Entering The Convent, The Orthodox Way

[she_who_is_not]

Happy Easter!

[marigold]

Visa interview in one week!

I'm starting to think about whether I should be preparing inwardly in any particular way (the externals are about as prepared as can be, i.e. the packed suitcase has been sitting there since February - by the way, NOW Mother tells me there is a list of stuff to bring! This is called running on Orthodox Time!). I imagine the more spiritually astute of you are slapping your foreheads and thinking 'She's only getting to this now?!' but the reality is, I haven't been doing anything beyond going to the normal services and following the feasts and fasts etc. Though we did go on that whopper of a pilgrimage to Walsingham last month. I figured since neither my confessor nor abbess advised me to do anything out of the norm, I wouldn't.

So now what I'm thinking about is not major ascetic feats or anything, but the small practical things. Like waking up early, or getting used to not snacking between meals... those of you who have convent experience, did you 'train up' a bit beforehand or did you go cold turkey? I know that when I was living in I didn't prepare at all except for praying, but I was running on so much adrenaline that the changes didn't really impact me. This time, a) I'm there indefinitely, b) I'm a lot less naive than I was, and c) the last few months have been quiet, so entering will almost certainly be an upward change of gear rather than down. What do you think?

[AnneLine]

Others may have other thoughts, by I think living the way you have been living is probably the best spiritual preparation you could do. After all, the Lord has given you a very interesting challenge over the last few months - just getting through homeland security! In some ways, perhaps the whole image of leaving your country to go to that of your monastery parallels the path of leaving 'the world' to go to 'the monastery' doesn't it? You leave people and things behind... but you journey toward other people and things (albeit 'things' not of this world in part, but also some tangible ones...)

My only other suggestion (based on my own experience and that of a number of friends and directees who have entered religious life....) block in some largish chunks of time into your day and week for YOU and for YOU and GOD. There will always be more people and more things to do that will lay claim to you over the next weeks... but never enough time to just be and be with God. Make enough time to read a book you loved (if your community won't let you do things like this); go for a favorite hike, etc. Just do the things you will need to stay centered and to have good memories. (I don't suggest starting a mystery novel however... made the mistake of doing that and wasn't able to find time to finish... found myself wondering at odd mments what the ending was... very distracting!)

On a practical level, if the monastic schedule is very different, you may want to ease yourself into it a bit - but they will do that, too. If you have any addictions like coffee... do start to taper those down or you will regret it. But basically, eat and sleep and pray and enjoy... think of it as kind of like a honeymoon in reverse -- time for you and God to get used to the idea of being in eachother's company more intimately.

If any of us can help you get stuff together (or figure out where you can locate it) I bet we'd be happy -- we can always send it off to the monastery ahead of you....

Anybody else?

[mantellata]

[quote name='marigold' timestamp='1335116502' post='2421865']
Those of you who have convent experience, did you 'train up' a bit beforehand or did you go cold turkey? I know that when I was living in I didn't prepare at all except for praying, but I was running on so much adrenaline that the changes didn't really impact me.
[/quote]

I started waking up early and praying 3 hours of the office. I also tried to practice some silence and (yes I'm embarrassed to say) practicing "detachment" from family and friends - made holy hours etc... I since wished that what I [i][b]had[/b][/i] done instead was sleep A TON extra and spend the last few days making [i][b]wonderful[/b][/i] memories with my family and friends. I wouldn't trade daily Mass and weekly holy hour for the world, but I wish I hadn't tried so hard to [b]be[/b] a nun before I was one.

The extra sleep would have served to bolster my week without any sleep (excitement, nerves, feeling like I was 12 years old with all the "mistakes" I was making mean't I had trouble sleeping for the first bit) and I imagine the homesickness would have been easier to deal with if I had some precious memories to hang on too instead of the arguing that went on. Of course my mom did have an awful hard time with my choice initially.... but if I had been a little more available and understanding it would have been easier for her. Not great but easier.

Mainly, I really wish I had 10hrs of sleep per day for a week behind me before I started.

[mantellata]

[quote name='AnneLine' timestamp='1335119499' post='2421874']
On a practical level, if the monastic schedule is very different, you may want to ease yourself into it a bit - but they will do that, too. If you have any addictions like coffee... do start to taper those down or you will regret it.
[/quote]

I didn't read this AnneLine before my first post!! I laughed because I wished I had that advice when I was 22!!

Yes - the Sisters will get you on the sleeping schedule and they are understanding. BUFF UP THE SLEEP beforehand -- have I mentioned this?

Also coffee..... ah yes -- DO taper this. My community drank coffee but the Novitiate Sisters didn't have coffee in the morning before prayers. That was was a trial and a half. Interesting to note was how MUCH better my morning meditations became once I was professed..... I always had a cup before Office. It made all the difference in the world!!

[AnneLine]

Double props for what Mantellata said about spending time with friends and family. Not just for your own memories... but so that your family and friends will have good memories, too.

I know I didn't understand when I went in (and frankly, until I was the one left behind by others going in) how hard it is for them, even if they are at peace with your decision. Because... for you, it will all be new, exciting, what you had been dreaming of happening... while as for them... it is more just plain absense and loss. I've helped several people find communities and go into them, and while I am happy for them... it is still hard to start to reach for a phone, or to send an email... and then realize that this option is no longer available for us. I wouldn't pull them back for a second, but the loss is real for your family and friends... and you will feel some of it, too. Which doesn't mean you don't follow your vocation, nor that you shouldn't be at peace with that choice... but in charity, I think we need to remember that this is hard for them, too... and cut all of ourselves some slack. Spend as much quality time with them as you can... but make time for yourself to process it, too.

[indent=1][i][b]Edited for an additional thought.. .[/b]my parents weren't happy with my choice, either, Marigold. Eventually my mother made peace with it, and ironically, shortly after she had done so (and I didn't know that!) God made it clear to me that I was not to stay. But I think perhaps we both needed to get to the point where we both had let go... and then we were able to listen quietly for God's will. My dad never made a lot of peace with my going in, and for months after I came out he would call at odd hours to see if I REALLY had returned or if this was some kind of a trick! But I've never regretted going in or coming out... I think because like St. Francis, I knew I had been trying to follow His will in and out... and it makes a huge difference....[/i][/indent]

As far as the sleep thing, I'm not a person who needs a lot of sleep, thank God! I probably averaged about 6 hours before I entered... but it was the schedule change WITHOUT lots of coffee that was a real hard one for me. I got my six hours alright... but only after about 2 hours of lying awake in bed without a permission to get up, or read, or do anything other than just lay there and try to get the memories to go away.... not ideal. My body wasn't used to going to bed at 9pm.... that would have been right in the middle of my night activities... and I was ready and willing to get up and go! However, getting up before 5 am was a totally different thing... and we didn't get coffee for the first few hours of our day, ever..... and during the winter, I know my prayer in the unheated chapel often consisted of looking as lovingly as a coffee-less AnneLine can look at the tabernacle, and a heartfelt albeit VERY COLD prayer that roughly translated as "I know you are God, and I hope You are having a good time, because I am not... but I am here for YOU, not for me...." And I think God totally understood....

The other thing I found very hard was missing my cat, who had slept with me for years. I had found him a good home, but it made the nights tough. But you will get used to it... and it is another little thing you can give God for souls....

If you have a favorite restaurant, or beverage, or place to go for a walk.... enjoy them and put them into your heart... those memories are part of what you bring in your gift to God.... you aren't leaving the world because it is bad... you are choosing your Beloved because following Him is better....

You're going to do fine....

Edited April 22, 2012 by AnneLine

[Nunsense]

My advice? Sleep in a lot, enjoy all your favorite foods and drinks. Spent time with those people you love the most and relax. You have the rest of your life (hopefully) to live on a monastic schedule and try to become a nun. Enjoy what is in front of you now - God gave you that too.

[AnneLine]

Nunsense, I envy you... you managed to say in 1 paragraph what took me 2 huge posts to say.... but then, I love the writing of James Michener!

[mantellata]

Yes..... I must remember that others need less sleep than me.

Ah - how sleep is a lovely thing!

(This fourth grade teacher is so excited when she gets 7hrs of sleep!!!!.... Demanding job oddly enough)

No coffee EVER Anneline?????!!! My oh my... now THAT is a heroic feat.

Somewheres I need to dig up my quote by Archbishop Fulton Sheen which goes to the tune of the following (paraphrase) "Depriving an American Religious of her morning coffee is a cruel form of torture...."

Have I mentioned that I love the man -- if nothing else than for that thought alone!

Edited April 22, 2012 by mantellata

[marigold]

AnneLine, your post (#146, the quote button isn't working) completely has me in tears. The bits about family, not the coffee thing although I do feel your pain.

The whole business is just plain difficult and sad and awkward at the moment. I wrote about the phone conversation with my mother, and I've also been spending a lot of time with my best friend who is amazingly supportive for an atheist but has made it clear that leaving is going to hurt a lot. My baby sister I worry about a lot, because this is the same year that our parents are divorcing AND she's finishing school and going out into the big world. I want to get one of those tacky split heart necklaces where you each wear one half of the heart - I'd wear it on the same chain as my baptismal cross; I don't think the nuns would begrudge me it if it's for my sister to feel less abandoned.

Like I've said before, so many people being really sad (and happy! I've had a lot of happy too) has been a wakeup call. Part of me is like, jeeze everyone, I could have done with half this outpouring of love when I was miserable in college! It feels weird to have to leave in order to find out how much you're needed. Another part of me just wants to enter as soon and quietly as possible and trust that when they see me settled in and happy, my family will begin to be less upset. I'm not asking for banner-waving support, just tolerance and maybe acknowledgement that it could indeed be a fulfilling life for me.

Aaaah, I've hijacked my own question! Thank you AL, mantellata and nunsense for your sensible replies. I won't be exerting any rigours I don't think, but I probably ought to work on seeing both nine o'clocks in a day - and definitely strengthening the prayer. Sigh... I feel like it shouldn't have to be this complex.

[AnneLine]

Marigold and Mantellata, I may have mis-typed.... that should have been no coffee other than at breakfast... and breakfast was after Morning Prayer, Mental Prayer, Mass, and a few chores! So..... my memories of those hours aren't so many! We didn't get caffinated drinks other than breakfast for the most part (and the coffee was pretty weak, to be honest...), so the first few weeks were tough--more than I had anticipate! - as I detoxed.... not proud, but the reality...

I am in awe of fourth grade teachers, Mantellata, and I think you can probably use all the caffeine and all of the sleep you can get! It's a great age, but they will keep you on your toes!

Marigold, I hope those are good tears, dear sister. Better to deal with a little of this now while we are here to hold you a bit.... it can be really tough, especially when there is family drama going on. My parents were separated too, and they tried to 'look right' for my entrance... but all the unresolved unsaid stuff and the sadness (you can guess....) led to a huge fight IN the airport on the way home... and I didn't know what was going on and how rough it was until after I returned many months later. And I didn't have siblings, so that wasn't a factor for me... but it must be really hard. That's why I'm saying to give yourself a little time and space to talk to God about this each day... so it won't build up so hard. And we are here if you want to journal on line or PM me or any of us, we are here for you.

I think the heart necklace is a beautiful idea; if they won't let you wear it on your baptismal cross, perhaps you can put it on your prayer rope - that is usually allowed in Roman communities.

Do what you can do and don't do what you can't do. If you can be there for them, that is a gift; if you need to take time for yourself, that is fine too. Keep your focus on what you need to enter well... and to have the best memories that you did what you could do when you could... but we're not superwomen, either. It is HARD to go through these last weeks... but it means that ther are many, many graces available to ask God to give to those who are trying to surround you with love.... the Beloved is rich, and loves to bestow gifts at the bequest of his Bride....

You may be the only Bride of Christ who is going to be interviewed by Homeland Security! Imagine! What a chance to pray for all those who will be going through those interviews!!! And YOU will know some of the interviewers, too... .that is a privilege to be able to carry Christ to them in your heart.

Hang in there, and feel free to 'journal' on this thread if it would help you....

Blessings, and peace....

[mantellata]

Oh - tip on the Homeland security interview (been there).... it's amazing how far a yes mam, no mam, yes sir and no sir will take you. (Rather than a simple yes or no). They are very big on that here and even foreigners can impress with those two little words. Keep your answers simple and direct and look 'em straight in the eye. Americans are huge fans of what I used to think was "staring". Mostly just be yourself....

[AnneLine]

Yes, I agree Mantellata, as much as you can... think Edwardian Farm and you'll do fine.

The eye contact thing is big over here -- overemphasized, in my opinion, but yes, do it if you can as much as you can. I

t may help to remember something that I suggested to Lil'Red a few weeks back when she had a TV interview she had to do and she was SCARED!!!! I told her that Bl. Elizabeth of the Trinity wrote to a friend of hers that she was sending the friend a photo 'and it would bring Jesus to you, because I was thinking of Him when they took it." I love that idea... and I think God can look with love on those with whom we interact if we let Him look through us.

Also, at one point Princess Diana asked (Bl.) Mother Teresa of Calcutta how she stood all the people taking her photo and wanting to talk with her. Mother Teresa told her that it was simple; she had made a deal with God that she would get one soul released from purgatory for each photo taken!

You aren't having photos, but maybe you can ask God for a blessing for someone for each question they ask - that should make you smile!

HOpe you are sleeping well as we speak - and I love the 9 to 9 idea....

[maximillion]

I was a Staff nurse on a busy hospital ward up to two days before I decamped to France to enter.....no time or space to become a nun 'in advance'....just grabbed the passport and ferry schedule and ran!

I echo the advice, be you now, don't anticipate the nun you will become. I found going to bed at 9pm much harder than rising at 5am, and the cold early morning chapel with my stomach gurgling I well remember............

We are by nature adaptable - it is one of our best features as humans. You will adapt when you get there, as you have adapted to the delay when basically you thought you were on your way in February!

Nunsense said it all I think. A wise woman in the true sense of the word.

[marigold]

For your reading interest: the What to Bring List.

1. Certificate of baptism, chrismation and/or reception into the Church
2. Bible: whatever you are reading
3. Books, icons and prayer ropes you are currently using for spiritual reading and prayer. (Please check titles with abbess.) All other books and icons should be put in storage, or given away if you would not want them in the event of leaving the monastery
4. Alarm clock
5. Sewing kit: needles, black, white and grey thread, thimble, small scissors etc. for mending and small sewing projects
6. Toilet articles: toothpaste, toothbrushes, combs, deodorant etc. Anything you are using is probably fine, but check with the abbess. Please no perfume or makeup
7. Rain coat or poncho and umbrella
8. Heavy coat, hat, gloves, snow boots for winter (plain dark colors or black preferable)
9. Comfortable shoes with rubber soles. No high heels or loafers: please, oxfords or sandals. Black preferable
10. Wardrobe for summer and winter: skirts of reasonable length, long sleeves, please no bright colors, halter tops etc. No shorts, but blue jeans to wear under skirts can be useful. Long underwear and plenty of sweaters etc. for winter. Knee socks and/or dark-colored tights. Headscarves (plain, dark)
11. Summer and winter nightgowns, plain, dark color full length robe and slippers
12. Hobby or craft materials, musical instruments, may be useful. Please check with the abbess before bringing
13. Any photographs of yourself, your family and home that you would like to share with us so we can get to know you better.

I was glad to see that I already have pretty much everything, based off recalling what the then postulant had and also common sense. Amused that heels and makeup had to be explicitly refused! The rubber soles are because of the bare floors which can be quite noisy - I had DMs the first time and they did clomp a bit. All I need is the nightgowns and robe.

Mother seems to have changed her mind or forgotten that she'd said I could bring all my books immediately. This is not to worry, it'll make the journey easier and I can just leave a box with my housemates or parents.

This is quite a detailed and formal way of doing postulancy. Whether it's because it's the US and legislation and detailed paperwork are the way they do things there, or whether it's a nefarious Latin influence - I don't know. I'm grateful because it takes a load off my mind and stops me bombarding the Reverend Abbess with questions like 'But what if the clock [i]ticks[/i]??' Other houses may find that it's better to receive a person in their everyday clothes with just a toothbrush, but for me it's good to have it all down in one place. It frees up head and heart space to concentrate on the things which are actually important, like learning to live in very close proximity with these great women, learning how to pray, and working hard on the gardens and goats and whatever else they've got in store.

Edited April 28, 2012 by marigold

[marigold]

Why is this not bumping up???

[maximillion]

There are various problems with the phorum at the mo. I have been having trouble all week.

So glad 'the list' has nothing on it you were not prepared for, and that it gives you the head space you need........not long now!!!!!!!

[Lisa]

I'm so glad things are going well; that list looks pretty good.

Interview on Monday?

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='marigold' timestamp='1319454706' post='2326182']
I was thinking about how to start this topic, and kept running into things that would need to be explained to a (mostly) Roman Catholic audience. And I thought that there was no way to cover all the differences and similarities in a one-off post, that they would all come out better in the natural course of conversation (providing you want to converse). So I decided to post a letter that I wrote to my aunt when she first heard that I had decided to become a nun. Since I'm still unsure about how much to specify, I've edited place names etc. Hope you enjoy it! Feel free to comment/ask questions.

[size=4][i]Hello![/i][/size]

[size=4][i]It's so good to hear from you! When I saw your name in my inbox I thought perhaps I was going get trouble from you as well, so it was a nice surprise to read that you are curious and don't think the world is coming to an end.[/i][/size]

[size=4][i]We talked for a while yesterday, me and mum and dad, but I don't think we understood each other very well. [Dad] thought I'd gone a bit astray but that I should be allowed to give it a go. [Mum] got angry and said she felt she'd failed. What I tried to express to them, but might not have got across was that, on the one hand it has a lot to do with them - if they hadn't been such amazing parents and siblings, and brought me up so well, I wouldn't have the strength and the love that I do. On the other hand it doesn't have much at all to do with them. My decision is not a judgment on their lives and beliefs, nor is it just rebellion - if it had been, I wouldn't have gone around with a knot in my stomach for a year, worrying about how to tell them.[/i][/size]

[size=4][i]She asked what had become of the desire to save the world, and then I understood, as you maybe have done too, how impossible it was to explain to someone who hadn't had that experience. It was like speaking two different languages. For her, it looks like I've given up, like I'm going and hiding myself in the forest. For me it's the other way round. I see the world's need and want to be enough, want to be everywhere and help everyone. That passion remains. But I've understood that it can't be done, humanly speaking it can't be done. But it is my belief, which is to say the belief of the Orthodox Church, that if I withdraw and apply myself to prayer and work, then God can somehow act freely. I'm not standing in the way. And in that way it becomes unlimited, and can be enough for the world.[/i][/size]

[size=4][i]I don't know when I 'came up with' this idea about becoming a nun, it's always been there in the back of my mind ([Mum] says she regrets letting us watch The Sound of Music so often!). I just didn't have the right context. But then I was received into the Orthodox Church, and the week before I was received, a friend and I went to visit the monastery in Essex, and that was the last piece of the puzzle. I knew this was the life for me ... though I don't really like this concept of 'calling'. It doesn't need to be so abstract I think. It wasn't a choice as such, although I have chosen a particular monastery and must continue to choose it every day when it gets difficult with the family and there's all the nonsense with papers for the visa. It was a bit like when I first met Josh, you probably know what I mean, you just know that this person is going to be a big part of my life. That's what I felt. Monasteries are going to be a big part of my life.[/i][/size]

[size=4][i]That it then ended up being [the eastern U.S.] doesn't seem so remarkable, you end up wherever you end up, and it's these women I'm in love with, and precisely this place I want to live out the rest of my life. Of course it's not an unhealthy community. I'm encouraged to be myself and do work I love. The abbess has said I'm going to take care of the gardens and I'm very happy about that. It's a simple life, not so mysterious. They get up early and go to bed early, and during the day it's work on the farm or in the house, prayer in the chapel, meals and a little rest. On Sundays some families come to the liturgy and share a lunch afterwards - and that's when you get to taste real American food![/i][/size]

[size=4][i]The monastery itself is small. You can look at their website although they're not very good at updating it. We share patron saints, that's how I found them, when I was looking for information about mine. It's a big white house on a hill. On the farm they have sheep, goats, a few oxen, chickens and ducks. Fruit and vegetables of course, and lovely flowerbeds around the house which aren't so lovely this year since [Mother Abbess] has had cancer and it's she who is normally the gardener.[/i][/size]

[size=4][i]One of my friends wondered what would happen if this turned out to be a phase, and I subsequently wouldn't be able to leave the monastery. I told her it takes nearly ten years to decide if you want to stay or not. During the testing time of the first years, you can leave almost without saying goodbye. In contrast to what we've perhaps believed, it's not at all closed-in. No 'cloister' so to speak, no walls, the car doors are never locked.[/i][/size]

[size=4][i]But I don't find it frightening to think of a whole life in the monastery since I enjoy it so much. It's already like home. Rather, it's difficult to be here in London when I just want to be there![/i][/size]

[size=4][i]And it's the joy which draws me, the joy of working on the farm and praying often, and the joy I see in the nuns, that they've lived there for many years and still are joyful, relaxed, funny and intelligent. I want what they have. The steady joy which might not always express itself in loud laughter and shouting but which glows in their faces. In some way there aren't so many boundaries for them, they talk as easily with a stranger in the food shop as with a close friend. Perhaps that is what comes out of the daily rhythm, pray, work, eat, sleep. The days are the same, so eventually it becomes like one long day, and the spirit is freed to get on with other things. Maybe this is getting into mysticism's territory, but really it's just so everyday, so happily everyday, and that is what I love.[/i][/size]

[size=4][i]It's not about being holy or moral or even good, but about being alive or dead. In some very real way has "for his sake everything else lost its value for me." Of course it hurts to decide to leave friends, family, London, the familiar. But let it cost, because I receive so much joy. No other lifestyle has given me this joy and this satisfaction. This is what I am in the same way musicians and actors feel that it is something they are instead of only something they do. But my friend could be right, maybe it is a phase. Only one way to find out![/i][/size]

[size=4][i]Love to [your daughter].[/i][/size]

[size=4][i]Marigold[/i][/size]

[size=4][i][img]http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d42/burning_string/mk.jpg[/img][/i][/size]
[/quote]

Ha ha, this is a very beautiful letter, and I can only think of what my letter would have looked like:

[i]Dear parents,[/i]

[i]I left for the Carthusian Monastery. See you soon (Maybe).[/i]

[i]Miles.[/i]

[marigold]

[quote name='maximillion' timestamp='1335629204' post='2424375']
There are various problems with the phorum at the mo. I have been having trouble all week.

So glad 'the list' has nothing on it you were not prepared for, and that it gives you the head space you need........not long now!!!!!!!
[/quote]

No, just a week God willing! Glad it's not my computer playing up...


[quote name='Lisa' timestamp='1335630400' post='2424379']
I'm so glad things are going well; that list looks pretty good.

Interview on Monday?
[/quote]

Yep. And the upside of having absolutely no idea what to expect is that I'm not nervous!

[quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1335630481' post='2424380']
Ha ha, this is a very beautiful letter, and I can only think of what my letter would have looked like:

[i]Dear parents,[/i]

[i]I left for the Carthusian Monastery. See you soon (Maybe).[/i]

[i]Miles.[/i]
[/quote]

Haha! You be nice now