Courting/dating.

[OraProMe]

[quote name='missionseeker' post='1904848' date='Jun 28 2009, 11:45 PM']I also approve.[/quote]

Me too >___>

Sorry Hassan

harharhar

[Resurrexi]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' post='1904856' date='Jun 28 2009, 10:47 PM']You're going to give poor Rexi a stroke. The Magisterium said it's not allowed, after all.[/quote]

Under the 1917 Code, all those who participated in duels were excommunicated.

[OraProMe]

[quote name='Resurrexi' post='1904895' date='Jun 29 2009, 12:05 AM']Under the 1917 Code, all those who participated in duels were excommunicated.[/quote]

1. No point quoting a code that's not in force anymore.
2. LOL

[Resurrexi]

[quote name='OraProMe' post='1904902' date='Jun 28 2009, 11:13 PM']1. No point quoting a code that's not in force anymore.
2. LOL[/quote]

It's still a sin of grave matter to participate in a duel, though.

[OraProMe]

But Hassan was having a joke.
Relax.

[jeffpugh]

[quote name='Resurrexi' post='1904895' date='Jun 29 2009, 12:05 AM']Under the 1917 Code, all those who participated in duels were excommunicated.[/quote]
Yeah, cause noobs would duel to the death.
First noob: "you insulted my shoelaces! Draw steel!"
Second noob: "you insulted me by being insulted!"

*Pride takes prominence and both noobs fight till one dies. What a waste of humanity*

[Nihil Obstat]

"Draw steel!"

Now that is a solid challenge. It has lovely resonance to it. Much better than "**** off you ******!"

Edited June 29, 2009 by Nihil Obstat

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Sacred Music Man' post='1903298' date='Jun 27 2009, 11:28 PM']Courting. The idea of starting from the ground up as friends and realising it's going toward marriage. Either is useless without God though.[/quote]
I will say as someone who has tried this that it can be very difficult to make the transition from friend to lover and still keep any sort of friendship intact. If you start out as being friends who are discerning marriage to each other, that's the best route. You just have to have that second part clear between the two of you, or the misunderstanding and miscommunication that will ensue will kill off your chances of anything, friendship or otherwise.

Clarity of intention and purpose is key in this whole process. Without that, things can go south pretty quickly.

[mommas_boy]

My opinion: there is room for both courting and dating in the Catholic model as [b]stages[/b]:

Dating -- Less serious, with the purpose of discerning whether or not you will begin to court. This is about having fun and getting to know someone. Best if non-exclusive. As such, physical touch should be kept at a minimum (I would hug someone that I was dating, but not hold their hand, for instance). Also, the dating stage should be relatively short. Since I did a lot of dating through CatholicMatch.com, I would typically give someone three dates before deciding whether or not to move on to courting. You should know pretty quickly.

Courting -- more serious, with the purpose of discerning whether or not you will get engaged/married. MUST be exclusive. Physical touch ok, and encouraged, so long as it remains chaste. Assuming that both parties are of an age to get married, less than two-years in length. Again, you should know pretty quickly. Prayer together should become a central focus of your relationship.

[Sojourner]

I think the timeline mommas_boy mentions is good. That's about where we were as far as figuring things out. I think being decisive when you're dating/courting is really important. Stringing someone along while you make up your mind is cruel. If you're not ready to think seriously about marriage, you're not ready to be dating or courting.

[Shpout]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1905191' date='Jun 29 2009, 10:26 AM']I think the timeline mommas_boy mentions is good. That's about where we were as far as figuring things out. I think being decisive when you're dating/courting is really important. Stringing someone along while you make up your mind is cruel. If you're not ready to think seriously about marriage, you're not ready to be dating or courting.[/quote]
I agree, mommas_boy timeline is pretty good!
and definitely agree, stringing someone along is very cruel! My first boyfriend wanted to 'court' right away before either of us knew or thought if we were 'in love' and it ended up hurting and I felt used.
so be careful, but I agree with you Terra Firma!

[Socrates]

I'm basically with Terra and Momma's Boy.

I think some of this depends on exactly what is meant by "dating" and "courting."

Some "hardcore" Catholics and other Christians have a strict idea of courtship, which involves essentially doing all one's courting under the chaperonage of each other's parents (or if not possible, with a large group of friends or other chaperoness, and essentially no physical touch.

While that may be a noble ideal, I don't think it's really all that practical in most people's circumstances today, and seems just a tad puritanical for me.

I think some "one-on-one" time is also necessary for getting to know someone (as well as time with others). People can act differently when away from parents or peers.

I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with more casual dating before beginning a more serious "courtship" phase in order to get to know one's date, and whether he/she's someone you really want to pursue as a future spouse.

There is a problem, though, with "dating" as commonly practiced today, with long-term, open-ended, often sexual non-committal "relationships."

I think trying to immediately enter into a serious formal "courtship" with someone you barely know (as some traditional-minded religious kids do) is kind of dumb. (Some of my sister's more sheltered friends in college apparently thought they could know their "future spouse" -usually "that really cute guy"- immediately, then be devastated to find he wasn't particularly interested.)

[jeffpugh]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1906681' date='Jun 30 2009, 09:29 PM']I'm basically with Terra and Momma's Boy.

I think some of this depends on exactly what is meant by "dating" and "courting."

Some "hardcore" Catholics and other Christians have a strict idea of courtship, which involves essentially doing all one's courting under the chaperonage of each other's parents (or if not possible, with a large group of friends or other chaperoness, and essentially no physical touch.

While that may be a noble ideal, I don't think it's really all that practical in most people's circumstances today, and seems just a tad puritanical for me.

I think some "one-on-one" time is also necessary for getting to know someone (as well as time with others). People can act differently when away from parents or peers.

I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with more casual dating before beginning a more serious "courtship" phase in order to get to know one's date, and whether he/she's someone you really want to pursue as a future spouse.

There is a problem, though, with "dating" as commonly practiced today, with long-term, open-ended, often sexual non-committal "relationships."

I think trying to immediately enter into a serious formal "courtship" with someone you barely know (as some traditional-minded religious kids do) is kind of dumb. (Some of my sister's more sheltered friends in college apparently thought they could know their "future spouse" -usually "that really cute guy"- immediately, then be devastated to find he wasn't particularly interested.)[/quote]
This is a good post. I especially like the fact you pointed out about how people can act differently alone and with others. This is key in a relationship.

[southern california guy]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1906681' date='Jun 30 2009, 07:29 PM']I'm basically with Terra and Momma's Boy.

I think some of this depends on exactly what is meant by "dating" and "courting."

Some "hardcore" Catholics and other Christians have a strict idea of courtship, which involves essentially doing all one's courting under the chaperonage of each other's parents (or if not possible, with a large group of friends or other chaperoness, and essentially no physical touch.

While that may be a noble ideal, I don't think it's really all that practical in most people's circumstances today, and seems just a tad puritanical for me.

I think some "one-on-one" time is also necessary for getting to know someone (as well as time with others). People can act differently when away from parents or peers.

I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with more casual dating before beginning a more serious "courtship" phase in order to get to know one's date, and whether he/she's someone you really want to pursue as a future spouse.

There is a problem, though, with "dating" as commonly practiced today, with long-term, open-ended, often sexual non-committal "relationships."

I think trying to immediately enter into a serious formal "courtship" with someone you barely know (as some traditional-minded religious kids do) is kind of dumb. (Some of my sister's more sheltered friends in college apparently thought they could know their "future spouse" -usually "that really cute guy"- immediately, then be devastated to find he wasn't particularly interested.)[/quote]

I agree. However I used to basically think that "dating" was the same thing as "courting" -- until my more recent "dating" experience.. Yeah, she liked me -- but says that she has no intention of ever getting serious. And the "dates" were going well. We'd spend as much as ten hours together. Basically all day "dates". But she argued that we were just going out as "friends"... No I'm not heartbroken.. just a little disappointed to be honest.

[princessgianna]

[quote name='mommas_boy' post='1905183' date='Jun 29 2009, 10:13 AM']My opinion: there is room for both courting and dating in the Catholic model as [b]stages[/b]:

Dating -- Less serious, with the purpose of discerning whether or not you will begin to court. This is about having fun and getting to know someone. Best if non-exclusive. As such, physical touch should be kept at a minimum (I would hug someone that I was dating, but not hold their hand, for instance). Also, the dating stage should be relatively short. Since I did a lot of dating through CatholicMatch.com, I would typically give someone three dates before deciding whether or not to move on to courting. You should know pretty quickly.

Courting -- more serious, with the purpose of discerning whether or not you will get engaged/married. MUST be exclusive. Physical touch ok, and encouraged, so long as it remains chaste. Assuming that both parties are of an age to get married, less than two-years in length. Again, you should know pretty quickly. Prayer together should become a central focus of your relationship.[/quote]
I like that.

That's awesome an awesome timeline.

[elizabeth09]

In the 1700, there was no dating, but there was courting. If a young man likes a young lady, then he will bring her gifts, like flowers. First, he will ask his father, if yes, then the girl’s father say yes, then they put wedding banners all around. That way, if you disagree with something, then you can do that. If not, then the boy and the girl will get married. The wedding was mostly at the girl’s house.

[rachael]

i enjoy not living in the 1700s.

[Angel*Star]

I like the idea of courtship. However, I see what some of you are saying about dating. One must ask oneself what is their intent? If one is not intending to get married, they what are they doing dating? Too often have I seen one wanting marriage and the other a good time.

Edited July 4, 2009 by Angel*Star

[Angel*Star]

[quote name='rachael' post='1908068' date='Jul 2 2009, 09:54 AM']i enjoy not living in the 1700s.[/quote]


I agree. I am glad I don't live in the 1700s for a lot of reasons!

[rachael]

[quote name='Angel*Star' post='1910206' date='Jul 4 2009, 12:35 AM']I agree. I am glad I don't live in the 1700s for a lot of reasons![/quote]
yes. mainly for hygiene.