Discerning Single/josephite/marriage?

[Sarah147]

Y'all always say what I need to hear. I just feel so impatient about waiting to hear back from the orders. The RSM still haven't emailed back, and the other order, I'll call if I find out something from the RSM.

I agree about the control thing. Soooo much going on feels out of my control and it's scary. How do I deal with that?

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323638907' post='2349274']
I've had so much on my plate that it's been hard to focus. I go to Sunday Mass a little early and sit in Adoration/prayer talking to God about this and everything going on. I don't get simple, clear answers in prayer. I'm very ADHD-minded and so thoughts float around.

I've got a loved one that is getting really sick, and may need a nursing home; I may need to live some place else and have no clue where; I'm tired a lot of the time and waiting on the medicines to kick in within a few months; I'm not sure what the two orders have to say about my discernment but I feel confident that if they say no, I can discern other callings.

It's a lot going on, but still, this nags at me and I need to know better to prepare about how to discern these callings in the future. It's pretty clear about discerning religious life, but seems different for other callings.
[/quote]

If you do choose to discern other vocations, I think rather than thinking 'okay i'm gonna discern single life' or whatever it might be better to be more general. Spend time in prayer and rather than thinking about any certain path just offer your life to God and surrender your will to His and let Him show you where you are meant to be. It might still be religious life in a different order, it might be married or single life but rather than discern each one in turn just be open to wherever and whatever God is calling you to. Whatever it is if you let Him guide your life then He will show you where you're meant to be.

Keeping you in my prayers.

[MissyP89]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323643108' post='2349322']
I agree about the control thing. Soooo much going on feels out of my control and it's scary. How do I deal with that?
[/quote]

You deal with that by realizing your entire life is held in the palm of God's hand, the God who loves you more than anyone else on earth ever could. He wants nothing but the best for you, and as long as you do your best to stay open to Him, you'll have the best.

That could be religious life and it could be something else. But whatever it is, it will be exactly what [i]you [/i]need to be holy and get to heaven.

Trust Him. Everything He wills for you eventually leads to something amazing, even the bad things.

[Sarah147]

Wow. Isn't that amazing? His path will lead to holiness and get me to Heaven, assuming I follow it faithfully.

[InPersonaChriste]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323643108' post='2349322']
Y'all always say what I need to hear. I just feel so impatient about waiting to hear back from the orders. The RSM still haven't emailed back, and the other order, I'll call if I find out something from the RSM.

I agree about the control thing. Soooo much going on feels out of my control and it's scary. How do I deal with that?
[/quote]

Giving it all to God everyday.. and if that's to hard just take it in your prayers.
"God I give you the morning"
"God I give you the Afternoon"

Though it might sound silly at times, the repetition and the constant reminder of giving things to God can really help me get through the day.
Prayers!

[MarysLittleFlower]

I would say that probably a calling to Josephite marriage would be a specific calling shared by two people, not because they dont see themselves having children, but maybe for another reason... I don't know though cause I've never discerned that calling. but it seems just like with other vocations, it wouldn't be trying to escape something, but trying to find holiness in that situation.. hope that doesn't sound harsh cause I don't mean it to be! it's something I've been thinking about in my own discernment as well...do we want a vocation because we're truly drawn to it or because we want to avoid something else? and for discerning between religious life and being single or being married, I really don't know!

Edited December 12, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[organwerke]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323562157' post='2348761']
I don't have any problems with sexual relations. My focus has been more about the children part. But I think fears and uncertainty, and never babysitting are a part of that.
[/quote]

You should also consider that in a marriage you are not alone managing children. Yes it is true that the mother has the main role especially in the first years, but you have a husband first of all who helps you, supports you, counsels you etc., and then your parents, relatives, teachers, friends, babysitters etc... so I think this is not a thing you should worry about too much.

[Cherie]

Babysitting is completely different from having your own baby. I know some amazing mothers who never babysat in their life. You learn as you go! You're never going to be fully prepared for parenthood, no matter how many kids you babysat or how many books you've read. But that is part of the beauty and joy of it. Don't let those fears get in the way if you are discerning marriage...Be open to Him, and God will give you the grace to be an amazing mother. No babysitting required!

I have more to say but I'm on DH's phone and it takes too long to type. Will return later. Be assured of my prayers!

[Antigonos]

I actually met my husband just when, at 31, I had really become comfortable with the idea that I wouldn't marry at all since my "bashert" [Yiddish word which means "destined one"] hadn't shown up and people tend to marry rather young in Israel [meet in the army, etc.] You can't force these things. [Jewish proverb: God created the heaven and the earth in 6 days, rested on the Sabbath, and since then has been matching men and women up for marriages]

I would second all those who advise continuing your discernment, but also keep an open mind. You could meet Mr. Right tomorrow, or you could find the Perfect Religious Order [which might be entirely different than the ones you've been investigating] also.

[Sarah147]

I love y'all. Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement, especially Cherie.


PS I sent you a PM, too, cherie.

Edited December 12, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[MissyP89]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323647773' post='2349400']
Wow. Isn't that amazing? His path will lead to holiness and get me to Heaven, assuming I follow it faithfully.
[/quote]

And here's another little encouragement that has been so helpful for me over the years:

Let's say you don't follow Him faithfully. Let's say you make a couple of mistakes along the way that aren't necessarily His plan for you.

He'll still use all of that to bring good things. It's kind of like taking a detour and getting lost -- eventually, you'll end up where you're supposed to be. Just be sincere and don't outright reject Him, and you'll be fine.

[Sarah147]

The biggest thing for me would be to be faithful to being open to children and using nfp, and never the pill. If I go down the marriage path. I know so many friends and relatives that use the pill, so I've got to be faithful and strong about this.

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323561794' post='2348757']
Late twenties.

Josephite is a marriage without sexual relations. It's focused on living chastity.

I was more focused on that when I didn't think I could manage children, but that fear is slowly fading.
[/quote]

I don't think it's easy to get a Josephite marriage approved. I could be wrong but I think our marriage counselor priest mentioned something about it being very rare for a couple to be called not to have sexual relations... and children.

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323735070' post='2350013']
The biggest thing for me would be to be faithful to being open to children and using nfp, and never the pill. If I go down the marriage path. I know so many friends and relatives that use the pill, so I've got to be faithful and strong about this.
[/quote]
This may sound straightforward, but it's actually not hard to not use the pill. You just don't ask your doctor for it, go to the pharmacy, have it filled, and pick it up. Granted, it can probably be tempting for some people, but honestly if you're not a place to have children, NFP is really a lot simpler than you might think.

[Cherie]

[quote name='Totus Tuus' timestamp='1323738440' post='2350049']
NFP is really a lot simpler than you might think.
[/quote]

I love NFP!

And it's true; it's not hard at all NOT to use the pill, especially if you've been trained in a method of NFP from the get-go (i.e. before marriage.) So make sure you get trained in a method. I think this is good for EVERY woman, not just those who are preparing for marriage. "Female problems" occur no matter what your vocation, and following the methods of NFP can do so much to pinpoint the problem and get effective treatment. Plus, I think it would be a very good asset for a religious, that way she could speak from experience and give advice to couples who have no idea what NFP is (and LOTS and LOTS don't!) There are also many different methods out there, so if you find one that doesn't fit you for any reason, you can definitely switch to another.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1323735070' post='2350013']
The biggest thing for me would be to be faithful to being open to children and using nfp, and never the pill. If I go down the marriage path. I know so many friends and relatives that use the pill, so I've got to be faithful and strong about this.
[/quote]
[quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1323741564' post='2350101']

I love NFP!

And it's true; it's not hard at all NOT to use the pill, especially if you've been trained in a method of NFP from the get-go (i.e. before marriage.) So make sure you get trained in a method. I think this is good for EVERY woman, not just those who are preparing for marriage. "Female problems" occur no matter what your vocation, and following the methods of NFP can do so much to pinpoint the problem and get effective treatment. Plus, I think it would be a very good asset for a religious, that way she could speak from experience and give advice to couples who have no idea what NFP is (and LOTS and LOTS don't!) There are also many different methods out there, so if you find one that doesn't fit you for any reason, you can definitely switch to another.
[/quote]

I found out in my early 20s (I'm 28 now) that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) due to the diagnosis of my OB/GYN. I have always had issues with irregularity, so I do worry about being able to conceive and bear children if I discern the call to marriage. Women with PCOS have a much higher risk of miscarriages and gestational diabetes because of insulin resistance. I have never been to see an Endocrinologist, but I hope to find a full-time job soon and get health insurance so I can get an appointment with one. They know more about bioidentical hormone replacement therapies than an OB/GYN. I was also not given any tests aside from a 12 hour blood sugar test, so I can't be absolutely sure that I have PCOS. It could be something else. I really need to get an ultrasound of my ovaries and have blood tests done to check my hormone levels.

[Cherie]

[quote name='MaterMisericordiae' timestamp='1323742126' post='2350111']

I found out in my early 20s (I'm 28 now) that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) due to the diagnosis of my OB/GYN. I have always had issues with irregularity, so I do worry about being able to conceive and bear children if I discern the call to marriage. Women with PCOS have a much higher risk of miscarriages and gestational diabetes because of insulin resistance. I have never been to see an Endocrinologist, but I hope to find a full-time job soon and get health insurance so I can get an appointment with one. They know more about bioidentical hormone replacement therapies than an OB/GYN. I was also not given any tests aside from a 12 hour blood sugar test, so I can't be absolutely sure that I have PCOS. It could be something else. I really need to get an ultrasound of my ovaries and have blood tests done to check my hormone levels.
[/quote]

I wish I could set you up with a NaPro doctor. My old ob/gyn group in Harrisburg, PA was NFP-only and NaPro trained. (I'm sure other methods would also be helpful, but I only speak from experience with Creighton Model, because it's the only method I've been trained in and it's worked well for me.) They do a TON of work with women with PCOS. I know an NFP forum you might be interested in joining; they have a TON of ladies there who could offer advice, support, and encouragement. You might find it's a good resource for you!

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='CherieMadame' timestamp='1323742379' post='2350116']

I wish I could set you up with a NaPro doctor. My old ob/gyn group in Harrisburg, PA was NFP-only and NaPro trained. (I'm sure other methods would also be helpful, but I only speak from experience with Creighton Model, because it's the only method I've been trained in and it's worked well for me.) They do a TON of work with women with PCOS. I know an NFP forum you might be interested in joining; they have a TON of ladies there who could offer advice, support, and encouragement. You might find it's a good resource for you!
[/quote]

I'd be up for anything. I really wish I could afford to go to see a specialist. Please pray for me to find a job very soon!

[Sarah147]

This goes for your suspected thyroid issues, and other issues you brought up... Something I learned from other thyroid/adrenal patients is that endocrinologists are the toughest to give diagnosis. The best thing is to see a family or internist that does biodentical hormone replacement or a good ND that does bioidentical. Because if you aren't severe, most won't give you dx; I'd look for an open minded doctor.

Edited December 13, 2011 by JoyfulLife

[i<3LSOP]

I suggest praying, but most of all listening. Maybe go to a chapel and just kneel or sit and listen to the Lord. It is difficult with the many distractions in life, but this really helps! Here is a prayer that I have:


[b]Oh, Holy Spirit, beloved of my soul... I adore You. Enlighten me, guide me, strengthen me, console me. Tell me what I should do.... give me Your orders. I promise to submit myself to all that You desire of me and then accept all that You permit to happen to me. Let me only know your will. Amen.[/b]


This prayer is powerful. Many prayers for you and your exciting adventure with the Lord!