Ask Sister Marie

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='savvy' timestamp='1323990786' post='2351829']
Thanks for sharing Sister Marie. I know a sister who told me that she is more comfortable not wearing the habit, because in her ministry with Youth, she is out with them a lot, at restaurants, at game centres, and sometimes drives home late at night. She does not want people to think, "What is this nun doing out at this time or here?"

To tell you the truth I have been afraid of wearing the habit after she said these things. What should I do?
[/quote]

Well I want to add to what you said that sometimes the habit can also be a target. Because people think we are these sweet, innocent, kinda dumb girls, they are more likely to target you. Without getting into details, I have lived in some [i]interesting[/i] neighborhoods and had some [i]close calls. [/i]While this wouldn't be true in our cultures - in others the sisters are seen as having money (in relation to how poor the people are). I have been afraid at times because of that.

I would say, don't let fear make you decide anything. Fear is never a good motivator of what to do. In addition to that, I would listen to what you feel inside about what you are comfortable with. In my community we do have the option to wear regular clothes sometimes when it is appropriate - and there are times. I don't really see people questioning a nun being out when its obvious she is "on duty" with all those kids, but they might ask that if you were travelling with another sister and ended up eating somewhere late at night. They don't know you are travelling... they just see two nuns in a restaurant late at night.

Does that make sense?

[savvy]

[quote]Does that make sense? [/quote]

Yes, it does. Thank You.

[savvy]

Sister,

You have given me a lot to think about. Speaking of the "nun doll syndrome", How does one's personality change or stay the same with religious life?

[i<3LSOP]

Sister Marie, do you prefer to be called "Sister" or "Sister Marie"? The other day I said (to a Sister) "yes Sister" and she asked if I knew her full name when I have for a year... which do you think is more proper?

[Katiebobatie94]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=4]Sister Marie,[/size][/font]

[font=verdana,geneva,sans-serif][size=4]What if you think you are called to religious life, but whenever you hint at it, your mom gets really really defensive and like uncomfortable about the whole situation, but you want her opinion? Do you stop talking/asking her? Or do you keep hinting at it?[/size][/font]

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='savvy' timestamp='1323992948' post='2351843']
Sister,

You have given me a lot to think about. Speaking of the "nun doll syndrome", How does one's personality change or stay the same with religious life?
[/quote]

I think this one is different for everyone. Sometimes if we go into religious life with preconceived notions about "who" sisters are or "who" we should be as a sister we can try to cover the parts of our personality we don't think fit into that life. This usually causes problems because God doesn't call us to be cookie cutter people. He calls the person we truly are to this life.

I wouldn't say that personality changes in religious life but it's expression does. For instance, I am a very assertive person. This is a good thing both inside and outside of religious life but I had to learn how to integrate it into religious life. When I entered my directress told us that we were in a foreign country learning a new culture - and it was true. There are a lot of different people in religious life just as there are in different cultures and we all have to figure out how we fit in together while being authentic to who we are and what we are called to.

[Sister Marie]

[quote name='i<3LSOP' timestamp='1324044120' post='2352214']
Sister Marie, do you prefer to be called "Sister" or "Sister Marie"? The other day I said (to a Sister) "yes Sister" and she asked if I knew her full name when I have for a year... which do you think is more proper?
[/quote]

For me, personally, I don't care that much what anyone calls me. Either Sister, or Sister Marie is fine. I don't like Sister LAST NAME, but that is more because I don't use my last name at all except for legal documents. Some people do use that though because they are unfamiliar with proper protocol with sisters. It isn't disrespectful though. I also really don't like when people call me "dear" or something like that. People do that... especially older people (not all of them but A LOT of them).

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1324048395' post='2352257']

For me, personally, I don't care that much what anyone calls me. Either Sister, or Sister Marie is fine. I don't like Sister LAST NAME, but that is more because I don't use my last name at all except for legal documents. Some people do use that though because they are unfamiliar with proper protocol with sisters. It isn't disrespectful though. I also really don't like when people call me "dear" or something like that. People do that... especially older people (not all of them but A LOT of them).
[/quote]


older people

[krissylou]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1324048395' post='2352257']

For me, personally, I don't care that much what anyone calls me. Either Sister, or Sister Marie is fine. I don't like Sister LAST NAME, but that is more because I don't use my last name at all except for legal documents. Some people do use that though because they are unfamiliar with proper protocol with sisters. It isn't disrespectful though. I also really don't like when people call me "dear" or something like that. People do that... especially older people (not all of them but A LOT of them).
[/quote]

The style guide for most newspapers and such would say that Sister Lastname is appropriate when a religious uses her original name, but for communities that take religious names it should be Sister Religiousname.

So, to use a couple famous examples if you were writing an article about Sister Helen Prejean CSJ (played by Susan Sarandon in Dead Man Walking) it would be Sister Prejean on second (and following) reference. But if you were writing an article about "Oprah's Nuns" the DSMME it would be Mother Assumpta Long OP on first reference and Mother Assumpta thereafter.

Just in case things are not confusing enough!

[dominicansoul]

Mother Assumpta!

[Blessed&Grateful]

I get called 'dear" all the time usually from people 20+ years younger than me. I find it annoying but I know they are using it in a friendly way not trying to be annoying. Sister Marie thank you for your responses, I am not discerning but find all of this fascinating!

[Lil'Monster]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1324048395' post='2352257']

For me, personally, I don't care that much what anyone calls me. Either Sister, or Sister Marie is fine. I don't like Sister LAST NAME, but that is more because I don't use my last name at all except for legal documents. Some people do use that though because they are unfamiliar with proper protocol with sisters. It isn't disrespectful though. I also really don't like when people call me "dear" or something like that. People do that... especially older people (not all of them but A LOT of them).
[/quote]

Hey hon!

Actually I dont mind if people called me dear or hon.....

[Feankie]

In our Archdiocesan directory, the nuns/sisters are listed, for example, as Sr. Marie Clare ( Judith) of the Sacred Heart Johnson, OP
Of course, I just made the name up, but it gets very confusing as there's the religious name, the given first name in parentheses, the title, the given last name, and then the initials of the order. PHEW! And if you've always know the nun as Sr. Marie Clare, you've got to stop and think about it for a bit.

As far as the dear or hon..... it's far better than having strangers or waitstaff great you as 'Hi guys." I'm 63, not a guy, and I detest it. Miss would be good )) but I'll go for Maam if I have to.

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='Lil'Monster' timestamp='1324094003' post='2352564']
Hey hon!

Actually I dont mind if people called me dear or hon.....
[/quote]

i<3fran calls me dear sometimes and Sr. Mary Grace used to sometimes call me hon or sweetheart.

I like those three names.

Edited December 19, 2011 by i<3LSOP

[i<3LSOP]

Sr. Marie... when you enter are you allowed to keep a Rosary that you have had for years or do they give you a new one? I know that this seems petty compared to a lot of other questions I could ask... but it's because I love a Rosary that I have from Fatima that dad got for me before I was even born.

[Sister Marie]

I kept my Rosary(ies) when I entered and no one gave me new ones. I guess other communities might have another take on that but it doesn't seem to be anything that would disrupt the flow of formation. Mine are in constant turn over anyway. Right now I'm using one that one of my students made for me last year for easter. Eventually I'll probably give it away to someone I meet who needs it more. Then I'll go back to another pair. I also always keep one set under my pillow to pray when I'm going to sleep - they are usually on the floor when I wake up. But if you don't finish your guardian angel will finish it for you!

[das8949]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1324337324' post='2353942']
I kept my Rosary(ies) when I entered and no one gave me new ones. I guess other communities might have another take on that but it doesn't seem to be anything that would disrupt the flow of formation. Mine are in constant turn over anyway. Right now I'm using one that one of my students made for me last year for easter. Eventually I'll probably give it away to someone I meet who needs it more. Then I'll go back to another pair. I also always keep one set under my pillow to pray when I'm going to sleep - they are usually on the floor when I wake up. But if you don't finish your guardian angel will finish it for you!
[/quote]

How sweet - do you know your guardian angel by name??? I have always longed for a guardian angel. sigh.

[Sister Marie]

I did ask him his name and he did tell me. I do like talking to him by name and when I finally knew it I had to apologize for being so rude for so long by not calling him by name! haha. I always have the kids ask their guardian angel their names on the vigil of the feast and then the first name they think of when they wake up is the name of their angel. They love to do it! In my community, the sisters in formation take the Guardian angels as their "feast day." We don't get a feast day until profession so the guardian angels served as our little celebration.

[MargaretTeresa]

[quote name='Sister Marie' timestamp='1324338221' post='2353959']
I did ask him his name and he did tell me. I do like talking to him by name and when I finally knew it I had to apologize for being so rude for so long by not calling him by name! haha. I always have the kids ask their guardian angel their names on the vigil of the feast and then the first name they think of when they wake up is the name of their angel. They love to do it! In my community, the sisters in formation take the Guardian angels as their "feast day." We don't get a feast day until profession so the guardian angels served as our little celebration.
[/quote]

Sister Marie, I have a few questions. First, which feast day do you refer to above.

I also have these questions from my thread "Bam"

[color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]1. How did you 100% absolutely sure know that you were meant for religious life?[/font][/color]
[color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]2. What are some good spiritual direction-ish books to read? (I'm still challenged in finding an SD and everything I read makes me want want want religious life)[/font][/color]
[color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]3. How in the Sam Hill do I tell my mom without her killing me?[/font][/color]

[color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]Also: Is it better to try to find an SD through the community I'm feeling most called to or to try to track one down in my area?[/font][/color]

[Sister Marie]

Hey MT,

First, the feast day I meant was the feast of the Guardian Angels, October 2nd ... sorry, I just took some cold medicine so maybe I wasn't clear about what I was trying to say! Or maybe you meant to ask about what I meant about the sisters having a feast day. Each sister has her own particular feast day which she receives the morning of her profession, usually but not always it is connected to her name. The sisters usually celebrate their feast by a specially prepared morning or evening prayer and their favorite dinner that night.

Now on to the other questions...

1.I think it is different for everyone when they absolutely know that they are meant for religious life. Recently the superior of my community was speaking to the sisters about the different difficulties everyone has in religious life. She said some people come to their entrance knowing that it is forever, others come to see and end up staying forever, others have to ask themselves everyday and renew their commitment for today... they each persevere to the end. For me personally, I knew the day I entered that I was casting in my lot with this community and it was a very realistic knowing. Yes, there were struggles and I had to grow into the sacrifice that that commitment entailed but I believed from the moment I met my community that this was where God was leading me and I listened for His voice to confirm that knowing and in time He did.

2. I would highly recommend reading any of Timothy Gallagher's books but especially [i]Examen[/i] and [i]Discernment of Spirits[/i]. They are both very practical yet challenging and are very helpful in any kind of discernment.

3. Well, every parent situation is different. My parents weren't thrilled but at the same time they really didn't care that much either. What are your mother's main concerns?

I don't know what type of community you are discerning with but I would make some good spiritual friends with some of the sisters in the community if you are able and save the actual spiritual direction for someone on the outside. You may have to live with the person someday and it could be awkward if they know your soul inside and out... I know some communities encourage their sisters to seek spiritual direction from only inside the community but it would not be my cup of tea and I do think it is wise, especially in communities that are larger and in which you will be moved around, for sisters to seek outside direction. I would recommend finding a religious sister, brother, or priest to help you though. I have found it much more helpful, no matter how holy the diocesan priest, to have a religious who lives in community. I could go on this for a while but is this helpful? Is there anything I left out?