Domestic Violence

[scardella]

First, some defining of terms (as I see them)
hurt - cause minor pain, but not permanent/severe damage; example: slap on wrist, spanking, paper cut, stub toe, etc.
injure - permanent or severe damage; example: break bones, bruising, bleeding, etc.
violence - deliberate acts causing or intending to cause injury or death. example: Real punching/kicking, stabbing, shooting, etc.

Is this accurate for our discussion?

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Oct 25 2005, 03:49 PM']several different comments.
-I love that movie.[/quote]

Agreed. John Wayne is better than Superman.

[quote]-there is a  line between rough play and violence in a relationship.  the line must be  well defined.
-some women [and some men] deliberately provoke a fight which results in a physical altercation, then play victim.
-My ex-husband tried to hit me. twice. Both times I put him into a wall. we were not playing and it was a breaking point in our relationship.
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I'm sorry about the way your ex-husband treated you

It would seem more like his actions were disciplinary in addition to any sort of "rough play" that was intended.

[toledo_jesus]

[quote name='scardella' date='Oct 25 2005, 05:57 PM']It would seem more like his actions were disciplinary in addition to any sort of "rough play" that was intended.
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probably not.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='scardella' date='Oct 25 2005, 05:57 PM']First, some defining of terms (as I see them)
hurt - cause minor pain, but not permanent/severe damage; example: slap on wrist, spanking, paper cut, stub toe, etc.
injure -  permanent or severe damage; example: break bones, bruising, bleeding, etc.
violence - deliberate acts causing or intending to cause injury or death.  example: Real punching/kicking, stabbing, shooting, etc.

Is this accurate for our discussion?
Agreed.  John Wayne is better than Superman.
I'm sorry about the way your ex-husband treated you

It would seem more like his actions were disciplinary in addition to any sort of "rough play" that was intended.
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Yes, John Wayne was making a point, cause Maureen O'Hara was pushing to get a response. It cleared the air and restored the balance in their relationship.

My ex-husband was sorry as well, because I flipped him into the wall.
He never tried that again.

Edited October 25, 2005 by cmotherofpirl

[scardella]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Oct 25 2005, 06:32 PM']My ex-husband was sorry as well, because I flipped him into the wall.
He never tried that again.
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Maybe you should be the ninja, not Kilroy...

[Dreamweaver]

I voted no, thinking in terms of domestic abuse and such. If things went crazy and a spouse had hit or otherwise restrain their partner for self defense, they'd be justified, but I'd consider that a different category, not merely "hitting".

Here's another situation. What if the hitting is consentual and thats how the couple gets "their kicks"? There are some odd people out there. If its consentual, is it justified?

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Dreamweaver' date='Oct 26 2005, 11:37 AM']I voted no, thinking in terms of domestic abuse and such. If things went crazy and a spouse had hit or otherwise restrain their partner for self defense, they'd be justified, but I'd consider that a different category, not merely "hitting".

Here's another situation. What if the hitting is consentual and thats how the couple gets "their kicks"?  There are some odd people out there. If its consentual, is it justified?
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Some people do indulgence in 'rough play'. As long as its consenual, and not actually injurying each other, AND they have a safe word, its up to them.

[scardella]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Oct 27 2005, 09:00 AM']AND they have a safe word, its up to them.
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What's a safe word?

[cmotherofpirl]

A SAFE word means take me seriously immediately. So if your boyfriends [ or girlfriend or spouse ] is tickling you, teasing you etc and you have reached your limit or something hurts etc you say the safe word [ whatever word you have previously chosen and agreed upon] and the action stops immediately. Its not something to tease with, if you seriously don't want them to stop, you don't use it.
its an emergency word.
Its also useful with children who tussle and wrestle etc, its like saying [i]uncle!![/i]

[scardella]

Does it have to be capitalized?

Thanks for the info, though. *takes notes* *decides it's a good idea* *wonders when he'll be in a situation that needs a SAFE word*

Edited October 27, 2005 by scardella

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='scardella' date='Oct 27 2005, 12:06 PM']Does it have to be capitalized?

Thanks for the info, though.  *takes notes* *decides it's a good idea*  *wonders when he'll be in a situation that needs a SAFE word*
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nope it doesn't have to be capitalized

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Dreamweaver' date='Oct 26 2005, 10:37 AM']Here's another situation. What if the hitting is consentual and thats how the couple gets "their kicks"?  There are some odd people out there. If its consentual, is it justified?
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Then they should invest in proper sparring gear and perhaps reserve some time at a gym with a ring and a referree to keep things in control.

[Kilroy the Ninja]

[quote name='scardella' date='Oct 25 2005, 09:06 PM']Maybe you should be the ninja,    not Kilroy...
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Hey now... I've flipped bigger men than Don John, much bigger men.


I don't advocate violence, however, if it is truly truly truly a life or death situation, knocking a woman out cold might be justified. Just as knocking a man out cold might be justified.

But that is a very, very rare situation.

And never justified when done in anger - on either side.

[Cow of Shame]

[quote name='scardella' date='Oct 27 2005, 11:06 AM']Thanks for the info, though.  *takes notes* *decides it's a good idea*  *wonders when he'll be in a situation that needs a SAFE word*
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Ugh, I hope not. I associate this sort of thing with the kinkier side of sex...S&M, bondage, etc. You only need a 'safe word' when you're doing something that might lead to harm...and what's sexy about that?

[toledo_jesus]

yeah, that was all a bit...much.

[scardella]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Oct 28 2005, 01:24 AM']Ugh, I hope not.  I associate this sort of thing with the kinkier side of sex...S&M, bondage, etc.  You only need a 'safe word' when you're doing something that might lead to harm...and what's sexy about that?
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I'm not talking about that sort of stuff. :

I was thinking more about tickling 'till she couldn't breathe...

[Cow of Shame]

[quote name='scardella' date='Oct 28 2005, 09:05 AM']
I was thinking more about tickling 'till she couldn't breathe...
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you don't need a 'safe word' for that...just a bit of common sense & respect to stop when she asks you to

[DancesforLove]

No, unless its in self defense, but no other situation.

[popestpiusx]

Absolutely!

[scardella]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Oct 29 2005, 01:48 AM']respect to stop when she asks you to
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Isn't that exactly the purpose of the safe word?

[Cow of Shame]

[quote name='scardella' date='Oct 31 2005, 03:54 PM']Isn't that exactly the purpose of the safe word?
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No. The purpose of a 'safe word' is that it takes precedence over "stop!!" "don't" or any other phrase that most people would recognise as when the other person should desist. That's why 'safe words' are constructs of the S&M group...you don't (have to) stop, even if the other person is screaming bloody murder....only the safe word is recognised. Only sickos need safe words. There....I've said it

Edited October 31, 2005 by Cow of Shame