Speaking of Virgins

[Jake Huether]

If he loves you, regardless of the temptations, he will wait for you.


By the way... even civil marriages must be annuled (declared null) by the Church. They are usually easier, since most are "wham, bam, thank-you-maam" type Las Vegas drive through.

Marriage doesn't have to be Sacramental for it to be valid. Take for instance two non-Christians who vow to spend the rest of their lives together. It all depends on the intentions of the ones "marrying" eachother.

But that's totally off topic...

I like Prose advise. Dating is supposed to be for finding your future spouse.

My prayers are with you.

[ofpheritup]

[quote name='Jake Huether' date='Aug 15 2005, 01:22 PM']I
By the way... even civil marriages must be annuled (declared null) by the Church.  They are usually easier, since most are "wham, bam, thank-you-maam" type Las Vegas drive through.

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I wonder and I would have to ask someone. I had a civil marriage that I was told DID NOT HAVE TO BE ANNULED because the Church did not recognize it as valid.

[Jake Huether]

The Church may not recognize it as Sacramental. But as to whether or not it was a valid marriage... that is exactly what the Church Tribunal is for.

You state:

[quote]...DID NOT HAVE TO BE ANNULED because the Church did not recognize it as valid. [/quote]

This is a bit confusing, since it's precisley when the Church does not recognize it that it IS annulled!

In other-words. Whoever told you this seams to be saying that you would have to get it annulled if the Church DID recognize it as valid, in which case an annullment would be impossible.

If you were told the Church doesn't recognize it, then it should be easy enough to have the Church confirm this for Herself.

A good starting point would be your Pastor.

God bless.

[StColette]

Don't let down your guard girl. You keep your stance and don't back down. If he can't wait then get rid of him. If he's going to pressure you into something then he definitely doesn't love you. You could do waaaaaaay better.

Many prayers

[StColette]

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Aug 15 2005, 08:46 AM']Presuring you to do something that is not in your best interest is not a loving attitude.

He was probably hoping that given enough time, you'd change your mind.

Prayers...
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I agree. Persistence is the true test of a man's will.

[desertwoman]

Thanks everyone for your prayers and support. You don't know how much this means to me.

He divorced his wife because she was caught in the act of adultry. I was skeptical to go out with him at first when he told me that he was married before, but when I found out that his divorce was because of adultry I felt better.

We've been together for a while now, and one year will be on the 23rd of this month. I told him that I understand that it may seem like I have the upper hand in the relationship because I'm new to relationships in general and I am a virgin, but it was cool. It was smooth sailing for a while until June.

[Sirklawd]

this is bothersome to me. Sex is something that two best friends do together. Like, it's only 100% sex when both parties are in it with the idea to love the other and become a stronger, more intimate couple. For him to sorta be pestering you in order to have sex, it sounds like he's pestering you to let him have fun with you. Like he only wants his side of it. Im not condemning, least i dont want to be. But this is the impression I'm getting. People say that if a man truely loves he will wait - well that is VERY true. Maybe he doesnt quite understand the purpose of sex?

Here's another test. would he want to use birth control? if so that i dont think his intentions are for the couple-building, intimatly-awesome and fun, love-making God intended sex to be.

ofcourse my definition of sex may be wrong as well. im still a virign myself.

Edited August 15, 2005 by Sirklawd

[prose]

[quote] It was smooth sailing for a while until June.[/quote]

What happened to change it?

[Laudate_Dominum]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Aug 15 2005, 07:46 AM']Presuring you to do something that is not in your best interest is not a loving attitude.

He was probably hoping that given enough time, you'd change your mind.

Prayers...
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Yeah. You deserve to be with someone who truly appreciates and admires your chastity, not someone who is frustrated by it and would seek to rob you of it.

What he's interested in is not only a path of worldly misery (std's, being used and abused, out of wedlock pregnancy, becoming a slave to impurity and vice, etc..), but it is also mortal sin and a path to hell.
I'm sure he's just not thinking of everything but just wants to experience a little lovin', but this is a serious and potentially dangerous situation.

It could be difficult if you've let things go far in the relationship. For example if you're in the habit of making out or doing other intimate things, fornication may seem like the natural next step. In this case it could be difficult to have a chaste relationship because the guy has already had a taste so he might be set on it.

If he really cares about you it will be possible to cut out the physical side entirely and still have a good relationship. I know this might sound extreme but it could be the best thing. If he just doesn't respect your chastity at all I'd say dump him. Marraige should be a path to holiness and if the guy doesn't recognize the value of chastity then he's probably not worth pursuing.

[Norseman82]

[quote name='desertwoman' date='Aug 15 2005, 03:10 PM']He divorced his wife because she was caught in the act of adultry.  I was skeptical to go out with him at first when he told me that he was married before, but when I found out  that his divorce was because of adultry I felt better.


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First of all, being a dog lover, I love that avatar.

Are both of you Catholic or only you? The reason I ask is that allowing remarriage after a divorce due to adultery is a protestant interpretation of the [i]porneia[/i] parenthetical exception found only in Matthew's gospel. As far as I know, Catholic teaching does not recognize adultery on the part of one's spouse alone as a justification for divorce/remarriage; an annulment still must be obtained.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='ofpheritup' date='Aug 15 2005, 12:42 PM']  BY JUST A LITTLE BIT.

I had a friend who just told me yesterday "Well you know if you do get married he'll have to be Catholic."  WHY?

My one (and pretty much only) criteria is that if I do get married I want it to be to a man who can "keep me hot and sweaty." 

HOT AND SWEATY in that he is so busy running after Jesus, I'll be busy running after him.
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Good golly, you scared me there...

But it will be of enormous benefit to your children to be of one faith.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Norseman82' date='Aug 15 2005, 03:43 PM']Are both of you Catholic or only you?  The reason I ask is that allowing remarriage after a divorce due to adultery is a protestant interpretation of the [i]porneia[/i]  parenthetical exception found only in Matthew's gospel.  As far as I know, Catholic teaching does not recognize adultery on the part of one's spouse alone as a justification for divorce/remarriage; an annulment still must be obtained.
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I'm thinking she meant she felt better knowing that the ex-wife's cheating was the reason for the divorce rather than his being a wife-beater, adulterer, etc.

[zabbazooey]

Believe me, wait until marriage. i lost my virginity at 15...and i sorely regret it

[Old_Joe]

[quote name='ofpheritup' date='Aug 15 2005, 12:42 PM']HOT AND SWEATY in that he is so busy running after Jesus, I'll be busy running after him.
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took me a second for it to sink in.

seriously. i had a friend who had sex with just every girlfriend that he had. He kept saying that what he was doing was alright because he wasn't being promiscuis and was being faithful to them while in the relationship. I couldn't help but notice that he was never really happy. Neeedless to say, he ended up emotionally hurting several girlfirneds and actually ending our friendship. not to worry, I've already forgiven him.

Edited August 16, 2005 by Old_Joe

[desertwoman]

[quote name='prose' date='Aug 15 2005, 03:19 PM']What happened to change it?
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He was cool until he saw one of his old friends. They began talking about relationships and the lot, and then he asked my boyfriend (Johnny) if he "hit it or not."

He told him no, that he was respecting my decision to wait till marriage. His friend laughed at him, and told him that he was a better man than him, and that he would have already left me. Since they had that convo, he began acting strange.

I keep telling him that since him and his buddy talked about that that his entire persona changed, but he doesn't believe me.

[desertwoman]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Aug 15 2005, 05:04 PM']I'm thinking she meant she felt better knowing that the ex-wife's cheating was the reason for the divorce rather than his being a wife-beater, adulterer, etc.
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Yeah. I was releaved that he didn't get a divorce over reasons such as being an abuser, adulterer, or because he didn't want to mow the lawn (divorce court is so sad).

I know that there was more to the failed marriage, but he hasn't told me about it as of yet.

[sweetpea316]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='Aug 15 2005, 04:56 PM']But it will be of enormous benefit to your children to be of one faith.
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Kinda off topic, sorry...but oh so true!

Anyways...carry on...

[annabelle87]

I'm trying my best not to judge your boyfriend, as I don't know him personally. But I've been in similar situations before...and that kind of pressure really smells of elderberries. Most people don't understand how hard it really is unless they personally go through it. I know how it goes- you want to stay with him, you can't really see yourself without him. He's it. So then you get wrapped up in everything, and when he constantly pressures you and tries to get you to do things you don't wanna do, it's easier said than done to just say "no". Situations like this are realllly hard, because you know the right thing to do, but it constantly clashes with what he wants you to do..and you don't want to lose him...(I don't know if thats your situation, but I figure perhaps it's similar) But let me tell you, you don't want to be with a man who won't respect you. And yes, pressuring you into something he knows you're against, for his satisfaction, is disrespect. It's disgusting. You don't have to settle for it.

I actually didn't believe this until very recently, but there [i]are[/i] good, loving, respectful, honest men out there, who will treat you right. I don't know your boyfriend, I don't know you, so I guess I don't really know your situation well enough to conclude anything for certain.

What I know, is that when it comes to this kind of stuff, it shouldn't even be a question. You shouldn't ever, ever have to water down your morals for anyone. And your future husband should be someone who makes you want to be a better person, not tempt you into sin.

"Love is patient" 1Cor. 13:4

You're in my prayers!

[Socrates]

[quote name='desertwoman' date='Aug 15 2005, 07:17 AM']Hey yall.  I just need some prayer....well, my boyfriend needs some prayer as well.  He's been being a jerk lately and telling me that either I give in, or he leaves.

I want to go, but I guess fear gets in the way.  He claims that he loves me and all and wants to marry me but he can't wait that long for he has been married before and I understand the frustration.  I told him that I wanted to wait for marriage in the beginning, so the whole conversation that we had didn't just come to him or fall on him like a ton of bricks.

I just need prayer for God's will to be done.  That either God wants me to leave him, or that God can change his heart.  I'm just depressed right now.  It seemed like it took me forever to find him.  He is my first and only boyfriend I ever had... and I'm 26.

I don't want to ruin a good thing, nor do I want to continue to be in a bad thing.  But I just need prayer and guidance.
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To be blunt - Ditch the bum!
Don't let yourself be manipulated.
Sure, it hurts now, but later on, you won't regret it.

I'll pray for you.