Slappo Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Is it permissible to get married right out of college and use NFP for a year or two to pay off some college loans to take financial strain off? Lots of college debt, rent, utilities, and food becomes really expensive considering college loans these days can be big enough that they are as large as or bigger then a mortgage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I wouldn't think so as long as 2 years doesn't turn into 10. You just have to be willing to be open to life if it does come before you expect it. We practice NFP on strict doctor's orders. He actually yelled at my husband. The guy always gets the blame for some reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1753262' date='Jan 16 2009, 07:08 PM']I wouldn't think so as long as 2 years doesn't turn into 10. You just have to be willing to be open to life if it does come before you expect it. We practice NFP on strict doctor's orders. He actually yelled at my husband. The guy always gets the blame for some reason.[/quote] I've had some friends ask "why get married?" then and not wait two more years to get married when you're ready to have kids. Quite honestly that doesn't sound like something people would really want to do... prolong marriage for two years strictly due to finances and not fiscally wanting to start raising a family even though if there was a surprise kid you'd still be able to support him/her. I'd agree that it would have to be a very strict time period with set goals, and obviously frugal spending during that time period. If finances are so important that you won't have kids yet that doesn't mean go buy an x-box 360 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 If done right, it's cheaper to be married than to pay for two households. That means a reasonable wedding, not a gala, and not buying new furniture and stuff. We're doing the whole frugal to the bone thing this year trying to pay off our mortgage. I don't know how I would have survived with that much student loan debt. My college was only $17.50/hour when I started. I thought coming out of law school owing $10,000 was like a ball and chain. If I'd owed 5 to 10 times that much, I certainly wouldn't have been able to do non-profit work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotusTuusMaria Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 [quote name='Slappo' post='1753278' date='Jan 16 2009, 11:21 PM']I've had some friends ask "why get married?" then and not wait two more years to get married when you're ready to have kids. Quite honestly that doesn't sound like something people would really want to do... prolong marriage for two years strictly due to finances and not fiscally wanting to start raising a family even though if there was a surprise kid you'd still be able to support him/her. I'd agree that it would have to be a very strict time period with set goals, and obviously frugal spending during that time period. If finances are so important that you won't have kids yet that doesn't mean go buy an x-box 360 .[/quote] Yeah, I was going to ask "why get married?" I am still asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 I'll be graduating with theology with 80k in loans... going back to school for business/accounting to pay them off. I'll have one year left of business school by the time my girlfriend graduates. Right out of business school I can make 50-60k a year and working part time youth ministry covers rent and adds 10k a year. To have a child if we got married right when she graduated would mean 9 months later I'd have a child and I'd still be in school with an income of 10k a year and rent included. (Youth ministry position I have is hourly wages coming to about 10k a year + a 2 bedroom apartment and utilities). I mean it's doable for a couple months if it were to happen, but definitely financially stressful. My girlfriend will have like 40k in loans as well... ughhh money... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 [quote name='TotusTuusMaria' post='1753297' date='Jan 16 2009, 07:39 PM']Yeah, I was going to ask "why get married?" I am still asking.[/quote] Firstly because although being co-creators is the primary purpose of marriage, it isn't the only purpose of marriage. Secondly because it wouldn't be the rejection of a family, it would be our personal thinking that we're not in a very good position to begin one, but are willing to accept one if it happens. St. Therese's parents abstained from consumation for the first year or two of marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 [quote name='Slappo' post='1753313' date='Jan 16 2009, 08:48 PM']St. Therese's parents abstained from consumation for the first year or two of marriage.[/quote] I didn't know that. They had to really be filled with the spirit to accomplish that. My parents in law didn't for 5 years, but that was because my mother in law is "difficult." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MithLuin Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 You and your gf are long distance from each other, right? So waiting a long time to get married may be a rather difficult prospect to face. That being said, no one will ever encourage you to rush into marriage. You'll have the rest of your lives to be married. My general advice to people is, if you aren't ready to have a kid, don't get married. Meaning, if a child were to come, you'd have to figure out how to make it work. My aunt and my sister had honeymoon babies; it does happen. If your wife-to-be is fertile on your wedding night, would you be willing to abstain awhile longer...during your honeymoon? Think about what 'do NFP for a couple of years' would be like, and see if that makes sense to you. It's possible that waiting until 6 mo. - 1 year after she gets out of school for a wedding will make more sense at the time. Basically, getting married and having kids is a really big deal, but it's a highly personal decision. You're going to have to figure out what makes the most sense in your situation. There is nothing 'wrong' with using NFP, though, if that is what you are asking - it is an appropriate way to delay or space your children, though not to be used to avoid having children altogether. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I know a priest who says "the time to get married is NOW. If God is calling you to that, don't wait! Answer him now! To put off marriage for whatever reason when you are being called is to [i]say no to God[/i]" Fr. Fessio agrees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 [quote name='missionseeker' post='1753359' date='Jan 16 2009, 09:18 PM']I know a priest who says "the time to get married is NOW. If God is calling you to that, don't wait! Answer him now! To put off marriage for whatever reason when you are being called is to [i]say no to God[/i]" Fr. Fessio agrees. [/quote] I agree with that wholeheartedly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotusTuusMaria Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 [quote name='Slappo' post='1753304' date='Jan 16 2009, 10:43 PM']I'll be graduating with theology with 80k in loans... going back to school for business/accounting to pay them off. I'll have one year left of business school by the time my girlfriend graduates. Right out of business school I can make 50-60k a year and working part time youth ministry covers rent and adds 10k a year. To have a child if we got married right when she graduated would mean 9 months later I'd have a child and I'd still be in school with an income of 10k a year and rent included. (Youth ministry position I have is hourly wages coming to about 10k a year + a 2 bedroom apartment and utilities). I mean it's doable for a couple months if it were to happen, but definitely financially stressful. My girlfriend will have like 40k in loans as well... ughhh money...[/quote] Why not just wait to get married then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotusTuusMaria Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 (edited) [quote name='Slappo' post='1753313' date='Jan 16 2009, 10:48 PM']Firstly because although being co-creators is the primary purpose of marriage, it isn't the only purpose of marriage. Secondly because it wouldn't be the rejection of a family, it would be our personal thinking that we're not in a very good position to begin one, but are willing to accept one if it happens. St. Therese's parents abstained from consumation for the first year or two of marriage.[/quote] If you are not in a good position to begin one, then why begin one by getting married? And that is the primary purpose, like you said... but yet you are not in a position (like you noted) to accept such a purpose. Do you plan to abstain for the first year or two totally in marriage? Because they abstained totally. And it wasn't because of money... actually I believe they abstained for five or seven years. I could be wrong, but I think it was a bit longer then two. Edited January 17, 2009 by TotusTuusMaria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerlina Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 [quote name='Slappo' post='1753304' date='Jan 16 2009, 10:43 PM']I'll be graduating with theology with 80k in loans... going back to school for business/accounting to pay them off. I'll have one year left of business school by the time my girlfriend graduates. Right out of business school I can make 50-60k a year and working part time youth ministry covers rent and adds 10k a year. To have a child if we got married right when she graduated would mean 9 months later I'd have a child and I'd still be in school with an income of 10k a year and rent included. (Youth ministry position I have is hourly wages coming to about 10k a year + a 2 bedroom apartment and utilities). I mean it's doable for a couple months if it were to happen, but definitely financially stressful. My girlfriend will have like 40k in loans as well... ughhh money...[/quote] Wow, it sounds like you have a play by play of your future on your desk calendar! ;)I think using NFP here is certainly acceptable-babies are very expensive and getting on your feet is tough enough! -Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerlina Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 [quote name='Slappo' post='1753313' date='Jan 16 2009, 10:48 PM']St. Therese's parents abstained from consumation for the first year or two of marriage.[/quote] Isn't consummation necessary for a marriage to be recognized? -Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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