Countdown Until Retreat, And Grieving

[cmaD2006]

Hi Phamily:

I go on retreat in 8 days. I am sooooooo noooooootttttt rrrrrreeeeeeaaaaaddddddyyyyy.

As some of you may have read, an aunt of mine passed away last Tuesday. I was present when she passed, along with about 14 other people. I am glad that I was present -- I was able to pray part of the chaplet the entire time from when she was taken off of life support until she passed.

However it has completely and utterly thrown me for a loop. I don't know 100% why -- but I suspect that her death has put me back into my own mom's death. Besides -- no one from Puerto Rico came to see my aunt or to her funeral, and it has served to further divide the family.

I long to see my mom's side of the family reunited, as it once was. But starting with my mom's death, and followed by another aunt and this aunt, the family has further and futher divided. The rift is large now.

I also need to someday travel back to PR, to have the gravesite blessed by a priest.

I was supposed to be focusing on my vocation and what God is asking from me. But right now it is really tough.

My s.d. mentioned that it seems as though a number of things have been coming in the way to distract me from what I should focus on. He's right. This is the second distraction in less than a month since I made a vocation related decision.

Well maybe I need to just realize that the retreat will probably be a powerful one ... since the last time I was thrown into this much of a loop right before going on retreat, the retreat turned out to be one of the most powerful and life changing retreats that I had ever had. It was a love-fest.

Thanks for the "listening" and of course I ask for your prayers,

[Nunsense]

Prayers for both your grief and rou discernment... and I will also throw in 'for your retreat' as well! It sounds as if you are going through a hard time. The evil one has been active in disturbing quite a few phatmassers who are discerning right now (including me recently), so just hang in there and may your retreat be everything you need!

[LaPetiteSoeur]

prayers for you!

Edited October 24, 2011 by LaPetiteSoeur

[brandelynmarie]

We love you cmaria! Prayers & more prayers that you may have His Peace as you follow Him.

[Aya Sophia]

Prayers for you during this time. You will probably cry a lot during your retreat - let the tears flow. The timing of these things is not an accident but God's providence - all is according to His loving will for you.

[Strictlyinkblot]

I will say the Divine Mercy chaplet for your aunt and a rosary for you. Be kind to yourself.

[HopefulBride]

Definitely prayers

[marigold]

I will pray for you. Perhaps this is what God is asking from you right now.

[cmaD2006]

Thanks for the prayers everyone ... nunsense I completely agree with what you said. I suspect it is you-know-who trying to distract.

[MissyP89]

We are all stretching and growing -- of course, you and I in very different ways -- but the fact remains that we're each doing the will of God and that is NOT going to go over well with hell.

Press on. Your aunt is with Him now, and you know that. Give yourself lots of time to grieve.

Hugs, C.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1319495231' post='2326472']
We are all stretching and growing -- of course, you and I in very different ways -- but the fact remains that we're each doing the will of God and that is NOT going to go over well with hell.

Press on. Your aunt is with Him now, and you know that. Give yourself lots of time to grieve.

Hugs, C.
[/quote]

I guess my surprise is the level of grief? We weren't very very close. Which is why to some degree I think its a distraction. I'm quite tempted to cancel the retreat (no ... I won't do it, but geez I so want to). Yet I know its really important that I do go on retreat, since it will refocus me vocation wise.

ugh.

[Lisa]

prayers- turn towards Him in your grief and your vocation concerns.

[MissyP89]

Don't run from Him. There's too much good in store for you...

[brandelynmarie]

[quote name='MissyP89' timestamp='1319495231' post='2326472']
We are all stretching and growing -- of course, you and I in very different ways -- but the fact remains that we're each doing the will of God and that is NOT going to go over well with hell.

Press on. Your aunt is with Him now, and you know that. Give yourself lots of time to grieve.

Hugs, C.
[/quote]


I'm out of props Missy, but yeah...props!

[Maximilianus]

No dejes que el dolor te descarrilará de tu camino.
Todo saldrá bien, tu verás.

Edited October 24, 2011 by Maximilianus

[Nunsense]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' timestamp='1319495554' post='2326475']

I guess my surprise is the level of grief? We weren't very very close. Which is why to some degree I think its a distraction. I'm quite tempted to cancel the retreat (no ... I won't do it, but geez I so want to). Yet I know its really important that I do go on retreat, since it will refocus me vocation wise.

ugh.
[/quote]


Remember what St Ignatius said - when you enter desolation, continue on with whatever you were doing before it hit... in your case - the retreat. Afterwards you can think about things again - more clearly.

[cmaD2006]

Aww Maximo ... gracias

BTW too funny with the papitas I LOVE that comercial.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1319499447' post='2326508']
Remember what St Ignatius said - when you enter desolation, continue on with whatever you were doing before it hit... in your case - the retreat. Afterwards you can think about things again - more clearly.
[/quote]

I'm about to re-read Fr. Gallagher's book. You're right in that I can't change directions now. Thanks

[cmaD2006]

Thanks phamily for the prayers. I'm better ... it took a change of focus to get out of it.

I think we all have families. Some are more broken than others. I can't change my family ... the only thing I can do is to try to change myself, to let go of the resentments and the things of the past that I still hold onto.

Once I get to that point of forgiveness, *then* I can try to act in His love to see if I can help reunify what has been severely broken. But until then I can only pray for them as well as for myself.

And yeah I can plan on getting someone to bless my mom's burial plot. That will bring a lot of peace too.

Finally ... I am still *tempted* to cancel the whole retreat. I mean for the first time, the form hasn't been returned, and the deposit hasn't been made. I did communicate with the center and they know what happened last week -- and my spot is reserved.

However my spiritual director said ... "GO! It will do you a lot of good."

So ... the official countdown to retreat is 5 days.

[Aya Sophia]

Please do go! Give yourself to the Lord without reserve during these blessed few days of retreat - He awaits you with love.