Slappo Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I was a virgin, but I struggled a lot with masturbation and pornography. I [b]think [/b]my wife would have preferred that I lost my virginity years ago but didn't struggle with any sexual sins anymore. I would have had a really hard time if I were a virgin and she was not, but I don't think it would have made a difference in our relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Virginity is important. It is something we should and must teach the children and the youth to cherish, because in today's world, they are receiving the opposite messages against chastity and virginity. At the same time, because of this sexually saturated world we live in, temptations abound and there are more opportunities for people to fall into the sins of the flesh. I personally wouldn't hold it against anyone who has fallen a few times but continues to stay close to God and change for the better. At the same time, I probably wouldn't want to get involved with a man who's slept with over 10 women! To me, that's a sure sign of a sexual addiction, and one I would not want in a future spouse. I think it all depends on individuals to decide, of course, what they wish for in a spouse. Jesus welcomes women into his religious communities who are not virgins---not to downplay its importance, but because He loves us despite our failures of the past... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Wednesday Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Virginity is the ideal, but as I personally see it, I think people have to look at it as a matter of approaching chastity in the bigger picture. It's not like virginity is just a test that someone passes. I knew of people back when I was a teenager who were technically virgins and wanted to remain so, but also wanted to "get away with as much as possible." Chastity covers a lot of issues and people in various walks in life. So I guess the key thing to me isn't necessarily technical virginity if you are dating someone, or what happened in someone's past, but how the person values chastity, body and mind, as a whole, in the present and moving forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 As Jason Evert says, chastity is not celibacy, it is a virtue. If you are chaste and you practice the virtue of chastity by being pure (Despite whatever past you have) and you are selfless, then amesome sauce. If you are a virgin but do not practice the virtue of chastity at all, then I don't want any a part of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I think we would do better to focus not on virginity, but chastity. What does virginity really mean, anyway? That a person has not participated in the marital act? What about people who do everything except intercourse? What about experiencing sexual pleasure in other ways? What about someone who was raped? Virginity is such an arbitrary concept. Chastity, on the other hand, is a virtue everyone is called to practice. I used to think that I could never be with anyone who didn't "save themselves" for marriage, because "saving" myself for my spouse is something that means a lot to me. But eventually I came to realize that my choice to wait for marriage is a choice I have to make for myself. Virginity isn't some magic token that you trade with your spouse. If your spouse had sex before he met you, it's not like some girl out there is running around with the magic token that YOU were supposed to get. I just can't stomach thinking about people that way - it's objectifying, in a way. Everyone has a different faith journey. Of course we need to encourage everyone to chastity. But I also believe we need to be forgiving if someone made a mistake in their past. Because at the end of the day, that experience helped make them into the person they are today, the person you love and who God will use to help you grow in holiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freedom Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 [quote name='curiousing' timestamp='1353038360' post='2511085'] Obviously it's important to wait for marriage, but we don't all come from pious backgrounds, and even some of us who do stray for a time. That being said, I think it depends on a person's expectations. If it's really important for someone to marry a virgin, then by all means, let him/her insist upon a virgin. We are, after all, talking about the most intimate relationship one will have in life. I can understand where Keith Major is coming from. What I would find problematic is a non-virgin insisting upon a virgin. Although, even there, I could understand it. I'd just wonder very seriously about the person's reasons. So far, I think what I've said is obvious. What I really wanted to contribute is this: Having not lived a pious life for most of my life (if you know what I mean), I have learned first-hand the grave disadvantages of NOT waiting for marriage. Just this weekend I was talking to a (non-Catholic) friend who is satisfied with her boyfriend in every way, except for THAT way, because she can't stop comparing him in THAT way to her last boyfriend. When you commit to live your entire life with someone, such comparisons can be terribly problematic. They make it very hard to accept what one has been given in marriage, if it doesn't live up to previous experiences. So, remaining a virgin can, I think, prevent a great deal of dissatisfaction and disappointment in a marriage. I'm wondering if this will be controversial... [/quote] Of course it's controversial and that's exactly what you want, obviously. What you just said is full of contradictions and is confusing to the person you're answering, that is doing the work of the devil. That's why God showed us what's right by making the institution of marriage, the best relation there is between a man and a woman. Sorry, but marriage is not a pair of shoes you try on. You marry someone not just to have sex with, a husband is not a sex companion. A husband is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, come rain or sunshine. If that is too hard for you remain celibate, don't drag a man and potential children into your confusion, it's unfair to him and to the kids. Marriage should be held sacred because the family is sacred and having sex out of wedlock is a sterol and hazardous act that can bring a lot of pain and miseries, the destruction of your peace and of your future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 [quote name='Freedom' timestamp='1353109605' post='2511493'] Of course it's controversial and that's exactly what you want, obviously. [b]What you just said is full of contradictions and is confusing to the person you're answering, [u]that is doing the work of the devil[/u].[/b] That's why God showed us what's right by making the institution of marriage, the best relation there is between a man and a woman. Sorry, but marriage is not a pair of shoes you try on. You marry someone not just to have sex with, a husband is not a sex companion. A husband is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, come rain or sunshine. If that is too hard for you remain celibate, don't drag a man and potential children into your confusion, it's unfair to him and to the kids. Marriage should be held sacred because the family is sacred and having sex out of wedlock is a sterol and hazardous act that can bring a lot of pain and miseries, the destruction of your peace and of your future. [/quote] Wow. Way to do God's job of being the just judge. I'm sure he appreciates your help of determining who is doing the work of the devil and who isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freedom Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1353109909' post='2511494'] Wow. Way to do God's job of being the just judge. I'm sure he appreciates your help of determining who is doing the work of the devil and who isn't. [/quote] Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggyie Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 I was a virgin when I got married. My husband was not. It was not a big deal to me. It was a big deal that we were both committed to having a chaste relationship until marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 Best gift I could have given my wife was my purity. I failed, which is my biggest regret in life. As far as virginity goes, one can lose his purity long before his virginity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 [quote name='EmilyAnn' timestamp='1353059292' post='2511182'] What frustrates me about arguments such as this is that in some cases virginity is fairly arbitrary. Someone can be a virgin, but not be living chastely - both in the sense of sexual acts with others and masturbation/pornography. Virginity does not equal chastity. A non-virgin can be living more chastely than a virgin. There is a wider picture, so to speak, that is ignored. [/quote] Excellent point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 [quote name='Freedom' timestamp='1353109605' post='2511493'] You marry someone not just to have sex with, a husband is not a sex companion. A husband is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, come rain or sunshine. [/quote] Actually, sex is the difference between living as husband and wife vs. brother and sister, so the sexual aspect should not be discounted. [quote name='Freedom' timestamp='1353109605' post='2511493'] Marriage should be held sacred because the family is sacred and having sex out of wedlock is a sterol and hazardous act that can bring a lot of pain and miseries, the destruction of your peace and of your future. [/quote] I think that was the point curiousing was actually trying to get across and was actually giving an example of the pain and misery that premarital sex causes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) [quote name='Freedom' timestamp='1353109605' post='2511493'] Of course it's controversial and that's exactly what you want, obviously. What you just said is full of contradictions and is confusing to the person you're answering, that is doing the work of the devil. That's why God showed us what's right by making the institution of marriage, the best relation there is between a man and a woman. Sorry, but marriage is not a pair of shoes you try on. You marry someone not just to have sex with, a husband is not a sex companion. A husband is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, come rain or sunshine. If that is too hard for you remain celibate, don't drag a man and potential children into your confusion, it's unfair to him and to the kids. Marriage should be held sacred because the family is sacred and having sex out of wedlock is a sterol and hazardous act that can bring a lot of pain and miseries, the destruction of your peace and of your future. [/quote] You strike me as a hippie liberal theology kind of person. Edited November 17, 2012 by FuturePriest387 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) [quote name='Basilisa Marie' timestamp='1353106013' post='2511462'] If your spouse had sex before he met you, it's not like some girl out there is running around with the magic token that YOU were supposed to get. [/quote] Actually, the opposite is true - it IS indeed something that our spouses are supposed to get, if we truly believe that it is God's plan that people wait until marriage to have sex. Edited November 17, 2012 by Norseman82 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 [quote name='Norseman82' timestamp='1353134875' post='2511729'] I think that was the point curiousing was actually trying to get across and was actually giving an example of the pain and misery that premarital sex causes. [/quote] Precisely. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts