Hubertus Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 How important is it to be a virgin? Should whether or not you and/or the other person are a virgin affect a relationship? I know that it is of utmost importance for a virgin to stay that way until marriage. But people do fall. And Christ forgives, and any sins He forgives are completely removed from His mind (or something like that.. right?). So with that knowledge, perhaps one's virginity, or lack thereof, shouldn't affect a possible relationship, as long as they really were repentant of their sin. An example scenario would be if two people met and desired a relationship, but one person was a virgin and the other one wasn't (they had lost their virginity to someone else in the past). Should this keep them from being together? Or, what if two people met as virgins, didn't wait until marriage, but then only one of them was repentant of it? Should they still try and make it work, or is the other person a bad influence that should be removed from their life, since that person has no misgivings about this sort of thing? (If they were both repentant, I would assume that they could still make the relationship work.) I saw Keith Major give his testimony on The Journey Home.. and one of the "conditions" he had that he was adamant about in a future wife was that she be a virgin, because he was. Even though it worked out for him, it seemed to me like this mentality was a bit strict, and closing oneself off to some possible plans that God might have in store. Sorry, I'll stop talking now and let you speak. [size=5][b]TL;DR:[/b][/size] Is it important that both individuals be virgins going into a relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Obviously it's important to wait for marriage, but we don't all come from pious backgrounds, and even some of us who do stray for a time. That being said, I think it depends on a person's expectations. If it's really important for someone to marry a virgin, then by all means, let him/her insist upon a virgin. We are, after all, talking about the most intimate relationship one will have in life. I can understand where Keith Major is coming from. What I would find problematic is a non-virgin insisting upon a virgin. Although, even there, I could understand it. I'd just wonder very seriously about the person's reasons. So far, I think what I've said is obvious. What I really wanted to contribute is this: Having not lived a pious life for most of my life (if you know what I mean), I have learned first-hand the grave disadvantages of NOT waiting for marriage. Just this weekend I was talking to a (non-Catholic) friend who is satisfied with her boyfriend in every way, except for THAT way, because she can't stop comparing him in THAT way to her last boyfriend. When you commit to live your entire life with someone, such comparisons can be terribly problematic. They make it very hard to accept what one has been given in marriage, if it doesn't live up to previous experiences. So, remaining a virgin can, I think, prevent a great deal of dissatisfaction and disappointment in a marriage. I'm wondering if this will be controversial... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 to each his own. I know a lot of people (me included) who would not marry a felon, a drug addict or an alcoholic, recovering or not. Because of personal experience that is not something I would be interested in. I know other people who are not interested in people from dysfunctional families, or short people or people in wheelchairs. Wasn't there a thread recently about people who wouldn't marry someone with tattoos? None of it is very "fair," but mate selection is not "fair." God is Just, human attraction is not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anastasia13 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 (edited) I'm a less than perfect virgin, and I don't know a lot or have all the answers on what is best for all of us. This is my view/where I stand. I have and might again date a guy who is not a virgin. My requirement is that he agree to wait with me, and for me, and recognize that this is the ideal that scripture had given us. Everyone has their weaknesses, but a guy's got to point his sex life the right way (and at least try to keep his pointer in his pantaloons). I would have more of an issue with a guy who had slept with a lot of women or had an STD. Edited November 16, 2012 by Light and Truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 My future spouse would preferably be a virgin. But seeing as how I am not, I don't really care either way. I'm not going to let something like that get in the way of marrying the woman that I love. So long as she is faithful and she has long left that life behind, it would not be a problem for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anastasia13 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 [quote name='FuturePriest387' timestamp='1353043845' post='2511139'] My future spouse would preferably be a virgin. But seeing as how I am not, I don't really care either way. I'm not going to let something like that get in the way of marrying the woman that I love. So long as she is faithful and she has long left that life behind, it would not be a problem for me. [/quote] Between the first and the last, it is usually better to be the last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I was, he wasn't. We both liked that I was. It would have been nice if he had been too, but not a deal breaker. At our ages, it would have been a miracle. If he'd been a smoker though, no way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 [quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1353044000' post='2511143'] Between the first and the last, it is usually better to be the last. [/quote] Powerfully said.[quote name='CatherineM' timestamp='1353044189' post='2511145'] If he'd been a smoker though, no way. [/quote] Oh my gosh. Imagine if he'd had a tattoo! ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 (edited) Disclaimer: I am not denigrating virginity or denying the sinfulness of pre-marital sex. Just making that clear before someone accuses me of doing so. What frustrates me about arguments such as this is that in some cases virginity is fairly arbitrary. Someone can be a virgin, but not be living chastely - both in the sense of sexual acts with others and masturbation/pornography. Virginity does not equal chastity. A non-virgin can be living more chastely than a virgin. There is a wider picture, so to speak, that is ignored. I am not a virgin. But I have made my peace with God and been happily chaste for years now. I have had (Catholics) tell me I can't be married. And that is the kind of attitude prevalent in Catholics that stops people from feeling they can turn back to chastity because there is an attitude that you are now a pariah. No-one is perfect. Everyone will have areas where they have struggled. But if we only looked for partners who were perfect then we'd have died out a long time ago. [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1353039214' post='2511092'] I know a lot of people (me included) who would not marry a felon, a drug addict or an alcoholic, recovering or not. Because of personal experience that is not something I would be interested in. [/quote] Quite frankly, I am offended by that comparison. Edited November 16, 2012 by EmilyAnn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlySunshine Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 If I was to ever get married, I would probably have a difficult time with someone who was not a virgin. I cannot imagine being with someone who has been with someone else. I actually dated a guy when I was 21 that kept trying to coerce me into having relations with him and I would not compromise my moral beliefs. He would then tell me about his experiences with other girls, much to my chagrin. It didn't take long at all for me to dump him. All I keep thinking about is a poster I saw in my junior high school's clinic that said: [i]"When you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with for the last ten years, and everyone they and their partners have had sex with for the last ten years." -- [/i]C. Everett Koop, M.D., Former US Surgeon General I'm not perfect, though. I've done some things that I wish I had not done. I am, however, a physical virgin and plan to remain that way either through religious life or Consecrated Virginity. I just cannot imagine being with someone who did not save themselves for marriage. This is not to say that I believe all non-virgins are disgusting or anything. It's just my personal feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 [quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1353038360' post='2511085'] I'm wondering if this will be controversial... [/quote] Having moderated here for years, I can say with confidence-- it will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Era Might Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 (edited) "If there's a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hang on to her like grim death... which is not far off by the way." --Seinfeld Edited November 16, 2012 by Era Might Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 [quote name='EmilyAnn' timestamp='1353059292' post='2511182'] Quite frankly, I am offended by that comparison. [/quote] I don't think she was comparing non-virgins to drug dealers. She was just trying to make the point that people can have limits as to who they want to marry. Most people wouldn't consider marrying a schizophrenic, but that didn't bother me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dUSt Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 [quote name='Light and Truth' timestamp='1353043503' post='2511136'] I'm a less than perfect virgin, and I don't know a lot or have all the answers on what is best for all of us. This is my view/where I stand. I have and might again date a guy who is not a virgin. My requirement is that he agree to wait with me, and for me, and recognize that this is the ideal that scripture had given us. Everyone has their weaknesses, but a guy's got to point his sex life the right way (and at least try to keep his pointer in his pantaloons). I would have more of an issue with a guy who had slept with a lot of women or had an STD. [/quote] You just inspired the new phatmass tagline... "Phatmass: Helping Catholic men keep their pointers in their pantaloons since 2000." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpence Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I think I'd prefer to marry a non-virgin who is now succeeding at being chaste over someone who is a virgin, but has a lot of problems with chastity in other respects. I think people have the right to be as picky as they want with a future spouse, but thankfully for most of us, there are people out there who are willingly to overlook past weakness I have worried about this in the past though.. like "o wow I'd like to date that amesome guy; o but wait, would he even date me after I told him about my past?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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