Please be considerate when posting....

[franciscanheart]

Please, let's all remember while posting to be considerate of other people and their possible backgrounds.

A lot of people on this board come from broken homes and have had to deal with some serious things in their past. Triggers happen often I know and we should do our very best to avoid posting any. Obviously not all triggers can be avoided because they are different for everyone.

If you think you are going to be posting something that someone could be triggered by, maybe you could include a warning. Something like:

[color=red]Warning: Possible triggers ahead!![/color]

and leave a few spaces before you post. The only other thing is that for the really blantantly obvious triggers, maybe we could use other ways of saying it... or possibly refrain from saying it at all.

I think that if everyone could just remember that when they post then it would be a lot easier on a vast majority of our members.


I am not singling anyone out when saying this. I thank everyone in advance for their consideration of others here on the boards.


God bless and happy posting,
hugheyforlife

[crusader1234]

Seeing as how this was clearly triggered by a post I made, I feel the need to defend the right of all Phatmassers to be able to post within the forum guidelines. Personal issues are exactly that, personal issues. While the phamily is here to support you and offer love, I don't think its fair that anybody should ever have to censor themselves when the content they are posting is not breaking any Phorum rules.

[God Conquers]

I agree with crusader.....

This is clearly ridiculous. How can I or anyone else be held responsible for some concept we know nothing about.

I'd have to put CAUTION POSSIBLE TRIGGERS on every single post... I have absolutely no idea what that means.

I'm not worrying about my posts like this... its pretty unnecessary.

[Ash Wednesday]

No disrespect intended here, but I don't think crusader said anything that I haven't heard reported on the evening news.

I certainly can understand the issue of panic attacks and triggers from my own personal experience. But if there is a sensitivity there, then you have to look out for yourself and be your own safety net regarding what you may see or read. (And when I mean "you," I mean the general populace, please do not think that I am picking on you, hughey. This applies to [i]anyone[/i] with this problem and I don't know if the question of triggers has ever come up on phatmass in my memory.)

In order to have the "trigger ahead" work, it would have to be put into phatmass phorum policy. That is the only possible way it could be enforced and is the only possible way anyone would remember, and for any newcomers to even know. But I think we should leave the policy decision up to dUSt.

As it is now, however, in my experience the only time I've seen the trigger alert policy enforced and appropriate is with online communities that tend to deal [i]specifically and extensively[/i] with trigger issues like alcoholism, abuse, family matters, or death, to name a few. While subjects like this come up on phatmass at times, this place doesn't strike me as being a place where these are discussed in so much graphic detail that this would warrent a need for a trigger alert policy. I think a lot of people would feel like they were walking on eggshells and were unable to have much dialog, because they wouldn't know what to do. A lot of people reading this thread right now might be learning for the first time what we are talking about when we mean "triggers."

It is true that there are many different backgrounds on here, and a lot of people come and go. That is one of the reasons why enforcing trigger alerts would be very difficult to do.

Unfortunately, mind reading is even harder to do on the internet.

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='crusader1234' date='Apr 13 2005, 11:36 PM'] Seeing as how this was clearly triggered by a post I made, I feel the need to defend the right of all Phatmassers to be able to post within the forum guidelines. Personal issues are exactly that, personal issues. While the phamily is here to support you and offer love, I don't think its fair that anybody should ever have to censor themselves when the content they are posting is not breaking any Phorum rules. [/quote]
surely you jest.


are you really going to sit here and say that you dont care if you are seriously affecting any other members. and this was clearly NOT in response to your post. was your post a push to post this? sure. i wont lie. but it was not just because of your post. its happened many times before and ive said the exact same thing many times before. please dont take this as a personal attack because thats definitely not how it was intended.




on another note though i think it is completely disrespectful and immature of you to say that so long as you arent breaking any written guidlines of the phorum that you dont really care about any harm (physically, mentally, or emotionally) to the rest of the phamily.

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' date='Apr 14 2005, 02:24 AM'] A lot of people reading this thread right now might be learning for the first time what we are talking about when we mean "triggers." [/quote]
Right. Sorry...


and im sorry that im causing so much fuss over a simple little request. but this isnt the first time and ive seen threads that are completely outrageous here and even for those that dont have the backgrounds are still completely uncalled for. i dont think that people should have to be considerate on just abuse boards. i think it should be everywhere.




ive said something before, not necessarily in its own specific thread, about triggers and how we should all be cautious about what we're writing. yeah we have freedom of speech and thats all well and good and what not but we have to be considerate of others on the board. who cares what you see on the evening news? they report and show things a lot of times i dont think they should be saying or showing at all. (and no i dont want to get into the arguement over "should we hide things and try to ignore them?" because thats not what im trying to say.)


all im asking is that when you start posting things that could be harmful or scandalous to others that there be some kind of warning or some sort of personal cautiousness to the post. i dont think this calls for any sort of specific guideline. all im asking is for personal awareness. i cant tell you the number of people that have come to me later and said "thanks" because i asked members to be a little more courtious in their words concerning potential trigger topics.


maybe im the only one that cares and if that is the case, so be it. that doesnt mean i wont ask you to be considerate of your pham. (even if this isnt an abuse board)

[cmotherofpirl]

The thing is, that what might be outrageous to one person because of their background will not affect, hurt or scandalize anyone else.

Everyone has a duty to be kind and show consideration, but the person reading anything anywhere needs to be aware of their own personal triggers and take responsibility for what they read and how they react to it.

To announce trigger

before saying someone killed themselves, hurt someone, or did any number of other sinful stupid or unwholesome activities means we would spend more time policing ourselves than conversing.

I have trigger points, but it is my job do deal with them and not on the rest of the board. Is it unfair? Yep. Does it smell of elderberries? Big time.

But it does get easier over time.

Consideration goes hand in hand with personal responsibility.

[Norseman82]

I think the problem is that many times a lot of "Catholic cliches" are thrown around (especially in the areas of suffering) without thinking, and if we would step into another person's shoes we would "think before we thump" instead of posting things just to get our post count up.

[franciscanheart]

I understand the personal accountability for reactions to certain things that to many would not seem like anything to be upset about.


HOWEVER


this is not my main point. it was not simply in response to a suicide thread that i have posted this. all across the board i have seen things that just in general would scandalize people. and still there are things that might not scandalize all but that doesnt mean we should post it. if i think ill be saying something that could deeply trouble someone then i dont post it. i know a lot of people dont even think about what they post before they post sometimes and all im asking for is awareness. THINK before you post.

the biggest problem is in titles of threads.




im not asking for everyone to be so on guard that they never acutally use the boards. im asking for kindness and consideration on things that are serious and i know that the rest of us who struggle with certain topics or issues are doing our best to control our own "unrational" thoughts.

[Mickey's_Girl]

I'm not going to add to the "trigger alert"/no trigger alert discussion (since I have no idea what you're even talking about), but I agree that occasional reminders to be considerate are appropriate. As nearly every board I've ever been on, Phatmass occasionally get so heated and rude that it's tiresome to be here. I think that problem is endemic to any board that has so many people contributing.

Another way to deal with the "yikes, I didn't want to read that" thing could be for people to label threads that they start a little more accurately. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a vaguely labeled thread ("This is terrible..." "This makes me sick..." "Please pray...") that ended up being something I didn't want to read...but you have to read it to know what it is. Sure, I could just ignore those...but I could ignore the whole board, too. That's not the point of being on here.

Also, thinking about how one's words might sound to another, before posting, is always a good plan. James 1:19 has good advice: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." There's always the chance that, even with a careful post, someone could take one's words the wrong way. That doesn't mean we should "censor" ourselves, but censorship is not the same thing as charity and tact. Somewhere there is a balance between my right to speak and my obligation to consider other people.

MG

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='Mickey's_Girl' date='Apr 14 2005, 09:46 AM'] I'm not going to add to the "trigger alert"/no trigger alert discussion (since I have no idea what you're even talking about), but I agree that occasional reminders to be considerate are appropriate.  As nearly every board I've ever been on, Phatmass occasionally get so heated and rude that it's tiresome to be here.  I think that problem is endemic to any board that has so many people contributing.

Another way to deal with the "yikes, I didn't want to read that" thing could be for people to label threads that they start a little more accurately.  I can't tell you how many times I've seen a vaguely labeled thread ("This is terrible..."  "This makes me sick..."  "Please pray...") that ended up being something I didn't want to read...but you have to read it to know what it is.  Sure, I could just ignore those...but I could ignore the whole board, too.  That's not the point of being on here.

Also, thinking about how one's words might sound to another, before posting, is always a good plan.  James 1:19 has good advice:  "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."  There's always the chance that, even with a careful post, someone could take one's words the wrong way.  That doesn't mean we should "censor" ourselves, but censorship is not the same thing as charity and tact.  Somewhere there is a balance between my right to speak and my obligation to consider other people.

MG [/quote]
-_- you have a much more eloquent way of saying what im thinking.


(let me also say that in my original post i didnt know whether or not to talk about just triggers or other posts including graphics or graphic DETAIL because that happens a lot too i think.)

[cmotherofpirl]

excellent idea peoples, please see pinned topic.

[Mickey's_Girl]

Thanks, hughey! Thanks for pinning, Cmom!

MG

[franciscanheart]

cmom you crack me up!!

and thank YOU mg

[crusader1234]

[quote name='hugheyforlife' date='Apr 14 2005, 08:43 AM'] surely you jest.

[snip]

on another note though i think it is completely disrespectful and immature of you to say that so long as you arent breaking any written guidlines of the phorum that you dont really care about any harm (physically, mentally, or emotionally) to the rest of the phamily. [/quote]
I surely don't jest, and I'm personally offended by your post. If thats not a direct attack on my character, John Paul II wasn't Catholic. I never stated that I didn't care about the emotional welfare of members of Phatmass. I do, however, do not feel that it is my responsibility to walk on eggshells around every issue. Phatmass is a place for discussion, and if you know you can't handle conversations about suicide or emotional issues, walk away. Everyone has issues. If you're so completely emotionally invested in a public forum such as Phatmass that you want everyone to walk around saying "Look out! I might trigger something!", I again think those who have a proclivity to getting offended need to reconsider why you are coming to Phatmass. As far as I know, Phatmass' purpose is Preaching Holy Apostolic Truth. Also, the post that precipitated this discussion was AFTER Bro Adam asked 'did somebody commit suicide'. If people have special issues that result in them reacting differently to issues than the average person, its that persons responsibility to read carefully and identify threads which might 'set them off'.

[Phazzan]

[quote name='crusader1234' date='Apr 14 2005, 10:10 AM'] I surely don't jest, and I'm personally offended by your post. If thats not a direct attack on my character, John Paul II wasn't Catholic. I never stated that I didn't care about the emotional welfare of members of Phatmass. I do, however, do not feel that it is my responsibility to walk on eggshells around every issue. Phatmass is a place for discussion, and if you know you can't handle conversations about suicide or emotional issues, walk away. Everyone has issues. If you're so completely emotionally invested in a public forum such as Phatmass that you want everyone to walk around saying "Look out! I might trigger something!", I again think those who have a proclivity to getting offended need to reconsider why you are coming to Phatmass. As far as I know, Phatmass' purpose is Preaching Holy Apostolic Truth. Also, the post that precipitated this discussion was AFTER Bro Adam asked 'did somebody commit suicide'. If people have special issues that result in them reacting differently to issues than the average person, its that persons responsibility to read carefully and identify threads which might 'set them off'. [/quote]
Wurd.

People are just too sensitive these days.

[God Conquers]

I still definately don't underrstand the whole issue.... maybe the stuff you're talking about is an American thing (cause crusader seems purterbed as well) I just don't get what needs to change apart from of course being curteous which should be a given.

If certain things bother some people, which don't normally bother others... then they should stay away. I would agree that a graphic picture would be out of line in almost every situation, or possibly extreme violence or sexuality in words would be bad....

But normal stuff? Very difficult to police. And I'd say undesirable to police.

[Ash Wednesday]

[quote]i dont think that people should have to be considerate on just abuse boards. i think it should be everywhere.[/quote]

Whoa...where did I say people don't need to be considerate? I never said people shouldn't have to be considerate -- of course people should be considerate. I was talking about enforcement of a trigger warning policy -- i.e. HOW someone ought to be considerate.

[quote]who cares what you see on the evening news? they report and show things a lot of times i dont think they should be saying or showing at all. [/quote]

My point was, triggers occur in day-to-day life. You may feel uncomfortable with something you may see on the news. Someone else may see the same thing and it might evoke no reaction at all and may casually post about it on phatmass. So who is right? Whose responsibility is it regarding how it should be handled if it's discussed on the boards?

I think cmom and others summed it up best. Consideration is a two-way street.


And I definitely think labeling the topics is a very good thing to be aware of. Even on a less serious level, I can't stand it when people start melodramatic threads to generate attention but are really quite banal in nature. Like "I'M LEAVING PHATMASS".............. "to go get a slurpee at 7-11!"

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' date='Apr 14 2005, 12:50 PM'] "to go get a slurpee at 7-11!" [/quote]
You can still get a Slurpee at 7-11?

[God Conquers]

That is a good reason to leave phatmass though....