Make Cma Laugh!

[cmaD2006]

keep em coming

I'm feeling ok -- beat up after the 12 hr drive yesterday. Long story. Should have taken (with a decent rest stop) 9.

[brianthephysicist]

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.



At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
[list=1]
[*]For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
[*]Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
[*]Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
[*]Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
[*]Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
[*]The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.
[*]The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
[*]Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
[*]Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
[*]You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
[/list]

[brianthephysicist]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank - proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

[Groo the Wanderer]

Two penguins were sitting in the bathtub. One looked over and said 'Pass the salt.' The other looked back at him and snapped, 'What do you think I am? A typewriter!?'

[brianthephysicist]

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted, "Oh, pun the door!"

[BG45]

One day a man was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!"
Another person looked up at the sky and said..."Where???"

[Maximilianus]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Fulano compró un Nissan GTR. [/size][/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Entonces se va a probarla a la autopista. La acelera al máximo y mas al frente va un Porche y Fulano se le pega y le dice:[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]"¿Conoce este carro?"[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Y el del Porche acelera y se va mas al frente y Fulano se le pega de nuevo y le dice:[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]"¿este carro, lo conoces?"[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]El del porche se le despega otra vez y Fulano se le vuelve a pegar...[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]"¿Conoce este carro, es un GTR de Nissan?"[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]El del Porche ya estaba enpezando a enojarse y le dice:[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]"[/size][/font][/color][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]¡[/size][/font][/color][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Sí, lo conozco!"[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]Y Fulano le dice:[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][size=3]"¡Pues dime donde están los frenos que no puedo parar!"[/size][/font][/color]

Edited August 29, 2012 by Maximilianus

[cmaD2006]

Thanks for the jokes. Keep 'em coming. Some of you may have read but on top of not feeling well, and getting run down over the weekend I had to fly to a funeral (which I missed anyway), and now get to work the whole weekend to make up the time. So keep cma smiling .

Besides the jokes have been either lame or funny ... and both are great (I love the lame jokes ).

Maximo -- "conoces este carro? Va sumamente lento." "Si, porque no esta prendido Senora." Yes a lame attempt at a joke

[quote name='Groo the Wanderer' timestamp='1346196770' post='2475464']
Two penguins were sitting in the bathtub. One looked over and said 'Pass the salt.' The other looked back at him and snapped, 'What do you think I am? A typewriter!?'
[/quote]

IDGI??? I really, really tried. But sometimes I be slow .... Edited August 31, 2012 by cmariadiaz

[Groo the Wanderer]

[url="http://www.twopenguinsoneiceberg.com/archive/penguin-jokes-001/"]http://www.twopenguinsoneiceberg.com/archive/penguin-jokes-001/[/url]

this kinda 'splains it

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='Groo the Wanderer' timestamp='1346411744' post='2476650']
[url="http://www.twopenguinsoneiceberg.com/archive/penguin-jokes-001/"]http://www.twopengui...guin-jokes-001/[/url]

this kinda 'splains it
[/quote]

Ah it's a nonjoke?

[carmenchristi]

[quote name='Lil'Monster' timestamp='1345870241' post='2473982']
What you call a duck, a ninja, and a Relgious? "Nun-duck"


I know it's lame. I made it up.
[/quote]

I still don't get it

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='carmenchristi' timestamp='1346423540' post='2476690']
I still don't get it
[/quote]

Nunchucks. I think its a take on Nunchucks, a weapon used in Martial Arts.

[brianthephysicist]

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPU3Cg7LdTU[/media]

[cmaD2006]

Brian that was worth at least 10 props

[Chrysophylax]

I am watching that while in a study lounge at my college, trying not to laugh out loud because the room is so quiet!

[cmaD2006]

Me too I'm not at a place that I can laugh completely out loud. It was HARD not to burst out laughing.

[BG45]

Last night the President thanked Joe Biden for being the best Vice President he could ever have hoped for. I laughed.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='brianthephysicist' timestamp='1347026729' post='2479801']
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPU3Cg7LdTU[/media]
[/quote]

That was the best twenty minutes (I say twenty because five minutes in I went to the beginning and called in my sister) of my life.

[bernadette d]

[quote name='LinaSt.Cecilia2772' timestamp='1345754995' post='2472926']
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBSYD0dQCAw[/media]
[/quote]

I'd challenge anyone not to laugh at this

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='bernadette d' timestamp='1347132862' post='2480340']
I'd challenge anyone not to laugh at this
[/quote]

Ya know ... I have a child (a friend's daughter) who I can get to give me this quizitive look. It is really, really funny. Maybe some day I'll get a chance to videotape it. All I have to do is to pretend that I'm crying ... and she gives me a "whatya talkin about" look!