word games

[Old_Joe]

*bump*

[Noel's angel]

more!!!!!!!

[Old_Joe]

Did I ever tell you my joke about deja vu?

No? That's funny. I thought I did.

[Noel's angel]

lol, if u keep telling that one though, i may stop laughing, so be warned

[Old_Joe]

of course I can only tell that one once per person. Unless, there's a long time between tellings

[iggy]

okay, so move on

[Old_Joe]

Man, you people are demanding. other people have jokes too you know. Alright, I'll make with the Ha Ha's

George W. Bush is at a press conference and Moses walks in. Bush says "Hello, Moses." Moses doesn't speak. Bush says again, "Hello Moses." He still doesn't respond. So Bush asks, "Well why aren't ya talkin'?" And Moses finally says, "Last time I talked to a bush I got stuck in the desert for forty years."

[iggy]

yes, other people have jokes, but they ain't posting them, and this is your thread

[Old_Joe]

So Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping one night. They're lying on the ground looking up at the stars, when Sherlock Holmes asks, "Look at those stars, and tell me what you think Watson." Dr. Watson thinks about it a little bit and says, "Well, judging by the relative amount of time we've been out here and the position of the constellations, I'd say it's going to be morning in a few hours. Why? What do you think?" Sherlock replies, "I think someone stole our tent."

[Old_Joe]

What happens when you forget to pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed.

Ba-Doom *cymbal crash*

[Old_Joe]

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at
the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if
something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Please, just this one time." says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, my God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on
the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," said the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!"

[Old_Joe]

*bump*

[Old_Joe]

so anyway,

What does the pope use to clean up spills?

Papal Towels

What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

[Old_Joe]

*bump*

[Old_Joe]

How about a riddle:

The end of time and space, the beginning of every end and the end of every place. What is it?

[BullnaChinaShop]

[quote name='Old_Joe' date='Jun 27 2005, 12:00 AM']How about a riddle:

The end of time and space, the beginning of every end and the end of every place.  What is it?
[right][snapback]624951[/snapback][/right]
[/quote]

e

[iggy]

ooh you are good.

[Old_Joe]

who me? oh stop.

Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail never clinking

If you can tell me not only what it is, but also where it came from, I'd be impressed.

Edited June 29, 2005 by Old_Joe

[Old_Joe]

Here's a whole bunch from the same source as above:

This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down.

What has roots as nobody sees,
Is taller than trees
Up, up it goes,
And yet never grows?

No-legs lay on one-leg, two legs sat near on three legs, four legs got some.

An eye in a blue face
Saw an eye in a green face.
'That eye is like to this eye'
Said the first eye,
'But in low place
Not in high place.'

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.
It lies behind stars and under hills,
And empty holes it fills.
It comes first and follows after,
Ends life, kills laughter.

Thirty white horses on a red hill,
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
Then they stand still.

A box without hinges, key or lid,
Yet golden treasure inside is hid.

Voiceless it cries,
Wingless flutters,
Toothless bites,
Mouthless mutters.

and here's 40 more that I just found:

1. I am taken from a mine, and shut up in a wooden case, from which I am never released, and yet I am used by almost all children.

2. What goes round the house and in the house but never touches the house?

3. What is it that you can keep after giving it to someone else?

4. What walks all day on its head?

5. What gets wet when it's drying?

6. What appears once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?

7. What is round as a frying pan, deep as a bathtub, and still all the oceans in the world couldn't fill it up?

8. There were five men going to church and it started to rain. The four men who ran got wet and the one that remained still stayed dry.

9. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?

10. He who has it doesn't tell about it. He who takes it doesn't know about it. He who knows about it doesn't want it. What is it?

11. Brothers and sisters have I none but that man's father is my father's son.

12. Who spends the day at the window, goes to the table for meals and hides at night?

13. I fasten it and it walks. I unfasten it and it stops.

14. What goes round and round the wood but never goes into the wood?

15. I went to the city and I stopped there. I never worked there, and then I came back again.

16. I have a little house in which I live all alone. It has no doors or windows, and if I want to go out I must break through the wall.

17. Almost immediately after the father came into this world, the son was seen dancing on the roof.

18. There are four brothers in this world that were all born together. The first runs and never gets tired. The second eats and is never full. The third drinks and is always thirsty. The fourth sings a song that is never finished.

19. A cloud was my mother, the wind is my father, my son is the cool stream, and my daughter is the fruit of the land. A rainbow is my bed, the earth my final resting place, and I can be a nuisance to people.

20. Poke your fingers in my eyes and I will open wide my jaws. Cloth, leather, cardboard or paper, I greedily devour them all.

21. What is that which goes with a car, comes with a car, is of no use to a car, and yet the car cannot go without it?

22. It stands on one leg with its heart in its head.

23. It's been around for millions of years, but it's no more than a month old right now. What is it?

24. A white dove flew down by the castle. Along came a king and picked it up handless, ate it up toothless, and carried it away wingless.

25. As I went across the bridge, I met a man with a load of wood which was neither straight nor crooked. What kind of wood was it?

26. What belongs to you but others use it more than you do?

27. What goes up the chimney down, but can't go down the chimney up?

28. What is is that you will break even when you name it?

29. What connects two people but touches only one?

30. The more you take away from it, the larger it becomes?

31. I am the beginning of sorrow, and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me, yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk, yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am always in darkness.

32. What is put on a table, cut, but never eaten?

33. Who are the two brothers who live on opposite sides of the road yet never see each other?

34. What holds water yet is full of holes?

35. Though it is not an ox, it has horns; though it is not an donkey, it has a pack-saddle; and wherever it goes it leaves silver behind. What is it?

36. Lives without a body, hears without ears, speaks without a mouth, and which is begun only by air.

37. A hundred-year-old man and his head one night old.

38. What goes into the water red and comes out black?

39. What goes into the water black and comes out red?

40. When one does not know what it is, then it is something; but when one knows what it is, then it is nothing.

[photosynthesis]