Sarah147 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) Hello, I was wondering if y'all could explain about this? Like, fitness to handle the relentless schedule, the little free time, all the activity put on an introvert like me, having health to live it without falling apart, etc. How do discerners and VD's figure out what of this will or won't work for a discerner? I did find that the busy schedule of convents was tough and as an introvert I'm learning that I must have some alone time to recharge. As a homeschooler, there was flexibility of schedule, so I'm not used to convent life. I bring all this up because I was talking with a friend and concerns were raised about whether I could ever handle it or at least not yet. Desire and right motivation is there but questionable on fitness. And the two last orders for me...RSM and LA Carmelites are very busy and extroverted. The RSM is fine with my controlled mental issue, but I'm asking myself if that life is too much for me. I really can't say I have fallen comfortably into routine at convents even after 3 months with the rough FI order. Also, I do better as an introvert with talking with a few small friends as I can be outgoing in that set-up. I tend to need a lot of affection and close friendship (one best friend right now), and seem to need closeness as opposed to the distance in religious life. So this all makes me question my calling. It all seems to be pointing to my hearts strong desire for marriage. Thoughts, advice....please. Edited February 15, 2012 by JoyfulLife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 You sound like you have already made up your own mind about this but just want confirmation from others? Maybe you should be asking yourself why you feel you must enter religious life when all of your inclinations seem to be in another direction? Are these questions you have asked of a VD or SD? Only those who know you well would really be able to help determine whether you have the fitness to handle religious life or not, but you don't really sound as if you want it anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 LOL My SD hasn't said much. It's been my friend that has helped try to discern this further lately. True, my heart is getting set on another path but my SD says that I could still be called and need to discern this out. Argh. I want to get moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1329271063' post='2387252'] Argh. I want to get moving. [/quote] Then what's stopping you? Religious life isn't an obligation you know. If you want another path, then take it. God can use holy lay people just as well as holy religious. And we all know the Church needs good and faithful Catholics and families. What's stopping you from following this path if this is where your heart is? Do you somehow think that God will love you more or be better pleased if you go against what your heart wants? If so, your motivation for religious life is fear based and really isn't healthy. If you are this hesitant about RL then perhaps it isn't really your calling after all and you would feel less torn apart by simply following your heart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) I'm going to have to tell this to my SD and see if that might be best. I do have the worry that I could be more fulfilled in RL and could be more pleasing to God by following my calling. Another friend said that the fact that the VD's haven't responded might be a sign that God is closing that door. Another friend said it might be the wrong timing. A good thing might be "I will leave the doors open if God shows me it's RL, but will follow my heart and now discern marriage". That might be my change soon. Must talk to SD. And friend soon. Edited February 15, 2012 by JoyfulLife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 [quote name='JoyfulLife' timestamp='1329272348' post='2387263'] I'm going to have to tell this to my SD and see if that might be best. I do have the worry that I could be more fulfilled in RL and could be more pleasing to God by following my calling. Another friend said that the fact that the VD's haven't responded might be a sign that God is closing that door. Another friend said it might be the wrong timing. [/quote] Yes, please do speak with your SD. And the fact that you haven't gotten any responses is a very good indicator that God is at least not calling you to those particular communities. As for your 'calling', if you do indeed have a calling for religious life, then God will provide the means and the opportunity to do this. But if you are simply experiencing an attraction to religious life, then any delay or setback will seem like a huge obstacle and cause you to doubt yourself. Perhaps that is why I am getting the feeling that perhaps you aren't really committed to religious life, but of course, only you and God know this for sure. As for being fulfilled, we are most fulfilled when we are living God's will each day in our lives, no matter where we are or what we are doing. And God is pleased with our efforts to love and serve Him, in whatever way we are able to express that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 It may sound obvious but put your trust in God. If He is calling you to religious life, He will fill those imperfections you see in yourself. If it is His will and you are open to Him then He will work through you and fill those gaps that we have in our human weakness. This is true for any vocation, not just a religious vocation. Perhaps you would benefit from taking a step back. Sometimes we can get ahead of ourselves and we need to take a moment. Often putting something aside for a while and coming back to it can give us a fresh perspective and allow us to see a path we couldn't see before. Remember also that God desires for you to follow His path for you, because that is the path that will bring you joy and fulfilment. Religious life is not the only path that brings that and nor is the path that is most pleasing to God - He is most pleased when we do His will and His will is always for us to lead a holy life, whatever the path we follow to it. I will keep you in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Since the desire for religious life began years ago, I wouldn't question marriage and wouldn't let myself get interested. Since I began questioning marriage after the last order didn't work out in fall/winter 2011, while still open to RL but let down....now it seems marriage is all I can think about. I've fallen for marriage, and it keeps growing every day. It's a big thing and I hope to know if it's actually my calling....praying for the graces to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 JL, you and I have been going through so many of the very same things. I think it's completely natural to have some worry about the rigors of religious life and all that you will experience should you enter there, however, you should never let it consume you. I took part in a ministry formation meeting this past weekend where I heard if you start having serious doubts about your abilities in one ministry or another to the point where it becomes an obsession, you need to let the ministry go until you can handle it again. God NEVERS desires our anxiety. In fact, the priest in Mass says "Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day. In your mercy keep us free from sin and [u][b]protect us from all anxiety[/b][/u] as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ." Anxiety and fear is not from God. The fact that you are having persistant thoughts about marriage says very much about the desires of your heart. Many people have this negative view that if they don't serve God in religious life, then they won't be loved by Him as much. That is totally untrue. God has a specific path carved out for each person. However, if we go against the path towards something else, it doesn't make Him love us any less. He is a loving God who gave us free will. He cannot and will not go against it. Please talk to your spiritual director about this again. You shouldn't be unhappy in discernment. Like nunsense said, it's probably best to take a break for a while. Sometimes it's necessary! I've done it a few times and found that I was better prepared after the break because I got to know God better in prayer. Just remember -- [u]you do not have to figure this all out today or tomorrow[/u]. You are young. Take it one day at a time and, for heaven's sake, take a breath! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) Very good advice. I also remembered today something my friend is going to have me try in my schedule to help compare it to the convent schedule. The desire is so strong for marriage, and that is what keeps making me so eager. It's hard to just tell yourself "don't feel this way" or "slow down." I need to somehow. Edited February 15, 2012 by JoyfulLife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy G. Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) Hi Joyful Life! I've wondered about the same types of things in regards to religious life. Just a couple of thoughts - First of all, in terms of being drained by activity, one option is to look at some more contemplative communities (or contemplative-active). Also, if the active communities you're looking at have daily adoration, I've heard that this becomes a time when our Lord "recharges" the sisters and they draw great amounts of energy from the silent time spent with Him to joyfully complete their daily work. So that's reassuring. Secondly, some communities have "desert" days - one day a week (in some communities one day per month) of silence, solitude, and personal prayer of the offices. That might be helpful in making the schedule feel less relentless, as you said, and help you deepen your relationship with Christ during that time of silence. These are just a couple ideas, I hope they're helpful in some small way. Personally, I think living with different communities for a few days to see how it "fits" is the best way to see if it would work for you. And, in regards to marriage, it's a wonderful thing and I think most people dream about it! A sister told me once to be completely honest with myself in front of the Lord, and find what the most consistent and deepest dersire of my heart is, and follow it. Also, since you're blessed to have a SD, he can make things less confusing for you with his advice, which of course is the most important! Prayers for you! Edited February 15, 2012 by Amy G. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strictlyinkblot Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I understand your fears. I've been torn between religious life and marriage for many years. For a long time I thought that the only reason I felt a desire for religious life was because of my past, that on some level I wanted to run away from life. I was also very afraid that I wouldn't be physically able for cloistered living. What I did was pray the Divine Office, the Rosary and tried to do as much Adoration as possible. Gradually over the past year I've become more and more at peace. I still have times of great confusion but they're becoming less and less. Hopefully your spiritual director can point you the right way. Prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 One thing I would say though is that it's nearly impossible to talk about marriage in general terms. You can juuust about get away with talking about convent life in general terms, but marriage is[i] so[/i] specific - no two are alike. You might enter a convent because you think convent life is just spiffy (where you have a timetable, a dress code, set work, location, and the give-and-take ratio all laid out for you to see beforehand), but I very much doubt you can get and STAY married because you think that of 'married life'. Having an attraction, even a very deep attraction to marriage, is totally and utterly normal. I wouldn't let that be the [i]deciding[/i] factor in which path you pursue. It may be one of the factors. Another factor may be the rigour of convent life, which is the topic you originally brought up, but again I actually wouldn't let that be the deciding factor. I have a deep attraction and desire for marriage, and a deep attraction and desire for convent life. For me, the decision came down to, 'Which of these would I forever regret not trying?' For you, it might be a different question. But it's good to remember that 'marriage' consists of one other person, for the rest of your life, and doing their laundry and probably arguing about how they scrape their plates off when they're done with dinner (actually that sounds like convent life too ). So it's good to find that person that you love so much you're willing to put up with all the drudgery for, before you make a firm decision to close another option forever. Keep us updated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah147 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Well, I'm seeing now that it isn't so "black and white." I'll need to remain open to both RL [i]and[/i] marriage as I go down any discernment. I'm taking in a lot of advice lately, and I can see I need to spend more time in prayer to pray about everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Yes, and I'm sorry if I bombarded you a bit. You know, I thought the topic of this thread was going to be whether we need to get on the treadmill and get in shape before we enter the convent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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