Noel's angel Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 lol, i know and it can't even be the way he tells them...
Old_Joe Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 So these two cannibals are sitting around a large, boiling pot in their jungle village. One of them says, "I hate my mother in law. She really makes me sick." The other one replies, "Try the fruit instead."
Sarah_JC Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 "and then it hit me" LOL! What's brown and sticky?
stargirl3:16 Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Hear the story about the broken pencil? There's no point to it.
1337 k4th0l1x0r Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 The glass eye joke reminded me of another one. There was this guy who had an accident at the factory that damaged one of his eyes. It damaged it so much he had to have it removed and replaced with a wooden eye. This left him very depressed. He didn't think he was very attractive and spent most of his time alone. One of his friends was concerned about him and asked him if he was okay. They wooden-eyed man said to his friend, "I don't go out because I'm afraid people will call me names." To this his friend replied, "Listen, we're having a get together at church next weekend. The people there are really nice and certainly won't call you names. There will be dancing and food and lots of time to get to meet great people." The man agreed to go with his friend to the social at church the next weekend. They guy showed the church gathering but was still shy about mingling. He hardly knew anybody and was self-conscious about his appearance. Finally his friend came over to him, pointed to a girl sitting at a table, and said, "Look over there. There's a wonderful woman over there who I know won't make fun of you. She's sweet and beautiful. Go over and talk to her." The guy got up the nerve and went over to the woman. As he approached her, he noticed she was missing an arm. He felt at ease knowing she was in a similar predicament as him. He sat down and struck up a conversation. After talking a few minutes, they started to play some music. He decided to risk it all and ask her to dance. "Would you like to dance", he said. To which she replied, "Would I! Would I!" "ONE ARM! ONE ARM!" he shouted back at her.
picchick Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 These are pretty good.... I'll try to come up with one.. WAIT I HAVE ONE!! My brother made this up. What kind of weapon does a Vatican Guard use? A Daily Roman Missal Meg
Old_Joe Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he can have a free drink. The bartender says no. "Make you a bet," says the man. "If I win, I get a free drink." "OK," says the bartender. The patron asks, "Can you spell a word with ten letters that starts with GAS?" The bartender thinks a bit and confesses he cannot, then the patron looks him in the eye and says, "AUTOMOBILE!"
Old_Joe Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 Did you hear about the two antennas on the roof that met, fell in love, and got married? The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!
iggy Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 a foreman on a construction site was short handed, and a red neck walked in asking for a job. the foreman did not like this guy, and so he devised a way to get rid of him foreman: I will give you the job if you can pass my tests. I am going to give you a piece of paper and somthing to write with, and you have to find a way of showing me the number I tell you. BUT you cannot use any numbers. Your fist number is nine. The redneck thinks and thinks and then finally starts drawing. he draws three trees. The foreman thinks he has got the redneck now. foreman: what is that supposed to be? redneck: tree + tree + tree = nine The foreman is getting a little frustrated, but he figures that is okay because the redneck will never get the next one: ninety-nine. the redneck thinks and thinks and finally makes a smude on each of the trees. The foreman is flabbergasted. foreman: what on earth is THAT supposed to be?!? redneck: well dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree, well, that makes ninety-nine! The foreman is really mad now, but then he gets an idea, he could never get this last number so he says to the redneck: if you get this one, I will give you the job. You have to make one hundred! The redneck thinks and thinks and finally draws a small dot next to each tree. foreman: What in the world do you think [i]THAT[/i] is redneck: well a dog walked up and did his business next to all the trees, and well: dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd makes one hundred!
Old_Joe Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 That's bad! that's like something off of Blue collar TV
Old_Joe Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 Did you hear about the new Website dedicated to morse code enthusiasts? It's www.-----.-.....-.-.----....com
Old_Joe Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? anyone can roast beef. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
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