FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 So, I know that a degree of an attraction to guys is normal for any teenage girl, right? I haven't had a good solid crush in 2 1/2 years, and well, there's this guy I am friends with, and he feels called to be a priest. He is one of my best friends in the whole wide world, and I just hate it when I get those feelings around him. One of the reasons we can be such good friends is that we both know that at this point, we are taken, while at the same time knowing that we are both discerning God's will. But like sometimes... my thoughts wander... and I keep thinking about wanting to hold his hand. I don't have a crush on him, like really at all, but that thought often comes into my head. He is an altar server, and I saw him yesterday serving at the altar and I looked at the tabernacle and thought, "Jesus or friend?" I chose Jesus by a mile. I am kind of confused. I know to a degree this kind of thing is normal, but I am also wondering if it is just my thoughts or my hormones or what, or am I pushing away a vocation again? Am I pushing someone else's vocation away? Is this part of being open to God's will? Should I not dwell on this? Any advice would be appreciated... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 well, it is diifult to say... I think it is normal at your age, but also, if these feelings last, maybe it is a sign that you need to have a person at your side. I can only suggest: try not to indulge in these feelings: if they go, then it is nothing, if they last, then examine better yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) It's just thoughts and hormones. I've been through the same thing, and I can vouch that others here have too. Don't try and force those feelings to disappear, but don't encourage them either. Get some space if you can. Can you go to a different Mass where you don't have to watch him serve? If this is the same boy I remember you mentioning in another thread, then you're very close best friends, right? You said something about sharing your secrets and loving to talk about vocation together. Well, this is the age when you start realising that boys and girls oughn't really to have the same intimate 'sleepover' type friendships as they do with the same sex, because your hormones start getting in the way and thinking how nice it would be to hold hands! Don't guilt trip yourself by wondering if you're pushing away a vocation, or being ungrateful for it or something. EDIT: Though if he likes you too and you want to go out with him, then for the love of God don't do the whole 'we're just doing it to see if we're open to God's will although we both think we might have priestly/religious vocations too' thing. Be honest and put the nun thing on hold while you do. Let us know how it goes Edited March 12, 2012 by marigold Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) [quote name='marigold' timestamp='1331565504' post='2399571'] If this is the same boy I remember you mentioning in another thread, then you're very close best friends, right? You said something about sharing your secrets and loving to talk about vocation together. Well, this is the age when you start realising that boys and girls oughn't really to have the same intimate 'sleepover' type friendships as they do with the same sex, because your hormones start getting in the way and thinking how nice it would be to hold hands! [/quote] I am going to respond to all of the posts in a little while, but I wanted to clear this up. I have never mentioned this guy before. We don't have an "intimate" thing going, either. I think you mean Ale.SOLT or I<3Fran who mentioned a guy like that. Wasn't me! EDIT: It was Ale.SOLT, I am almost positive. Edited March 12, 2012 by FutureCarmeliteClaire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3LSOP Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1331565894' post='2399575'] I think you mean Ale.SOLT or I<3Fran who mentioned a guy like that. EDIT: It was Ale.SOLT, I am almost positive. [/quote] Yep, i<3fran hasn't told him her secrets and stuff... they are just friends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 [quote name='marigold' timestamp='1331565504' post='2399571'] If this is the same boy I remember you mentioning in another thread, then you're very close best friends, right? You said something about sharing your secrets and loving to talk about vocation together. Well, this is the age when you start realising that boys and girls oughn't really to have the same intimate 'sleepover' type friendships as they do with the same sex, because your hormones start getting in the way and thinking how nice it would be to hold hands! [/quote] Here the thread I mentioned: http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/117001-you-win-some-and-lose-some/page__p__2337954__hl__+best%20+friend%20+vocation__fromsearch__1#entry2337954 and I said: [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1321643541' post='2337954'] I have had the same experience that as I've grown closer to God more friends have left me and I have also made new friends. I do have a guy friend that is pretty close and he is discerning the priesthood and for us the best part of this is that we know we are both "taken" and we do not feel those "attraction" feelings. It is really a wonderful arrangement. Of course, neither of us would be utterly opposed to the prospect of the vocation of marriage, but any "attractions" are never the basis of our conversations. We share a lot in common, our preferences in the liturgy, our desire to give our lives entirely to God through the religious life, our love for Apologetics, our love for the Church, etc. We don't have anything that could be a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship in the future (we are still very young he is 16 and I am 13, but I can seem older and he can seem younger, just our personalities). If you feel like your friendship with Marc could be dangerous to your vocations then you should talk to your spiritual director, but if it's anything like my relationship with my friend, I don't see a reason. [/quote] and [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1321643660' post='2337955'] Oh, and my friend and I are not in a "close, close friendship" there, at this point, is no potential for a relationship. Just to clarify that my brother and him are closer than him and me. [/quote] Not sure if that's what you mean... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eumeia Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Hi - I'm new to the Phorum. I don't have advice, but this is the exact same issue I'm dealing with right now - Attraction to a young man who is discerning to be a priest, and who now knows I'm discerning also. So it's best to discourage the thoughts, avoid indulging the feelings? Does one need to put all thoughts of marriage on hold, thoroughly investigate the religious life, and determine your calling before permitting any crushes or interest in men at all? And how do you know if you need to have a person at your side? I thought all people had this need, and that religious heroically give it up as a sacrifice and find consolation in God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1331565894' post='2399575'] I am going to respond to all of the posts in a little while, but I wanted to clear this up. I have never mentioned this guy before. We don't have an "intimate" thing going, either. I think you mean Ale.SOLT or I<3Fran who mentioned a guy like that. Wasn't me! EDIT: It was Ale.SOLT, I am almost positive. [/quote] Whoops, I apologise! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 The greatest favor you can do for anyone is keep track of your female cycle. The "fertile" time is when marriage thoughts creep into the mind of the discerner. Make it a point to engage in greater prayer during that time. If you do indeed meet with an earthly spouse, having done this will be conducive to the practice of Natural Family Planning. Blessings, Gemma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i<3LSOP Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 It is most likely a mix of thoughts and hormones. I have the same feelings sometimes, and have felt so since (I hope this isn't TMI) hormones kicked in. You aren't discouraging your vocation or his vocation. The thoughts are in your head and if you control them, then it is fine. Don't worry, most girls feel this and even guys feel it too. About wanting to hold his hand... I don't get that feeling, for me it is if I see a cute guy... I'll blush. Therefore, if you really want to hold his hand and you're walking next to him..... shove your hands in your pockets or think of Jesus holding your hand. (The best part about the "Jesus holding your hand" is that He is!!!) Hormones are kicking in whether 'ya like it or not and we have to cope with 'em. *sigh* I don't know if you have any really close friends who are girls... but the amazing thing about them is that you can just sort of talk, you can have sleepovers and get together a bit more, they have good shoulders to cry on... I have turned to i<3fran and two of my cousins a lot. They are all so supportive! Maybe you could try and build an even better friendship with a girl... or with a cousin. Cousins are avvesome because they are family. Also if any nuns are around your area... you could talk or work with them. I started volunteering at a nursing home run by the Little Sisters and after going for about a half year, I started volunteering on Tuesdays. Usually a lot of kids show up on Tuesdays but one of them I was alone. Sr. J. sent me up to work with Sr. Mary Grace on the second floor. At first we were dusting and storing in silence 'cause we are both shy but we started talking and BAM history was made! I got attached to her, and was working with/for her almost every week... she was transferred though. It is wonderful to have lots of friends who are girls, boys, and then a little Irish nun to tag along and help you through life! Prayers for you and your friend! Love you Claire! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Friendship and attraction are on a continuum; it's easy for one to meld into the other. It can happen to anybody at any time. It's not necessarily a 'sign' of a particular vocation, just a sign that you are a human being with human wants and fears and loves. This is especially true when you're in your early teens. For a lot of people, adolescence is a time when their friendships really deepen and they start to appreciate the possibilities of those friendships. It's natural. I wouldn't make a big fuss over it and start to track your fertility and complicated things like that. Just entrust it to God very simply and be grateful for everything you experience. It's all part of growing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 [quote name='marigold' timestamp='1331567089' post='2399584'] Whoops, I apologise! [/quote] No problem!!! Your advice was great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureSister2009 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 The situation I am in is I have a painful crush on a guy that has a girlfriend right now. It really is painful. Crushes are the worst thing ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonjaFutura Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1331560196' post='2399551'] So, I know that a degree of an attraction to guys is normal for any teenage girl, right? I haven't had a good solid crush in 2 1/2 years, and well, there's this guy I am friends with, and he feels called to be a priest. He is one of my best friends in the whole wide world, and I just hate it when I get those feelings around him. One of the reasons we can be such good friends is that we both know that at this point, we are taken, while at the same time knowing that we are both discerning God's will. But like sometimes... my thoughts wander... and I keep thinking about wanting to hold his hand. I don't have a crush on him, like really at all, but that thought often comes into my head. He is an altar server, and I saw him yesterday serving at the altar and I looked at the tabernacle and thought, "Jesus or friend?" I chose Jesus by a mile. I am kind of confused. I know to a degree this kind of thing is normal, but I am also wondering if it is just my thoughts or my hormones or what, or am I pushing away a vocation again? Am I pushing someone else's vocation away? Is this part of being open to God's will? Should I not dwell on this? Any advice would be appreciated... [/quote] I think that you could spend some time away from discerning both vocations. Don't think of religious life or marriage. That might be hard, but that's what I did and it was only after I did that that God revealed my vocation to me. I wouldn't reccommend dating him, considering both of you are considering vocations right now. Being friends is a good idea, because then you at least have your friendship. A lot of nuns had a relationship before entering an order, so it doesn't show that you don't have a vocation to religious life. It could actually help you see your true vocation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaPetiteSoeur Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 As a wonderful Sister of Christian Charity once told me, if you didn't have emotional feelings towards anyone, you weren't normal and no religious order would accept you! It is so normal, and not at all something to be worried about if you feel attracted to someone as a friend or in other ways. What matters is how you address it. Since you are very young, FCC, you have PLENTY of time to discover God's will. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to talk it over with sister or a spiritual director or a trusted priest. Many of them had relationships before (my priest friend had several serious girlfriends and I know many others have as well) and can talk from experience. So don't worry too much about it. Ask God to help you do His will always, whatever that leads to, and nothing can go wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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