A Concern About Catholic "dating" Websites

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
probably because at this site we take slander and gossip on this Catholic site seriously. since this person is not here to defend themselves, we are only getting the side of the story that you choose to share. but since i'm not cmom (only another moderator), i'm only guessing.

btw, welcome to phatmass, and i hope you choose to stick around the phorums and discuss with us, and have fun with us. (if you wanna be lame, or laugh out loud, visit the Lame Board of the phorum )

edit: i just realized that you've been around since june of this year. sorry for the delayed welcome.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Luthien' post='1737285' date='Dec 28 2008, 10:12 PM']I married a man I met on this website, hes as hardcore Catholic as it gets. AAAAnd we're havin' a baby. [/quote]
Did we know this?

[missionseeker]

It's in the how is your pregnancy going thread.

and the due date thread

Edited December 29, 2008 by missionseeker

[homeschoolmom]

Ah....

[picchick]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1736776' date='Dec 28 2008, 09:40 AM']What
I beg is disagree, there are virtually no places to meet Catholic women in America. Dishwater pseudo-Catholicism that says, Oh yeah, I'm Catholic, while not espousing a single Catholic belief, does not make a person a Catholic.[/quote]

Have you tried Church? They ARE there. Not the ones you call pseudo-Catholic. REAL catholics. I see them. But you know what? People write them off. "Oh they are going to become a nun. Oh they are going to become a priest." Just because someone sits in a pew does not mean they have a vocation to the priesthood/religious life. Have you asked women out? Randomly...without questioning anything else. "Hey I saw you in Church the past couple of days and I would like to know if next week you would like to do coffee after Mass." Wow....so who cares if you have no clue if they are "pseudo-Catholic". And in fact, what is wrong with those who are. If you are concerned with it, try evangelizing.

I think that sometimes, people are being too closed minded about who they are dating. There are requirements of course. And if you don't want those requirements to budge then you have to deal with the repercussions of those requirements or modify. Am I saying modify? No. I am saying do whatever you please.

Honestly...how did our parents meet? How did our grandparents meet? How did people meet without the internet? Yeah times are different but you still meet people. We are driven by an internet world. People spend more time sitting in front of a tv or computer screen rather than going out.

Me...I am never internet dating. I have tried twice. No thanks. I will meet my men in the real world so that I can see them and pick things up face to face or on the phone. Not hiding behind computer screens. If that means that I will be single my whole life...so be it.

Edited December 29, 2008 by picchick

[tinytherese]

Some couples have actually met people right here on phatmass. And believe me, you'll find plenty of real catholics on the phorums.

[Augustine of Hippo]

[quote name='picchick' post='1737448' date='Dec 29 2008, 01:12 AM']Have you tried Church? They ARE there. Not the ones you call pseudo-Catholic. REAL catholics. I see them. But you know what? People write them off. "Oh they are going to become a nun. Oh they are going to become a priest." Just because someone sits in a pew does not mean they have a vocation to the priesthood/religious life. Have you asked women out? Randomly...without questioning anything else. "Hey I saw you in Church the past couple of days and I would like to know if next week you would like to do coffee after Mass." Wow....so who cares if you have no clue if they are "pseudo-Catholic". And in fact, what is wrong with those who are. If you are concerned with it, try evangelizing.

I think that sometimes, people are being too closed minded about who they are dating. There are requirements of course. And if you don't want those requirements to budge then you have to deal with the repercussions of those requirements or modify. Am I saying modify? No. I am saying do whatever you please.

Honestly...how did our parents meet? How did our grandparents meet? How did people meet without the internet? Yeah times are different but you still meet people. We are driven by an internet world. People spend more time sitting in front of a tv or computer screen rather than going out.

Me...I am never internet dating. I have tried twice. No thanks. I will meet my men in the real world so that I can see them and pick things up face to face or on the phone. Not hiding behind computer screens. If that means that I will be single my whole life...so be it.[/quote]

Actually, I am from a small town, so it isn't difficult to access that there is no one near my age who is not married and interested in dating. I am the child of a single mother myself, so my parents... I don't know my father. I never like the term "hiding behind a computer screen". I do an immense amount of pro-life work from behind a computer screen. Back to your original point, I would rather be single than move, so don't even throw out the Why don't you move? argument. I can't tolerate suburbia in any way shape or fashion. Sorry, I am one of those small town hobbits... can't get away from the trees and tall buildings make me uneasy.

[HisChildForever]

You really just have to be patient. Sometimes people end one relationship and find another within two months, other people might be single for two years. In my opinion, there really is no rhyme or reason to it. For example, I was single for a little over a year between my first boyfriend and my second, and I have currently been single since March and whether or not I want to date, I have not be approached by anyone (nor have I done any approaching). I have one girlfriend who always seems to have some new guy crushing on her.

It is all about timing, where you are and when, etc. Some women (using this example 'cause I am a woman) get approached once a week, others once a month, others once a year.

My point is that even if you want to date, you might not be ready to, and just trust God because He knows you better than you know yourself. And heck, you seriously never know. Last week at work, I was talking to a co-worker who is nine years older than myself. She was pretty blunt about the conversation - as in she got right into it - saying she has been single for [b]nine years[/b] since her last (and first) boyfriend. She was saying how she was ready to date again but could find no one. My shift ended before hers. Next time I saw her? She said right after I left, a customer started talking to her and asked her for her number! So you may feel pretty melancholy right now, but tomorrow you may run into the woman of your dreams!

[jmjtina]

[quote name='Luthien' post='1737285' date='Dec 28 2008, 10:12 PM']I married a man I met on this website, hes as hardcore Catholic as it gets. AAAAnd we're havin' a baby. [/quote]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what wonderful news!!!!!!

You and Sean have been in my prayers! Ya'll STILL are, but this is a wonderful blessing!!!!!

and yeah, he's as hardcore Catholic as they get!

sorry.

*end hijack*

[Tinkerlina]

That's lame. I feel for you-it's ridiculously hard to meet people and you were definitely not treated well on that site. -Katie

[picchick]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1737465' date='Dec 29 2008, 12:52 AM']Actually, I am from a small town, so it isn't difficult to access that there is no one near my age who is not married and interested in dating. I am the child of a single mother myself, so my parents... I don't know my father. I never like the term "hiding behind a computer screen". I do an immense amount of pro-life work from behind a computer screen. Back to your original point, I would rather be single than move, so don't even throw out the Why don't you move? argument. I can't tolerate suburbia in any way shape or fashion. Sorry, I am one of those small town hobbits... can't get away from the trees and tall buildings make me uneasy.[/quote]

I am sorry...what I meant about hiding behind a computer screen are the people who refuse to go out and find someone. They rather text, IM and what not because they are able to communicate better that way. They cannot hold a conversation in person.

I am not thowing the why don't you move argument because I would never argue that. I really don't think that ANYONE should move because there is no one in their city/town/wherever to date. That is ridiculous. However, there are times when you can get out and by out I mean take a day trip somewhere and just meet people.

Maybe I am just a freak but I randomly start conversations with people.

Oh by the way, I am not in anyway meaning to offend you. I am just kinda fed up with people coming on phatmass and saying, "IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE????" "I can't find anyone." Well yeah...duh...people are out there. ANd the kind you want too. You just have to look.

"I am looking."
Well, then maybe you need to change where you are looking...how you are looking.

Life is so busy now. I didn't realize how busy adult life could be. When I sit back just to breath and smell the roses I meet the dateable people.

Edited December 29, 2008 by picchick

[Tinkerlina]

[quote name='picchick' post='1737527' date='Dec 29 2008, 03:10 AM']I am sorry...what I meant about hiding behind a computer screen are the people who refuse to go out and find someone. They rather text, IM and what not because they are able to communicate better that way. They cannot hold a conversation in person.

I am not thowing the why don't you move argument because I would never argue that. I really don't think that ANYONE should move because there is no one in their city/town/wherever to date. That is ridiculous. However, there are times when you can get out and by out I mean take a day trip somewhere and just meet people.

Maybe I am just a freak but I randomly start conversations with people.[/quote]

You have a good point but I will say that, for myself (and I can only speak for myself) sometimes it is easier to communicate online/by text etc than in person. It is really hard to approach people sometimes, especially when it comes to seeking out someone to date! Sometimes it is easier to talk online, it feels less awkward to soem degree, though I never had any luck on the dating site I tried personally. But I do think you're right-getting out is definitely going to make you come in contact with more people-it's just talking to them that can be tough. -Katie

[Hassan]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1736708' date='Dec 28 2008, 12:20 AM']My husband was on for 2 years before he met me. He had lots of un-returned emails. Politeness would be to at least tell someone you aren't interested, but when you are busy, and have dozens of inquiries, politeness may seem expendable. I returned every email, and explained why I wasn't interested, such as they smoked, or believed in contraception. Perhaps you are just contacting the wrong women. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate what your idea of acceptable beauty is. I am as far away form being any man's ideal of a beautiful woman. I'm a frumpy, middle-aged, disabled woman who walks with a crutch. Most men wouldn't give me a second glance. My husband is the kind of man who is willing to look past that.[/quote]

You have to phrase things better. Your not grumpy, you've got spunk, and it's not a crutch, it's an anti mugger attatchment

I can't imagain using a webservice. It's not that I think I'm somehow "above it" or anything like that, I'm just somewhat old fashoned and it would never occur to me. I don;t know. I just kind of find this thread in general interesting.

of course I'm 19 and always viewed such things as for people of more advanced age.

it's cool you met your husband that way

[CatherineM]

[quote name='Hassan' post='1737535' date='Dec 29 2008, 01:28 AM']You have to phrase things better. Your not grumpy, you've got spunk, and it's not a crutch, it's an anti mugger attatchment

I can't imagain using a webservice. It's not that I think I'm somehow "above it" or anything like that, I'm just somewhat old fashoned and it would never occur to me. I don;t know. I just kind of find this thread in general interesting.

of course I'm 19 and always viewed such things as for people of more advanced age.

it's cool you met your husband that way [/quote]

I said frumpy, not grumpy, although I am that too.

I was like you, I couldn't imagine internet dating. I was at a vocational retreat, and one of the monks suggested Ave Maria. I actually told him he was nuts. He told me to look around at mass on Sunday and see how many men were there my age. So I did. There were two. One was married with many children, and the other was the presiding priest. I got the hint quick.

There would have been no other way for me to have met my husband, although there was a time 25 years ago when we were going to school close by each other. We are so well suited for each other, that it is kind of freaky. We've only had one real disagreement in 3 years. They told me that I had to be open to the Holy Spirit guiding me to where I needed to be. I do wish the Holy Spirit had guided me somewhere a tad warmer. I didn't even know where Alberta was when I met him. When he told me north of Montana, I kind of dropped the phone.

[StColette]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1736775' date='Dec 28 2008, 09:36 AM']There are plenty of other places to meet catholic women. [/quote]

lol Like Phatmass, Church, Catholic Colleges, Pro-life rallies, etc.

[rachael]

[quote name='picchick' post='1737448' date='Dec 29 2008, 01:12 AM']Have you tried Church? They ARE there. Not the ones you call pseudo-Catholic. REAL catholics. I see them. But you know what? People write them off. "Oh they are going to become a nun. Oh they are going to become a priest." Just because someone sits in a pew does not mean they have a vocation to the priesthood/religious life. Have you asked women out? Randomly...without questioning anything else. "Hey I saw you in Church the past couple of days and I would like to know if next week you would like to do coffee after Mass." Wow....so who cares if you have no clue if they are "pseudo-Catholic". And in fact, what is wrong with those who are. If you are concerned with it, try evangelizing.

I think that sometimes, people are being too closed minded about who they are dating. There are requirements of course. And if you don't want those requirements to budge then you have to deal with the repercussions of those requirements or modify. Am I saying modify? No. I am saying do whatever you please.

Honestly...how did our parents meet? How did our grandparents meet? How did people meet without the internet? Yeah times are different but you still meet people. We are driven by an internet world. People spend more time sitting in front of a tv or computer screen rather than going out.

Me...I am never internet dating. I have tried twice. No thanks. I will meet my men in the real world so that I can see them and pick things up face to face or on the phone. Not hiding behind computer screens. If that means that I will be single my whole life...so be it.[/quote]


[quote name='Tinkerlina' post='1737530' date='Dec 29 2008, 03:15 AM']You have a good point but I will say that, for myself (and I can only speak for myself) sometimes it is easier to communicate online/by text etc than in person. It is really hard to approach people sometimes, especially when it comes to seeking out someone to date! Sometimes it is easier to talk online, it feels less awkward to soem degree, though I never had any luck on the dating site I tried personally. But I do think you're right-getting out is definitely going to make you come in contact with more people-it's just talking to them that can be tough. -Katie[/quote]
It can be hard to approach people, but over time...it somehow becomes a little bit easier. Life may seem easier behind a computer screen, but cannot simply sit behind a screen to enjoy life. I dunno, I just agree with picchick on this one. I'd rather go single my whole life than to use the internet to find someone...Or even if I was using the internet to find someone, I wouldn't count on it for everything, and I'd certainly be very patient, like CatherineM. ...

[CatherineM]

[quote name='rachael' post='1737971' date='Dec 29 2008, 04:37 PM']and I'd certainly be very patient, like CatherineM. ... [/quote]

That doesn't mean everyone should wait until they are 43 to marry. That would lead to serious population control.

[rachael]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1738023' date='Dec 29 2008, 07:30 PM']That doesn't mean everyone should wait until they are 43 to marry. That would lead to serious population control.[/quote]
yes.

[MissyP89]

[quote name='BG45']I met a nice Catholic girl on a Protestant website...that said, you're only the second person I've heard about AMS from, so I don't really have an opinion on it.[/quote]

And let us just say that the nice Baptist boy I met (I am the nice Catholic girl he mentions) is now in RCIA.

It's not impossible. Keep your eyes open and pray, don't be afraid to be flexible. We didn't mean to end up what we are; like Meg says below I had NO intentions of dating online. God had other ideas. We're 300 miles apart, but happy. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Have faith.

[quote name='picchick']Me...I am never internet dating. I have tried twice. No thanks. I will meet my men in the real world so that I can see them and pick things up face to face or on the phone. Not hiding behind computer screens. If that means that I will be single my whole life...so be it.[/quote]

Don't blame you at all on this--I won't lie, it's not easy. But I can sympathize with Augustine, too--I'm in college and the one Catholic guy I've met in real life goes to my parish and has a vocation to the religious life. As I want to be a wife and mother, that was problematic. It's extremely difficult to find a truly orthodox Catholic these days. If you really want to look, it's probably best to consider the internet as well as the usual places.

And even if you DO find someone that's orthodox, it's still no guarantee. Orthodoxy doesn't mean compatibility.

Edited December 30, 2008 by MissyP89

[Tinkerlina]

[quote name='rachael' post='1737971' date='Dec 29 2008, 06:37 PM']


It can be hard to approach people, but over time...it somehow becomes a little bit easier. Life may seem easier behind a computer screen, but cannot simply sit behind a screen to enjoy life. I dunno, I just agree with picchick on this one. I'd rather go single my whole life than to use the internet to find someone...Or even if I was using the internet to find someone, I wouldn't count on it for everything, and I'd certainly be very patient, like CatherineM. ... [/quote]

No you guys are both right I'm just horrible at real life Katie