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Discernment Times


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For me, discernment comes to an end, thanks God! Here is the story of my discernment process.

The past few years I had been very open to any vocation, and I only wanted to do God's will. I gradually began to feel an appeal for religious life, and more especially for cloistered nuns. I cannot really explain why, because at the time I didn't really know any nun, but I was so happy when I could met them with the chaplaincy of my town. I remember having been especially moved by the Benedictine nuns.

But the place where I felt the most overwhelming joy was at Carmel. The second time I went there was to attend the solemn profession of the sister of the priest from the chaplaincy I attended. I didn't know her at all at the time (now we exchange mails and I have seen her several times at the parlor while visiting). I felt strong feelings of joy there, so much that I couldn't help wanting to enter here.

 

The appeal was getting bigger in my life, but I didn't consider myself as a discerner. I was willing to do God's will, basta. I thought my desires for religious life did not come from God but only from me, so I tried not to listen to them. But they grew so important that I couldn't ignore them anymore, and I confided to my spiritual director about this inclination. He advice me to visit the Carmel where his sister was (and about which I was thinking). I spent some days and spoke everyday with the Mother Prioress at the parlor. After little time, I knew God wanted me there. I was so happy!  :dance5: That was last year. And till now, I still plan to enter this monastery. 

 

I have my struggles, but this certainty doesn't fade away. I am confident, and now only an unavoidable event which doesn't depend on me could deter me from this resolution.

One of my biggest struggle so far was my parents' reaction when I told them. They are deeply catholic and involved in many catholic groups and activities. They were not very surprised that I was called to religious life, but they thought that Carmelite was "too much". My father is very sensitive and accepted it more easily, though he is still sad to think about the separation it represents. But my mother doesn't really accept it. She wanted me to visit other Carmels where the rule was less strict, I did it to satisfy her, but I knew that my heart was not going to feel a call elsewhere. At first, she even said she wouldn't visit me at all, then it became I won't attend any ceremony of yours because I can't see it. Now she is still in this state of mind.

 

Though it is very hard for me to see that my choice make my parents suffer, I am confident that God will give them the Grace to overcome and accept this ordeal (because I am conscious that it is one!). God can grow fruit out of everything, and I'm sure he will with my vocation. I believe that when they will see that I am happy, they will also accept it better, because they really love me (and that's what makes separation hard), and my happiness is the thing they want the most for me.  :nun:

Now my dilemma is whether I should tell my older sister and brother about this vocation for Christmas, or later. They are both believers, but do not go to Church and they wouldn't understand at all... So, I'm kind of afraid of their reaction right now. But as I plan to enter next September, I don't know how long before my entering I should tell them. 

:nunpray:

ps; thanks for starting this thread, it's a really good one in my opinion! Love and blessings!  :nun1:

 

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Praised be Jesus Christ! Maravillas, it is so wonderful to hear your story and how you plan to enter Carmel next year!!! And I love your screen name, by the way!!!  :heart:

 

To you and Pax (& others) I wanted to share, I know a cloistered nun whose family was very opposed to her vocation (there are so many of these of course, but this one I know personally) When she was clothed, others came from far distances, but not her family who lived the closest to the monastery. She is persevering through it all though .. so know you are not alone..

 

Regarding your brother and sister, I would say .. wait until after Christmas to tell them maybe. Christmas can already be a stressful time, depending on the situation of course. But do whatever you feel God inspires you to .. that must be so hard though. I am very blessed that my family has always supported my vocation, even through all the trials and obstacles.. It is a huge blessing indeed... 

 

Have you seen the movie on St. Teresa of the Andes? :saint:

 

Catholicterp7, I hope you get to visit the Children of Mary soon!!  :pray:  Prayers for everyone discerning and struggling!

Edited by Chiquitunga
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Catholicterp7

Why is this so confusing!?!? So after talking to Sister Philomena from the Children of Mary there was something that didn't feel right. We had a really good conversation but I felt off. One thing she said to me was to not become a professional discerner (I have been discerning for eight and a half years at this point.) She encouraged me to look at the communities I've been in contact with over the past three years and pick the three that I'm still the most attracted to. For me that was an easy thing to decide. The Children of Mary, The Alma Mercy Sisters and the Sisters of Mary Mother of the Church. So I was in Adoration on Thursday trying to make a choice about which community to start discerning with as opposed to discerning communities. I was really struggling and not very peaceful when all of a sudden I remembered what happened when I was on retreat with the Alma Mercy Sisters in the spring. I felt SO MUCH peace on retreat with them it was amazing. I also remembered having this realization that, as much as I'm attracted to it, I don't think I can practically live in monastic silence. When I stayed with the cloistered Dominicans it was awful because I was living totally inside my head. The silence was really bad for me.

So I really felt convicted that I need to start discerning with the Alma Mercy Sisters but I've been so up and down in my discernment, it's been crazy. I feel like at this point I don't know how to tell what's from me and what's from God any more. The only clear thing I know at this point is that I'm so peaceful with the thought of the Alma Mercy Sisters. I'm VERY attracted to their charism and their whole way of life. On their website it says "Each Sister must become a convergence point between God's mercy and the miseries of the world" I love that! The thing is that there have been so many charisms that I'm really attracted to, but the thing about the Mercy Sisters is that not only am I attracted to their life, but I felt so at home and SO PEACEFUL when I was there. Now I'm just really scared though because I have been so up and down in the past. I don't want to rush anything, but at the same time I don't want to sit around and wait if I'm supposed to go. This is so frustrating because it could be me saying "I want to go right now" and God saying "No, I need you to wait" or it could be God saying "Go right now" and me saying "No, I'm scared and way too comfortable in my little discerning bubble" 

I guess I'm just scared that if I don't do something about it soon I'm going to start working as an interpreter and become REALLY comfortable here and never want to leave. I guess I just need to trust that God will give me the courage to jump when I'm supposed to jump. GR! It's soo confusing. 

I would really appreciate prayers. Thank God I have spiritual direction on Monday so it won't be too long before I actually know which way to go about this. 

JMJ+ :heart: 

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Praised be Jesus Christ! Maravillas, it is so wonderful to hear your story and how you plan to enter Carmel next year!!! And I love your screen name, by the way!!!  :heart:

 

To you and Pax (& others) I wanted to share, I know a cloistered nun whose family was very opposed to her vocation (there are so many of these of course, but this one I know personally) When she was clothed, others came from far distances, but not her family who lived the closest to the monastery. She is persevering through it all though .. so know you are not alone..

 

Regarding your brother and sister, I would say .. wait until after Christmas to tell them maybe. Christmas can already be a stressful time, depending on the situation of course. But do whatever you feel God inspires you to .. that must be so hard though. I am very blessed that my family has always supported my vocation, even through all the trials and obstacles.. It is a huge blessing indeed... 

 

Have you seen the movie on St. Teresa of the Andes? :saint:

 

Catholicterp7, I hope you get to visit the Children of Mary soon!!  :pray:  Prayers for everyone discerning and struggling§

 

To answer you Chiqui, yes I have seen the movie Teresa de los Andes, because it has been posted by someone. Though I'm not able to understand all the words because I am not fluent in Spanish, I really enjoyed it. I had my phase when I watched and read everything I could about life in Carmel, because it's something mysterious from the outside.

As an anecdote, when I first visited "my" Carmel, I had previously said to Mother Prioress on the phone that I was discerning, so I thought they would let me in. But no, instead, I was accommodated in a small house next to the convent. I was actually more surprised than disappointed. But now, I always smile when I think about this misconception  :hehe2:

 

Concerning my brother and sister I think I'm gonna wait till after Christmas, because I don't wanna "spoil" the family gathering with such a news. But if I asked, it's because I don't see them very often, as they have their own families now. Maybe once every two months on average.

 

For my family, I know that I am not alone. I have been told by Carmelite sisters that most parents have a hard first reaction, because the choice of life is quite radical. However, Mother Prioress kept telling me that parents have a grace from God to accept it, even if it can take some time. She also added that the whole community would be praying for my parents and family. :nunpray:  What a good news when you know that 20 Carmelite sisters are praying for you and your family! The community is a real family that I want to join, without denying my own one of course. The way I see it is rather that my parents are going to have 20 more daughters! :dance2:

 

I am happy that your family supports you Chiqui in your vocation! By the way, is it also a vocation to Carmel, or if not where?

 And I am curious to know what your pseudo means. :think2:

 

ps: it takes me such a long time to write a post, because of all the smileys available. So much choice!

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Praised be Jesus Christ! Maravillas, I shall PM you :like: And my screen name is the nickname of the new Discalced Carmelite venerable, Ven. María Felicia de Jesús Sacramentado, OCD -  http://chiquitunga.jimdo.com/    Here are some clips from a documentary on her, although it's all in Spanish. I hope sometime to upload these with English subtitles along with a couple others on Carmel. She entered when she was 30 and died 4 years later. She was made Venerable by Pope Benedict XVI in 2010.

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For my family, I know that I am not alone. I have been told by Carmelite sisters that most parents have a hard first reaction, because the choice of life is quite radical. However, Mother Prioress kept telling me that parents have a grace from God to accept it, even if it can take some time. She also added that the whole community would be praying for my parents and family. :nunpray:  What a good news when you know that 20 Carmelite sisters are praying for you and your family! The community is a real family that I want to join, without denying my own one of course. The way I see it is rather that my parents are going to have 20 more daughters! :dance2:

 

:like: When I saw a couple of my sisters yesterday, they assured me of their daily prayers for me and promised to pray especially for my family at Mass yesterday and during the octave of the Immaculate Conception. I feel so loved by them!

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Erin Kathleen Holmes

I've been discerning religious life off and on for the past six or seven years and I'm just now actively getting in touch with communities specifically the Dominican Sisters of Mary Mother of the Eucharist, the Benedictines of Mary Queen of Apostles and the Sisters of St. Francis of the Martyr St. George (the community who took care of my grandmother in the nursing home and whom I've had the pleasure of knowing the VD since 2003 :) . My Dad has always been supportive of my vocation but ever since I quit college and went out to be an intern at a Catholic farm I have had tons of family drama. The rest of my family is very supportive and I plan on telling them at Christmas :) of my vocation.

Edited by Erin Kathleen Holmes
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Catholicterp7

well, I'm not discerning communities any more. (It only took me eight years to get to this point...) I'm discerning with the Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma. I'm pretty excited to spend more time with them and see what God does. I'm SO peaceful it's amazing! God is sooooooooo good to me! 

JMJ+ :heart: 

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well, I'm not discerning communities any more. (It only took me eight years to get to this point...) I'm discerning with the Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma. I'm pretty excited to spend more time with them and see what God does. I'm SO peaceful it's amazing! God is sooooooooo good to me! 

JMJ+ :heart:

 

Praise God!!  They are a beautiful community -- so reverent!  We have had a Phatmasser enter there previously -- Mary Magdalene -- from Australia.  I met her when I visited in November 2011.  Her baptismal name was Sabrina.  I don't know what her religious name is now since she was clothed as a novice.  :)

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Catholicterp7

Praise God!!  They are a beautiful community -- so reverent!  We have had a Phatmasser enter there previously -- Mary Magdalene -- from Australia.  I met her when I visited in November 2011.  Her baptismal name was Sabrina.  I don't know what her religious name is now since she was clothed as a novice.  :)

I met her on retreat with them! That's crazy! :) 

JMJ+ :heart: 

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Praise God!!  They are a beautiful community -- so reverent!  We have had a Phatmasser enter there previously -- Mary Magdalene -- from Australia.  I met her when I visited in November 2011.  Her baptismal name was Sabrina.  I don't know what her religious name is now since she was clothed as a novice.  :)

 

also, the lords sheep (Lauren) who is Sr. Christiana now - http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/111777-new-discerning-entered-list/page-5#entry2264819  looks like she's already been canonized   :saint:

 

I almost met her twice!! ahhh :hehe:

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MarysLittleFlower

Hey! First of all, thank you for this thread, I really needed to talk about it at this point. Now I am discerning religious life because I think God is asking me to give myself totally to him, but sometimes I’m just so confused...I struggle with GREAT difficulties in my spiritual life and this makes me wonder if entering a monastery wouldn’t make things worse. I have (a sort of) spiritual director, but we met just once and I have the feeling that no one could help me at this point. However, I try to continue my journey and I got to the conclusion that maybe I’m made for the Carmel or another congregation that I am considering. Even if contemplative life is very appealing, I also have (and had my entire life) the desire to help the poor and the sick ones. I don’t know how am I supposed to interpret this, because in general I don’t consider myself suitable for an apostolate, but rather for the contemplative life which charms me. Except a revelation, I will not make any decision sooner than 2 years, because I want to graduate from university. In the meantime, I pass from one vocation to another, from thinking ,,I’m supposed to be a nun” to ,,This will never happened” or ,,I should get married and have a children”. From ,,How great is the Carmel” to ,,Shouldn’t I dedicate myself to those who suffer in the world?”. It’s difficult to persevere in such conditions, but I think God wants me to abandon myself to his will and this is the only thing that consoles me, that finally what he wants will become reality.

 

I can relate to some things that you said because I also feel drawn to religious life but I also go through difficulties in my spiritual life that make it all really hard. In the past, when I spoke to a priest that really helped, and I mean not just occasionally, but regularly... and he guided me. It's really hard on our own. Some things are so complicated, you feel only a miracle can help you, - I definitely go through this.. it still helps to talk about it and get advice from a priest & a blessing which can be very powerful :) and God can work through that, and through other things, to help us, because of course God knows just what we need!

 

There's a book called 'Abandonment to Divine Providence' that you might like :) I haven't read all of it yet but it sounds wonderful, and especially if it's a version that comes with the letters (to nuns).

 

God bless :)

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I don't know if this is any help to you, Freedom, but I never feared this, because I reason so: Even if the community falls on hard financial times, it will still be better to fall on hard financial times IN A COMMUNITY than ON MY OWN. And in these times, the latter is pretty likely. And REALLY scary.

 

What would your answer be if you were in a completely opposite situation?

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What do you mean?

 

If you were fine financially and really comfortable in life such as no worries about paying bills on time or being homeless?

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