Starets Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 This is a post I was hoping I would never have to write. On July 9 I was asked to leave. The seniors have decided that maybe a less isolated or larger community would be better for me. The cause is my PTSD. I have been in counselling for it for over a year now and have made great strides. My counsellor does not think it is a major problem anymore. In fact she thinks the problem is almost gone. The seniors do not think so. They have decided that I should move in order to have more counselling. They do like me, though, and apparently did not have anything negative to say about me. Naturally, I was devastated when I was told that. It was like being kicked in the head while having one's heart cut out and torn to shreds. My abbot was upset as well. I intend to remain in monastic life. Never have I felt happier or more fulfilled than in this life. My goddaughter said that if things did not work out here, I could move in with her in england and we would live as brother and sister, but she is married now. But it looks like I have found a new monastic home. I will most likely be transferring to St. Mary's Monastery in Petersham (pronounced Peter's Ham). the only snag is that their superior was just elected as Abbot of Pluscarden Abbey in Scotland, which is their mother house. So I cannot ask to be transferred until a new superior is chosen, which will be around September 20th. But Abbot Anselm is supportive of it. I intend to continue persevering. This will push back when I make my Solemn Profession but I still intend to make that. maybe it can be in the fall of 2013 instead of the summer. After all, New England is very pretty when the leaves are turning colour. *sigh
HopefulBride Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Will keep you in prayer brother. May Our Lady keep you in her mantle during this hard time.
faithcecelia Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I am so sorry to hear this Staretz, from experience I know how painful it is - especially I think when they also say they believe in your vocation. If you want to talk or even 'sound off' please PM me - Im a good listener. Yiu will be especially in my prayers as you and those involved continue to discern your future. God bless you at this difficult time.
EWIE Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 [color=#800000][size=5][b]Prayers go with you, Brother.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b]The Lord writes straight with crooked lines.[/b][/size][/color] [color=#800000][size=5][b]Perhaps He has a better place prepared for you.[/b][/size][/color]
BG45 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Prayers for you and for your vocation. May the Lord keep watch over you and help you during this period, and may He guide you as you hope to transfer after the new Superior is selected.
OnlySunshine Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm sorry to hear this sad news, Brother. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be uprooted from a place that you thought would be until death. I pray that your transfer will bring you much needed peace. Prayers!
Totally Franciscan Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 This breaks my heart; I am so very sorry. You have helped so many here at Phatmass. One wonders after so many years in your present monastery, this happens. It leaves me wondering why. It just does not make sense. However, it seems it is God's will, and he has better plans for you. Be assured that so many of us are with you on this journey in prayer and support. God bless you, Brother.
Sarah147 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 How life-changing and difficult this must be for you. Praise God that you can remain within the monasteries and get counselling. Prayers.
Aya Sophia Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Prayers for you during this difficult time of transition. Hope, as you proceed, you can keep the eyes of your heart on the Lord and His love for you.
CatherineM Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I've struggled with PTSD for 20 years. I know what an irritating condition it can be. You will find the place you need to be.
Nunsense Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 This is a devastating time for you. Having been there myself, I know what a kick in the gut it feels like. I am so happy that you have found another monastery home. Of course it isn't the same thing as being accepted at your community, but with God's will, over time, it will become your home. You will probably never stop grieving for this loss, but Our Lord will convert it for you into something beautiful for Him. I don't know how to explain it, but it will happen over time if you never lose trust in His love for you. Great suffering can be a gift but it probably won't feel like that until you have some time and distance from it. I am praying for you with all my heart.
inperpetuity Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 You have my prayers, Staretz. I don't know you, but I am glad you are not giving up and do not have to leave monastic life and go back to the "world". I am sure you will be happy in Petersham. New England is my favorite place since I grew up there, and it will always be the most beautiful to me.
LaPetiteSoeur Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Prayers for you! God will lead you where He wants you to be, I can promise that.
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