Family Troubles

[emilier98]

Has anyone else had trouble with their family after telling them that you want to become a sister/nun/priest/brother? My family is currently threatening to disown and never speak to me again. I could use a little help on how to talk to them and a little support too.

[HopefulBride]

Are your parents catholic?

I had that experience with extended family as a matter of fact, I still have cousins who are not aware of my acceptance because of their initial reaction to my discernment. What's important is to stay rooted in prayer and to let the Holy Spirit be your guide and comfort. Perhaps taking the time to explain to your parents that the decision is not about you but rather about pleasing the Lord and glorifying His name.

I shall keep you and your family in my prayers during this difficult time.

Edited March 1, 2011 by HopefulBride

[emilier98]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1298950633' post='2216684']
Are your parents catholic?

I had that experience with extended family as a matter of fact, I still have cousins who are not aware of my acceptance because of their initial reaction to my discernment. What's important is to stay rooted in prayer and to let the Holy Spirit be your guide and comfort. Perhaps taking the time to explain to your parents that the decision is not about you but rather about pleasing the Lord and glorifying His name.

I shall keep you and your family in my prayers during this difficult time.
[/quote]

No my family is not Catholic, in fact they are mostly Southern Baptist, however none of them actually go to church. I am not entirely sure why they are so angry. I have tried explaining that this is what I feel called by God to do, however they cannot hear me right now. I have a number of my Catholic friends who are trying to talk me out of joining a religious order because I do not fir their image of a sister because I have been married, I am not terribly young (I'm 30) and I live my life fully. I have about two friends who are actually being supportive. I keep praying and praying and praying and when I put my headphones and think about the day I take my final vows, the day I receive my habit, the day I start my candidacy, the day I get to go visit I feel my heart swell and I am happy that I finally know what God has been preparing me for.

[LadyOfSorrows]

I'm going through something similar. I'm a convert and my family is Jewish. It's very difficult at home, and my parents have threatened to pull me out of my Catholic university because they are afraid that I'm being "brainwashed." It has been extremely rough and trying at times. Cling to Jesus, and try to witness to your family by loving them. It can be difficult when they're insulting you, but they need to see the joy in your heart that only God can give. Love them and pray for them. It's really all we can do.

I've stopped talking about it with my family because it only creates more problems, but it is certainly difficult not to talk about the One you're so in love with! Just like when a woman meets the man she will marry...it's hard not to show that you're in love. But it's so hard to understand that kind of love and desire for such a life when one has not experienced it. I'm still dealing with hurt from my parents' insults and threats, so I wish I could help more. But I'll definitely pray that the situation at home becomes a little easier! It's a big cross to carry, but we don't have to carry it alone. You have all the saints and angels on your side!

[CatherineM]

My mom refused to speak to me. I eventually gave in to her wishes.

[emilier98]

[quote name='LadyOfSorrows' timestamp='1298954649' post='2216696']
I'm going through something similar. I'm a convert and my family is Jewish. It's very difficult at home, and my parents have threatened to pull me out of my Catholic university because they are afraid that I'm being "brainwashed." It has been extremely rough and trying at times. Cling to Jesus, and try to witness to your family by loving them. It can be difficult when they're insulting you, but they need to see the joy in your heart that only God can give. Love them and pray for them. It's really all we can do.

I've stopped talking about it with my family because it only creates more problems, but it is certainly difficult not to talk about the One you're so in love with! Just like when a woman meets the man she will marry...it's hard not to show that you're in love. But it's so hard to understand that kind of love and desire for such a life when one has not experienced it. I'm still dealing with hurt from my parents' insults and threats, so I wish I could help more. But I'll definitely pray that the situation at home becomes a little easier! It's a big cross to carry, but we don't have to carry it alone. You have all the saints and angels on your side!
[/quote]

Thank you. I wish that I was going to school with you.

[emilier98]

[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1298956307' post='2216702']
My mom refused to speak to me. I eventually gave in to her wishes.
[/quote]

How do you feel about giving in? Have you been able to come to peace with it or something? I am considering giving in. I am not sure my happiness and fulfilling God's will is worth losing my entire family.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='emilier98' timestamp='1298961412' post='2216714']
How do you feel about giving in? Have you been able to come to peace with it or something? I am considering giving in. I am not sure my happiness and fulfilling God's will is worth losing my entire family.
[/quote]

Matthew 10:37

"He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."

It's a tough situation. Trust me, I understand. I've had my share of family problems (first converting, and then with my vocation). But my joyful perseverance has ended up winning my family over to the point of at least supporting me... and God-willing, to their own conversions. God will give you the grace, if only you accept it. Do not run away from it! Not only for your own sake, but also for your family's sake. Following God's will for you might be the way in which He is pleased to bring Your family to Himself as well.

[Antigonos]

[quote name='LadyOfSorrows' timestamp='1298954649' post='2216696']
I'm going through something similar. I'm a convert and my family is Jewish. It's very difficult at home, [/quote]

I have no wish to discourage you, but in the case of conversion from a non-Christian faith [rather than conversion from another branch of Christianity] I think it is extremely important to be absolutely clear about the reasons for conversion. You have caused your family extreme pain by, essentially, denying their reason, for literally millennia, for existing, through the most horrible persecutions. You may feel -- in fact, I'm sure you do --that you have discovered a great truth. But perhaps there are other reasons behind your conversion that are less lofty?

Only several generations ago, a Jewish family would literally mourn a family member who converted as one who was dead, and end all contact with that person, and even deny that he/she existed. Observant Jews do today. You should examine your feelings about this. "Honor your father and your mother" is a commandment in both faiths.

I would also note that, if you persevere in your vocation, you will have to detach yourself from family and friends eventually in any case. Have you really thought this through?

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='Antigonos' timestamp='1298964856' post='2216719']
I have no wish to discourage you, but in the case of conversion from a non-Christian faith [rather than conversion from another branch of Christianity] I think it is extremely important to be absolutely clear about the reasons for conversion. You have caused your family extreme pain by, essentially, denying their reason, for literally millennia, for existing, through the most horrible persecutions. You may feel -- in fact, I'm sure you do --that you have discovered a great truth. But perhaps there are other reasons behind your conversion that are less lofty?

Only several generations ago, a Jewish family would literally mourn a family member who converted as one who was dead, and end all contact with that person, and even deny that he/she existed. Observant Jews do today. You should examine your feelings about this. "Honor your father and your mother" is a commandment in both faiths.

I would also note that, if you persevere in your vocation, you will have to detach yourself from family and friends eventually in any case. Have you really thought this through?
[/quote]

It is always difficult to let a child go, especially when they no longer share the same faith that you do, but I don't think that is a good enough reason to deny the calling to religious life. Parents have a difficult time accepting some things. Even my parents, who are also Catholics, could not understand the call to religious life at first and my mom kept trying to talk me out of it. If you talk to the Sisters of all religious orders, I guarantee that 9 times out of 10, there is a member in there who was a convert to the faith.

Honoring your parents is important, but it doesn't mean you should deny God's will for you simply because your parents are not happy with it. God is the ultimate judge of what we have done and if we turn away from Him, what does that do for us? A lot of bad, for starters. I doubt that LadyOfSorrows denies the persecutions of the Jewish faith even if she is no longer Jewish herself. One can have empathy for other religions. I know I do. I am not a Jew, but I empathize with the Holocaust victims. Look at St. Edith Stein (aka Teresa Benedicta of the Cross). She was a convert from the Jewish faith, yet still suffered from the Holocaust.

Discernment is a very lengthy process. Even when the individual enters religious life, they are still discerning up to the time when they take their perpetual vows. Yes, she will have to be separated from family, but that would happen anyway if she was married, too.

Here is a website full of biographies of those who have converted from Judaism to Catholicism. Hopefully their stories will contribute a little help.

http://www.salvationisfromthejews.com/alljews.html

[LaPetiteSoeur]

Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray.

For them, for you.

It's hard for many parents to understand, espcially non-Catholic family. Thankfully, even my Protestant (Presby) extended family is supportive of whatever I feel God is calling me to do. Prayers do help immensely, though. I once read about a young girl who prayed the rosary everyday for three years, her petition that her father convert to Catholicism. After three years, he did. Now, I'm not saying that could happen, but maybe you could pray the rosary and ask Mary to help your family accept, if not understand, your desire to do God's will.

Prayers headed your way....

[Catherine Therese]

I've got a grandfather who is concerned about the vow of chastity, a bunch of Protestant friends who want to convert me before I end up irrevocably 'barking up the wrong tree' and I've met some hostility among people at work - more directed towards the specific order I'm joining rather than religious life itself. I've also had a lot of people who know my broken past judge me about what a terrible sister i'll make due to past sins that haven't managed to escape their notice.

I have not, however, suffered a lack of support in my immediate family, a fact for which I'm immensely grateful.

Unfortunately I therefore have no useful advice to offer. I do offer prayerful support, however. I really do believe in the power of prayer, and I trust that the Lord will not allow this to be insurmountable if He is indeed calling you to be His own!

[LadyOfSorrows]

[quote name='Antigonos' timestamp='1298964856' post='2216719']
I have no wish to discourage you, but in the case of conversion from a non-Christian faith [rather than conversion from another branch of Christianity] I think it is extremely important to be absolutely clear about the reasons for conversion. You have caused your family extreme pain by, essentially, denying their reason, for literally millennia, for existing, through the most horrible persecutions. You may feel -- in fact, I'm sure you do --that you have discovered a great truth. But perhaps there are other reasons behind your conversion that are less lofty?

Only several generations ago, a Jewish family would literally mourn a family member who converted as one who was dead, and end all contact with that person, and even deny that he/she existed. Observant Jews do today. You should examine your feelings about this. "Honor your father and your mother" is a commandment in both faiths.

I would also note that, if you persevere in your vocation, you will have to detach yourself from family and friends eventually in any case. Have you really thought this through?
[/quote]

If I did not see Catholicism as the completion of Judaism, I certainly would not have converted. My Jewish roots are very important to me. Do you not think it was difficult for me, as well? But when it comes to pursuing Truth, one cannot be prevented from doing so. If the will of God is different from the will of my parents-- whose will would you think I should follow?

Antigonos, I'm assuming you yourself might be Jewish, and I certainly identify with what you're saying. But you can be assured that I have thought and prayed very, very deeply about my conversion (wait, I'm sorry...[i]my completion[/i]). You can be assured of my prayers as well.

[Mercy me]

Have you checked out the Association of Hebrew Catholics? They have some good resources and experience as they have been there done that.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='emilier98' timestamp='1298961412' post='2216714']
How do you feel about giving in? Have you been able to come to peace with it or something? I am considering giving in. I am not sure my happiness and fulfilling God's will is worth losing my entire family.
[/quote]
It made my life easier in the short run. It made it harder for me to settle down to life. I eventually found my true vocation, but I think I would also have been very happy as a nun.