Speaking of Virgins

[desertwoman]

Hey yall. I just need some prayer....well, my boyfriend needs some prayer as well. He's been being a jerk lately and telling me that either I give in, or he leaves.

I want to go, but I guess fear gets in the way. He claims that he loves me and all and wants to marry me but he can't wait that long for he has been married before and I understand the frustration. I told him that I wanted to wait for marriage in the beginning, so the whole conversation that we had didn't just come to him or fall on him like a ton of bricks.

I just need prayer for God's will to be done. That either God wants me to leave him, or that God can change his heart. I'm just depressed right now. It seemed like it took me forever to find him. He is my first and only boyfriend I ever had... and I'm 26.

I don't want to ruin a good thing, nor do I want to continue to be in a bad thing. But I just need prayer and guidance.

[homeschoolmom]

Presuring you to do something that is not in your best interest is not a loving attitude.

He was probably hoping that given enough time, you'd change your mind.

Prayers...

[picchick]

I will pray but I will say this. I was in a pressuring friendship with someone. It was not good. He kept asking me to do something that was not right. I thought that I could set an example and stick it out. My friends told me that it wasn't good. Sex is something that should not be played with. It is like water falling on a rock. The rock will soon wear down. Pressuring can also wear a person down.

I will pray for you to follow God's WIll. I will also pray for your bf.

Meg

[Ash Wednesday]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Aug 15 2005, 07:46 AM']Presuring you to do something that is not in your best interest is not a loving attitude.

He was probably hoping that given enough time, you'd change your mind.

Prayers...
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Couldn't have said it better myself. Stick to your guns -- you will be glad that you did in the end. What's his hurry? Why can't he wait? Sex is for unitive purposes. But it's also for makin' babies. This doesn't happen to cross his mind, does it?

And don't worry about being 26 and single if that's what it comes to. Better that than with the wrong person.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Ash Wednesday' date='Aug 15 2005, 08:56 AM']And don't worry about being 26 and single if that's what it comes to. Better that than with the wrong person.
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Amen, sister!

[Theoketos]

Love is patient.

[1337 k4th0l1x0r]

The guy doesn't really love you then. First off, every guy in his twenties has urges and hormones and a guy gets them if he goes to Mass everyday and prays the Divine Office or if he hasn't set foot in a church in the past ten years. It's a matter of what a guy does with them that determines whether or not he loves you. He's really telling you that he doesn't care about what you want and is calling you selfish for not giving in to what he wants. What you want is far more honorable and good than what he wants. As someone who is getting married in less than two weeks, believe me when I tell you that my fiancee and I have 'wanted,' at least in a physical sense, to give in, but the love we have for each other, ourselves, and God, have overpowered these urges. If he truly loves you he'll wait.

Imagine that you're going to a banquet tonight. All your favorite foods will be there and there will be plenty of it. The person who is setting this up for you cares about you and loves you so much. Dinner is at 6:00, but around 3:00 you're starting to feel hungry. You want to wait for this wonderful meal, but you've got this urge telling you to eat now. You're driving along the road at see a McDonald's. Do you stop in and get a Big Mac? If you do, you'll end up showing up to the feast and have to say 'No thanks, I've already eaten.' You see all the wonderful food you could have eaten but you decided to eat a crummy Big Mac instead. But if you choose to wait, you will be given everything you need. I know you're fine, but let your boyfriend know that if he were to marry you then to wait would make it that much more wonderful.

Don't feel like just because you're 26 and it's your first and only boyfriend doesn't mean another guy wouldn't ever come along should you break up with this guy. If the guy keeps pressuring you to give in then you should definitely consider breaking up with him. I would rather spend the rest of my life with God alone than with someone who didn't respect me. Besides, if you have faith in God then you really will find someone perfect for you.

[ofpheritup]

NO, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, HE LOVES HIMSELF.

If he LOVED YOU he would not put you in a position (no pun intended) where you felt UNCOMFORTABLE or PRESSURED or UNSURE.

LOVE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.

My standard for love is the crucifix I wear. Jesus said I LOVE YOU and then died on the cross for me. What is this guy willing to do for you since he says he loves you? If he truly loves you he will accept what you tell him and back off.

The ultimate in love is that we seek another person's "greater good" above what we want. THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF LOVE.

I know how 20 year old guys think, THEY DON'T (sorry guys). I used to be a 20 year old girl. Now I am a 47 (soon to be a 48 in two days) year old girl. In 20 years he will blowing the same sob story to someone else.

I know how you are feeling I promise I've gone through the same thing. Most people have and will. I couldn't tell you today what the guy looks like.

And trust me there was one after that and then after that. It is a cycle, they (that type) are like buses. Another one will show up in 10 minutes.

What you need to decide is DO YOU VALUE YOURSELF? If you don't no one else will. People treat you the way you teach them to treat you.

God created you in love for love not for some PUTZ who can't keep his pants on.

You were meant (emotionally) to stand on the mountaintops and sing not to sit in a ditch and mumble. (hypothetical)

WHICH DO YOU WANT, WHICH ARE YOU WORTH? I think you know the answer.

Edited August 15, 2005 by ofpheritup

[avemaria40]

Hey, u def have my prayers.

[zabbazooey]

Prayers, my friend...

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='desertwoman' date='Aug 15 2005, 08:17 AM']Hey yall.  I just need some prayer....well, my boyfriend needs some prayer as well.  He's been being a jerk lately and telling me that either I give in, or he leaves.

I want to go, but I guess fear gets in the way.  He claims that he loves me and all and wants to marry me but he can't wait that long for he has been married before and I understand the frustration.  I told him that I wanted to wait for marriage in the beginning, so the whole conversation that we had didn't just come to him or fall on him like a ton of bricks.

I just need prayer for God's will to be done.  That either God wants me to leave him, or that God can change his heart.  I'm just depressed right now.  It seemed like it took me forever to find him.  He is my first and only boyfriend I ever had... and I'm 26.

I don't want to ruin a good thing, nor do I want to continue to be in a bad thing.  But I just need prayer and guidance.
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Tell him to take a hike.
[color=red]IF [/color] he loves he will wait. Many men are willing to wait if not given a choice.

[zabbazooey]

Yeah...I did some pretty stupid things (not going to mention them here) when I was 15...and I wholeheartedly regret it to this day.

[popestpiusx]

You have my prayers. But on the practical level, I could not advise sticking with this fellow. Ditch him. Whatever you do, do not give in under any circumstance.

[prose]

Okay, I can see where you are coming from. How long have you been in this relationship? If it is so important to him to have sex, have you discussed the possibility of gettting married? Maybe, if it is meant to be, this is the way to go. If you love him, and he loves you, maybe it is time for the two of you to discern this vocation.

If it is early in the relationship, and you told him you were waiting, he has no right to pressure you.

If you have been together for a long time, and you haven't considered marriage, why not? Isn't the purpose of dating to find out whether you are compatible as husband and wife?

I wouldn't just ditch him if you love him, but I would SERIOUSLY examine your relationship, where it is going, and why this is coming up now and not before.

Just my 2 cents.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='desertwoman' date='Aug 15 2005, 07:17 AM']Hey yall.  I just need some prayer....well, my boyfriend needs some prayer as well.  He's been being a jerk lately and telling me that either I give in, or he leaves.

I want to go, but I guess fear gets in the way.  He claims that he loves me and all and wants to marry me but he can't wait that long for he has been married before and I understand the frustration.  I told him that I wanted to wait for marriage in the beginning, so the whole conversation that we had didn't just come to him or fall on him like a ton of bricks.
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Like popestpiusx said ....ditch him. This guy is an occasion of sin.

What is the nature of the fear? Do you feel threatened by him physically? Do you need some "big brother" types to be available in case you need physical defense, if you get what I mean?

[quote name='desertwoman' date='Aug 15 2005, 07:17 AM']I just need prayer for God's will to be done.  That either God wants me to leave him, or that God can change his heart.  I'm just depressed right now.  It seemed like it took me forever to find him.  He is my first and only boyfriend I ever had... and I'm 26.

I don't want to ruin a good thing, nor do I want to continue to be in a bad thing.  But I just need prayer and guidance.
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Since he's been married before, he's probably not even eligible to be married in the Catholic Church (unless he is a widower or his previous marriage(s) was/were annulled or civil marriages), so it is a mistake to pursue these types of people in the first place. There are plenty of Catholic male virgins who are eligible to marry in the Church and are saving themselves for marriage; how about giving them a chance? You say you want God's will to be done. In this case, we know what God's will is without even praying:

1) Chaste abstinence before marriage
2) No marriage to divorced people (with the exceptions of annulments or if the prior marriages were civil marriages).

[prose]

[quote]Since he's been married before, he's probably not even eligible to be married in the Catholic Church (unless he is a widower or his previous marriage(s) was/were annulled or civil marriages), so it is a mistake to pursue these types of people in the first place.[/quote]

Wow!

That was a pretty big assumption to make on your part. We only know he wants to have sex. We don't know the state of his soul!!!

This thread sure is condemning! I am disappointed that everyone here automatically assumes this man is a terrible partner, and possibly even in separation from the Church!!

We only know one paragraph of what , I am sure, is a long story, and we jump to tell her to "ditch" him etc. etc. Maybe there is temptation for him from her (no offense), and he wants her to stop tempting him. Maybe he wants to get married. Maybe he is annuled.

Do you tell your friends who are married to non-catholics to leave them b/c they are apart from the Church???

Sorry, I just find sometimes at PM people can be to quick to jump on the judgement bandwagon.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='prose' date='Aug 15 2005, 12:31 PM']Wow!

That was a pretty big assumption to make on your part.  We only know he wants to have sex.  We don't know the state of his soul!!!

This thread sure is condemning!  I am disappointed that everyone here automatically assumes this man is a terrible partner, and possibly even in separation from the Church!!

We only know one paragraph of what , I am sure, is a long story, and we jump to tell her to "ditch" him etc. etc.  Maybe there is temptation for him from her (no offense), and he wants her to stop tempting him.  Maybe he wants to get married.  Maybe he is annuled.

Do you tell your friends who are married to non-catholics to leave them b/c they are apart from the Church???

Sorry, I just find sometimes at PM people can be to quick to jump on the judgement bandwagon. 
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Desertwoman did state that he was married before, so if he is divorced and remarried without an annulment (and I did state that exception, if you read my post) or unless the prior marriage was a civil marriage, then in the eyes of the Church he is ineligible to get married. This is not my personal opinion; this is the official policy of the Church. If you have a problem with it, don't get mad at me, get mad at the Church or at Christ Himself, since it was He who said that divorce and remarriage constitute adultery.

Reiterating official Church teaching is NOT, repeat NOT being judgmental.

And to compare this situation to mixed marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics is like comparing apples to oranges. It is possible for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic within the Church; it is not possible to marry someone who is divorced and who has a prior valid marriage that has not yet been annulled.

I stand by EVERYTHING I posted.

[ofpheritup]

[quote name='prose' date='Aug 15 2005, 12:31 PM']
Do you tell your friends who are married to non-catholics to leave them b/c they are apart from the Church???

Sorry, I just find sometimes at PM people can be to quick to jump on the judgement bandwagon. 
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BY JUST A LITTLE BIT.

I had a friend who just told me yesterday "Well you know if you do get married he'll have to be Catholic." WHY?

My one (and pretty much only) criteria is that if I do get married I want it to be to a man who can "keep me hot and sweaty."

HOT AND SWEATY in that he is so busy running after Jesus, I'll be busy running after him.

[prose]

[quote]HOT AND SWEATY in that he is so busy running after Jesus, I'll be busy running after him. [/quote]



Too funny!

Sorry about going off topic.

[TrinityAddiction]

I'll pray for you and your bf...

May God's will be done.