StClare_OraProNobis Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Have you tried asking the Lord? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 (edited) I've had so much on my plate that it's been hard to focus. I go to Sunday Mass a little early and sit in Adoration/prayer talking to God about this and everything going on. I don't get simple, clear answers in prayer. I'm very ADHD-minded and so thoughts float around. I've got a loved one that is getting really sick, and may need a nursing home; I may need to live some place else and have no clue where; I'm tired a lot of the time and waiting on the medicines to kick in within a few months; I'm not sure what the two orders have to say about my discernment but I feel confident that if they say no, I can discern other callings. It's a lot going on, but still, this nags at me and I need to know better to prepare about how to discern these callings in the future. It's pretty clear about discerning religious life, but seems different for other callings. Edited December 11, 2011 by JoyfulLife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StClare_OraProNobis Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Ultimately "discernment" is about hearing the Voice of God through prayer, the circumstances of our lives and the guidance of wise people (especially those with authority over us like a spiritual director.) It might be best to put these questions "on the shelf" until you are in a better place to actually discern your vocation, (ie there is more stability in your life.) It seems like the immediate discernment questions should be the next step right ahead of you...maybe a job? a place to live? roommates to help with bills? Being faithful to the Lord's Voice in these "small" matters will help you to be able to hear and respond to His Voice in the "bigger" ones. Discern what would please the Lord right now, this very minute! Keep doing that minute after minute and you will be a saint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 [quote name='StClare_OraProNobis' timestamp='1323639310' post='2349280']Being faithful to the Lord's Voice in these "small" matters will help you to be able to hear and respond to His Voice in the "bigger" ones. Discern what would please the Lord right now, this very minute! Keep doing that minute after minute and you will be a saint. [/quote] Wow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323633610' post='2349190'] I guess my main question and reason for this thread is how to discern between single VS marriage in general, if it comes to be that I'm not called to RL? Where would I begin? [/quote] Focus on the now ... focus on your discernment with the two communities you are discerning with. Focusing on the what ifs leads to a lot of confusions and turmoil in the heart. I remember I used to be the type of person who would always take and think about upcoming things (ex: a meeting with a professor, etc). and go through all of the possible combinations of things that could happen. It would keep me awake at night. It was insane, really. It was also my way of trying to "control" the uncontrollable. I finally got to a point where I realized the fruitlessness, the waste of time it was to worry to that degree. Yes -- I think about the future, but only to a point. I've realized though, that it is the now that I am called to serve and to meet Christ. Finally -- if you have settled in your heart that (at this point in time) you are called to religious life, even though that call is unconfirmed by a community, then focus on that. You'll spend a lot of your energies focusing on the what-ifs when maybe it would be better spent focusing on your relationship with your potential future Spouse (the Lord). Praying for light in your discernment, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 Y'all always say what I need to hear. I just feel so impatient about waiting to hear back from the orders. The RSM still haven't emailed back, and the other order, I'll call if I find out something from the RSM. I agree about the control thing. Soooo much going on feels out of my control and it's scary. How do I deal with that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323638907' post='2349274'] I've had so much on my plate that it's been hard to focus. I go to Sunday Mass a little early and sit in Adoration/prayer talking to God about this and everything going on. I don't get simple, clear answers in prayer. I'm very ADHD-minded and so thoughts float around. I've got a loved one that is getting really sick, and may need a nursing home; I may need to live some place else and have no clue where; I'm tired a lot of the time and waiting on the medicines to kick in within a few months; I'm not sure what the two orders have to say about my discernment but I feel confident that if they say no, I can discern other callings. It's a lot going on, but still, this nags at me and I need to know better to prepare about how to discern these callings in the future. It's pretty clear about discerning religious life, but seems different for other callings. [/quote] If you do choose to discern other vocations, I think rather than thinking 'okay i'm gonna discern single life' or whatever it might be better to be more general. Spend time in prayer and rather than thinking about any certain path just offer your life to God and surrender your will to His and let Him show you where you are meant to be. It might still be religious life in a different order, it might be married or single life but rather than discern each one in turn just be open to wherever and whatever God is calling you to. Whatever it is if you let Him guide your life then He will show you where you're meant to be. Keeping you in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323643108' post='2349322'] I agree about the control thing. Soooo much going on feels out of my control and it's scary. How do I deal with that? [/quote] You deal with that by realizing your entire life is held in the palm of God's hand, the God who loves you more than anyone else on earth ever could. He wants nothing but the best for you, and as long as you do your best to stay open to Him, you'll have the best. That could be religious life and it could be something else. But whatever it is, it will be exactly what [i]you [/i]need to be holy and get to heaven. Trust Him. Everything He wills for you eventually leads to something amazing, even the bad things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 Wow. Isn't that amazing? His path will lead to holiness and get me to Heaven, assuming I follow it faithfully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InPersonaChriste Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323643108' post='2349322'] Y'all always say what I need to hear. I just feel so impatient about waiting to hear back from the orders. The RSM still haven't emailed back, and the other order, I'll call if I find out something from the RSM. I agree about the control thing. Soooo much going on feels out of my control and it's scary. How do I deal with that? [/quote] Giving it all to God everyday.. and if that's to hard just take it in your prayers. "God I give you the morning" "God I give you the Afternoon" Though it might sound silly at times, the repetition and the constant reminder of giving things to God can really help me get through the day. Prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 (edited) I would say that probably a calling to Josephite marriage would be a specific calling shared by two people, not because they dont see themselves having children, but maybe for another reason... I don't know though cause I've never discerned that calling. but it seems just like with other vocations, it wouldn't be trying to escape something, but trying to find holiness in that situation.. hope that doesn't sound harsh cause I don't mean it to be! it's something I've been thinking about in my own discernment as well...do we want a vocation because we're truly drawn to it or because we want to avoid something else? and for discerning between religious life and being single or being married, I really don't know! Edited December 12, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323562157' post='2348761'] I don't have any problems with sexual relations. My focus has been more about the children part. But I think fears and uncertainty, and never babysitting are a part of that. [/quote] You should also consider that in a marriage you are not alone managing children. Yes it is true that the mother has the main role especially in the first years, but you have a husband first of all who helps you, supports you, counsels you etc., and then your parents, relatives, teachers, friends, babysitters etc... so I think this is not a thing you should worry about too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Babysitting is completely different from having your own baby. I know some amazing mothers who never babysat in their life. You learn as you go! You're never going to be fully prepared for parenthood, no matter how many kids you babysat or how many books you've read. But that is part of the beauty and joy of it. Don't let those fears get in the way if you are discerning marriage...Be open to Him, and God will give you the grace to be an amazing mother. No babysitting required! I have more to say but I'm on DH's phone and it takes too long to type. Will return later. Be assured of my prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antigonos Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I actually met my husband just when, at 31, I had really become comfortable with the idea that I wouldn't marry at all since my "bashert" [Yiddish word which means "destined one"] hadn't shown up and people tend to marry rather young in Israel [meet in the army, etc.] You can't force these things. [Jewish proverb: God created the heaven and the earth in 6 days, rested on the Sabbath, and since then has been matching men and women up for marriages] I would second all those who advise continuing your discernment, but also keep an open mind. You could meet Mr. Right tomorrow, or you could find the Perfect Religious Order [which might be entirely different than the ones you've been investigating] also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 (edited) I love y'all. Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement, especially Cherie. PS I sent you a PM, too, cherie. Edited December 12, 2011 by JoyfulLife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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