Would You Marry Someone Who Isn't A Virgin?

[Jesus_lol]

[quote name='reyb' post='1571618' date='Jun 15 2008, 12:01 AM']Will you love a demolish woman? Will you trust an irresponsible lady who does not know how to hold a relationship? Will you cherish a girl who has been a playgirl and girlfriend of all your friends? Will I marry her? Ah Yes, I will, if I love her. But, I am not stupid and I prefer to marry a woman who loves me as her first and last and nobody in between. Nevertheless, in this world, it is just a dream – therefore, be my girlfriend and do not ask me about marriage.[/quote]


seriously, what?

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Farsight one' post='1571616' date='Jun 15 2008, 01:43 AM']She can have kids and you can't (or if you're female, flip it) You're not equal in that part of your lives and there's no way to become so.[/quote]

Apples and oranges. We're supposed to be different in that respect, otherwise there is something wrong.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='sdenko' post='1571389' date='Jun 14 2008, 08:22 PM']That reminds me of the prophet who God called to marry a prostitute (albeit, that would be a wee bit different since she was still cheating on him).

Haggai and Gomer?

Or Hosea and Gomer...

Can't remember.

Anyway.[/quote]

As I recall, that story is an allegory to God's relationship with Israel, not a command for us to marry hookers.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Faith 1st' post='1571427' date='Jun 14 2008, 08:48 PM']If you are (a virgin) that is great. But I do not think that you will find many people who are.[/quote]

I think they're out there, but people need to get a renewed sense of "looking out for one's own", so to speak.

Which is another reason I voted no - there might be a female virgin out there that may have been counting on me, and I would be letting her down.

Additionally, it's sad to think that we've given up and accepted promiscuity as as the norm for our culture and are lowering our standards and will not back up those who will not lower their standards. We have awesome discretionary power at our disposal, and if we don't use it to start demanding "equal yoking" I seriously question whether or not we will turn around this promiscous society or at least create a haven of comfort for those who are not.

Edited June 15, 2008 by Norseman82

[picchick]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1571582' date='Jun 15 2008, 12:55 AM']No, because we wouldn't be equals in that part of our lives.[/quote]
You are right. You would be on different levels. But can you honestly deny marrying a woman who might have made a mistake in her past life? What if she deeply regrets that decision and decided that she would be celibate until marriage from that point on? I just do not think that it is right throw the baby out with the bath water. I think you need to judge on a base by base case. If a guy asked me out and he "did" every one of his girlfriends and I was just another target than dating wouldn't even be an option. However, if he made a mistake in the past, then has been celibate ever since and remains celibate during our relationship, and if God has forgiven him his sin, who I am to say no?

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1571781' date='Jun 15 2008, 12:45 PM']I think they're out there, but people need to get a renewed sense of "looking out for one's own", so to speak.

Which is another reason I voted no - there might be a female virgin out there that may have been counting on me, and I would be letting her down.

Additionally, it's sad to think that we've given up and accepted promiscuity as as the norm for our culture and are lowering our standards and will not back up those who will not lower their standards. We have awesome discretionary power at our disposal, and if we don't use it to start demanding "equal yoking" I seriously question whether or not we will turn around this promiscous society or at least create a haven of comfort for those who are not.[/quote]

They are out there. I don't think that we have accepted promiscuity as a norm. I do not think I am lowering my standards. The man I date/marry must remain celibate. Every one of us has committed sins. Some more grevious than others. My future husband is going to someday face the sins that I have committed even though I have repented of them. He is going to have to forgive me as a person before he is able to accept everything of me. People make mistakes. I reject promiscuity. I accept repentance and recommitance to chastity

[dairygirl4u2c]

i think people fall in the mindset that there's a soulmate, or "if i find the one then i could/would overlook that one thing".... but for the most part, you could find anyone to meet your qualifications, and choose who to fall in love with etc, as unromatntic as that sounds. so, i don't think it's necessarily true that you couldn't use stricter criteria.

then... some people can't be picky.... plus, sometimes that one who isn't a virgin is so much better than one could hpe to find otherwise statistically, hard to find... so, that in those situations could be the exceptions to what i just said.

[dairygirl4u2c]

i thin an interesting idea is... would you marry a former murderer? what if former mass murderer?
then discuss how this would be the same or not as marrying a former virgin.

both are mortal sins, so serious.
one is more serious than the other of course.
i suppose if you really look at it as serous as it deserves as a mortal sin... i could see an argument sayig same thing, or an argument either way.

[Faith 1st]

[quote name='Winchester' post='1571560' date='Jun 15 2008, 12:20 AM']Wait, is she hot?[/quote]

[StColette]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1571778' date='Jun 15 2008, 12:42 PM']As I recall, that story is an allegory to God's relationship with Israel, not a command for us to marry hookers.[/quote]

Correct Biblical exegesis would tell you that there is a historical as well as spiritual sense to this part of Hosea. Spiritually, yes that story speaks of the relationship between God and Israel, but historically it speaks of the marriage of Hosea to a prostitute wife.

I think Christ makes it very clear in the New Testament on how to view those who once led sexual lives without being married. We are to look past their previous sins, especially if they have repented.


Already being married lol I can't really marry someone else. But even before Micah and I started dating, I never had any prejudice against falling in love and marrying someone who wasn't a virgin. We've all made some pretty big mistakes, some larger than others but that doesn't give me the right to hold them against someone. If they have sought forgiveness from God. Then God has erased those sins, they are forgotten. If God has forgotten them then I have no right to judge someone for them or hold those past sins against them, because those sins are no longer there, they don't exist.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='StColette' post='1571811' date='Jun 15 2008, 01:28 PM']Correct Biblical exegesis would tell you that there is a historical as well as spiritual sense to this part of Hosea. Spiritually, yes that story speaks of the relationship between God and Israel, but historically it speaks of the marriage of Hosea to a prostitute wife.[/quote]

And even if it did historically happen, it could have just been commanded to Hosea and not ot us. The main point remains is that it is an allegory to God's relatiuonship to Israel.

[quote name='StColette' post='1571811' date='Jun 15 2008, 01:28 PM']I think Christ makes it very clear in the New Testament on how to view those who once led sexual lives without being married.[/quote]

Where did Christ command virgins to marry non-virgins in order to prove forgiveness?

[quote name='StColette' post='1571811' date='Jun 15 2008, 01:28 PM']We are to look past their previous sins, especially if they have repented.
Already being married lol I can't really marry someone else. But even before Micah and I started dating, I never had any prejudice against falling in love and marrying someone who wasn't a virgin. We've all made some pretty big mistakes, some larger than others but that doesn't give me the right to hold them against someone. If they have sought forgiveness from God. Then God has erased those sins, they are forgotten. If God has forgotten them then I have no right to judge someone for them or hold those past sins against them, because those sins are no longer there, they don't exist.[/quote]

Forgiveness of sins does not erase the temporal consequences of those sins. Confession does not erase STDs, or undo a pregnancy, or reassemble an aborted baby that is in a million pieces in a dumpster in the alley in back of an abortion clinic and bring him/her back to life. Similarly, it does not go back in time and undo the romp in the hay and give the person back his/her virginity; that 100% is gone forever. He/she will not be giving the same 100% back to any virgin who marries him/her.

[HisChildForever]

What if you began dating a woman, and you two had practically everything in common, and you really saw the light of Christ radiating from her, and she had intelligence and kindness and charity, and then - one day, when she's comfortable with it - she admits that she lost her virginity a couple of years ago, but has since repented of it, and has been chaste ever since? If God can forgive her, why can't you?

Let's not forget that Paul imprisoned and murdered Christians. And how he's one of the most celebrated people in our Church.

[XIX]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1571781' date='Jun 15 2008, 01:45 PM']I think they're out there, but people need to get a renewed sense of "looking out for one's own", so to speak.

Which is another reason I voted no - there might be a female virgin out there that may have been counting on me, and I would be letting her down.

Additionally, it's sad to think that we've given up and accepted promiscuity as as the norm for our culture and are lowering our standards and will not back up those who will not lower their standards. We have awesome discretionary power at our disposal, and if we don't use it to start demanding "equal yoking" I seriously question whether or not we will turn around this promiscous society or at least create a haven of comfort for those who are not.[/quote]
Dude.


You don't marry the person she was five years ago. You marry the person she is now. If she had sex and she hasn't repented, or if she still thinks that premarital sex is okay, then of course you don't marry her. But if she has changed her views and she believes in chastity now, then that's a completely different story.

Marrying a repentant sinner is not really different from marrying a virgin.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='picchick' post='1571790' date='Jun 15 2008, 01:02 PM']You are right. You would be on different levels. But can you honestly deny marrying a woman who might have made a mistake in her past life? What if she deeply regrets that decision and decided that she would be celibate until marriage from that point on? I just do not think that it is right throw the baby out with the bath water. I think you need to judge on a base by base case. If a guy asked me out and he "did" every one of his girlfriends and I was just another target than dating wouldn't even be an option. However, if he made a mistake in the past, then has been celibate ever since and remains celibate during our relationship, and if God has forgiven him his sin, who I am to say no?[/quote]

Forgiveness does not necessarily restore compatibility. Two different things. One does not need to have or continue a relationship with someone in order to prove they forgive them.

[quote name='picchick' post='1571312' date='Jun 14 2008, 06:30 PM']I have made some too. Maybe it wasn't having sex before but they were still mistakes that he will have to forgive.[/quote]

[quote name='picchick' post='1571790' date='Jun 15 2008, 01:02 PM']Every one of us has committed sins. Some more grevious than others. My future husband is going to someday face the sins that I have committed even though I have repented of them. He is going to have to forgive me as a person before he is able to accept everything of me.[/quote]

I guess it all depends on which sins will come back to haunt and cause the most pain in the marriage. I have read in another Catholic forum postings of people who still feel cheated because they were virgins on their wedding night but their spouses were not. What gives any of us the right to fault someone for wantiing to avoid such pain in amarriage?

Also, I need to correc something you sad earlier:

[quote name='picchick' post='1571312' date='Jun 14 2008, 06:30 PM']I am not going to turn down someone who God has given me because of past mistakes.[/quote]

At the end of the day, it is [i]your discretionary power[/i] and free will that God has given you and how [i]you[/i] use it to reward someone by marrying them that determines whom you marry. If I were to use my discretionary power to choose a non-virgin over a virgin, that would be a slap in the face to the virgin by telling her, "sorry, I'm valuing and rewarding someone who does not obey the rules over someone who does. All your efforts were a waste."

[Norseman82]

[quote name='XIX' post='1571857' date='Jun 15 2008, 02:26 PM']Dude.
You don't marry the person she was five years ago. You marry the person she is now. If she had sex and she hasn't repented, or if she still thinks that premarital sex is okay, then of course you don't marry her. But if she has changed her views and she believes in chastity now, then that's a completely different story.

Marrying a repentant sinner is not really different from marrying a virgin.[/quote]

Still does not make them compatible.

[rachael]

You're not much about forgiveness, are you?

[dominicansoul]

I know for a fact that many women enter religious life and are not virgins. They have made horrible mistakes in the past, and some of them weren't even into religion and experienced a conversion before entering religious life. If Jesus marries non-virgins, who am I to reject a man who isn't a virgin?

I am marrying Jesus though....so....I don't have to really worry too much about this question...

[Norseman82]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1571851' date='Jun 15 2008, 02:18 PM']What if you began dating a woman, and you two had practically everything in common, and you really saw the light of Christ radiating from her, and she had intelligence and kindness and charity, and then - one day, when she's comfortable with it - she admits that she lost her virginity a couple of years ago, but has since repented of it, and has been chaste ever since? If God can forgive her, why can't you?[/quote]

Still does not make us compatible.

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1571851' date='Jun 15 2008, 02:18 PM']Let's not forget that Paul imprisoned and murdered Christians. And how he's one of the most celebrated people in our Church.[/quote]

But the early church also did not trust Paul (Acts 9:26), and i wonder if that is why he spent time in Arabia (Gal. 1:17).

[Noel's angel]

Gosh, Norseman, it's a good thing you've never sinned....oh, wait.

How would you like it if someone wouldn't marry you because of a sin you committed in the past, which you deeply regretted?

Edited June 15, 2008 by Noel's angel

[XIX]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1571845' date='Jun 15 2008, 03:13 PM']And even if it did historically happen, it could have just been commanded to Hosea and not ot us. The main point remains is that it is an allegory to God's relatiuonship to Israel.
Where did Christ command virgins to marry non-virgins in order to prove forgiveness?
Forgiveness of sins does not erase the temporal consequences of those sins. Confession does not erase STDs, or undo a pregnancy, or reassemble an aborted baby that is in a million pieces in a dumpster in the alley in back of an abortion clinic and bring him/her back to life. Similarly, it does not go back in time and undo the romp in the hay and give the person back his/her virginity; that 100% is gone forever. He/she will not be giving the same 100% back to any virgin who marries him/her.[/quote]
Using your logic, nobody who has ever broken the sixth commandment should ever consider entering into marriage. I know that's not what you are trying to say, but it's the natural conclusion of your own logic. The person who struggles with pornography is in the same boat at the person who isn't a virgin? They are all sexual sins; varying degrees of the same sin, of course, but still the same sin.

So if you have ever tarnished your purity in the course of your lifetime, you shouldn't get married because you'll be causing your spouse to embrace the sin of marrying a non-virgin.

If my post misrepresents your own post, please point out the inconsistency.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='rachael' post='1571862' date='Jun 15 2008, 02:32 PM']You're not much about forgiveness, are you?[/quote]

As I said previously, you can forgive someone without having or continuing a relationship with them. Thios isn't all about forgiveness; it is about compatibility.