Discerning Single/josephite/marriage?

[Sarah147]

Hello,

So, I've only got two orders open to talking -- the RSM and the order in LA.


Now, if they both realize God isn't calling me, I will take it as time to discern single vs josephite vs marriage.



Where on earth do I begin?

And I KNOW this isn't MY TIME, but when God wills it... I know it could be years before something shows fruit.


God bless you!

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Prayers for you, you are definitely in my prayers.

[Sarah147]

I know they haven't discerned I'm NOT called yet... But this will help me prepare mentally if they do say so...

[das8949]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323560404' post='2348748']
Hello,

So, I've only got two orders open to talking -- the RSM and the order in LA.


Now, if they both realize God isn't calling me, I will take it as time to discern single vs josephite vs marriage.



Where on earth do I begin?

And I KNOW this isn't MY TIME, but when God wills it... I know it could be years before something shows fruit.


God bless you!
[/quote]
What is Josephite? How old are you if I may ask, but if you are uncomfortable with that question it is ok. Just curious.

[Sarah147]

Late twenties.

Josephite is a marriage without sexual relations. It's focused on living chastity.

I was more focused on that when I didn't think I could manage children, but that fear is slowly fading.

[StClare_OraProNobis]

It makes sense that you might have been afraid of having children if you didn't think it possible for you to manage them. But what would be the attraction other than that to marriage without the marital embrace? Sex within marriage is an inherently GOOD thing!

[Sarah147]

I don't have any problems with sexual relations. My focus has been more about the children part. But I think fears and uncertainty, and never babysitting are a part of that.

Edited December 11, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[StClare_OraProNobis]

okay. that makes sense.

[MithLuin]

Peace and Good Will to you, [b]Joyful Life[/b]!

I think that you should focus on discerning with the two orders you are in communication with. Knowing that you have a 'backup plan' to consider marriage or the single life is fine, but I don't think you need actively discern either of those at the moment.

Also...as for a Josephite marriage...I really think that is something that needs to be discerned [i]with[/i] a partner. The two of you would have to discern it together. It's an unusual situation, so not usually something that is sought out.

And...to be blunt....if you wait another 10 years or so to get married, you are unlikely to have the option to bear children, so perhaps that is a question to save for if/when the possibility of marrying a man arises!

[Sarah147]

That thought kind of saddens me... losing the ability to have children.

[FutureSister2009]

I never heard of Josephite before. Interesting. Probably not something I would consider for myself. But praying for you

[MithLuin]

Well, I'm a few years older than you, and single, so....it's a reality I have to be aware of. I mean, there's always the opportunity to foster children who are in need of a temporary home and such, so I don't think that biological clocks have to determine parenthood options...but they do tick.

A lot can happen in a year, though, let alone 10, so it's not exactly something you have to worry about!

[Sister Marie]

Having children, especially for women, is an issue that they have to take a strong good look at in whatever vocation they follow. In religious life there always comes a time when the baby thing starts nagging at you and you have to come to peace with it. It's good to be aware of that feeling.

[Nunsense]

[quote name='FutureSister2009' timestamp='1323571602' post='2348873']
I never heard of Josephite before. Interesting. Probably not something I would consider for myself. But praying for you
[/quote]


I think finding a 'Josephite spouse' would be a very difficult thing to do and as someone else has said here, it is something that BOTH parties need to discern. I think it would be more likely to occur with two friends who have both decided to live celibate lives and known each other for a long time and decided that sharing their lives would be of more service to God than living apart, rather than actively seeking out another person who wants to do this.

I also don't think it would be easy and would require the help of a spiritual director or priest to determine if this is indeed a calling from God because the main purpose of marriage is procreation. Even the Martins, who wanted to live a Josephite marriage were counselled by their priest to have children. The reason that Joseph and Mary didn't have relations is a little different - she already had a spouse, the Holy Spirit and was going to give birth to the Son of God.

Be sure to have a SD in on this discernment!!!

Edited December 11, 2011 by nunsense

[Sarah147]

I guess my main question and reason for this thread is how to discern between single VS marriage in general, if it comes to be that I'm not called to RL? Where would I begin?

Edited December 11, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[StClare_OraProNobis]

Have you tried asking the Lord?

[Sarah147]

I've had so much on my plate that it's been hard to focus. I go to Sunday Mass a little early and sit in Adoration/prayer talking to God about this and everything going on. I don't get simple, clear answers in prayer. I'm very ADHD-minded and so thoughts float around.

I've got a loved one that is getting really sick, and may need a nursing home; I may need to live some place else and have no clue where; I'm tired a lot of the time and waiting on the medicines to kick in within a few months; I'm not sure what the two orders have to say about my discernment but I feel confident that if they say no, I can discern other callings.

It's a lot going on, but still, this nags at me and I need to know better to prepare about how to discern these callings in the future. It's pretty clear about discerning religious life, but seems different for other callings.

Edited December 11, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[StClare_OraProNobis]

Ultimately "discernment" is about hearing the Voice of God through prayer, the circumstances of our lives and the guidance of wise people (especially those with authority over us like a spiritual director.) It might be best to put these questions "on the shelf" until you are in a better place to actually discern your vocation, (ie there is more stability in your life.) It seems like the immediate discernment questions should be the next step right ahead of you...maybe a job? a place to live? roommates to help with bills? Being faithful to the Lord's Voice in these "small" matters will help you to be able to hear and respond to His Voice in the "bigger" ones. Discern what would please the Lord right now, this very minute! Keep doing that minute after minute and you will be a saint.

[Sarah147]

[quote name='StClare_OraProNobis' timestamp='1323639310' post='2349280']Being faithful to the Lord's Voice in these "small" matters will help you to be able to hear and respond to His Voice in the "bigger" ones. Discern what would please the Lord right now, this very minute! Keep doing that minute after minute and you will be a saint.
[/quote]

Wow!

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323633610' post='2349190']
I guess my main question and reason for this thread is how to discern between single VS marriage in general, if it comes to be that I'm not called to RL? Where would I begin?
[/quote]

Focus on the now ... focus on your discernment with the two communities you are discerning with. Focusing on the what ifs leads to a lot of confusions and turmoil in the heart.

I remember I used to be the type of person who would always take and think about upcoming things (ex: a meeting with a professor, etc). and go through all of the possible combinations of things that could happen. It would keep me awake at night. It was insane, really.

It was also my way of trying to "control" the uncontrollable.

I finally got to a point where I realized the fruitlessness, the waste of time it was to worry to that degree. Yes -- I think about the future, but only to a point. I've realized though, that it is the now that I am called to serve and to meet Christ.

Finally -- if you have settled in your heart that (at this point in time) you are called to religious life, even though that call is unconfirmed by a community, then focus on that. You'll spend a lot of your energies focusing on the what-ifs when maybe it would be better spent focusing on your relationship with your potential future Spouse (the Lord).

Praying for light in your discernment,