Dark Night?

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1324923787' post='2357708']
It's generally advised against to have your confessor also be your spiritual director because things you talked about in confession can't be brought up by him in sd. It gets complicated.
[/quote]

Not necesarily. My s.d. is my confessor too. My last s.d. was also.

I also figure that there were Saints who got guidance/direction from their confessors. It isn't per se a hard and fast rule. So go with what works best for you.

[i<3franciscans]

Claire, after all that advice, I don't know if there is anything left to say, but I do recommend spending more time in silence. It has always helped me. Perhaps God is simply testing your strength or giving you a chance to offer your suffering up. Looking back in my life (which is quite short) I can remember many times when I asked God for suffering and then when it was given to me I didn't offer it up. Just something to think about...
As you already said you are clinging to God. Don't let go! This shall come to pass and when it does "the sun will shine out the clearer!" You are in my prayers. Much love and many hugs.

<3fran

[savvy]

[quote]Thanks everybody, I have decided I will get a SD as soon as possible, and that I am also going to talk to some people who know me very well and can share in my struggles. I have felt spiritual dryness before, but as much as I can remember, it has never been this bad... [/quote]

There is something I try, when I cannot pray. I look for something I can find in someone I meet. I ask God, "What can this person teach me"? I then reflect on it or take that to pray, depending on the person.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

First, let me caution you on starting to pray [i]all of the Hours at once[/i]. That's a lot to take up out of the blue. Perhaps, since you have already started Compline and Lauds, add Vespers. Add Prime in a month or two. If you start all at once, it will most likely be overwhelming!

I know that when you feel spiritual dryness, it's depressing. You wonder what you've done to lose God's grace. But you pray, as others have said, to give glory to God. You may not always feel something. And you aren't alone! Everyone, even the most blessed saints, have had periods of dryness and doubt. It's normal.

As others have posted, I definitely think that you would benefit from an SD. Bonne chance

[Luigi]

Praying is like eating.

You need to do it, but you don't always enjoy it. Sometimes it's quick & simple, sometimes it's more extended and elaborate. Sometimes it's delicious, and sometimes it's not.

But if you do it right, it's always nutritious.

Eat your vegetables.

[InPersonaChriste]

Hold fast to God! Prayers for you,
I entered a very dark state when I was even younger than you, and I started to rebel against God instead of binding myself to his undying love!

[AnneLine]

Claire,

You've gotten a lot of good advice here.

My two cents.... I would underline that it is important to not trust your feeling in prayer (you can't tell when prayer is 'good' or 'bad' at the time -- and a director can help sort that out). What is important is that you 'show up' even when you don't feel much like it. That is what those who are in love do... they are THERE for the other, even when it is tough. And you are in love with the Other above all other others.....and God is in love with you. It only makes sense that sometimes what happens between the two of you will not be 'felt' as a human feels things.... but it could be differently experienced from God's side. And God knows love when He sees it!

It always helps me to remember that St. Teresa had times when she shook her hour glass to make the time go faster..... and that she said she found it hard to pray without a book or an image to keep her grounded. And that St. Therese said there were times when she realized that because she felt nothing, ALL of it was for baby Jesus, and she could envision herself as just one of the baby's many toys, and she was waiting there for Him to pick up when He was ready.

It does help if you have a director - but as we all know, that can be a tough thing to find. God knows what you need to grow closer to Him in love.... as Him to send the right one!

While you can't use you feelings as a guide for whether or not your prayer was of value (St. Teresa and St. Ignatius agree on this one....), St. Ignatius suggest that after your prayer periods, you 'examine' how it went with the eye to whether or not you want to make any changes for future prayer sessions from your end. That doesn't mean we manipulate the experience, tell God what to do, nor to ask for 'warm fuzzy' feelings.... but just to get a sense of whether you were present and whether you want to change anything from your end the next time around.

Prayer is a meeting of souls.... and sometimes we just aren't all there from our end.... and other days, we are 'on' -- humans are like that in prayer and in every day life, too! But we want to try to bring the best we can to the session... and then humbly admit that it is our poor best! And that we will try better tomorrow!

One director I had said to think of planned prayer time the way we anticpate and look back on a really special, anticpated phone call. (Odd image, this, but it works) He said that if you are expecting to talk with someone special, you look forward to it ahead of time.... you try to be as 'present during it as possible, and as soon as it is over, you go over what just happened in your mind so as to not forget it. He was right... the image works. Then he went on to say that this is how spending some time during the day in 'remote preparation for prayer' and taking the time to make a 'review of prayer' fit into your prayer life. THAT makes sense!

If you are feeling great dryness or 'desolation' (feeling like you are stuck on an ocean and there is no wind to fill your sails...) preparing for and reviewing prayer can really help. They are helpful if you are on your own, and it is especially helpful if you are working with a director. Sometimes when your prayer feel blah, you realize after thinking about it there are there things you didn't notice at first that you realize you want to take forward into your day, or insights that you want to remember... write those down. Did it feel like you were communing with a rock (we all have THOSE days)... if so, note that, thank God for the time you were able to spend with Him even though it didn't 'feel' great.... you know by faith it IS great to spend time with Him, right? Acknowleding that truth honors that reality if nothing else seemed to happen.

I'll echo the suggestion about journaling, because it helps one to see if there are any changes or if perhaps something else in your world is impacting your prayer. Certainly can happen with interactions with other people....why not in our prayer life too? If you find that you are having problems on a regular basis, think about if the time and place was a good one for prayer.... noisy? distracted? too hungry? too full? If so, think about 'switching' that up a bit - different time of day, place, a snack, adding or removing a favorite image... or including earplugs! Sometimes people also find it helpful to slowly pray over a poem, or to do some simple artwork during prayertime and talk to God about those..... or to go for a long walk with God during your prayer time. It's a RELATIONSHIP and people do stuff with those they love... and it doesn't have to be the same thing every day.

Hope some of those ideas are helpful!

Edited December 27, 2011 by AnneLine

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='AnneLine' timestamp='1325005733' post='2358104']

Hope some of those ideas are helpful!
[/quote]
Yes, yes, yes! Thank you!!

[Strictlyinkblot]

I would just like to add that when I got through dry times and even dark times I find using something physical helps to ground me. I find holding my rosary even if I can't pray, looking at images and the cross help me. Its a concrete reminder of prayer. I love to look at icons of St. Michael and St. Raphael. I also love the image of Divine Mercy.

As the others have said being faithful to prayer keeps you going. Personally (and this is only my own experience) in the hard times I have to fall back on the formal prayers, like the rosary and the Divine Office and force myself through it, often repeating the prayers because I'm not sure if I've said them or not. I usually find mental prayer is beyond me at those times, though I always try to keep a dialogue with God.

Be careful of taking on too much. The Divine Office, while beautiful is a labour, albeit of love. There is a danger of taking on too much and then becoming frustrated when you can't get through it and giving up. I remember being deeply shocked many years ago when my spiritual director said I was praying too much and I should stop trying to say so many rosaries. What she meant was it was better to say one with love every day then moan and groan my way through three or four in one day and then say nothing for several days because it was all too much.

Hope it makes sense. Prayers

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

It has gotten worse. It has gotten to the point where it is not just spiritual dryness, I can't find God, I feel like He left me, and I don't understand... Help...

[faithcecelia]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1325172650' post='2359296']
It has gotten worse. It has gotten to the point where it is not just spiritual dryness, I can't find God, I feel like He left me, and I don't understand... Help...
[/quote]

He is there whether you sense Him or not. Try to just pray as usual (remembering that prayer is putting yourself in His presence - you don't need to wear yourself out with lots of words) and accept it for what it is. Why not start with that lovely quote 'Lord I believe; help my unbelief' then leave the rest to Him.

[Feankie]

FCC, I don't for a moment think God has abadoned you. Wht would be the purpose? Jesus said He would never leave us or forsake us. Could it be you'ree "trying" so hard to hear/find Him or looking in the wrong places that you've missed Him altogether? He lften comes to us in the most simple of things - everyday people and occurences that we'd normally overlook or dismiss as being banal or unimportant. Practice finding God in all of creation, in little things and big things. He's waiting for you!

[LaPetiteSoeur]

[quote name='faithcecelia' timestamp='1325173014' post='2359300']
He is there whether you sense Him or not. Try to just pray as usual (remembering that prayer is putting yourself in His presence - you don't need to wear yourself out with lots of words) and accept it for what it is. Why not start with that lovely quote 'Lord I believe; help my unbelief' then leave the rest to Him.
[/quote]

I've found that when I'm having trouble in prayer, the best prayers tend to be those with no words! I just sit in God's presence. In the quiet, God makes himself known.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Very weird... It got worse a few days ago, but after I did my office this morning, it's like I started to feel better. I'm not totally back to normal yet, but God is starting to touch me again. I needed this to learn a lesson. I took my feelings of fruitfulness of prayer for granted, I wasn't constantly thinking about God before this happened. I thought about Him a lot, but not as much as I did when I felt He had departed from me. I need to focus on Him and relish the feelings I get from prayer because you never know when they will be taken away from you.

Edited December 29, 2011 by FutureCarmeliteClaire

[marigold]

I'm glad you're feeling better Claire. A lot of excellent advice here - just catching up on it all! The thing I always, always, always remind myself of is my spiritual father's remark that "95% of life in the Church is just showing up." Still praying for you.