puellapaschalis Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I'm "Godmother" (that is, either Baptismal or Confirmation sponsor) to several people, amongst which a person who I'll call N. Before N became Catholic I hadn't known him very long [i]at all[/i] (I don't know if I can share the story on the internet without it becoming too dangerous), and as a consequence I didn't know him very well when he went through initiation. Fast forward to the beginning of the Summer. I had holiday plans, but purposefully didn't tell many people about the details. N was not one of the people I had confided in (I hadn't told any of my other "Godchildren" either; I'd told about two people). I had told F, a common acquaintance of N and myself, a little about my plans. I explicitly asked F to keep it confidential (stress levels were really high in the middle of June and I'm quite isolated and don't have many people to confide in). Last week I get three voicemail messages on my phone in the space of twenty minutes. They're from N. In the first his voice is relatively calm, saying that he's concerned about me, am I ok, etc. etc. In the second and third his voice is angry, screaming about responsibility, ethics, how the Archbishop would take his side, if I didn't contact him he would go to the parish priest, he's been hearing all kinds of strange stories about me, and how I don't belong in the Church. So after listening to this I give him a call. It turns out that F had not only broken my confidence, but had also [i]got the story wrong[/i]. Badly wrong. No wonder N was upset by it! Furthermore, people had been asking N how I'd been doing. N says, "I think she's away. I haven't seen her in church," upon which these people then fell into a silence and "looked at N funny". Then came the "But isn't PP your Godmother?" question, which seems to have made N feel as though he's been shut out of some big secret. The long phone call with N ends. In the days following I get two emails from him: one giving me "advice" about who I choose to share personal information with, and one telling me to go into therapy. At the beginning of the weekend (there's more stress going on in my life right now) I send N an email asking him to please not try and contact me for the moment. I also say that he remains in my daily prayers, and that if he needs any assistance, he should speak to the parish priest. Today I received a reply from N. He says he will, as requested, not contact me. He also says he will however keep records of all our email conversations, because he believes my integrity to have been compromised, and that we should hope that such data will not be necessary. This has me [i]stumped[/i]. Completely stumped. I don't know what to do. It's been suggested that I go to the parish priest and tell him everything, but will that be a bit like running to teacher? Actually I think I'm more worried that there's some obscure part of Dutch law which says that if you don't tell your Godchildren EVERYTHING about your personal life, they can lock you up and throw away the key. Gah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 [quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1945542' date='Aug 10 2009, 01:39 PM']Today I received a reply from N. He says he will, as requested, not contact me. He also says he will however keep records of all our email conversations, [b]because he believes my integrity to have been compromised, and that we should hope that such data will not be necessary.[/b] This has me [i]stumped[/i]. Completely stumped. I don't know what to do.[/quote] +J.M.J.+ say whaaaaa????? uhm, seriously, what? 'your integrity has been compromised'? i give up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Start with the person who violated the confidentiality agreement. May not be easy, but that's the first step to resolving this situation. If you don't know, ask and find out. Second, find out what they said. In order to clarify things, you need to know exactly what was said and why. Third, you and the person who violated the confidentiality agreement need to talk to N and explain what happened. That's all the advice I can give. Hope it helps. I'll keep you in my prayers. ---------------- Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/hans+zimmer+%26+james+newton+howard/track/like+a+dog+chasing+cars+(album+version)"]Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard - Like A Dog Chasing Cars (Album Version)[/url] via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StColette Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Holy smokes. I would first speak with the person who broke the confidentiality agreement and find out exactly what was said. Once that has been taken care of and the story cleared up, I would probably address this to the parish priest. Explain to him what has taken place due to someone's confidentiality break as well as screwing up what is actually going on. Be sure you tell the priest that N is very concerned because of what person F told them. Be sure the priest knows that what N was told is not the correct story. Person F must have really screwed up what you had told them for N to act in this manner. Especially if N says that your reputation has been compromised. If stories are floating around the parish, I would definitely involve the priest in what is really going on. Better you make an appointment with him first than him seek you out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 Have just received two more emails from N; one about the parish priest, and another about my façade. I'm scared. But have talked to a friend on the phone and will do nothing for now (haven't replied to any of them). I was [i]going[/i] to try and get an early night after all this! But then the website I run seems to be behaving badly...sigh. Oh well. The coffee pot's on, so it looks like I'll be here for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 +J.M.J.+ oh dear. you have my prayers for sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 I've sent an email to the parish priest asking if I can speak with him sometime soon about something very important. I can't go into details on the email because he never reads them (he's computer illiterate) and it all goes via his secretary. I hope he has time for me sometime soon this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 When things like this happen, I feel like I've been sucked into the eye of a hurricane, and can't figure out how it happened, and wishing that being a hermit was an option for me. Prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeniteAdoremus Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I tried to understand him when it was just the phonecalls. But those e-mails are really insane. Sigh. I so like to think that nutcasery is confined to non-Catholics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 [quote name='VeniteAdoremus' post='1946039' date='Aug 11 2009, 12:33 PM']I tried to understand him when it was just the phonecalls. But those e-mails are really insane. Sigh. I so like to think that nutcasery is confined to non-Catholics [/quote] Unfortunately I think the voicemails have been deleted. Perhaps my phone company has them stored somewhere? This might sound paranoid but I feel a need to keep a hold of everything in case I get hauled in front of the judge on a charge of Not Telling Someone Something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeniteAdoremus Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 [quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1946041' date='Aug 11 2009, 01:46 PM']Unfortunately I think the voicemails have been deleted. Perhaps my phone company has them stored somewhere? This might sound paranoid but I feel a need to keep a hold of everything in case I get hauled in front of the judge on a charge of Not Telling Someone Something.[/quote] I only went to law school for one year, but I'm pretty sure that won't happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie-Therese Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Awww PP, prayers for you. :hug: Prayers for your indiscreet friend, that they may learn how damaging their actions have been. Prayers for your insane friend N, that he may get a life. I don't mean to sound so flippant, but seriously, without the benefit of knowing the particulars of your situation, it sounds as though your friend N is a little on the unstable side. Perhaps your parish priest will be able to offer good advice on how best to handle the situation. Love for you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bus Station Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Prayers, indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 [quote name='Marie-Therese' post='1946088' date='Aug 11 2009, 10:51 AM']Awww PP, prayers for you. :hug: Prayers for your indiscreet friend, that they may learn how damaging their actions have been. Prayers for your insane friend N, that he may get a life. I don't mean to sound so flippant, but seriously, without the benefit of knowing the particulars of your situation, it sounds as though your friend N is a little on the unstable side. Perhaps your parish priest will be able to offer good advice on how best to handle the situation. Love for you!![/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now