Is Waiting A Legit Cross?

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Hi Pham,

So... Something that I have been struggling with beyond belief lately is waiting. Waiting to enter and be in solitude with my Beloved, you guys know what I am talking about. It used to be that I couldn't go a day not wishing I were at the convent, but now it's worse. Every day I want it more and more and more and more. EVERY DAY. I have been struggling with this for weeks.
This is not a joke, even thought some people think so. I could not make up a calling like this... I obviously know I can't go now, but it is harder and harder each day. I know I am not ready, but I feel as though I need it...
Anywho, to my question. Could this be one of my crosses??? It certainly feels like a big one for me, and maybe it is. I feel like God wants me to carry this for Him, because His call is something I will have to wait for, if you know what I am saying...

FCC

[Nunsense]

I think that it is a Cross that you have designed and built for yourself. Sorry to be blunt but you are letting your impatience control every aspect of your life, and in doing so, you are losing sight of the goal, to do God's will. You are where you are at the moment because the timing is not yet right for you to enter, so use the time well instead of wishing it away.

Every one of us has to face the limitations of our situation and to work within those limits. Instead of perceiving this time as a Cross, how about seeing this as God's gift to you to teach you a few things about self control and discipline? Learn to accept delays with humble acceptance, while continuing to make every effort to move towards your desire.

When you do enter the convent, there will be many times you can't immediately gratify your own wishes. It will help if you can start developing some maturity about it now. What if your superior delays your clothing or your profession for some reason? Do you then fall apart because you can't get what you want, and when you want it?

Think of little Feruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate factory who demands, "I want it, and I want it now!" That is what God must see sometimes from us

Be patient, relax and focus on your life now. We all need short term goals, mid term goals and long term goals. That way we don't get too focused on just the long term ones. Set yourself some small goals for the interim and work on those first. I don't want to dampen your enthusiasm, I just hope you learn to control it a little. I wish you well.

Edited December 23, 2011 by nunsense

[BarbTherese]

Good advice from nunsense!
I treat anything that causes me difficulty, suffering or discomfort as a cross responded to with love as best I can. Sometimes such things are brought about by my own weaknesses and I own and confess this to Jesus. But for this weak creature, for me, it is still a cross and so I endure as best I can for love. This would also mean that I struggle to overcome my weakness and when one is weak, the struggle against it can be a suffering and cross indeed -simply because I do not overcome my failures and weaknesses easily. I often take refuge in God's Permissive Will not with passivity but in the struggle to overcome what He may have permitted. Perhaps that struggle against failure and weakness is the very reason He has permitted it and the good He desires to bring out of it and to bring about humility. Accepted with love and united to The Cross such pinpricks and minute matters probably not at all problematic to better souls - and those of a very little weak soul are redemptive poured into the Suffering Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Edited December 23, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[BarbTherese]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1324608497' post='2356164'] Hi Pham, So... Something that I have been struggling with beyond belief lately is waiting. Waiting to enter and be in solitude with my Beloved, you guys know what I am talking about. It used to be that I couldn't go a day not wishing I were at the convent, but now it's worse. Every day I want it more and more and more and more. EVERY DAY. I have been struggling with this for weeks. This is not a joke, even thought some people think so. I could not make up a calling like this... I obviously know I can't go now, but it is harder and harder each day. I know I am not ready, but I feel as though I need it... Anywho, to my question. Could this be one of my crosses??? It certainly feels like a big one for me, and maybe it is. I feel like God wants me to carry this for Him, because His call is something I will have to wait for, if you know what I am saying... FCC [/quote]

There is another aspect. Are you overlooking your Beloved present in your life in this now, waiting - waiting for your response to Him in this now. Or are you perceiving His Presence only in a prospective and potential future point in religious life - and hence an imaginary point. I think that nunsense has some good points - to look at your attitude and perspective in this now. The Blessed Trinity is present in your soul in this and every NOW - no matter context and circumstances.

Yesterday it was extremly hot and I was outside hanging out a load of washing and dropped some pegs. I really wanted to get inside and out the heat, but I did pick the pegs up (overcoming self for a moment) for love. God is present, our Beloved is present, in every single NOW that we are living and is waiting our response to Him. Just as our Beloved is present in times of difficulty, He is totally present in our joys and blessings - waiting our response of love, thanksgiving and praise.

I can understand and empathize where you are coming from with a longed for event approaching - understand the impatience you experience. But dont overlook The Lord's invitation to you now, perhaps to patience and a suffering patience as you strive for a more perfect patience. He is permitting your impatience, but ask yourself "What might be the good He is drawing out of my impatience and how can I respond lovingly?"

My dearest now deceased brother once made a profound statement to me that has influenced heavily my life. I was miserable and he asked me what I would do with my life if I could do anything I wanted. I replied "enter a convent". His reply was "Then Sis, be a nun now!" I replied that it was not that easy. I would need an annulment and also......... He interrupted me "Cut out all that nonesense, Sis - and just BE - be a nun now". It then came home to me that a nun (not in the strict term of course) is not about location or clothing, it is about the person one is. It is not living in say a monastery and clothed as a nun that makes the nun. It is part of, but not the whole nor the most important and prime aspects.

Edited December 23, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[TheresaThoma]

A couple of things that came to mind
[list]
[*]In t[size=4][font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif]he movie Therese, St Therese is meeting with the bishop about getting permission to enter. When he won't give permission she asks, "Why would He put[/font][/size] this desire in my heart if it cannot be fulfilled?" The bishop tells her "To test you, to strengthen your calling"
[*]A good friend who is also a Jesuit, once told me t[size=4][font=arial,helvetica,sans-serif]his [color=#000000]"God will continue to call you in the present moment: for now, make school your convent, your professors and supervisors your superiors, and charity your habit"[/color][/font][/size]
[*][color=#000000][font=arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Finally ask God what He wants and needs you to do now. I realized that if God didn't have something He wants me to be doing now I would be in the convent already. I prayed and asked God to show me what I should do. Shortly there after I was asked to be a sponsor for a girl in RCIA. I know that this is what God wants of me now. Even if every other obstacle to me entering were to be taken away and I could enter tomorrow I wouldn't because I'm not done with His work here. Would it be a very hard for me to say no? Of course [b]I[/b] want to enter now but that is my desire not His. So pray and ask God to show you what He wants of you right now. [/font][/color]
[/list]

[BarbTherese]

Point 2 is particulary good advice. And your community can be any person you come across.

The Lord is always calling one. In every moment He calls and is waiting Himself - for my response to Him in this moment, this now. That call only ceases when He embraces us in Heaven. As St Augustine said "our hearts are restless, Lord, until they rest in Thee.' We will always experience a certain restlessness a certain type of impatience until that which we desire which we cannot quite pinpoint precisely here and now, is fulfilled in Heaven and restless yearning and impatience ceases - it is fulfilled.

Edited December 23, 2011 by BarbaraTherese

[faithcecelia]

Claire, you are very, very young. Childhood is a time you really should not wish away, because you simply cannot get it back once it has gone. Its also a time when your feelings change and develop, and when there is a tendancy to be very passionate about things which then later fade. At 14 I was certain I was called to be a missionary, absolutely certain. I now know that what I really felt was a sense of vocation, not the [i]specific[/i] vocation - its actually one I could not live because I am asthmatic and as far as I am aware you can only do such work if you are not on medication. Live your life as it is now, don't spend your whole time pining for what it, at present at least, impossible. If and when the time is right and it is God's will, you will enter.

[Strictlyinkblot]

I think it is a cross but its also a lesson and a purification. As much as I don't want to be in the convent today God isn't ready for me yet. As the others have already said we both have to live our lives as they are now

[faithcecelia]

Have a browse of this thread [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/115390-humph/"]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/115390-humph/[/url]. Then read some of Futuresister's recent posts. She has matured dramatocally in the last few months and has now realised that what we oldies (aged 24-35ish!!) were saying is right! I am only repeating wht she has said publically, but she has realised that she was so determined to enter the community of her choice asap that she wasn't truely discerning. Now her discernment is more honest and she is giving God a chance to have his say. I hope and pray you will come to a similar realisation. God bless you.

[savvy]

Claire,

Think of this waiting time as the time to learn new skills and grow in your relationship with God. Is there something you have always wanted to do, something that could be useful to you in religious life or in life in general, such as learning to play a musical instrument, learning to cook, play a game, make a new friend, travel somewhere, read books on theology etc.

Edited December 23, 2011 by savvy

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1324624796' post='2356305']
Claire, you are very, very young. Childhood is a time you really should not wish away, because you simply cannot get it back once it has gone. Its also a time when your feelings change and develop, and when there is a tendancy to be very passionate about things which then later fade. At 14 I was certain I was called to be a missionary, absolutely certain. I now know that what I really felt was a sense of vocation, not the [i]specific[/i] vocation - its actually one I could not live because I am asthmatic and as far as I am aware you can only do such work if you are not on medication. Live your life as it is now, don't spend your whole time pining for what it, at present at least, impossible. If and when the time is right and it is God's will, you will enter.
[/quote]


I'm 12 and my emotions change a lot; especially with my vocation. Sometimes it's where I'm so happy that I think God is calling me to Religious life... other times I'm unhappy about... etc.

I agree with enjoying childhood! For me... the summer time is running through the green grass barefoot, making daisy chains, having sleepovers, praying and getting closer to the Lord through nature and friends. In the winter seeing how fast I can zoom down the hill on a sled, preparing my home and especially my heart for Christmas, praying for the soldiers and friends and family. I love where I'm at right now... not a baby... but not a "young adult." Claire... please enjoy now. Childhood is more fun then you think.....

Edited December 23, 2011 by i<3LSOP

[i<3LSOP]

Here's a part of a post I made from another thread meant for you cause of a question you had asked:


[color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif] I want to enter now too, but I don't want these days to vanish from me either. I have realized that we are going to miss our family and traditions while we are Sisters, so we will want to have memories for when we miss them. Not unless you have a great memory, most kids can only remember really well what they did as far back as when they were maybe six or seven. Now is the time to "make memories" and enjoy time with your family so that you can look back and remember and love and pray for them. [/font][/color]

[savvy]

[quote]I'm 12 and my emotions change a lot; especially with my vocation. Sometimes it's where I'm so happy that I think God is calling me to Religious life... other times I'm unhappy about... etc.[/quote]

You are 12 Wow! When I was 12, I was not even thinking of religious life. I wanted to be an actress.

[i<3LSOP]

[quote name='savvy' timestamp='1324662999' post='2356427']
You are 12 Wow! When I was 12, I was not even thinking of religious life. I wanted to be an actress.
[/quote]

God wanted me to know early I guess. I don't mind... though it's hard waiting sometimes! Like I said I'm just happy where I am and with what I'm doing!

[FutureSister2009]

I am honored to be an example in this thread! I know a LOT has gone on in just a few short months that have helped open my eyes to the world around me. I see so much that I would be missing out on if I was already in Religious Life. I am actually starting to believe that my friend Sr. Jessica who entered Religious Life at 17 should've gone to college first. She can't technically teach because she has no degree. She's 25 now so she would've been done by now. I was exactly like you a short time ago but now I am starting to embrace everything God has called me to for now. I am waiting for Him to reveal His plan for me but enjoying myself in the meantime. One of my favorite quotes in the whole Bible is "We know that in everything God works for good for those who love Him, who are called according to His Purpose." I am slowly learning the meaning of this quote and it's really helpful for me and my Vocation. Hopefully it will help you too

Edited December 23, 2011 by FutureSister2009

[Feankie]

Claire,
Please try to live in the present moment. You can learn much about yourself, God, and others in doing so. You have so much in store for you as a teen if you just get yourself off the cross you have put yourself on. That's not to say you should push your desire to enter religious life into a closet and lock it away, but rather to take that desire and do good with it. There are so many opportunities out there to volunteer -- not just in the "world" but in the church as well. Get involved, get to know other people, get to know yourself better You might be surprised to see what you discover if you keep pineing away for something that's just not possible at the present time.

[FutureSister2009]

Another thing that's helping me is that this Christmas, I'm not going to be focusing on what I don't have and instead I'm going to focus on what I do have. I am so blessed and I know that there are so many people in this world who don't have what I have. Times are really rough right now, especially this time of year. So instead of being depressed and thinking about all this stuff that I want and can't have, I'm going to be happy because God has filled me with so many blessings this year.

[EmilyAnn]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1324608497' post='2356164']
Hi Pham,

So... Something that I have been struggling with beyond belief lately is waiting. Waiting to enter and be in solitude with my Beloved, you guys know what I am talking about. It used to be that I couldn't go a day not wishing I were at the convent, but now it's worse. Every day I want it more and more and more and more. EVERY DAY. I have been struggling with this for weeks.
This is not a joke, even thought some people think so. I could not make up a calling like this... I obviously know I can't go now, but it is harder and harder each day. I know I am not ready, but I feel as though I need it...
Anywho, to my question. Could this be one of my crosses??? It certainly feels like a big one for me, and maybe it is. I feel like God wants me to carry this for Him, because His call is something I will have to wait for, if you know what I am saying...

FCC
[/quote]

You have to accept that you can't live that vocation now and that for now it is God's will for you to live in the vocation you have now. I know it's not always as simple as that but it's an important realisation to come to. Whatever life you are in, you are called to holiness and to the Love of Christ. And you can be holy and you can have that relationship with God whether you are in the world or in the convent. For now, you have to focus on living that call to holiness and love in your life as it is now. Perhaps that is part of what your soul is crying for at this time. I wonder if maybe you equate holiness too much with the convent and as now your soul longs for holiness (as it does for us all) you interpret that as a longing for the convent. That is not to say that your longing for the convent is not a true one, but that maybe you are overlooking that call to holiness. Christ is present in all our moments in all walks of life, we just have to open our eyes and acknowledge Him.

Also try not to get swept up in the romanticism and idealisation that can happen. I know that I am very prone to this. We have to remember to be realistic. Entering will not sweep away all your flaws and imperfections and suddenly everything will be perfect. There will be down days and up days, like any form of life. The important thing is that whatever vocation you are living, you are working for the praise and glory of God and living as He wills you to do. That is important, to focus on what is God's will, not what is your desire.

I know it is difficult and in that sense yes it is a cross to bear. But it is, like all crosses, one that can be overcome with the grace of God.

[Sarah147]

Emily, very good post. I think Mother Angelica said that the desire for holiness can be confused with a desire for religious life, I forget which way that goes, but often it's actually a desire for holiness misunderstood.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Thanks everybody. I'm not sure I'll be able to get to all these right now, but I will! I really, really liked BarbaraTherese's replies. It's my "over-coming of self" that is my cross. And St. Therese said that when her final profession was delayed and she was upset it was because of her own selfishness and un-willingness to wait that she felt these feelings, and that meant a lot. So, I have other crosses that I can easily identify as crosses, but this one was hard, and I get it now. Saint Therese said that she realized that suffering was the way that Jesus would bring her souls, I am feeling the same way. The more things I am suffering, the more God puts a soul in my life that needs help spiritually, asks for advice, etc. God is trying to make me a mother of souls before I enter the convent, and I know that as of recently. The keep coming to me, and it is actually a little strange how the harder things get, the more souls start coming to me for help.
Back to BarbaraTherese, yes, I am a weak, weak creature, and that is why this is so hard, and I totally get what you are saying at that was super helpful, and I will treat my impatience as a cross from now on.
I promise to get to the rest of you later on.