A Concern About Catholic "dating" Websites

[Augustine of Hippo]

I sent the following email to Ave Maria Singles website this evening. I have been a member of that site since last spring/ late summer and was not pleased with it from the beginning. I asked for a refund, even demanded a refund, but was told to be patient. Months went by and I gradually got involved in the site forum, as this was supposed to be a forum for Catholics. I thought that I might meet some interesting Catholics, share some views and who knows, maybe meet someone special. Nothing of the sort happened. When I even questioned the site itself, I was banned. I do not reccomend Ave Maria Singles regardless of who may endorse it. Take it from someone who used the site for the better part of a year. The site is not as advertised and not a community for Catholic to meet under any circumstances and the price of joining the site was way too high. It was like paying a big ticket to get into a party, only to find out that there was no one else in the room. Below is what I just wrote to them and below that is what they wrote to me earlier.

[quote][i]I may have disturbed some members. I also had a number of people who agreed with me on certain other issues. I also found that certain members were critical of anything that I or other men posted in the forum. I also think that there is a certain disingenuousness on the part of the users of this site. I found members on your site on other sites who claimed to already be in relationships. And while you claim to be a Catholic website, you have members who defend abortion, contraception, pre-marital sex, and single parenthood. You have members who are not sacramentally elligible for marriage. I think that the forum is perhaps the worst aspect of your site. It is difficult enough to correspond with individual members without the possibility of debating controversial emotional issues in open forums. And if you are going to dictate what can be said, and what cannot be said, than you might as well have no forum at all. I have a very bad opinion of your website. I formed that opinion early. I demanded a refund within weeks of becoming a member of your site, but you refused my request for a full refund. An understanding Christian might have done otherwise. Anthony Buono is in the business of marketing hope and preying upon peoples loneliness and offering nothing in return. I will make known my experience with your website and let others know that they should not join Ave Maria Singles. It is not a Catholic website. It is not a Christian website. It is yet another website peddling the possibility of spouse and offering nothing new or original in the way of making that possible. Good day![/i][/quote]

[quote][i]We were receiving a number of complaints from members about your recent posts on the bulletin board. They described your posts as rude and arrogant. As one member put it, your derogatory comments about AMS were "over the line." After discussion with Anthony, it was decided that you were abusing the forum and disturbing the other members, and that your membership should be terminated. We wish you every blessing in Christ.
Sincerely in Christ, Steve Weisenbach[/i][/quote]

The guy essentially calls me a jerk and then offers me a blessing. I like the irony!

Edited December 28, 2008 by Augustine of Hippo

[CatherineM]

I met my husband on Ave Maria, so I obviously have a bias. I didn't even know there was a forum, perhaps there wasn't 3 years ago. I met one gentleman on there, who had a fetish that I won't mention here. I simply no longer communicated with him once I found out. There are people on the site, just as there is in every Catholic Church, who do not follow all the church's teachings. At least the site asks the question, and allows you to search for people who agree with the same things that you do.

The reason it is more expensive, is because you don't have a time limit. The idea is that this process should never be rushed. If you are worried about finding someone before having to pay the next months' fees, you may miss the person God really intends for you.

No matter how bad an experience you have with anything, there should never be a reason to be rude. Vote with your feet and leave.

[Augustine of Hippo]

To nearly a person, every persons complaint there was that no one was even willing to return a single email. I think that in a year, I had one person who emailed me more than once. Most would never even email back once as a courtesy. I wasn't expecting that every person would think that they had found "the one", but how are you to know supposed to know, if you are not even willing to write once or twice to someone?

[CatherineM]

My husband was on for 2 years before he met me. He had lots of un-returned emails. Politeness would be to at least tell someone you aren't interested, but when you are busy, and have dozens of inquiries, politeness may seem expendable. I returned every email, and explained why I wasn't interested, such as they smoked, or believed in contraception. Perhaps you are just contacting the wrong women. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate what your idea of acceptable beauty is. I am as far away form being any man's ideal of a beautiful woman. I'm a frumpy, middle-aged, disabled woman who walks with a crutch. Most men wouldn't give me a second glance. My husband is the kind of man who is willing to look past that.

[jmjtina]

Of course not everyone is "hard-core" Catholic.

Of course some will not give you the time of day. There will be doors slammed in your face. But perseverance pays off.

I admire and respect Ave Maria Singles and Anthony more than any other service out there.

I would encourage you to charitably stick it out; however, if you feel as strongly as you do; find a Theology on Tap or find something in your parish. Most of all Trust in God above all things. Pray, pray, pray!

btw, we have couples here who are met and got married or are engaged!

Edited December 28, 2008 by jmjtina

[Augustine of Hippo]

[quote name='jmjtina' post='1736753' date='Dec 28 2008, 04:47 AM']Of course not everyone is "hard-core" Catholic.

Of course some will not give you the time of day. There will be doors slammed in your face. But perseverance pays off.

I admire and respect Ave Maria Singles and Anthony more than any other service out there.

I would encourage you to charitably stick it out; however, if you feel as strongly as you do; find a Theology on Tap or find something in your parish. Most of all Trust in God above all things. Pray, pray, pray!

btw, we have couples here who are met and got married or are engaged![/quote]

Stick it out? They banned me! Because some people did not like what I wrote and posted in a forum. A forum presumably is for discussion and assumed that not all will agree. Anthony Buono does not accept any criticism under any circumstances. Respect him? He is a business man and preying on loneliness and hope are his business.

[cmotherofpirl]

Ok you have made your point. However in christian charity I ask you to stop and move on. There are plenty of other places to meet catholic women.

[Augustine of Hippo]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1736775' date='Dec 28 2008, 10:36 AM']Ok you have made your point. However in christian charity I ask you to stop and move on. There are plenty of other places to meet catholic women. [/quote]

What does that mean? "In Christian charity?

I moved on from that website long before I was banned. Certainly I did not hinge my hopes on an online way of meeting other Catholics or a possible mate, but if I think that something is in fact, uncharitable, shouldn't I speak about it? How does not speaking about this translate as Christian charity?

I beg is disagree, there are virtually no places to meet Catholic women in America. Dishwater pseudo-Catholicism that says, Oh yeah, I'm Catholic, while not espousing a single Catholic belief, does not make a person a Catholic.

Edited December 28, 2008 by Augustine of Hippo

[homeschoolmom]

I think what Cmom meant was that you've made your point [i]here[/i], please move on.

[jeffpugh]

Umm... way to welcome him to PM?



Anywho, welcome!

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1736776' date='Dec 28 2008, 10:40 AM']I moved on ...[/quote]

We can tell.

[dominicansoul]

i'm glad you've moved on from that site since it wasn't working out for you...
okay, you've tried the Ave Maria Singles thing, now try to pray 50 Ave Maria's every day to find the right person...i bet the Holy Rosary will get you greater results than any website could...

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1736776' date='Dec 28 2008, 10:40 AM']I beg is disagree, there are virtually no places to meet Catholic women in America. Dishwater pseudo-Catholicism that says, Oh yeah, I'm Catholic, while not espousing a single Catholic belief, does not make a person a Catholic.[/quote]

You generally won't have that problem here

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
as evidenced by our many matchups and weddings

[Luthien]

I married a man I met on this website, hes as hardcore Catholic as it gets. AAAAnd we're havin' a baby.

[HisChildForever]

What exactly did you post on their forum that offended them so much?

[BG45]

I met a nice Catholic girl on a Protestant website...that said, you're only the second person I've heard about AMS from, so I don't really have an opinion on it.

[missionseeker]

*starts singing O Canada, Five Iron Frenzy*

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1737289' date='Dec 28 2008, 11:18 PM']What exactly did you post on their forum that offended them so much?[/quote]

I have asked that we get past this point and move on, so if you wish to discuss this further please take it to PMs. Thank you.

[Augustine of Hippo]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1737382' date='Dec 29 2008, 12:06 AM']I have asked that we get past this point and move on, so if you wish to discuss this further please take it to PMs. Thank you.[/quote]

In the interest of full disclosure cmotherofpirl, do you have some reason that you desire that we should not be discussing the particular topic of Ave Maria Singles? Is there some particular reason that this topic is "off limits"?