Ask Sister Marie

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1325035879' post='2358343']
Joyful,

I think it would be great if someone who is married with children chimes in on this one because I can only give the perspective of love as a religious... I'm not a mother so I don't think I can accurately describe the love of a mother for her child or a woman for her husband. As a sister though my love is expansive in the sense that it is non-exclusive. My love must be able to hold all in my heart with the same amount of fervor and zeal. I see this most often when I'm with the children I teach. While they are my charges, while I am responsible for them, I give them all of myself and they have all my love. I hold them in prayer and I do my best to bring them closer to God. When I receive new students I do the same for them and I continue to bring more and more of God's children into my heart in the same way as all the others. My life is being poured out and sacrificed for each of them over and over again.

I would this relates to discernment in asking the question, to whom do you belong? Everyone belongs to God - married, single, religious... are you willing to belong, indiscriminately to God's people? or are you willing to belong to one person and one family primarily?

Anyone else...?
[/quote]

Married life and motherhood are not the same as religious life. But different doesn't mean better or worse. God gives us the grace to live the life that He wills for us.

In either life however, our first love must always be the love of God because it makes all other loves possible.

[savvy]

[quote]It's a lack of information that has created this idea that any girl who asks for an application will be given one or that the community cannot be known after a weekend or a week. [/quote]

I went to quite a few orders before I came across the one, I am discerning with now. I went to those other communities with a list of things that "I" was looking for. They had all those things, but I was not at peace. In fact there was a sense of despair.

This current community was not on my list, but everything just went smoothly. I had acquired a lot of questions along my journey, and this one retreat answered them all. It was like coming full circle, so sometimes people do know when they find the right community.

Edited December 28, 2011 by savvy

[MargaretTeresa]

[quote name='savvy' timestamp='1325038007' post='2358373']
This current community was not on my list, but everything just went smoothly. I had acquired a lot of questions along my journey, and this one retreat answered them all. It was like coming full circle, so sometimes people do know when they find the right community.
[/quote]

I spent possibly the least amount of time with the same-ish community when I went on my nun run. Yet, now after, I still feel so drawn to them. Being able to see them in their work really showed me what they were about and opened my eyes.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='MargaretTeresa' timestamp='1325038727' post='2358383']
I spent possibly the least amount of time with the same-ish community when I went on my nun run. Yet, now after, I still feel so drawn to them. Being able to see them in their work really showed me what they were about and opened my eyes.
[/quote]

I have no idea what the best way to discern a community is, or what would be best for the community itself. From reading Sr Marie's posts, I get a different idea of discernment (from both sides) than I have had from my own experiences, and I can learn from this new information. I also have a friend who is a novice with an active community in the US, and she and I communicate via email. Her discernment process has been completely different from my own, and I have learned from what she had told me as well.

I don't think there can be a 'right way' or a 'wrong way' either for the community or the discerner, since each community is as individual as each discerner. I have entered after a one week outside visit with one community and after a one week live-in visit with another. For one community, I never even visited, I applied and was accepted from outside the country and entered when I got to the country! In the last one, I spent three months doing a live-in visit and then went home again before applying and being accepted. The funny thing is that the one where I did a three month live-in and then entered, was the worst possible fit of the three! There is a great difference between living as a visitor and living as a postulant in a community, but it is difficult to explain in 140 words or less! Silly motto: If it can't fit on Twitter, then the story takes too long to tell!


Maybe it's a little bit like choosing a marriage partner. One can try all the recommended techniques for finding someone suitable and do all the 'right things' like dating and getting to know the person etc, and still have problems in the marriage. Or one can meet someone, 'fall in love' and get married very quickly and have no serious problems ever. There isn't a magic solution to either situation. One can only do one's best to discern, and to pray for God's guidance and to know that whatever happens, He will never leave us.

[MithLuin]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1325016749' post='2358179']
Can a novice in a semi-contemplative order still be friends with an outside friend, by way of chatting in snail mail letters maybe once or twice a year, or is she supposed to be more detached and not allowed to talk much about what's going on in the friend's life and comment?
[/quote]

For one semi-contemplative (or rather, contemplative-active) community that I know, written communications with friends and family throughout the year would be acceptable, even in the novitiate. Now...there *are* rules, and you of course would not be writing/receiving any of these letters during Advent or Lent under usual circumstances, and writing to an unmarried young man who is a friend may have more restrictions put on it than writing to a female friend or brother/cousin (for example). Each community handles their formation a little differently, so what the actual rules would be will depend upon the particular community.

At the end of the day, you have to do what your novice mistress says. So, if she tells you not to write to that person, or not to write at this time, or not to write about certain topics...then in obedience, you follow her instructions.

[MithLuin]

[quote name='savvy' timestamp='1324946304' post='2357825']
There are times when I feel I am totally different. All my friends are getting married or in relationships, proceeding with careers etc. I sometimes wonder if I should pursue a religious vocation, when I could just do the same as everybody else and fit in. Did you ever struggle with this?
[/quote]

I sometimes feel that way here! LOL, since I'm not discerning religious life (and never really have), I occasionally wonder if I missed the boat on that when hanging out in VS.

But no, in real life, many of my friends are married and have kids, so certainly when I spend time with them, there's a lot of talking about mom-stuff which I'm mostly out of the loop on. Sometimes I feel left out...and other times it reminds me to hang out with my single friends .

There's always a place to fit in and people who are like you. Sometimes, they're just a bit trickier to find. For instance...I would've thought no one I knew had ever been to Ethiopia or was thinking of going, but as soon as I announced it, I found all sorts of connections - a friend who likes an Ethiopian restaurant, to one who spent a few years there in his childhood, to one (from Australia!) who is possibly going while I am there, others who know a little Amharic. Not to mention people who have done exactly what I'm doing at other times being willing to chat with me about their experiences. So, while I can't really speak about that particular form of feeling 'left out', I do think there are things you can do to find solidarity in that situation....for what it is worth.


[quote name='InPersonaChriste' timestamp='1323499990' post='2348481']
Have you heard of people crossing oceans to fulfill their religious vocation?
I feel drawn to the Benedictines, but unfortunately the priory in Canada (Quebec) is not as strong as it used to be.
[/quote]

Certainly, I have heard of that, and known people from VS who have done that. Our very own [b]LC[/b] traveled from Kentucky to England to find her vocation, and is now a novice there.

But there are plenty of Benedictines in the country to the south...don't forget to check out the US of A! There may be Visa/immigration issues to sort out, and not all communities would be willing to do that, but it's a possibility.

[font="Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif"][size="2"]By 'not as strong' do you mean fewer numbers? There are 3 in Quebec, it seems:[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Abbaye Notre-Dame-de-la-Paix[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]488, rue Saint-Charles-Borromée Nord[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]C.P. 158[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Joliette,Québec[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]J6E 3Z3[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Canada[/size][/font]

[font="Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif"][size="2"]According to the OSB website, they have 18 nuns and 68 lay oblates.[/size][/font]

This one has 23 nuns and 146 lay oblates:

[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Abbaye Mont-de-la-Redemption[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]300 Boulevard Paquette[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Mont-Laurier (QC) J9L IJ9[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Canada[/size][/font]

And this one has 40 nuns and 30 oblates:
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Abbaye Sainte-Marie des Deux-Montagnes[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]2803 Chemin d'Oka[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Sainte-Marthe-sur-le-Lac(QC),JON 1PO[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Canada[/size][/font]



But these aren't the only three Benedictine monasteries in Canada!

[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]House of Bread Monastery[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]2329 Arbot Road[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Nanaimo, BC, V9R 6S8[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Canada[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]St. Benedict's Monastery[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]225 Masters Avenue[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Winnipeg, MB[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]R4A 2A1[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Canada[/size][/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]There's male communities as well, but I did not list those. [/size][/font]

[Lil'Monster]

Sister Marie,

Are you alive?

[emi77]

Dear Sister Marie,

This has probably been asked before, if so I'm sorry, but what is the name of the community you are a part of? They sound lovely!

PAX.

[Katiebobatie94]

Dear Sister Marie,

How often do you see your family? And when you see them, what do they call you? I mean, do they call you by the name they gave you at birth or do they call you by your religious name?

[Sister Marie]

Outside of formation, sisters in my community see their families when it is convenient and does not interfere with community or apostolate. Most sisters wouldn't be at their family's home every weekend unless there was an illness to care for but it is left to the sister's discretion. There isn't much of a need for a rule about that in a very busy community like mine... it isn't very frequently convenient.

My religious name also includes my baptismal name... my screen name is not my whole name. When I see my family they call me what they have always called me. They don't call me sister. Anyone I knew [i]personally [/i]before I was a sister calls me what they have always called me and I am most comfortable with that.

[Katiebobatie94]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1326232820' post='2366521']
Outside of formation, sisters in my community see their families when it is convenient and does not interfere with community or apostolate. Most sisters wouldn't be at their family's home every weekend unless there was an illness to care for but it is left to the sister's discretion. There isn't much of a need for a rule about that in a very busy community like mine... it isn't very frequently convenient.

My religious name also includes my baptismal name... my screen name is not my whole name. When I see my family they call me what they have always called me. They don't call me sister. Anyone I knew [i]personally [/i]before I was a sister calls me what they have always called me and I am most comfortable with that.
[/quote]

thanks for the help

[Lil'Monster]

SISTER MARIE IS SMART!

sorry for the big caps, btw

[Vincent Vega]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1324048395' post='2352257']

For me, personally, I don't care that much what anyone calls me. Either Sister, or Sister Marie is fine. I don't like Sister LAST NAME, but that is more because I don't use my last name at all except for legal documents. Some people do use that though because they are unfamiliar with proper protocol with sisters. It isn't disrespectful though. I also really don't like when people call me "dear" or something like that. People do that... especially older people (not all of them but A LOT of them).
[/quote]
What about ma'am? Ma'am is so ingrained into the innermost tissues of my brain that it is nearly impossible to say "yes, sister" instead of "yes, ma'am", and when I can manage to do it, it just sounds bizarre. Would you find that off-putting (bearing in mind also that we might be from different regions of the country, and you might be from somewhere where it is foreign to use ma'am/sir) (and, of course, addressing you still as "Sister Marie" outside of yes/no type interactions)?

[Sister Marie]

No, that wouldn't bother me at all. It is quite common for military to be drilled to always use ma'am too and I see it more as "cultural" than anything else.

It might bother someone else but it doesn't seem like a big deal to me .

[Vincent Vega]

That's what I suspected, but I always wanted to get confirmation and never had the opportunity. Thanks, sister!