourage and promote a healthy (physically) lifestyle? (Foods, exercise, etc.)

How do they balance integration into a communal lifestyle while maintaining healthy personal space and privacy? Another way of asking is how do they create healthy interdependence with healthy independence?

In addition to the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience, do they take another vow? If so, what it is? What is their understanding of the vows? (Some communities have a very different understanding of what it means to be obedient...as an example.)

Do they incorporate any other sources into their lifestyle and/or formation that is not Roman Catholic? As an example, do they practice Zen Meditation, or host Inter-Faith Days of Prayer? If they do, how do you feel about that and is that something you are comfortable with?

Are they politically active? Do they have Sisters (usually active orders only) who march, protest or proclaim a specific belief that has political ramifications? (Peace & Justice, Lobbying, Pro-Life, Anti-War, Sanctuary for Immigrants, etc.)

If it is a missionary order or a congregation that is international, could you be transferred to another country? Do you have a voice in where you might go? If not, how do you feel about being completely open to God's Will through the voice of the Superiors?

If it is an active order that has a specific ministry, how are the assignments given out? Are you involved in the process or choosing a location, or are you assigned where needed?

Do they practice corporal penances? If so, what and how?


In addition to their individual charism, do they follow a specific rule or hold special a particular spirituality? ("Sisters of Mary" might have Ignatian Spirituality)

How do they interact with the community in which they live (as in neighborhood)? Are they in good standing? (One community I visited has been involved with a variety of lawsuits.)

How do they actively live the corporal works of mercy? Especially serving the poor?

Do they have a chaplain (if they are cloistered) on the grounds? (Sadly, some cloistered communities do not have access any longer to Daily Mass.)

Do they offer hospitality to others?

If you have a special talent or hobby (weaving, music, art, etc.) would it be encouraged and put to use or would you be asked to give it up as a sacrifice?

Lastly, do you have any input into your name? Many communities allow the woman to submit three choices.

After visiting:
Does the community feel safe to you? Do you feel you could be yourself? Relaxed? Do you feel that you would be able to reveal your weaknesses, your failings, your need for support, guidance and encouragement on the road to sanctity? Do the nuns/sisters appear to be mature, well-grounded, loving women? Are they warm? Do they seem happy? Are their elderly sisters well cared for and comfortable? It is very humbling to ask for help, which is why I started this with the question..."do you feel safe?" If you enter a community, you are asking for help to live out Jesus' invitation to you. You are saying publicly that you cannot do it alone, and you need the support, structure and outward signs a religious community to reach heaven. Look at the nuns/sisters carefully and ask yourself (especially the older ones and your potential Novice Mistress!) "Is this someone I want to be like?"

[praying4carmel]

I know this might be ridiculous to some but when you visit make sure that the food is healthy and not junky or cheap. Is the Kitchen Clean? How are the state of the grounds etc?

Everything that TradMom has said rings true for me and is very helpful especially the part about the community feeling Safe.

You'll be fine! I'm Praying for you!

[Starets]

Wow. that is wonderful, tradmom. Those suggestions would be great for "monk runs" as well

[A Yearning Heart]

What a post, Trad Mom! They are all great questions and so detailed, I can't even begin to think of any others!

[VeniteAdoremus]

TradMom, I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that we're [i]so[/i] happy to have you here

[He is Risen!]

Hi Everyone,
I'm home from visiting the CFR Sisters, who by the way were a joyful and prayerful community. I asked many of the questions that you all suggested so if you would like to know the answers to your questions as answered by the CFRs, please PM me and I would be happy to share. There were other "come and sees" that also had some questions but they were mostly along the lines of "do you shave your legs" Thank you all for your help with this.

[Nunsense]

Oh heavens TradMom - how wonderful! I didn't put your whole quote back on here but I do want to point out just how valuable is that one statement of yours ...

[quote]Sometimes nagging questions can be pushed aside in the hopes of being accepted[/quote]

I think that one of my problems in discerning was that I was just so happy to find a community that didn't hold it against me that I was 54 years old at the time (55 now). And then I was so happy that they would let me discern via email and not have to go for a visit. I was being too impetuous because I felt I was old and needed to hurry.

But God has His own plans, and taking time to pray and try to discern His will is very important. All of the things you mentioned matter. Some matter more than others for each individual, but they all do matter. Since we are talking a long-term relationship here between a community and a sister, then it makes so much sense to treat it with all care and consideration. I am the first to mea culpa myself for being impatient and wanting so much just to "get into the habit" that I didn't really take the time I needed to discern properly. I never bothered to find out how much solitude was in their schedule, and obviously this is a very important thing to me. If I had gone on a live-in visit, then I might have realized and not had to go through the agony of feeling like a failure for both them and myself.

I hope that discerners take careful note of everything you said. I know I am going to this time around. I am officially a discerner again "lol" because although I am feeling that I am being called to be a hermit, it may just be that God is calling me to a community with more time for solitude, in addition to their life together. I mean, after all, I loved reciting the Divine Office together and I loved the feeling of being part of a community of loving sisters. So perhaps I just need to find a community that is also wants solitude?

I am going to print out your advice and refer to it all the time now! Thank you so much.

[Laudem Gloriae]

This is - I don't think so - hasn't been mentioned yet? But location is important - at least to me! Unless you're looking for an active order or like CFRs or Missionaries of Charity and are meant to be in the middle of a city and such, location for a monastery is important - noise wise that is.

This article dated earlier this month on the PCPA's in Portsmouth, OH is an example: [url="http://www.catholic.org/diocese/diocese_story.php?id=27133"]http://www.catholic.org/diocese/diocese_story.php?id=27133[/url].


(Off the subject a bit but this link is to a story on the same nuns regarding their vocation stories: [url="http://www.catholic.org/diocese/diocese_story.php?id=26970)"]http://www.catholic.org/diocese/diocese_story.php?id=26970)[/url]

[dominicansoul]

This might have been mentioned already, but sometimes, questions won't give you answers, you just have to witness their life. These are qualities I look for in a community when I visit them:

-Reverence to the Holy Eucharist
-Masses celebrated with all the glory, beauty and splendor we can offer to God
-The Community must pray together, several times a day, in the chapel, the Divine Office, the Rosary, and Eucharistic Adoration
-for me, they have be be monastic, with all the traditions contained in that particular monastic community (for me, Dominican traditions,) and live by a schedule (ex: 5 a.m. bell, be in the Chapel by 5:30, Liturgy of the Hours, Meditation, Mass after, etcetera.)
-what type of additional devotions do they practice (Consecration to Jesus through Mary, The Divine Mercy Chaplet, Novenas to various saints, etc.)
-the Sisters must show me how much they enjoy the life, and how much they are completely in love with God and happy for choosing that particular community. This is important, because if you walk into a community and see everybody moping around, cross and sad...that says something about the community!
-Do they wear the precious habit of St. Dominic? This is important because I don't want to worry about spending money on a wardrobe! Give me poverty, baby! POVERTY=MY FREEDOM! Material goods are not what I want to accumulate in religious life. (Can you imagine a Convent garage sale with 5 cent skirts and blouses?)
-and speaking of, they must take the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience
-lastly, I see what their apostolate is. Apostolate is not important, because when you are in Love with Jesus, all you care about is becoming His bride. Just let me live totally consecrated to HIM, and I'll clean the toilets all day! I don't care. I just WANT TO BELONG TOTALLY TO HIM!

I hope this helps! If not, it was very helpful to me!