Advice Or Prayers, I Guess.

[Spem in alium]

Hi everyone.

This week has been somewhat easier for me than most (and it's only Wednesday, woohoo!). There are still issues with the living situation, but I'm feeling more resigned to them. Last weekend I kind of hit a point where I acknowledged that through God I am strong enough to deal with anything. I read some Scripture and put a picture my mother drew of Jesus above my bed. Those things have really helped me. Maybe the challenge will never stop being a challenge, but I draw greater strength from realising the presence of the Lord.

Unfortunately I needed to stop the rowing because of my knee. It's feeling a bit better than it was, but I don't want to become seriously injured and really ruin my time here. I was downright horrendous at rowing, so I doubt they see my absence as a great loss! But it is unfortunate for me because I enjoyed the physicality and the people there.

I have found some individuals here who are just so unbelievably, incredibly kind. I got to know the head of Campus Ministry a few weeks ago. We were having lunch together on the weekend, and out of the blue she said, "Spem, do you have a winter jacket?" I said no, and she drove me to her house and lent me one of hers. The whole time, I was just thinking, "wow, wow, wow". I met with a Sister and a couple of students for prayers on Sunday, and by the end the students had offered to take me out for dinner (again, "wow"!) Or even just people offering to help me or to be a support for me - it's just so touching. Although these might be small things, they mean so much to me, especially because I'm here on my own. It's just so amazing, and I feel so unworthy and so overwhelmed by it. But I try to repay it when I can.

This weekend I am getting involved as a leader for RCIA. I think it would be wonderful to be able to share my faith with those who are making this spiritual journey, and I hope I can do a good job of it.

Autumn (or fall, if I really want to fit in!) is coming round. I love the colours and am hoping to get out one morning or afternoon with my camera so I can take some photos.

Blessings, dear pham!

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1348668465' post='2486894']
Hi everyone.

This week has been somewhat easier for me than most (and it's only Wednesday, woohoo!). There are still issues with the living situation, but I'm feeling more resigned to them. Last weekend I kind of hit a point where I acknowledged that through God I am strong enough to deal with anything. I read some Scripture and put a picture my mother drew of Jesus above my bed. Those things have really helped me. Maybe the challenge will never stop being a challenge, but I draw greater strength from realising the presence of the Lord.

Unfortunately I needed to stop the rowing because of my knee. It's feeling a bit better than it was, but I don't want to become seriously injured and really ruin my time here. I was downright horrendous at rowing, so I doubt they see my absence as a great loss! But it is unfortunate for me because I enjoyed the physicality and the people there.

I have found some individuals here who are just so unbelievably, incredibly kind. I got to know the head of Campus Ministry a few weeks ago. We were having lunch together on the weekend, and out of the blue she said, "Spem, do you have a winter jacket?" I said no, and she drove me to her house and lent me one of hers. The whole time, I was just thinking, "wow, wow, wow". I met with a Sister and a couple of students for prayers on Sunday, and by the end the students had offered to take me out for dinner (again, "wow"!) Or even just people offering to help me or to be a support for me - it's just so touching. Although these might be small things, they mean so much to me, especially because I'm here on my own. It's just so amazing, and I feel so unworthy and so overwhelmed by it. But I try to repay it when I can.

This weekend I am getting involved as a leader for RCIA. I think it would be wonderful to be able to share my faith with those who are making this spiritual journey, and I hope I can do a good job of it.

Autumn (or fall, if I really want to fit in!) is coming round. I love the colours and am hoping to get out one morning or afternoon with my camera so I can take some photos.

Blessings, dear pham!

[/quote]
Speaking of winter, do you have boots? If not, let me know what size you wear and we may have some you can borrow. Any other winter gear, as well (hats, gloves, scarves, etc.) We have a ton.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1348701423' post='2487079']
Speaking of winter, do you have boots? If not, let me know what size you wear and we may have some you can borrow. Any other winter gear, as well (hats, gloves, scarves, etc.) We have a ton.
[/quote]

Oh...thank you so, so much - that would be really great! I actually realised today that while bringing little clothing meant that I could travel light, it also means that I'm fairly unequipped. I brought one pair of boots, but they're more of a work/farm boot than a wintery one so I'm not sure how warm they'll keep me. I usually wear shoes between sizes 5 and 7.

***

Just got back from an unplanned fire drill, and two of my suitemates asked me if I want to go to the football with them on Saturday. There's a big game on here and I've not yet been to one. I don't know anything about football (even Australian football), nor does it really interest me - but I didn't hesitate in saying yes and expressing my thanks to them. Kind of stoked that they asked. I'd like to try and make things easier, and spending time with them seems like a good place to start. Perhaps things are changing! I still haven't managed to change things much with the girl who seems cold and distant - but I'm working on her If I can have a positive impact on their lives, then I know I've done okay.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1348708853' post='2487129']
Oh...thank you so, so much - that would be really great! I actually realised today that while bringing little clothing meant that I could travel light, it also means that I'm fairly unequipped. I brought one pair of boots, but they're more of a work/farm boot than a wintery one so I'm not sure how warm they'll keep me. I usually wear shoes between sizes 5 and 7.

***

Just got back from an unplanned fire drill, and two of my suitemates asked me if I want to go to the football with them on Saturday. There's a big game on here and I've not yet been to one. I don't know anything about football (even Australian football), nor does it really interest me - but I didn't hesitate in saying yes and expressing my thanks to them. Kind of stoked that they asked. I'd like to try and make things easier, and spending time with them seems like a good place to start. Perhaps things are changing! I still haven't managed to change things much with the girl who seems cold and distant - but I'm working on her If I can have a positive impact on their lives, then I know I've done okay.
[/quote]
I will check on the size of the boots and let you know. Also, layering is always good, especially when you're going in and out a lot (like walking from building to building for classes). Otherwise you will roast to death while you're inside.

I'm glad that you seem to be making progress with them. I don't know anything about football, either. At least you have an excuse. I've had it explained to me a bazillion times and I can never remember. lol

Edited September 27, 2012 by MissScripture

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1348709775' post='2487135']
I will check on the size of the boots and let you know. Also, layering is always good, especially when you're going in and out a lot (like walking from building to building for classes). Otherwise you will roast to death while you're inside.

I'm glad that you seem to be making progress with them. I don't know anything about football, either. At least you have an excuse. I've had it explained to me a bazillion times and I can never remember. lol
[/quote]

Thank you! Yeah, there always seems to be heating or fans on here. My roommate keeps her fan on 24/7. I prefer being cool over being warm, but here I feel like I'm in Antarctica one moment and the tropics the next. I've been practicing layering, and it's worked pretty well so far.

Haha, if people here didn't already know I was from another country, they will this weekend! I haven't the foggiest idea of what the rules even are or what the players are meant to do (apart from run with the ball, that is). I'm sure being in a stadium with 17,000 people will be an interesting experience...especially for an introvert who avoids crowds!

[Spem in alium]

And the plot thickens...

I just met with my RD. She told me that there's a new spot opened on my floor - a double room, but I'd be living alone. I told her that things aren't as bad as they were originally, but I'd still like to consider it. While having a roommate is nice, I don't really get much "time out" here. The hardest thing with living here is that even though I'm surrounded by five girls, I still feel incredibly isolated and alone. I don't mind being by myself, but it's tough to be by myself all the time in a place where I shouldn't be.The only real downside is that I was hoping that if I moved, I would be living with a person who would want to make friends. Getting involved in things is helping me make acquaintances other ways, so it's not as much trouble as it was before. But still an issue sometimes.

My RD is great, I'm lucky to have her helping me. She told me that I'm the most agreeable person she's met. Feel kind of chuffed!

Any suggestions or advice? I'm trying to work it out. It seems that just when things settle, another problem or choice pops up. I wish I knew what to do. But I don't yet, so I'll pray. Please keep me in your prayers, pham, and know that you are always in mine. Blessings.

Edited September 28, 2012 by Spem in alium

[TheresaThoma]

For what it is worth it might be nice to stick with the roommates.
I had an internship in Miami, FL this summer (I'm from CO). At first I didn't have a roommate which was ok but honestly after a while it got quite lonely. Housing eventually did give me a roommate (while I was away for a long weekend, talk about a major surprise! I came back a little bit stressed and very exhausted to find I now had roommate). After I got over my initial shock and being incredibly annoyed at housing for not telling me beforehand we got on really well. We pretty much kept to ourselves but it was still nice to have someone to talk to outside of work hours. Honestly she kind of kept me sane, I went through some really hard stuff and because she was there I knew just completely falling to pieces was NOT an option.
I can only speak for myself though, weigh the good and the bad about both living situations. Also make sure that you really will not be getting another roommate if you move into the double.

[Spem in alium]

Thank you for this. I see your point. I'll assess the situation a bit more and see where I'm being guided. I really didn't expect to have this kind of problem, so it's stressing me out a fair bit.

I think the main thing really motivating me to move is that (besides from being introverted and not having enough quiet time to just chill out) these girls are all friends. Really good friends. And while I'd like to get closer to them, every time I try I feel uncomfortable and like I'm imposing. I know they think of me as separate. Some of them have tried to include me, which I'm so grateful for, but normally they go do their own thing and leave me here alone. My roommate and I pretty much keep to ourselves. We speak sometimes, but she's usually at work or at the library so I have the room to myself usually. So if I moved, it wouldn't really be a problem as far as being alone goes. It's mainly the other girls who are the issue.

As for knowing for sure that I wouldn't get another roommate - the room is a double, so I may take in someone who has an issue later in the year. But it seems like if I move, I'll be on my own. My RD seemed a bit reluctant to put my by myself as she wants me to have a roommate. I don't really mind...to be honest I would prefer no roommates over five suitemates! It's just so overwhelming for me to be around so many people in such a small space.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1348921346' post='2487964'] It's just so overwhelming for me to be around so many people in such a small space.[/quote]

i think that's the key here...it might be different if you just had 2 roommates, but 5 is pushing it for you. something to keep in mind if you do get the chance to move.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1348929372' post='2487982']
i think that's the key here...it might be different if you just had 2 roommates, but 5 is pushing it for you. something to keep in mind if you do get the chance to move.
[/quote]

Yeah. My family is six people, so I'm used to this number...just not in such a small environment. Plus, with my family I get space to chill out and be an introvert. Here, not so much. I think the fact that it's still overwhelming after being here for a month means something.

My RD said I can have the week to decide. I have been praying, and today started a novena to St Therese of Lisieux. I saw it mentioned in another post, and since reading [i]The Story of a Soul [/i]I've been thinking about and inspired by her a lot more. I hope she can help me achieve some sort of clarity. God willing, I will have the courage to speak to my roommate sometime this weekend. I think she understands that I'm a quiet person, but she probably wouldn't know how uncomfortable I can feel.[i] [/i]

ETA: Another thing that's making me more inclined to live alone is my sleeping pattern. Not sure if I've mentioned it before, but it's kind of crazy. I get tired really early at night (sometimes as early as 8:30), so will go to sleep. Regardless of what time I go to bed - be it 9PM, 11:30PM, 2PM - I will wake up around 5:30AM. My roommate goes to bed a lot later than me and wakes up around 8AM, and she often comes home from work or study to find me asleep...which is something I feel kind of bad about.

Edited September 29, 2012 by Spem in alium

[Spem in alium]

[size=4]Earlier this week, my suitemates invited me to a football game and I said yes. This morning, one of my friends asked me if I can help her with an assignment (she's an international student and needs to write an essay on a person from another country), and I realised that I have loads of study to do for a test on Tuesday. Sunday I've got a billion things going on, so the only time I can really do it would be today...and miss the football game.[/size]

[size=4]They were all getting ready for the game (including cutting their tops to show their cleavage and bras, as you do ) and talking about all the drinking they're going to do (they're underage, so it's kind of amazing how they've managed to drink so regularly without being caught). I told them that I couldn't make it, thanked them for asking me and apologised for pulling out. The one who asked me originally was very considerate, but another said in a [b]very[/b] accusatory tone, "...So you'd rather help your friend than go to the game?" [/size]

[size=4]That kind of made me recoil. To be honest, I don't really understand these girls. They're kind of mind-boggling. [/size]

[size=4]Still trying to work out the best time to talk to my roommate. Maybe tonight.[/size]

Edited September 29, 2012 by Spem in alium

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1348938645' post='2488048']
[size=4]The one who asked me originally was very considerate, but another said in a [b]very[/b] accusatory tone, "...So you'd rather help your friend than miss the game?" [/size]
[/quote]

should've said "yeah, good friends are like that."

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Lil Red' timestamp='1348938848' post='2488049']
should've said "yeah, good friends are like that."
[/quote]

Dang, I should have!

I heard them talking about me afterwards. Apparently my choice not to go to the game confuses them. It just made me chuckle

I know being in a crowded stadium would not be productive or enjoyable for me, yet they kept saying "You have to go to ONE football game!" ...no, I don't!

I don't really care what they say about me. They can say whatever they want. The only opinion I really take to heart is God's.

[Nihil Obstat]

I cannot really make a good judgement call without being in your position, or at the very least knowing you well in real life, but based on your descriptions, and if it were me, I would probably take up the offer of changing to that other room that has been offered to you. I mean, you can try building relationships for years and years, but sometimes it just is not going to work, and it is better to cut your losses. It is never too late to start over again with a different group of people, some who are more respectful of your boundaries and treat you the way you deserve.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1348941957' post='2488070']
I cannot really make a good judgement call without being in your position, or at the very least knowing you well in real life, but based on your descriptions, and if it were me, I would probably take up the offer of changing to that other room that has been offered to you. I mean, you can try building relationships for years and years, but sometimes it just is not going to work, and it is better to cut your losses. It is never too late to start over again with a different group of people, some who are more respectful of your boundaries and treat you the way you deserve.
[/quote]

Thanks Nihil, I appreciate this.. I will be rooming alone there, so there won't really be an opportunity for me to have a new roommate. It doesn't worry me too much to be alone, because I'm fairly proactive in keeping myself amused. I don't like being in my room much as it is, and am quite introverted so actually feel more comfortable and energetic by myself. I'm throwing myself into a billion societies, clubs and activities, so I'm sure I'll be able to meet some nicer people somewhere down the line

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1348942367' post='2488076']
Thanks Nihil, I appreciate this.. I will be rooming alone there, so there won't really be an opportunity for me to have a new roommate. It doesn't worry me too much to be alone, because I'm fairly proactive in keeping myself amused. I don't like being in my room much as it is, and am quite introverted so actually feel more comfortable and energetic by myself. I'm throwing myself into a billion societies, clubs and activities, so I'm sure I'll be able to meet some nicer people somewhere down the line
[/quote]


Here is what I'm thinking. You are introverted, and so am I so I understand where you are coming from. Keeping that in mind, you can treat your room as your personal space where you can recharge. But you do not have to stay there all the time. If you are still wanting to meet people, then study in common areas as much as you can handle, or wherever people in your dorms like to congregate.
The clubs and stuff is perfect too, if you find stuff you are interested in.

Anyway, at the end of the day, do not assume that your only chance at making friends is your current roommates. You have lots and lots of opportunities to do that, so the roommate situation might be one area where you could consider cutting your losses and having a room to yourself.

Anyway, just my two cents. Good luck!

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1348942574' post='2488080']


Here is what I'm thinking. You are introverted, and so am I so I understand where you are coming from. Keeping that in mind, you can treat your room as your personal space where you can recharge. But you do not have to stay there all the time. If you are still wanting to meet people, then study in common areas as much as you can handle, or wherever people in your dorms like to congregate.
The clubs and stuff is perfect too, if you find stuff you are interested in.

Anyway, at the end of the day, do not assume that your only chance at making friends is your current roommates. You have lots and lots of opportunities to do that, so the roommate situation might be one area where you could consider cutting your losses and having a room to yourself.

Anyway, just my two cents. Good luck!
[/quote]

Thanks, your two cents are very valuable indeed. At the moment, my room isn't really a place that I can recharge (and I dearly would love it to be). I actually love being home alone because I can do what I want (draw and listen to music, usually), but when other people are around I can't do that. I usually study here, so I think I should probably aim to work in the library a bit more. I've joined the choir here and really had no idea how much I would enjoy it. I look forward to choir every week.

I don't want to be unhappy here, because that would be unfortunate and give the whole experience a negative tone. When I first came, the living situation was making me unhappy most nights because I just couldn't cope (and had no idea how to cope). I'm finding it easier to deal with now, but on average there are still a couple of times each week where I get unhappy. Most nights I feel uncomfortable and on edge too, which is something I never really experience back home.

There's only so much immodesty of language, body and dress and only so much immorality that I can handle. These girls don't see anything wrong with stealing, lying, breaking the law and bragging about it. Plus, if I moved, I'd no longer be forced to look at advertisements of naked people while I use the bathroom. Huge plus for me.

[MissScripture]

Honestly, you stuck that out way longer than I would've. I see no problem if you move and pray for them from afar. When you have nowhere to retreat to, it can make all of life a lot more stressful than it needs to be. Plus, like you've said, your sleep schedule is not in sync with theirs at all, and that alone can create roommate issues, much less everything else going on. And I know for myself, if I have poor sleep, the rest of my life usually ends up being pretty rough, too.

[Spem in alium]

[quote name='MissScripture' timestamp='1348947672' post='2488121']
Honestly, you stuck that out way longer than I would've. I see no problem if you move and pray for them from afar. When you have nowhere to retreat to, it can make all of life a lot more stressful than it needs to be. Plus, like you've said, your sleep schedule is not in sync with theirs at all, and that alone can create roommate issues, much less everything else going on. And I know for myself, if I have poor sleep, the rest of my life usually ends up being pretty rough, too.
[/quote]

Thank you I'm feeling more at peace with the idea of moving. Part of me is still saying "just stick it out", but I don't really see much joy in having three more months like this. I've been told countless times that this situation wasn't ideal for me in the first place, so that's giving me more of a foundation. It does make it hard to have a completely different sleep cycle. Waking up so early is fine when I'm home because there's more room for me to do stuff and not annoy people, but here I always worry about waking up the other girls. Plus I feel like a major imposition on my roommate. At the beginning my sleep was really suffering.

[4588686]

[quote name='Spem in alium' timestamp='1346892877' post='2479165']
So for all of you who know the deal, things really aren't getting much better with the living situation. I feel like such an outsider around my suitemates - they're all friends and all do stuff together, and I am left here alone (which is fine, I don't mind being alone, but they pretty much act like I'm not around). I'm getting involved in more things to take me outside of my room, but I can't stay away all the time.

I've tried speaking to them, I've tried being friendly, but they don't really carry conversations with me. It pretty much stops with me asking how they're going (people do that all the time in Australia, but it doesn't seem to be a big thing here). They invite people (mostly guys) around without me knowing - I don't mind them having people here, but I wish they would tell me because it's disruptive. Sometimes they've woken me up with their noise. They're loud and I'm not, and their conversations and actions can be pretty inappropriate. A couple of times they've brought alcohol here and they go out pretty regularly, and they're all underage.

I have a mentor, and I spoke to her about what's going on. She and one of the staff from the international office are concerned. Apparently, my living situation is "not ideal", and they're encouraging me (or at least stressing the option) to move out and find a new place to live.

I really don't know what to do. I feel pretty depressed here, but part of me doesn't want to be cruel. They are nice girls and they can be friendly. I'm too shy to raise any issue, and I don't want to upset anyone. As much as I love being here, I didn't expect to feel so alone and so sad. I was so overwhelmed yesterday, I cried for the first time in ages.

I guess I just needed to vent. Pretty stressed and lost. Any advice or prayers would be really appreciated. Thanks, pham.
[/quote]



You need to get a sassy gay friend.