When Did You Tell Your Parents?

[MarysLittleFlower]

There are many threads about how to tell parents about discerning a vocation, discussing their possible concerns, etc...

but WHEN do you tell your family?


when did you tell them, if you already did?
maybe this could work like a poll
- right when you began discerning
- when you decided you're called to religious life even if you don't know which order
- when you decided you know about the particular order
- when you applied to the order
- when you got accepted

thanks :D

Edited November 10, 2011 by MarysLittleFlower

[faithcecelia]

I told my parents once I had been to my first 'come and see' but before I knew which community - or even order (I wanted to be a Poor Clare at first).

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

When I decided I was called to religious life even if I didn't know which order. Well, the second time anyways. The first time I was 7 and so of course I told them right away

[the171]

I told my mom when I had already planned a visit in a town across the state. (We were going there for my little sister's soccer tournament) I'm still not sure if my daad really "knows." He never says anything. ahaha I'm writing a letter to send to my biological dad if and when I'm accepted.

[Lil'Monster]

[quote name='the171' timestamp='1320897437' post='2334147']
I told my mom when I had already planned a visit in a town across the state. (We were going there for my little sister's soccer tournament) I'm still not sure if my daad really "knows." He never says anything. ahaha I'm writing a letter to send to my biological dad if and when I'm accepted.
[/quote]

im sure he will be proud

[the171]

[quote name='Lil'Monster' timestamp='1320897547' post='2334148']

im sure he will be proud
[/quote]

I'm hoping. He's dissident. He's extremely secular... I don't want anymore complications than I already have.

[TheresaThoma]

I told my parents a little after I first felt called to religious life. Though my mistake was to make some significant changes as a result of my discernment before telling them. VERY bad idea.

[OnlySunshine]

I believe I told my mom in January 2008 that I had started looking into religious orders. It was very new to the both of us. There is no one in our family who has entered religious life or even discerned. She didn't take to it too well and thought it was just a passing phase. However, as time went on, and I became more serious, she began to ask questions and opened up to the idea because she could see that it was not a phase, but a real life commitment. I think she was scared at the beginning because it was all so foreign to her. I told her after my visit with the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in Wisconsin that I wanted to apply because I felt that I found where God was calling me. When I went in for my live-in, she was very supportive and, subsequently, very upset when I left earlier than anticipated.

She has since become my biggest cheerleader. At our CRHP meeting last night, she gave her story as I had done in October and told all our CRHP sisters that she felt she learned a lot from me, which made me blush. I am so thankful to God that He opened her heart and helped her to understand and I am so glad that I never shut the door on her questions. I always tried to keep an "open door" so that she would see that my discernment involved her, too. She mentioned again to me today that she hopes this weekend works out for me so that I can finally live the life of a consecrated religious. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it again.

My dad, while supportive, doesn't fully understand the idea of religious life. He is, just now, starting to read up about Catholicism and participate more. He has never said he doesn't support me, so I know he stands behind me.

[she_who_is_not]

We have a don't ask, don't tell policy.

[marigold]

[quote name='she_who_is_not' timestamp='1320911187' post='2334206']
We have a don't ask, don't tell policy.
[/quote]

Oh dear

I told ... lemme see ... AFTER I had been accepted, but before I'd completed the application. (Still haven't totally completed it actually - need to go for a physical sometime in the next month. Eeep.) They knew I'd been visiting and writing and generally getting stars in my eyes about them for over a year though. It was a nasty shock but it wasn't a surprise nasty shock, if you see what I mean.

In hindsight I ought to have told them a lot earlier but I'm a sucker for avoiding confrontation

[savvy]

The first person I told in my family was my Mum, when I started discerning. My brother found out when I was visiting various orders. He used to joke about it.

My sister just said, I could be single, if I did not want to get married, but don't have to become a nun. She does not understand. She does not know I am dead serious either. My other sister is going to be shocked if she finds out too.

My brother does not say anything now, so I don't know how he feels.

I have decided not to tell anybody anything until I find the community I want to join and am finally accepted into it.

Edited November 10, 2011 by savvy

[Ale.SOLT]

Ahh!

I told my parents that I felt called to religious life. They kinda freaked out and didn't talk to me.
But then when I was accepted ( a few months ago) I told them and they seem pretty excited about it
They say their very proud to have a Nun as a daughter. Thy also say they have Holy Bragging rights

[marigold]

[quote name='savvy' timestamp='1320936384' post='2334289']
The first person I told in my family was my Mum, when I started discerning. My brother found out when I was visiting various orders. He used to joke about it.

My sister just said, I could be single, if I did not want to get married, but don't have to become a nun. She does not understand. She does not know I am dead serious either. My other sister is going to be shocked if she finds out too.

My brother does not say anything now, so I don't know how he feels.

I have decided not to tell anybody anything until I find the community I want to join and am finally accepted into it.
[/quote]

Sounds like a good plan savvy.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

Well, I told my mom when I first contacted the NDs. She told me it was up to me to tell my dad.

I told him after I first contacted the FEs. He was proud, nervous, and worried (he's a perpetual worrier!)

I won't tell my little sister until I've been accepted. She has too much to deal with (she's in high school) and she really doesn't need this to add to all the drama I'm sure will unfold (missing high school--never!)

My grandmother figured it out. I won't tell my father's mother until I've been accepted (my dad and I talked about this). I;m sure I won't tell the rest of my relatives until I'm accepted.

[FutureSister2009]

My mom knows. I'm not sure how I told her but it wasn't the best way. However, she went ahead and told my dad. I wasn't planning on telling him until I was already in. I doubt he even remembers now since we don't talk about it. He's going to have to learn to deal with it though if he wants his only child to be happy in life.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I did not mention this. Not only do my parents and younger siblings know, pretty much everyone I know does too. If they are friends with be on facebook, they know, as soon as I figured it out I told virtually everyone. Looking back, I wish I hadn't. I wish I would have just told those who were close to me...

[NovemberFourth]

I didn't tell anyone in my family the first time I felt called. I was about 15 at the time and terribly shy. So, I pretty much tried to ignore the feeling (there was no internet then, nor forums like this, so it was hard to get information). Over the years the feeling came back and still I said and did nothing.
I only started to seriously discern many years later. I moved abroad for a while to make discernment easier and because I needed less distractions. I still said nothing.
it was only when I came back to the UK I broached the subject. My Parents are divorced and my Father is not Catholic. I told my Mother and she was a little shocked but very supportive. I tried to talk to my Father but he just shut me down. Saying "No" over and over again with an occasional "Never" and "Absolutely not!". He would not let me speak.
I am afraid to say he still will not accept it, nor even discuss it. Our relationship is extremely strained now.
I pray, that in time, this will all be resolved. I leave it in the hands of the Lord.
I wish I had a happier outcome to tell you about. I almost did not post this but I have read that even reluctant parents do "come round" eventually - especially if they see that their children are happy!

Edited November 10, 2011 by NovemberFourth

[the171]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1320954516' post='2334416']
I did not mention this. Not only do my parents and younger siblings know, pretty much everyone I know does too. If they are friends with be on facebook, they know, as soon as I figured it out I told virtually everyone. Looking back, I wish I hadn't. I wish I would have just told those who were close to me...
[/quote]

When I first felt the call, I was so immature. I told everyone and didn't take it seriously. Now I can't discern with solitude. I'm on that boat with you.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='the171' timestamp='1320968494' post='2334585']

When I first felt the call, I was so immature. I told everyone and didn't take it seriously. Now I can't discern with solitude. I'm on that boat with you.
[/quote]
Thank you, I am glad someone is in the same situation. I was so excited and so I would just blurt it out. Now a days, I don't tell anyone new unless they ask about my plans for the future. This is part of the reason I had a week long "dark night of vocation" because I was worried if I was only doing this for the people who expected this of me or even myself. Now I have realized through the help of my Confessor that "If God wants me to be all His, He will not let anyone else get me and no one can change that. Not family, not friends." Period. I was actually concerned that if the time comes along and I am 20 and meet a guy and realize that this wasn't my call all along, I don't want certain people to be "upset" of course, there are those who do not want me to enter the convent and who think I am insane, but it is my own fault for telling them. I can't take back what's been done, and all I can do is run to the arms of my Beloved. This is what my sponsor told me yesterday that has brought me peace of mind at least in mine and her relationship:

[i][size=4][font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif]"Whatever vocation you choose in life will make me happy, if watching you become a mom instead of a nun will make me happy, then I get grand babies (well, kind of). WHATEVER you choose to do I will ALWAYS support unless you decide to do something very stupid then we will have a battle at hand. [/font][/size][/i][i][size=4][font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif]I know you want to go to the convent now and you can not, period. It is was it is. So enjoy the ride called the next 5 yrs of your life, really enjoy it."[/font][/size][/i]

That really helped me, and that was only yesterday. What the future holds, I can't be sure, but I hope I end up in solitude with my Lord and my God (the cloister!)

[HopefulBride]

I told my parents when I was about to visit the second community