Discernment Times

[Gabriela]

The hardest part about my discernment is the not knowing.  I began my discernment asking God what He wanted of me.  Instead of joyfully accepting His silence as an entreaty from Him to wait, I often find myself (unconsciously) interpreting it as if He doesn't want me, because He doesn't seem to want anything of me.  I know that this is downright wrong on numerous levels, and proves that I have a bunch of issues (with pride and selfishness, especially!) but I find myself feeling that way despite the reasonings of my head. 

 

Ditto. Only in addition to pride and selfishness: impatience, lack of trust, the nagging self-accusation that I'm not really open to ANYTHING He'd call me to, the fear He'd call me to single consecrated life, the total self-doubt about my own drawings and longings being His will and not just my own... and on and on and on...

[Gabriela]

What if I'm not good or smart enough.  What if religious communities don't get enough donations or have enough benefactors, especially in times like these.  I know some communities don't rely completely on donations and they work such as making cheese, altar breads, vestments for priests, gift shops and holding retreats... etc.  What if it's not enough to support their community?  I know God always provides but it's just so scary and I have more fears on top of all that.  I do know without a doubt that He's calling me and what a gift it is!

 

I don't know if this is any help to you, Freedom, but I never feared this, because I reason so: Even if the community falls on hard financial times, it will still be better to fall on hard financial times IN A COMMUNITY than ON MY OWN. And in these times, the latter is pretty likely. And REALLY scary.

[Gabriela]

My dad still seems to be really opposed to my vocation. I asked my parents about going to the friars' and sisters' investitures this weekend, and my mom was ok with it but told me to ask my dad. He said no because I have no business going down there, but I got him to say he'll think about it. I made it to my room before I cried after asking him. Am I a crybaby? I feel really immature, but it hurts so very much that he opposes my vocation.

 

Everyone's family is different, so no one (but God) can know if this is how it will work out for yours, but just in case it gives you some hope, I wanted to say that, of the 35 sisters I interviewed for my thesis, quite a few of them had families who initially opposed their vocations to the sisterhood. As time went on, they reconciled to it, and now many of them are very happy that their daughters are spouses of the Most High. So, follow Him, and trust that He will work on your dad!

[i<3franciscans]

Well first off I am discerning priesthood.  I am in my first semester an minor seminary and we are coming up on finals (prayers please).  One of the hardest things about being at seminary is being away from family and friends.  It may be tough but everything in life is tough.  All our vocations will come with suffering and joys.  I am at seminary because I feel I could be called to the priesthood.  Therefore I must be here.  I know I will find the best joy in what God is calling me to so I must discover what it is.  That is where I find my joy.  In knowing that I am searching for God's will in my life.  Seminary is a really great place but it also comes with it's sacrifices.  I know that no matter what happens with my discernment that coming here was the right decision for me. :D

 

Welcome to the phorum!

[father's heart]

My dad still seems to be really opposed to my vocation. I asked my parents about going to the friars' and sisters' investitures this weekend, and my mom was ok with it but told me to ask my dad. He said no because I have no business going down there, but I got him to say he'll think about it. I made it to my room before I cried after asking him. Am I a crybaby? I feel really immature, but it hurts so very much that he opposes my vocation.

 

I know what you mean, in fact I have just been feeling something a little too close to despair about that... my dad is a very anti Catholic Protestant. It feels like he will never be okay with my vocation. My whole family seems pretty opposed to this call on my heart, it is very hard getting no support when you finally find what you were MADE to be. Yet, Jesus will draw us closer to his heart through all pain and struggle, especially if it is on His behalf :) Don't feel immature, it is beautiful to care about your family, but also to remember the sweet, freeing example of our Lord. He left his parents in anxiety even as a young boy to be in His Father's house, though they could not yet understand. He also tells us that if we will not give up mother, father, brothers, sisters, ect... we are not worthy of Him. I will pray that He strengthens your heart as you suffer for His will, please do the same for me! 

[father's heart]

Ditto. Only in addition to pride and selfishness: impatience, lack of trust, the nagging self-accusation that I'm not really open to ANYTHING He'd call me to, the fear He'd call me to single consecrated life, the total self-doubt about my own drawings and longings being His will and not just my own... and on and on and on...

 

Oh that last one, self doubt and wondering if it's all my own will and not His, that one is the worst! I fear all of this, I know that God has the best possible path set out for me, yet it's so hard when you just want to know for sure and you wonder if He is actually calling you to something else. It's times like these that I'd like to have Him just appear in my room or something.. haha. How easy that would be! Please pray for me that I would trust Him to tell me what He wants, I realize... I really don't, I feel like He'll never let me know what to do!

[Spem in alium]

Well first off I am discerning priesthood.  I am in my first semester an minor seminary and we are coming up on finals (prayers please).  One of the hardest things about being at seminary is being away from family and friends.  It may be tough but everything in life is tough.  All our vocations will come with suffering and joys.  I am at seminary because I feel I could be called to the priesthood.  Therefore I must be here.  I know I will find the best joy in what God is calling me to so I must discover what it is.  That is where I find my joy.  In knowing that I am searching for God's will in my life.  Seminary is a really great place but it also comes with it's sacrifices.  I know that no matter what happens with my discernment that coming here was the right decision for me. :D

Welcome! :)

I have been contemplating religious life since the beginning of this year. At the very beginning it was very difficult to even consider that God may be calling me to be a sister, because I'd never even imagined it as a possibility and had my own ideas for my future that didn't include religious life. I spoke to a couple of priests who encouraged me to continue fostering my prayer life and my studies. I'm studying abroad this semester, and have experienced some of the greatest growth in my spirituality in this time. I have become involved in so many spiritual ventures and now feel at peace with the idea that I could be called to be a religious. I've even taken the step of sharing my story and my goals with a few people, which was something I didn't expect I'd be able to do yet. When I return home I plan to contact several communities, including the Poor Clares, a Benedictine monastery and the Little Sisters of the Poor. I'm not entirely sure whether I'd fit into an active or contemplative community, but I feel that doing some productive research would help become more clear on that. Until then, I'm trying to listen to God's Will a lot more and learn how to discern it properly.

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

I'm not speaking for everyone but I'm sure this can be the case for some in discernment.

 

Sometimes when it comes to discernment we already know the answer in our hearts. When we know what we want and start asking "but is this what He wants also?" we can forget that what we want can very possibly be what He wants also, which is why it is in our hearts. The anxiety and impatience that we may experience while trying to figure this out can be a spiritual attack to keep us away from Him and His plan. When there are trials and sufferings during this time it can make the anxiety (lack of trust) and discouragment even more. It's so important to remain in His presence and be faithful to what is in our hearts because if it is from Him then He will make everything turn out in His way and in His time. :)

 

There must be many (and we read about these stories also from the Saints) that have been through so many trials and rejections through their discernment, but they kept going and remained true because they didn't deny what they had in their hearts and Our Lord worked everything out for them.

 

This is a really good Scripture Passage to know, especially if anyone is going through this. "The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:14

[Catholicterp7]

Oh that last one, self doubt and wondering if it's all my own will and not His, that one is the worst! I fear all of this, I know that God has the best possible path set out for me, yet it's so hard when you just want to know for sure and you wonder if He is actually calling you to something else. It's times like these that I'd like to have Him just appear in my room or something.. haha. How easy that would be! Please pray for me that I would trust Him to tell me what He wants, I realize... I really don't, I feel like He'll never let me know what to do!

 

I more and more am struggling with this as well.  It's very hard for me because I've jumped to conclusions so many times in the past that now it's really hard for me to tell what's Him and what's me. 

When I was in Adoration the other day I was praying about my discernment with the Children of Mary and how hard it has been for me to make contact and maintain it as well as to go visit them. God said "think about these five other communities you visited in the past. It was really easy to get there wasn't it? (the answer is yes, it was VERY easy to get there) Don't take me wrong, you needed those experiences but Satan didn't put up any obstacles because he knew that you weren't called to those communities so he didn't worry about it. Now think about all the things that are happening with the Children of Mary. It took you two and a half months of looking at their website before you actually sent in the vocation inquiry. It then took you a day after Sister called you to get the nerve up to call her back, almost a month before you emailed her again and another hour to call her back a second time. Do you think maybe Satan doesn't want you to be in contact with them?" 

It was really reassuring for me to realize that. 

JMJ+ :heart: 

[4LoveofJMJ]

Discernment is different for everyone. I am a young woman who has been discerning on and off for about 5 years and has still not been able to get comfortable with what my vocation might be. Especially when I try to talk about it with someone. Has anyone felt like that before? And if so, what helped you to get over it?

[Maravillas]

For me, discernment comes to an end, thanks God! Here is the story of my discernment process.

The past few years I had been very open to any vocation, and I only wanted to do God's will. I gradually began to feel an appeal for religious life, and more especially for cloistered nuns. I cannot really explain why, because at the time I didn't really know any nun, but I was so happy when I could met them with the chaplaincy of my town. I remember having been especially moved by the Benedictine nuns.

But the place where I felt the most overwhelming joy was at Carmel. The second time I went there was to attend the solemn profession of the sister of the priest from the chaplaincy I attended. I didn't know her at all at the time (now we exchange mails and I have seen her several times at the parlor while visiting). I felt strong feelings of joy there, so much that I couldn't help wanting to enter here.

 

The appeal was getting bigger in my life, but I didn't consider myself as a discerner. I was willing to do God's will, basta. I thought my desires for religious life did not come from God but only from me, so I tried not to listen to them. But they grew so important that I couldn't ignore them anymore, and I confided to my spiritual director about this inclination. He advice me to visit the Carmel where his sister was (and about which I was thinking). I spent some days and spoke everyday with the Mother Prioress at the parlor. After little time, I knew God wanted me there. I was so happy!  :dance5: That was last year. And till now, I still plan to enter this monastery. 

 

I have my struggles, but this certainty doesn't fade away. I am confident, and now only an unavoidable event which doesn't depend on me could deter me from this resolution.

One of my biggest struggle so far was my parents' reaction when I told them. They are deeply catholic and involved in many catholic groups and activities. They were not very surprised that I was called to religious life, but they thought that Carmelite was "too much". My father is very sensitive and accepted it more easily, though he is still sad to think about the separation it represents. But my mother doesn't really accept it. She wanted me to visit other Carmels where the rule was less strict, I did it to satisfy her, but I knew that my heart was not going to feel a call elsewhere. At first, she even said she wouldn't visit me at all, then it became I won't attend any ceremony of yours because I can't see it. Now she is still in this state of mind.

 

Though it is very hard for me to see that my choice make my parents suffer, I am confident that God will give them the Grace to overcome and accept this ordeal (because I am conscious that it is one!). God can grow fruit out of everything, and I'm sure he will with my vocation. I believe that when they will see that I am happy, they will also accept it better, because they really love me (and that's what makes separation hard), and my happiness is the thing they want the most for me.  :nun:

Now my dilemma is whether I should tell my older sister and brother about this vocation for Christmas, or later. They are both believers, but do not go to Church and they wouldn't understand at all... So, I'm kind of afraid of their reaction right now. But as I plan to enter next September, I don't know how long before my entering I should tell them. 

:nunpray:

ps; thanks for starting this thread, it's a really good one in my opinion! Love and blessings!  :nun1:

 

[Chiquitunga]

Praised be Jesus Christ! Maravillas, it is so wonderful to hear your story and how you plan to enter Carmel next year!!! And I love your screen name, by the way!!!  :heart:

 

To you and Pax (& others) I wanted to share, I know a cloistered nun whose family was very opposed to her vocation (there are so many of these of course, but this one I know personally) When she was clothed, others came from far distances, but not her family who lived the closest to the monastery. She is persevering through it all though .. so know you are not alone..

 

Regarding your brother and sister, I would say .. wait until after Christmas to tell them maybe. Christmas can already be a stressful time, depending on the situation of course. But do whatever you feel God inspires you to .. that must be so hard though. I am very blessed that my family has always supported my vocation, even through all the trials and obstacles.. It is a huge blessing indeed... 

 

Have you seen the movie on St. Teresa of the Andes? :saint:

 

Catholicterp7, I hope you get to visit the Children of Mary soon!!  :pray:  Prayers for everyone discerning and struggling!

Edited December 8, 2012 by Chiquitunga

[Catholicterp7]

Why is this so confusing!?!? So after talking to Sister Philomena from the Children of Mary there was something that didn't feel right. We had a really good conversation but I felt off. One thing she said to me was to not become a professional discerner (I have been discerning for eight and a half years at this point.) She encouraged me to look at the communities I've been in contact with over the past three years and pick the three that I'm still the most attracted to. For me that was an easy thing to decide. The Children of Mary, The Alma Mercy Sisters and the Sisters of Mary Mother of the Church. So I was in Adoration on Thursday trying to make a choice about which community to start discerning with as opposed to discerning communities. I was really struggling and not very peaceful when all of a sudden I remembered what happened when I was on retreat with the Alma Mercy Sisters in the spring. I felt SO MUCH peace on retreat with them it was amazing. I also remembered having this realization that, as much as I'm attracted to it, I don't think I can practically live in monastic silence. When I stayed with the cloistered Dominicans it was awful because I was living totally inside my head. The silence was really bad for me.

So I really felt convicted that I need to start discerning with the Alma Mercy Sisters but I've been so up and down in my discernment, it's been crazy. I feel like at this point I don't know how to tell what's from me and what's from God any more. The only clear thing I know at this point is that I'm so peaceful with the thought of the Alma Mercy Sisters. I'm VERY attracted to their charism and their whole way of life. On their website it says "Each Sister must become a convergence point between God's mercy and the miseries of the world" I love that! The thing is that there have been so many charisms that I'm really attracted to, but the thing about the Mercy Sisters is that not only am I attracted to their life, but I felt so at home and SO PEACEFUL when I was there. Now I'm just really scared though because I have been so up and down in the past. I don't want to rush anything, but at the same time I don't want to sit around and wait if I'm supposed to go. This is so frustrating because it could be me saying "I want to go right now" and God saying "No, I need you to wait" or it could be God saying "Go right now" and me saying "No, I'm scared and way too comfortable in my little discerning bubble" 

I guess I'm just scared that if I don't do something about it soon I'm going to start working as an interpreter and become REALLY comfortable here and never want to leave. I guess I just need to trust that God will give me the courage to jump when I'm supposed to jump. GR! It's soo confusing. 

I would really appreciate prayers. Thank God I have spiritual direction on Monday so it won't be too long before I actually know which way to go about this. 

JMJ+ :heart: 

[Maravillas]

Praised be Jesus Christ! Maravillas, it is so wonderful to hear your story and how you plan to enter Carmel next year!!! And I love your screen name, by the way!!!  :heart:

 

To you and Pax (& others) I wanted to share, I know a cloistered nun whose family was very opposed to her vocation (there are so many of these of course, but this one I know personally) When she was clothed, others came from far distances, but not her family who lived the closest to the monastery. She is persevering through it all though .. so know you are not alone..

 

Regarding your brother and sister, I would say .. wait until after Christmas to tell them maybe. Christmas can already be a stressful time, depending on the situation of course. But do whatever you feel God inspires you to .. that must be so hard though. I am very blessed that my family has always supported my vocation, even through all the trials and obstacles.. It is a huge blessing indeed... 

 

Have you seen the movie on St. Teresa of the Andes? :saint:

 

Catholicterp7, I hope you get to visit the Children of Mary soon!!  :pray:  Prayers for everyone discerning and struggling§

 

To answer you Chiqui, yes I have seen the movie Teresa de los Andes, because it has been posted by someone. Though I'm not able to understand all the words because I am not fluent in Spanish, I really enjoyed it. I had my phase when I watched and read everything I could about life in Carmel, because it's something mysterious from the outside.

As an anecdote, when I first visited "my" Carmel, I had previously said to Mother Prioress on the phone that I was discerning, so I thought they would let me in. But no, instead, I was accommodated in a small house next to the convent. I was actually more surprised than disappointed. But now, I always smile when I think about this misconception  :hehe2:

 

Concerning my brother and sister I think I'm gonna wait till after Christmas, because I don't wanna "spoil" the family gathering with such a news. But if I asked, it's because I don't see them very often, as they have their own families now. Maybe once every two months on average.

 

For my family, I know that I am not alone. I have been told by Carmelite sisters that most parents have a hard first reaction, because the choice of life is quite radical. However, Mother Prioress kept telling me that parents have a grace from God to accept it, even if it can take some time. She also added that the whole community would be praying for my parents and family. :nunpray:  What a good news when you know that 20 Carmelite sisters are praying for you and your family! The community is a real family that I want to join, without denying my own one of course. The way I see it is rather that my parents are going to have 20 more daughters! :dance2:

 

I am happy that your family supports you Chiqui in your vocation! By the way, is it also a vocation to Carmel, or if not where?

 And I am curious to know what your pseudo means. :think2:

 

ps: it takes me such a long time to write a post, because of all the smileys available. So much choice!

[Chiquitunga]

Praised be Jesus Christ! Maravillas, I shall PM you :like: And my screen name is the nickname of the new Discalced Carmelite venerable, Ven. María Felicia de Jesús Sacramentado, OCD -  http://chiquitunga.jimdo.com/    Here are some clips from a documentary on her, although it's all in Spanish. I hope sometime to upload these with English subtitles along with a couple others on Carmel. She entered when she was 30 and died 4 years later. She was made Venerable by Pope Benedict XVI in 2010.

[Pax_et bonum]

For my family, I know that I am not alone. I have been told by Carmelite sisters that most parents have a hard first reaction, because the choice of life is quite radical. However, Mother Prioress kept telling me that parents have a grace from God to accept it, even if it can take some time. She also added that the whole community would be praying for my parents and family. :nunpray:  What a good news when you know that 20 Carmelite sisters are praying for you and your family! The community is a real family that I want to join, without denying my own one of course. The way I see it is rather that my parents are going to have 20 more daughters! :dance2:

 

:like: When I saw a couple of my sisters yesterday, they assured me of their daily prayers for me and promised to pray especially for my family at Mass yesterday and during the octave of the Immaculate Conception. I feel so loved by them!

[Erin Kathleen Holmes]

I've been discerning religious life off and on for the past six or seven years and I'm just now actively getting in touch with communities specifically the Dominican Sisters of Mary Mother of the Eucharist, the Benedictines of Mary Queen of Apostles and the Sisters of St. Francis of the Martyr St. George (the community who took care of my grandmother in the nursing home and whom I've had the pleasure of knowing the VD since 2003 :) . My Dad has always been supportive of my vocation but ever since I quit college and went out to be an intern at a Catholic farm I have had tons of family drama. The rest of my family is very supportive and I plan on telling them at Christmas :) of my vocation.

Edited December 9, 2012 by Erin Kathleen Holmes

[Catholicterp7]

well, I'm not discerning communities any more. (It only took me eight years to get to this point...) I'm discerning with the Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma. I'm pretty excited to spend more time with them and see what God does. I'm SO peaceful it's amazing! God is sooooooooo good to me! 

JMJ+ :heart: 

[OnlySunshine]

well, I'm not discerning communities any more. (It only took me eight years to get to this point...) I'm discerning with the Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma. I'm pretty excited to spend more time with them and see what God does. I'm SO peaceful it's amazing! God is sooooooooo good to me! 

JMJ+ :heart:

 

Praise God!!  They are a beautiful community -- so reverent!  We have had a Phatmasser enter there previously -- Mary Magdalene -- from Australia.  I met her when I visited in November 2011.  Her baptismal name was Sabrina.  I don't know what her religious name is now since she was clothed as a novice.  :)

[Catholicterp7]

Praise God!!  They are a beautiful community -- so reverent!  We have had a Phatmasser enter there previously -- Mary Magdalene -- from Australia.  I met her when I visited in November 2011.  Her baptismal name was Sabrina.  I don't know what her religious name is now since she was clothed as a novice.  :)

I met her on retreat with them! That's crazy! :) 

JMJ+ :heart: